You Have No Idea Chapter 11: Derby (Request)

"Well now quite the hopeless romantic as far as that one goes!" Officer Monson half laughed at his own remark, clearly finding the issues with the student humorous.

"Hmph!" Dr. Crabblesnitch grunted, "Children these days and their hormone induced behavior! It's ludicrous!

Dr. Bambillo pinched his brow slightly frustrated with the other two men, he hadn't really expected either of them to show any concern for any of the kids he was talking about, but he did think that at the very least the two of them would be able to grasp the severity of most of their situations!

"Well it's not always hormones that induce that type of behavior," Dr. Bambillo went on, "Sometimes teenagers tend to have trouble coming to terms with their emotions and regardless of how old you are that can be a very scary thing."

Derby Harrington sat quietly, highly stressed and slightly unnerved. He waited impatiently for the doctor to enter the room. He had been a bit angered when the secretary had told him to have a seat and that the doctor would be with him shortly. Damn common folk! Didn't they know who he was? Evidently not! Making him wait, it was absurd!

Blinking once, then twice, Derby sat back in his chair before crossing one leg over the other. He was still having trouble dealing with the fact that he, a Harrington had felt the need to go and receive any form of what many would consider to be psychiatric help.

He hadn't planned on being there very long, or showing up at a place such as this at all for that matter. However realizing that something near and dear to him may very well be in jeopardy and recognizing the fact that he wasn't certain on how to deal with it, he for once in his life decided to swallow his pride and make a visit to see the town shrink.

Uncrossing his legs he went about leaning forward and placing his elbows on his thighs while staring at his 3000.00 dollar shoes. He closed his eyes, allowing his mind to travel back to the very moment when all this mess he was currently tangled up in got started.

He hadn't wanted to do it, not there in front of everybody that is. Being such a sensitive subject he had planned on pulling the other boy aside and speaking with him privately but thanks to that damn pea-brained jock Dan, that plan had gone out the window.

After he and several of the other preps had beaten Dan and a few of his friends up Derby had headed back to Harrington House, pretending to be outraged the entire way there. To be honest he was angry, but not for the reason that the other preps had though that he was…

Derby was pulled from his train of thought as the sound of the door opening brought him back down to earth. Only turning his head slightly to the side he waited until the doctor walked over to where he was before attempting to get a good look at him.

"Good morning!" Dr. Bambillo greeted the blonde kindly as he took his seat behind his desk.

"Good Morning." Derby greeted the man rather plainly.

Setting a rather large stack of papers down on his desk Dr. Bambillo quickly scribbled something down before continuing the conversation.

"Well Derby w….."

"Pardon the interruption doctor," Derby cut the man off and Dr. Bambillo looked up from the papers at him.

"Before we begin anything I just want to confirm that any and everything we discuss will remain confidential, correct?"

Dr. Bambillo nodded his head before speaking, "Yes that is correct Derby, I am under legal obligation to keep any and everything discussed between the two of us, strictly between the two of us. As long as nobody's life is in danger then nothing we talk about will leave this room."

Derby inwardly relaxed at hearing this, one of the biggest reasons he hadn't been too game for showing his face there was because he feared that what he had to say may find its way back to the wrong people, making the already vicious rumors even worse.

"Well now Derby what seems to be bothering you" Dr. Bambillo began questioning him.

For some unknown reason Derby blanched at the man, he had known for well over a week now that he would be coming to speak with a psychiatrist but being so stressed out about recent events he had failed to prepare himself for the situation.

"I…" He started but didn't know exactly what to say, his already frustrated mind instantly began to swell with anger as he felt like an idiot for sitting there and not saying anything.

"…Excuse me," He finally managed to get out, "I'm not certain I even know where to begin…"

"That's okay," The doctor assured him, "Are you having problems at school, or at home, or is there something going on concerning a friend?" The man asked trying to help the blonde get started.

"It's a matter concerning a friend…" Derby informed him in a low voice, the conversation had barely even started and already he was struggling to compose himself. His emotions had begun to rattle for just a brief moment as he knew what he was going to have to discuss if he ever wanted to get through this.

"I…. He…." Again Derby found himself struggling to get his words out and portray a presentable demeanor. Every time he opened his mouth to speak thoughts of the previous events filled his mind causing his emotions to flare up in a barely controllable rage.

He grit his teeth so hard it was a wonder that they didn't crack,

"Gah! What the hell is wrong with me?!" He halfway shouted talking more to himself than to Dr. Bambillo,

"I'm a Harrington! Harrington's don't behave like this!" Burying his face in his hands Derby tried his hardest to pull himself together.

"Derby, are you still with me?" Dr. Bambillo questioned the boy mainly to make sure he was okay.

Sitting up straight Derby looked him straight in the eye before taking a deep breath.

"Alright!" He began, seeming to be far more composed than a moment ago.

"My reason for being here is concerning myself and a very close friend of mine!" The blonde forced out.

"There is a chance that you may have already been acquainted with him." Derby informed the man.

Before he could say anything else the doctor cut in, "Bif Taylor," He stated without a hint of doubt.

