Disclaimer: Hetalia and its characters do not belong to me - unfortunately - they belong to their respective creator/owner.
Author Note: A new fanfic! I'm excited about finally posting this little ficlet as I have been neglecting "Nordics and I" for this. My first time writing or getting into Greece's character - I can only hope I keep it canon. Enjoy and leave feedback!

Assignment 1

Here's a funny scenario. Really funny. So hilarious. What do you get when you take a guy with a desk job who frequently takes "no" for an answer and throw him in a house full of cats with one Greek man who can be described by those who know him best as "barely senile"…and what if the guy with a desk job was ordered to babysit the Greek man on pain of death? Well, mister desk job didn't know, but he guessed the answer to the above mentioned question was something like a big freakin' mess. One that causes aneurisms and tears and momentary losses of memory when a pitiful employee of the government bashes his head against the Greek man's wall because of the rising insanity experienced in said man's presence for an extended ninety-eight hours.

"Mister Karpusi."

A second's delay. "Yes? Is there something wrong?" Though the way it was phrased it sounded more like a statement. Lesser, more meek people might have been discouraged by the lack of positive encouragement in the voice that answered. That is, they would have been, had they not spent many frustrating weeks in his company already.

"I know it's hard to convert from one way of life to another, so I will be brief. Did you eat cat food this morning for breakfast?"

"Hmmm…no."

Colin Galanos (the unfortunate bastard mentioned before) was surprised. "No?" He had seen the box of cat treats open on the counter a few seconds ago and he was positive that none of Mr. Karpusi's cats could open the box, despite how…human they seemed sometimes.

Greece tilted his head to the side. "I did not eat any for breakfast…but I did eat some for lunch."

"Wha-! Mr. Karpusi, you know it's my job to ensure your overall care. That means that I at least have to make sure you have a healthy meal every day so that you will not keel over from malnourishment and so I won't have to deal with the fatal fallout of said consequence!" He paused for a breath and silently scrutinized the Greek man sitting calmly on the couch. "How many did you have?"

Greece began to pet one of the cats padding by his legs. "Not as many as yesterday."

"Oh my-"

"Jennifer was pushy…so I had to feed her and Felix instead. Because they're lovers…."

Colin rubbed his temples in growing desperation. Or frustration. Or a growing homicidal urge.

"…and they'll have babies soon. I'll be an uncle, you know."

He could really go with either. He sighed in defeat and asked instead, "You must at least eat an apple. Or something human."

"Cannibalism is illegal, I think."

"What? No, no, I mean eat something that humans would eat – normal people. No one normal eats cat food." He spread out his hands toward the nonchalant man in a symbol of acceptance, reining his frustration in admirably. "Understand what I've been saying?"

Man-turned-servant and cat-obsessed representative studied one another, seconds ticking by. Colin could feel his hope for a quick end to this conversation start to sink slowly and painfully. Greece blinked.

"But I'm full already."

"Uuuraaagh!"

Greece, having grown accustomed to his personal assistant's outbursts, merely stood and walked towards his room.

"Hey! Where are you going! …Sir," Colin added as an afterthought. He was technically on duty, after all, and courtesy was an unspoken requirement in this job. Regardless of how much of a pain the "job" was.

Greece did not pause as he stepped past Colin, lightly plopped a cat on his head, and continued down the hallway. "To my bedroom. I am tired…" here he turned back to look at Colin, "since I had to work for a very long time this morning."

"A-A long time? I don't believe you; when I walked in, you were taking a nap! Now you're taking another one?"

Greece shrugged. "I like naps. They do not hurt anyone. And I was up before you arrived."

Colin felt as if he was in the wrong suddenly. "W-Well, I suppose, but –"

"Mmm. 'Night." The door to the Greek man's room shut with a soft click.

Silence reigned as Colin stood dumbfounded in the living room. This, unfortunately, was a regular occurrence since his being assigned to "assist" the representative of Greece. Officially, this detailed providing service bordering on a bodyguard or a cameraman or one of those things where the person was to accompany their so-called boss wherever he/she were to go. Unofficially, he was, for all purposes, a babysitter. Joy. At least he didn't have to risk his life to protect this guy, though he got the feeling that his superiors would prefer he did.

