three days. seventy-two hours. four thousand three hundred and twenty minutes.

a lifetime.

that's how long it had been since he'd kissed her. that was how long she'd been thirsty for more.

it was insane, the potency of his lips on hers, the electric buzz that sharpened every sense and destroyed every thought. except one, which wasn't even a thought, really, just a single word echoing loudly over the sound of her spontaneously combusting brain cells.

finally.

she could bring it back in an instant. the way he'd whirled around, eyes flashing with frustration, anger, desire, need. the way he'd moved in on her, so quickly, so smoothly, giving her no chance to brace herself. the way he'd pulled her close, loving her mouth with his. god, the feel of those warm, soft, devastating lips pressed to hers, those long, hard, deliciously masculine hands cupping her chin, sliding back to tangle in her hair and cradle her head. the pressure of his fingertips as he tilted her chin upward so their mouths were aligned.

elena lay in bed, eyes closed, fingers restlessly pleating the folds of her comforter. it was past midnight, though she wasn't drowsy in the slightest. quite the opposite, really. she was primed for action, impatient to move, to do something, anything.

no, not anything. that was a dangerous word. and a terribly tempting one.

had it been a fluke? that staggering vulnerability, that incredible sensitivity to damon's touch - was it simply the product of emotional and physical exhaustion? it didn't make sense, didn't fit the rules of logic that the softest brush of lips should overwhelm her system so completely. it didn't make sense for a kiss like that to override her ability to think, to move, to speak. really, it hadn't been a particularly passionate kiss, not the kind meant to fan the sparks of lust until they burst into brilliant flame. it hadn't been a prelude, hadn't been the first step that would lead to a whole world of more.

no, he hadn't been stoking the fires, but they flared high and bright all the same.

if she'd been an onlooker, someone who just happened to be passing by when he kissed her, she probably would've considered the scene sweet. innocent. well, maybe not innocent. even a stranger would see that such an adjective couldn't possibly apply to damon.

but god, it had been sweet.

still, a sweet kiss shouldn't keep her up at night. especially when there were so many other things that should keep her up - so many things to worry about, so many reasons to stay sharp and focused and ready for whatever klaus threw her way. if she couldn't rest her brain, she should be doing something productive with it, strategizing, planning, working to figure out and anticipate his next move.

she shouldn't be obsessing over a simple kiss, one that had undoubtedly been a mistake. even damon must realize that. they would never be together, not in any real way. their chemistry, though intensely, incredibly overwhelming, would certainly burn out. no two people could possibly spend a lifetime maintaining that kind of spark. it was lust that brought bodies together; it was love that joined hearts.

he wanted both her body and her heart. he'd wanted the former from the very beginning, from their very first meeting when he'd used that sexy, skilled mouth to skim a kiss over her knuckles.

his desire for the latter took longer to develop. a handful of weeks, at the very least.

that was the whole problem, wasn't it? he still wanted her heart. and his was elena's for the taking. all she had to do was say the word, and he'd give her everything she wanted, everything she needed.

it wouldn't be fair to seek solace in his arms, not when she wasn't sure of her own motivation. was she lying there replaying the mind-numbing kiss because reliving it gave her a moment's escape from the real world? was she obsessing over the kiss itself, or was she obsessing over the person who'd kissed her?

she wasn't sure she'd be happy with either answer, which was all the more reason to stop asking the question. hadn't she been through enough with stefan? did she really want to go through it all over again with the older salvatore brother?

and the sneaky, smug, satisfied voice inside her head asked, do you really think you have a choice?

she was terribly afraid she didn't. but damn it, too much had already changed. too much was still changing. she needed him, needed the solid strength he embodied, needed that one element of constancy in her life. because what she'd said to him that night had been unbearably true. she wasn't sure she could have survived the summer without him. hell, she wasn't sure she could have survived yesterday without him.

and she already knew she wouldn't survive tomorrow without damon by her side.

a handful of stolen moments ripe with pleasure wouldn't be enough to balance out all the hard, cruel pain of reality. to risk damon would be terribly stupid. he was her support, her sounding board, her shoulder. her saving grace.

no, she couldn't risk their friendship. couldn't allow herself to give in to hormones, jeopardizing what was one of the most important relationships in her life. those stolen moments, hot and sparkling, vivid and intoxicating - no. as good as it would feel - and after that one fleeting taste, she knew it would feel damn good - it just wasn't worth the risk.

irritated with herself, elena rolled over, pulling the blankets more securely around her and tucking herself in until she was cocooned in the comforting warmth of her bed.

no, it wouldn't be worth it. as much as she wanted him - and damned if she didn't - she was too afraid. terrified, really, that as rewarding as it would be to give herself over to the mindless pleasure he would undoubtedly provide, it just wouldn't be worth it.

and as she thought it, the little voice whispered again, sly and smiling.

what are you really worried about, elena? are you scared that it's not worth it, or are you scared that it just may be worth everything and more?

elena let out a frustrated groan and ignored the question, even as she wondered how long she could keep ignoring its answer.