Buonanotte :: Good Night

Everyone is afraid of something. In reality, it is impossible that someone can ever be fearless. Recklessness is plausible but it is different from being fearless. And yet, for someone who seems to be able to make castle in the sky come true, for someone who seems to know everything and able to win any game, for someone who is worshipped like an angel…a god, even…

For that someone…to feel fear seems like a far-fetched lie.

And yet, no one knows…even that pristine white angel has his own fear.

Once upon a time, in a world without you… The days were dark and the sky was ridded of any star.

He is afraid of darkness. The darkness behind his eyelids when he closes his eyes to sleep every night. For some nights, he dreams of the ending. The ending in which he is the only one left in the empty, deadened world. There is only one future. Only one future - so alike he does not have to worry about insanity of bricolage of possibilities - yet it is insane, still as he can only stare ahead into emptiness. No life, no warmth, no laughter.

There was no love.

He has never been sure he is allowed the ability to love.

He knows well the thing called desire. It was painted so vividly in his sky before that sky crumbled and the world turned into nothing but ash and dust beneath his two feet. And then his wings started to lose their radiance. His perception of his perfect world, perfect future distorted into something meaningless.

A vast, empty world.

Once upon a time, in a world without you… I could only stare into blankness as my sanity sank into darkness.

Nobody knows how he dreads sleeping every night, for he is afraid of waking up. Waking up to another reality, so dark, so empty because he can rarely trust which are his memories and which are his dreams. And in those dreams that he cannot tell they were really dreams or other realities, triggered by his own recollection of countless memories…

I was alone. Without you.

"Don't leave." He can hear himself whisper every night. A whisper so soft, barely audible that he utters into the darkness. Saying that even if he is sure the other has already fallen asleep. A god cannot be allowed weakness. Yet some nights, he becomes sleepless as he lies in his bed, holding his beautiful lover in his arms. And he watches him. Watches Mukuro with his eyes - eyes that people believe can pierce through everything - and yet he can see nothing that signifies an unspoken promise.

For he does not know it himself…if he really possesses that ability to love.

"What is love, Mukuro-kun? Does this feeling I have for you is this thing called love?"

He always asks, he keeps asking. And yet, every time, his 'beloved' replies only with smirking.

But even as he cannot be sure of the answer, he is still afraid. Afraid of losing this beauty he called his lover. That he wants to see him again and again every time he wakes in the morning, so that he can stop dreading the returning of the night.

"Mukuro-kun, I…" He whispers again, very softly.

I don't want to live in a world without you.

Sharp, amethyst colored eyes watch his beautiful lover as he sleeps. He will close his eyes and sleep again tonight, wishing that he could see him again tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and the day after and after…so that they could grow old together.

"Buonnanotte, my love." He holds him close as he once again whispers. "I want to be with you forever."

Even if I have to chain you here.

…

…

…

In the darkness, mismatched eyes blink open. Petal-soft lips crack into a gentle, authentic smile.

"Buonnanotte, my silly angel. I will wake up before you tomorrow, so that I can greet you with my perfect smile."

A smile so perfect for an illusionist so that the other cannot easily see his heart.

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Fin

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Written for SilverHairedSamurai on her b-day last year. Just thinking I should post it here too. :)

I really miss this pairing.

Reviews are greatly appreciated.