Disclaimer: So now I'm home. I can work now and make some money. That's a good thing. Cuz maybe I'll have to pay Eros when I find him. I haven't yet so Lestrade and Sherlock and company are not mine and I make no money from these stories.
A/N: Yes, I am going through all of my stories and revising them. They're basic content won't change and the endings will stay the same for those that are case fics. I am adding more detail and that's about it…I think. Sometimes my characters are a bit unpredictable. Let me know what you think.
The Realization
John Hamish Watson would later decide that falling in love with his best friend was easy. More than likely it was the easiest thing he'd ever done, in fact. He had simply looked up at his best friend one evening as the other man had glared up at the ceiling in his "thinking pose". Sherlock's blue-gray eyes caught the light from John's lamp making them seem silver and his dark hair had seemed to glow nearly blue. Suddenly as he was halfway between a fond chuckled and a head shake his brain said "Oh. Right. He's absolutely beautiful and I am in love with him."
Half of a second was given over to the inevitable panic attack and then his brain continued with "It's all fine." And just like that he was calm again. Calm and in control of himself and the knowledge of his own feelings.
It was almost funny how anticlimactic the realization was, John thought. It wasn't a realization that was of earth shattering importance to anyone including himself. His heart didn't stop nor did his breathing after that first half a second. It was almost as though the feeling had always been there just waiting for him to realize it and recognize it for what it was. Which only made sense to him when he thought about it. He'd never considered himself anything but straight but now he realized that labels were a thing of the past and if pressed he'd have to consider himself Sherlocksexual rather than homosexual or heterosexual or even bisexual. Labeling himself was futile because Sherlock would always be the only person on the planet to ever hold his heart again.
Nothing changed in that moment of realized knowledge, except that John gave himself permission to acknowledge that Sherlock was the center of his universe. However that really wasn't a hard acknowledgement to make. Sherlock had been the center of John's universe almost from the moment he'd handed Sherlock his phone in the lab all those months ago. Now John could just actively know it instead of that thought simmering silently in the back of his mind. It was a relief actually to know he loved Sherlock; it explained so much about his reactions to his flatmate.
Love was a funny emotion, John decided. In the books and movies it consumed a person, love and the person the character had fallen in love with became all the character thought or cared about. The feelings of so called love ate away at the person in love until they were sick with it. In reality as opposed to the books and movies love was simply there, like air or knowing how to count. It didn't change John's personality. Even after he realized that he was in love with Sherlock and wanted to spend the rest of his life with the other man he still yelled at him for putting the heads in the fridge next to their food and the experiments that caused damage to the flat and still told Sherlock off when he was rude, which seemed to be happening less but still happened more than was socially acceptable. In essence nothing changed in John's life and yet everything did. Everything became just that bit more intense and beautiful.
A few days after that moment in the parlor John decided that the best course of action for him to take regarding his newly discovered feelings would be to tell Sherlock how he felt. Sherlock was unpredictable at the best of times so it was probably the best idea was that John would have some control over the situation. The genius Consulting Detective would eventually deduce his change of heart and if Sherlock figured it out himself then there was no telling how he'd react. There was no telling how he'd react anyway but at least if he went cold and silent then John would know why.
John would have to tell him and let him know that nothing needed to change. Best friends suited John just as well as lovers. John didn't need his feelings returned. He was perfectly happy with the way things were. That was what he would tell Sherlock when he confessed his love. Then Sherlock wouldn't feel pressured to return his feelings and he wouldn't leave or force John to move out.
All right so maybe he wasn't perfectly happy with the way things were now, but Sherlock didn't need to know that. John did want to be able to show Sherlock how much he was loved but it wasn't essential, not like Sherlock's mere presence in his life. He needed Sherlock to be, that was all. He could live with just being Sherlock's friend as long as he could still see the other man. So no, he didn't need to have Sherlock love him, he only needed Sherlock to never leave his life. Not to say that he wouldn't love it if Sherlock did return his feelings. That would be the best end to the situation but he wasn't going to hold out hope for it. It was too ludicrous.
Sherlock needed to know all of this before he deduced it for himself and became angry, confused or fearful. Any of those three emotions that his friend claimed not to have would lead to disaster for them both. Sherlock would leave and John would never be able to find him. Mycroft may even become involved and then everything John had worked for would collapse. Mycroft would never allow his brother to be harmed, physically or emotionally and so he would hide Sherlock from John and probably have John harmed or killed.
Yes, falling in love with his best friend was easy; telling him in the right way, at the right time and in the right place on the other hand, was a nightmare of epic proportions.