He sighed and began to clean up around the felines padding around the floor, tripping over some as they either weaved between his legs or just lay sprawled across the floor. Ugh, so many felines. He didn't mind animals (another of the unofficial requirements for this job) but he really wished there weren't so many. Didn't Mr. Karpusi know the saying "too much of a good thing is a bad thing"? On second thought, he probably did but just didn't care. Colin Galanos was quickly learning the many quirks of his employer and how to handle them. Well…half-handle them; he was still blindsided sometimes by the words or actions of this unique individual. Picking up a cat by the scruff of its neck and gently depositing it on the other side of a wrapper, Colin swiped up the trash and turned towards the kitchen to throw it away. It wasn't that Mr. Karpusi was a messy man particularly, but the felines he kept around literally littered the ground (no pun intended); they would lay on any rubbish lying around and it was tricky to see where a stain might reside when a furry body covered it from eyesight.

He sighed again and felt something shift upon his head. Startled, he quickly swiped his hand across his head and encountered a fluffy, warm obstacle. Relaxing, he detached the cat his quirky employer had placed upon Colin's head before he went to take another nap. Colin petted the cat, more a kitten, absent-mindedly as he headed to the couch to await the awakening of Mr. Karpusi. He couldn't leave until his shift was over, after all. As he sat he began to reflect on the first day he was given his orders. His descent into madness, so to speak.

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

"We'll be assigning you to our representative of Greece. As such, your duties will include the care and initial safety of the representative. You will accompany the representative wherever he may go at whatever time in the day. You will be responsible for his actions and his public image. This means you will make sure he upholds the position befitting a representative of Greece and to negate any of his actions that may embarrass the country by employing peaceful and diplomatic means. Use of violence and hostility toward the representative or otherwise will have dire consequences." He leaned forward pointedly. "Very dire consequences."

"I understand, sir. I will uphold these conditions and more. I will not let Greece down."

"See that you don't. There is a car in the front waiting to take you to the representative's home. On the way you will review your assignment through the file located inside the car. You are dismissed."

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

There had been more to the briefing, but he had been so happy to get a promotion, no matter what position it was to, that he never stopped to question why he was the only one getting it in the first place, if he did anything to deserve it, or if this job was high-risk. He just needed the money – his apartment complex's rent had increased.

He should've just killed himself then and there to spare himself the future torture.

After a while, he heard the sounds of life in his boss's room and thought he should try to make amends for before – he had reacted rather critically towards the guy and if he spent the morning doing his job, well, why should anyone be given grief over that? He walked over to the door and knocked on it.

"Mr. Karpusi?"

"...Yes?"

The person inside sounded as if he were dead on his feet, making the assistant feel even worse for his behavior before.

"Is there something I could get for you?"

"Hmmm, no." The door clicked open to reveal a disheveled Greece.

"Oh…. Well, I, uh, I wanted to apologize for before, sir. I thought you were lazing about this morning like I see you do sometimes. I shouldn't have chastised you for working, though." He shifted. "That's all I wanted to say."

Greece gazed at him with the eyes of someone who either didn't know what was going on around him or just didn't care. There was a strong possibility it was both.

"'S'alright. No one is perfect, so we are bound to make mistakes. I have a friend…he says that to keep an open mind…is wise…or something like that."

Colin almost tried to make sense of that random input of information. See? He was learning. "Yes, sir, and, again, sorry for the misunderstanding." As Greece turned to leave his room, however, Colin got an idea, something for the big guy. "Mr. Karpusi, a moment. Would you mind if I sent your work to Parliament for you? It's the least I could do."

Greece turned back into his room. "If you want to." Grabbing his work from the morning, he came back and handed it to Colin.

"…Mister…?"

"There it is. It was hard to do it, though, so…maybe not clench it so hard."

Colin stared with a growing sense of astonishment and fury. What was in his hand. What was this. One page? One page? One page? He wasn't aware of his hands grasping, nearly crushing, the paper in his hands while a curious Greece watched his reaction.

"Th-This…." This was it? He looked up in shock to the person in front of him, who yawned and declared,

"So this is what a full work day feels like."

The sound of a wire snapping could be metaphorically heard. "You made me apologize and you only finished one page! You are the laziest man on Earth and I take back my apology! I'm throwing out your cat food!"

"…Wait…!"

Yeah, mister desk job should've spared himself the headache of living through this shit.

TBC...

Post Script - I like the idea of a OC who's not up in the butts of the established characters and vice versa. I tried to keep the tone as synonymous with the humor unique to Hetalia and not give Colin any chance to get comfortable. I think it worked. Maybe.