Fight for control

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

"The very essence of romance is uncertainty" ~ Oscar Wilde.

In the weeks that followed Elle leaving, Spencer began to experience an easing of the constant anxiety that plagued him. Discovering that Elle was the woman he saw in New York filled him with enormous relief. He wasn't going as mad as he thought he was.

It had been so good to see Elle, she always had a grounding effect on him. Maybe that is why the dreams stopped, at least the really horrifying ones. He still could not explain why he had thought he was seeing Maeve in various people in Blake's classroom. His logical mind told him that it was some manifestation of his grief, Even now, every now and then he would see a slender brunette and for a split second he would think it was Maeve. He managed to block those images out.

As he would say to Blake later, he had felt as though his future was behind him. The hollowness left by Maeve's death never left him for any prolonged period of time, but he was determined to prove to himself he could learn to live with it.

His heart told him otherwise. Reid returned to work and to the satisfaction of his colleagues and his boss he was running like a machine at top form. Sometimes he felt he was a machine.

The months wore on and things began to change. There was the shocking death of Strauss. Alex Blake wanted a life that included her husband and left the BAU. Then Gideon was found murdered in his own cabin. That hit him the hardest for he always believed he would see the man again. Spencer stumbled for a little while but slowly he pulled himself together.

He was a lonely man. He truly believed that he would always be a lonely man and this was the way his life would play out. Statistics should have told him he was wrong

The interaction with her started out innocently enough. There was no way of knowing the woman he had met so briefly would change him. It was because of this that the dreams started again.

XXXX

It began with the case in Indiana. The first time he saw her she was lying on the ground looking under the car belonging to one of the unsubs. She was bright and energetic. He was impressed by her knowledge of the workings of homemade bombs and amused by her last name Einstein. He made a little joke about it and she smiled. She was also very pretty.

He didn't really think about her again until he saw her in the FBI field office before they left. She casually strolled over and made polite conversation with all of the team. She had caught his eye, but that was all. When he was reading on the jet he couldn't help but overhear Rossi and Callahan speak of her. He was sure he'd heard JJ murmur "perfect for Reid"

For some inexplicable reason, that remark infuriated him. That night he dreamt about Maeve lying in a pool of blood, her eyes were staring directly into his.

XXXX

It was a month later when he saw her again. She surprised them by dropping by the BAU to say hello. She told the team she had been transferred to Quantico "I wanted to be where the action was" she joked. She paid no more attention to Reid than anyone else until she casually pulled him aside.

Her bright eyes sparkled as she looked up at him.

"Dr. Reid, I was wondering if you'd be interested in going out for a coffee or a drink sometime,"

Reid saw the rest of the team standing off to the side. They were doing a very bad job of pretending not to listen. He gestured to her to move farther away from the group. The several pairs of eyes watching them were so distracting he pulled her into a small office and shut the door.

At that moment Hotch and Rossi stepped off the elevator. The pair exchanged puzzled looks at the sight before them. Four members of their team stood still as statues all staring intently at the same office door.

"Is there a boogey man in there?" Asked Rossi.

"What going on?" said Hotch.

"Einstein asked Reid for a date" whispered Garcia.

"So are they having it now, in there," Rossi whispered back.

"We're waiting for them to come out," Morgan told him.

Hotch scowled, "I really don't think…" He stopped when the door opened and the two stepped out.

Agent Einstein looked briefly startled; Reid rolled his eyes and thought it was par for the course.

"Bye guys, see you around." Agent Einstein gave the team a bright smile and hurried to the elevator. She exhaled a breath of relief when the doors opened and she got on.

Reid spun around and headed to his desk. He was promptly followed by six people, even Hotch. He knew that Reid being asked out was rarer than a Bigfoot sighting.

Spencer sat down and looked up with annoyance at the crowd around him.

"What?" he said.

Garcia rolled her eyes "Are you going to go out with her?"

"Not that it's anyone's business but I told her no" he answered.

"Oh Spence why?" said JJ.

"She's adorable, and smart and pretty." Chimed in Garcia

"Then maybe you should go out with her," snapped Reid, he was getting fed up.

The team realized that maybe they were pushing a little too hard.

"I think we all have work to do," Hotch reminded them. The team went to their various offices except for Morgan.

"Hey pretty boy, you know we all just want the best for you don't you?"

Reid nodded and rubbed his eyes, he could feel a headache coming on.

Morgan squeezed his shoulder "Kid, if you don't like the girl, you're not attracted to her, then you did the right thing."

"It's not that Morgan, you wouldn't understand,"

Morgan raised his eyebrows "Try me."

Reid looked up at his friend "I couldn't go out with her because I'm still in love with Maeve."

XXXXX

For the next two weeks the nightmares continued and the headaches returned. Sleep was becoming impossible. Instead of getting help Reid increased his coffee consumption. The team was too smart not to notice how irritable and unhappy he was. Hotch had hoped that Reid had put his demons behind him. The time was coming he would have to talk to him about getting some help.

There was a part of Reid that had never left that room where Maeve was shot. Hotch understood perhaps more than anyone what that was like.

XXXXX

There was one thing that was a constant in Reid's life and that was his love of coffee and his daily morning purchase of an extra-large double double at the café close to Quantico. It was there he saw Dylan Einstein again. He was about to pretend he didn't see her when she waved at him from her seat across the café.

He walked over and said hello. She gestured to the seat across from her. Reid sat down and suddenly felt tongue tied; he stared down at his coffee cup.

"Spencer, is something wrong?" she said.

He took a deep breath and began to speak.

"I'm sorry I turned down your invitation to go out with you."

She shrugged "That's ok,"

"No really, it's just that my life is rather complicated right now and …" He stops when he sees her roll her eyes.

"What's wrong?" He said.

She sat shaking her head "Really Spencer, it was just coffee not a marriage proposal"

Reid began to blush, "No I didn't mean, I think … of course,"

She patted him on the arm."Don't worry about it, I just wanted to get to know you, make a few friends in a new town,"

Reid felt like sinking into the floor. "So, if I haven't entirely creeped you out by now, I would like to have coffee with you sometime."

She held her cup up "I think you just did," she laughed and got up "See you later Dr. Reid,"

Reid felt like an absolute ass but he couldn't help but smile. There was nothing stopping him from having friends.

XXXX

He dreamt of Maeve again that night. It was the one where she asks him to dance in the library. She is smiling and happy. When he wakes up, there are tears running down his face and he realizes even the happy dreams do not offer any solace, they only made him miss her more.

TBC

AN: Please read and review. The next chapter will not take so long to put up and I intend to finish all my stories.