The moon filtered through the window, the pale, ethereal light falling on the figure sitting on the windowsill, legs curled up and arms wrapped around them, her head resting on her blue jeaned knees. Tearing her gaze away from the scene outside, she glanced at the clock across the room, gently brushing a lock of brown curls behind her ear. The glowing numbers informed her it was almost half four in the morning. A tired sigh escaped her lips as she returned to staring out of her window. Usually when sleep evaded her, she would turn to her most favoured escape, her books. But now, the books would not suffice. Her mind was too jumbled to concentrate on the words. She felt as if she were separate from the world on this particular night, as if she were stuck in Lewis Carroll's mirror again, able to see the world, but not feel it. She felt numb, and had been for a while. Resting her head against the cool glass, she gazed out, not really taking in the view outside, until she saw something move in the darkness below. Startled by the sudden movement, she sat up straight, leaning closer to the pane as her breath fogged up the glass. She saw a figure walking across the grass outside, moving slowly away from the Bed and Breakfast. Myka snapped out of her lethargy, and grabbed the Tesla from her bed, where she'd carelessly left it after today's long mission. She grabbed her boots and quickly pulled them on. Quickly but quietly, she crept down the landing to the stairs, pulling on her jacket to ward off the cold. At the foot of the steps, having only paused to stop the fourth step from the bottom from creaking, she opened the front door with barely a sound and slipped outside.
The cold fell around her, as if drawn to her warmth, ready to suck it out of her and leave her numb and empty. Looking over to the grass, she saw the figure in the dull light from the moon, slightly impeded by clouds. She started after them, moving stealthily across the frosted blades, keeping her footfalls light and noiseless. As she drew closer, she refrained from powering up her Tesla, afraid the light or noise might alert the stranger to her presence. She was only a few metres away now, all it would take was a quick sprint and a tackle, and the stranger would be on the ground. As she watched, the person seemed to be thinking as they walked, the darkness still masking their features. They walked without conviction, as if they were just placing one foot in front of the other, just so they were moving. Myka suddenly wondered if it would have been a good idea to wake someone else at the B&B. It wasn't like her, to go out without back up, but she hadn't really thought about it. Shrugging off this thought, she noticed the clouds moving slowly to uncover the moon, and knew the light would soon fall on her object of suspicion. She powered up the Tesla, hoping the noise wouldn't reach the other's ears. The silver light fell on the figure, and shimmered against long, black hair, a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and a pair of jeans. Myka noticed they wore no shoes or socks.
"Helena?" she said, lowering the Tesla slightly. The other figure froze stock still.
"Myka," came the reply, a slightly strangled edge to her usually smooth lilt.
"Helena, what are you doing out here?" asked Myka, taking a step closer, as Helena did not turn to face her.
"Myka, you cannot be here right now," said Helena, her tone grave.
"What's going on?" asked Myka, the anxious tone of her voice refusing to be hidden, causing Helena to close her eyes in pain. This wasn't working out the way she had hoped. "Helena, tell me what's wrong."
"Why does something have to be wrong? I couldn't sleep, I decided to walk a little." Helena still didn't turn to face her.
Myka stepped forwards again, so she was just within arm's length of the troubled inventor.
"Helena, I know something's wrong. There's no point trying to hide it from me." At this, Helena couldn't help but smile a little, even though tears were threatening to fall.
"You truly do know me better than anybody else, darling," she said, finally turning around.
"What are you doing out here?" This time, it was more of a demand than a question. Helena couldn't suppress a shiver, and the confusion and worry in Myka's emerald eyes made her want nothing more than to wrap her arms around her. But Myka couldn't know what her true purpose was.
"This time of year was always my favourite. Christina's favourite. It's just… such a drastic change from London. I needed to clear my head a little, and I always find walking is the best cure for insomnia."
"And you're lack of footwear?" asked Myka, with a slight smile.
"Old age leads to forgetfulness, it seems," she returned, her lips twitching upwards. This was a mistake, it seemed, as Myka saw in that moment the emotion behind Helena's eyes. The pain, the sadness, the loss, everything, in that moment, swirled beneath the brown orbs.
"Don't lie to me. Not after all we've been through." Myka was now aware she hadn't quite lowered the Tesla properly, the barrel aimed at Helena's stomach. She hastily dropped it to her side, but didn't power it down just yet.
"Myka, this is not the time. I cannot talk about this now."
"What are you hiding?" asked Myka suddenly. Helena was so taken aback, she took a literal step backwards from the blazing look in Myka's eyes. Of course, she deserved this. She had betrayed Myka's trust in the most brutal way. But her analytical mind registered the fact that though Myka was suspicious and angry, the Tesla remained by her side. She wasn't quite ready to give up on her yet. That only made it harder.
When Helena said nothing, Myka took a step forwards and attempted to grab Helena's right hand, hidden subtly behind her back, her body angled ever so slightly to hide this fact. Helena shifted and grabbed Myka's left hand in her own.
"Myka, darling, I don't want to hurt you," she said, and Myka believed her, but she needed to know.
"If you'd just tell me, you wouldn't need to," replied Myka. Helena didn't release Myka from her grasp, so Myka twisted her leg behind Helena's, forcing her weight onto the woman and causing her to fall back on her bent leg, making her fall to the ground. Helena was taken completely by surprise by the force and speed of the strike, but she maintained her vice-like grip on Myka's wrist, pulling her down with her. Myka landed on top of Helena, and immediately pinned her to the grass, holding her arms down with her knees and grabbing at her right hand. Helena struggled for a few moments, but then knew it was futile to continue, so she relaxed. Myka noticed this and stopped. Looking down at the woman beneath her, she saw a lone tear fall from her cheek. Myka reached for her right hand again, which was still behind her back where she had fallen on it, and this time Helena didn't fight it.