Derby stared at the man in disbelief and his jaw nearly hit the floor, "You…you know who I'm talking about?" He stuttered out, completely ignoring his less than perfect motor skills.

"I do," The doctor informed him, "I have met with him a number of times the last being shortly after he was legally committed at the asylum. He talked quite a bit about you."

Derby felt his heart lurch violently at hearing the enlightenment, he wasn't sure what to make of that bit of information. Ignoring his own problems for a minute and realizing that this may very well be his golden opportunity to make sure Bif was okay he sought out more information.

"What did he say? Is he okay in there? They aren't experimenting on him are they?" The blonde questioned starting to sound a bit frantic.

"Well I probably shouldn't tell you this being that it's supposed to remain confidential but I think it will be okay in this case being that the two of you are so closely tied together."

Derby listened closely to what the doctor had to say, hoping and praying that it wasn't anything bad.

"Now I'm not going to tell you everything, I'll leave the majority of it between the two of you, but I will tell you that he informed me of the violent encounter the two of you had."

Derby closed his eyes before turning his head down towards the ground; it was obvious he took the information as being negative.

"Wait a minute Derby just hold on a second, before you go jumping to conclusions I will also tell you that despite what happened between the two of you he did express sincere remorse for his actions!"

Derby's head snapped upwards at hearing this and he sat up straight, "Are you serious?" He questioned with a blatant tremor in his voice.

"It's the truth Derby," The doctor assured him.

Derby sat there slightly dumbfounded as he let what the Dr. had just told him sink in; he felt his face twist up in emotional agony as he tried his hardest to keep the tears back that were now threatening to fall down his face.

"God damn it Bif nooo… Bif…" It was almost unbearable to him, to know that Bif was probably sitting in a room at the asylum right at that very minute believing that everything that had happened was his fault.

"Derby," Dr. Bambillo called out to him, "its okay…."

"No it's not okay!" Derby cut him off, "You don't understand this is not his fault! Bif Taylor is not to blame for any of this!"

Derby opened his mouth as if he were about to say something else but no words came out. Dr. Bambillo instantly recognized that he had something he wanted to get off his chest but was clearly hesitant to say it.

"Derby listen to me, now just relax okay, I can tell this is a painful issue for you to be dealing with and that's okay that's understandable. Is there something you want to say about it but don't know how?" Dr. Bambillo asked to help him stay calm and in control of himself.

A brief moment of silence followed before Derby slowly began to shake his head no,

"I…"

He hesitated again, his face starting to turn red due to both his anguish and rage not at Bif, or Dan, or the other preps, or the doctor, but at himself, despite this realization he couldn't bring himself to say the words he knew he needed to say.

"I… I should, have handled thing differently…" Was the best he could manage.

Having spoken with other preps in the past Dr. Bambillo was well aware of the snobbery, and conceited attitude many of them tended to portray. He knew that the blonde was having trouble fessing up to the fact that he was more than likely in the wrong and that he felt it was his fault, he also knew that last comment the prep had made would more than likely be the closest he would get to admitting so.

"Derby, how about you tell me what happened leading up to that event?"

Derby looked up at the man not really wanting to relive that moment or the ones leading up to it but he knew he had to.

"I just want to hear your side of the story, Bif already told me everything from his point of view but now I'd like to get some insight on yours." Dr. Bambillo stated.

Leaning back in his chair Derby brought one of his hands up to his head before beginning his recollection of events. He closed his eyes and images of Bif beating him senseless flashed in his mind.

"I was too slow… I was the one who took too long to handle things… I should have dealt with it much sooner…"

The blonde opened his eyes, and shook his head just slightly in disbelief.

"That day I had several of our friends come to me and inform me that they had caught wind of some rather… interesting rumors."

Derby grew silent and Dr. Bambillo took it as an opportunity to question the boy a bit more,

"You mean the rumors concerning you and Bif right?"

Derby again closed his eyes and shook his head yes to confirm.

"I will admit that they embarrassed me, but I acted as though I was calm and in control of the situation and informed the others that I would hunt down the rumor weeds later. As the day wore on even more of my friends came to me with similar bits of information. I started to get paranoid and thought that everyone was talking about me behind my back. After comparing bits and pieces of information I managed to discover the source of the rumors."

"Okay let me stop you there," Dr. Bambillo cut in, "Just to make sure I have all the facts straight thus far because Bif told me some similar things, you heard about the rumors and that particular day was not the first time you had caught on to them right?"

Derby merely shook his head yes,

"Once more rumors started to circulate you realized that you had to do something correct?"

"Yes that's right doctor," Derby continued, "The rumors had actually been floating around for several months prior to that day but as I said before I acted as though talk amongst common people didn't have any effect on me. Despite my outward behavior I wanted to talk to Bif about it…"

He paused yet again, a bit too embarrassed to go on,

"What exactly did you want to say to him about it?" Dr. Bambillo asked when he realized that the boy was hesitating.