"Helena…" said Myka as she saw the metal object Helena had clasped in her hand so tightly her knuckles were white.
"I'm so sorry-"
"How could you do this? After everything we've been through together! I've lost you so many times, and you do this?"
"Myka, you don't understand-"
"I don't understand? I think I understand perfectly! You couldn't think of a reason to stay," said Myka, wrestling the object from her hand and getting to her feet. She glared at it, tears burning in her eyes, the anger and pain building up inside of her. Finally, she let out a yell, or more of a scream, of anguish and threw the cold, silver object as far as she could, not even bothering to look where it landed.
Turning to Helena, she saw the woman sitting on the ground, shivering slightly, staring at the grass, curled up in much the same position Myka herself had found herself in when she saw her in the window. At the pitiful sight, all her fiery anger was extinguished by sympathy. She sighed, her breath crystallising before her, and then breathed in a deep breath, ignoring the cold shock travelling down to her lungs. She shrugged off her jacket and turned to the woman sobbing quietly behind her. She placed the black jacket over her friend's shoulder, hoping her body had warmed it sufficiently to ward off the chill. Her long sleeves of her jumper protected her anyway, while Helena's skin was open to the night air. Helena looked up as Myka sat beside her on the frosted grass. Her face was streaked with tears and Myka felt her heart break a little to see her friend in such pain. Helena realised she was wearing Myka's jacket and began to take it off.
"Helena, keep it, or you'll end up face down on the ground," said Myka. There was a moment of silence before Helena spoke.
"Believe me, darling, you won't get that chance again," she replied, a small smile playing on her lips.
"Don't worry, you can tell people you let me win if it soothes your ego."
At this, Helena couldn't help but chuckle, eliciting an amused noise from Myka, but there was still tenseness between them, that neither knew how to begin to talk about it. Myka leaned over and wiped away a fresh tear from Helena's cheek, and Helena shifted closer to her, leaning against her shoulder, Myka's arm wrapping around Helena's waist.
"I'm sorry," said Helena finally.
"It's alright," replied Myka.
"It's been building for a while, I just couldn't cope anymore." Myka noticed her voice was shaking with a mixture of cold and emotion.
"Let's just get back and warmed up. I'll make you some tea, and we can talk if you like. Or not." Myka sighed. "I just want you to be okay."
"I know. Tea sounds good, but I'd like to stay out here for a little longer. You can go back in, I shan't be a moment," said Helena. She saw Myka's look. "Don't worry, I won't do anything foolish, you have my word. But, if you chose to stay, I'd appreciate it."
"Then, I'll stay."
"Thank you," replied Helena, resting her head against Myka's shoulder again, snuggling closer in a very un-Helena-ish way that made her seem more vulnerable. Myka leant her head on Helena's, and there they sat in silence for an undeterminable period of time, before Myka stirred a little. Helena looked at her, to see her emerald eyes cast towards the heavens, her palm outstretched in front of her. Myka looked down at Helena, her green eyes bright.
"It's snowing," she said simply, as white flakes descended gently around them.
"She used to love the snow," said Helena wistfully. A snowflake fell on the tip of Myka's nose, and Helena brushed it away, smiling. When Myka said nothing, she continued:
"She used to be my rock, my raison d'etre, so to speak."
"I know it must be hard for you. You feel unattached; you've been displaced from your own time, for goodness sake. Life hasn't been fair to you."
"But I want you to know that…" Myka looked down at the inventor, who seemed to be struggling with her words. This was indeed a rarity. After a deep breath, she spoke again.
"I want you to know that you are the reason I'm here. You trusted me, even when I shouldn't have been, and you have no idea how much that means to me. My guilt over what happened will never go away." She paused. "The guilt of hurting you."
"Helena, it's in the past now-"
"And I have no right to be forgiven. After what I put you through, after what I did to Claudia, Pete, Leena, Artie. I shouldn't be allowed to carry on here." With this, Myka gently took Helena's chin and turned her head to look at her.
"It is our right to forgive you, and we have." Myka smiled as a memory surfaced. "So get off your cross and help me figure out the puzzle that is life." Helena chuckled again, similarly remembering the events of that fateful day, when she had apparently sacrificed herself for Myka and the others, thus redeeming herself from her past transgressions.
"Wells and Bering…" said Helena, her thoughts drifting to happier times. There was a minute of silence.
"Ahem, Bering and Wells," coughed Myka in a deliberately not-so-subtle way. Helena laughed properly for the first time in ages, and got to her feet, only just now realising they were covered in snow, as was the ground they walked on. She could no longer feel her feet, and hadn't for quite a while. They trudged back through the snow, arms wrapped around each other. Myka saw a slight bump in the snow covered ground as they walked, where the offending object had landed. She shook her head slightly, she'd deal with that later. For now, she had to tend to Helena. They reached the front door within a few minutes in the pale light of the moon reflecting off the snow, and, upon silently opening the door, they were immediately enveloped in a most comforting warmth, as Myka covered Helena with a blanket and ordered her to stay in the living room, while she went and fetched some tea.
"Bering and Wells…" Helena repeated, smiling.