Derby's cheeks flushed a moderate shade of red, "I…" Again another hesitation, "I wanted to ask him how he felt about the whole thing… I wanted to know if he was upset with me about it and I wanted him to know that I… wasn't upset with him about it… or anything…"

"Did you think that he may have blamed himself for everything?"

"I did!" Derby admitted, "In the past when things have gone horribly wrong between the two of us he was always quick to apologize as if it were his fault… when it never was…"

"So you knew already that he felt like it was his fault?" The doctor went on.

Derby remained silent for a moment, "He was under so much stress…" The prep leader leaned forward placing his elbows on his knees again and placed his head down in his hands.

"I knew what he was going through… with his parents, our friends… and the rumors… it was all stressing him out." There was a quiver in Derby's voice as he continued.

"I was his leader… it was my job to help him out and guide him when he needed it… but… I… I was supposed to be there for him…"

Again the blond grew silent; Dr. Bambillo sat and waited quietly for him to continue.

"I eventually managed to track down the jock that was responsible for the rumors in the first place. I made certain that myself and the boys gave him the beating of a lifetime and in front of an audience too. When we got back to Harrington House I was determined to talk to Bif privately, but by this time the entire clique knew what was going on. Thanks to the nature of the rumors I felt that it would have looked bad for me to tell them to leave while me and the guy that have queer rumors floating around about us talk alone! So I allowed them all to stay, when Bif finally arrived I felt myself grow sick to my stomach, I couldn't talk to him the way I had wanted to with everyone watching so I decided to put on a show and talk down to him, hoping that he would let it slide… but he didn't, he became angry with me and that caught me off guard. I hadn't expected that outburst from him…

…we stated to argue…

…I yelled at him to shut up... "

Derby fell silent again as he had now begun to tremble just slightly, "There are no words to describe the feeling I got when I saw that fist of his ready to collide with my face… I should have… If only I had handled things differently…"

As Dr. Bambillo sat quietly listening to the boy he couldn't help but to notice how he kept trying to go around admitting that he was wrong in doing something or admitting that he had failed at something, he would come close but never actually fess up to being in the wrong.

"Derby…" Dr. Bambillo began, "It's okay to make mistakes, and it's okay to admit that you were wrong, everybody is wrong at some point in their lives and everybody makes mistakes."

Derby began to shake his head no, "No, you don't understand, I'm a Harrington! Harrington's don't make mistakes we are never wrong… The world just doesn't work like that it's supposed to fall into place for me, always has, I just don't understand it!"

Dr. Bambillo cocked an eyebrow at the boy's remark, "Derby come on now listen to yourself, do you really think that everything is just supposed to be the way you want it to be? Do you honestly feel that you can never in your life do any wrong and that you're always right about everything?"

With his head sill down Derby felt his lips tremble, he knew he was on the verge of a breakdown but tried his hardest to keep it at bay.

"I used to think like that…" His voice was barely above a whisper, "…But I know better now…"

Shaking his head in acknowledgment and satisfied with the fact that the blonde no longer clung to such a ridiculous resolve, the doctor decided to move on.

"Derby, why do you think Bif is always so quick to apologize to you when things go wrong, why do you think he blames himself if there is a problem concerning the two of you?" The doctor questioned as he thought back to everything Bif had confessed to.

Dr. Bambillo watched as the blonde ran both his hands through his hair and for a moment he thought that he would pull it out but he didn't. Sitting up Derby made eye contact with the doctor for a brief moment only to look away as he thought about the man's question.

"I… I don't know all I do know is that Bif… is just… well he's Bif… and that's just how Bif is…" The remark was clearly a blatant lie.

"You can't think of any other reason for him taking the blame for something that wasn't his fault concerning you and him?" Dr. Bambillo questioned again. Derby sat silent staring at the floor.

"I think you do know," Derby flinched a bit at the doctors words, "I also think that fear you have of being wrong is playing a huge part in all this. Not in terms of Bif blaming himself but because you fear that the truth behind his behavior towards you may or may not be the truth you want to hear…"

Derby raised his eyes to look at the man as he realized that he had been figured out, "What difference does it make if I'm afraid of being wrong or not, either way it's far too late now… and I have nobody to blame…"

He fell silent as he squeezed his eyes shut unable to hold his tears back any longer, "I have nobody to blame but…"

He couldn't say it, he couldn't openly admit that he was wrong and what was worse was that not only had he been wrong and made a mistake, but his mistake had cost him the one thing, the one person that meant the most to him.

He loved Bif… sadly thought that realization had come far too late, he had been the straw that broke the camel's back, sending Bif careening over the edge and earning himself a well-deserved beat down.

"Bif…" The blonde spoke to himself, no longer caring how he looked in front of the doctor and tears streaming down his face.

"… I'm so sorry…"

Author's Note: Hello all! This chapter here was done due to a request I received from: DragonUnicorn13, She asked that I write a chapter for Derby and perhaps have it go hand in hand with Bif's. I hope you like it! Thank you for reading my story hun and for having enough confidence in me to request I write something! I really appreciate it and as mentioned before there is still the chance of me going back in and adding other characters so keep your eyes open!