Warnings/Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or its characters. Just a short little pointless oneshot/drabble that I wrote ages ago and decided to post because I was missing my favorite boys. Warnings include some language, but that's about it.

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Bad Reassurance

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His Hollow ducked in close and bit him sharply on the side of the neck. Ichigo swore and reached up to slap the Hollow's pale cheek, and he retreated with a mean, victorious snicker. Rukia stared at him without blinking while Renji tried to glare even harder. Trying to convince them that his Hollow didn't need to be extracted from him and killed wasn't exactly going too well.

The Hollow reclined against the wall, content with his aggression at the moment and crossed his arms lazily. He returned Renji's glare lazily and carelessly. Hardly a glare really.

Ichigo shot the Hollow a reproachful look for the bite. "Not helping."

"Wasn' my intention t'help." The Hollow retorted gleefully.

"Bastard."

"Ichigo," Rukia interrupted before the two look-a-likes could get into another time consuming argument. "Why do you want to keep it? Tell me again."

The Hollow flipped her off because she called him an "it" while Ichigo rolled his eyes in exasperation and missed the gesture.

"I've told you a thousand times, Rukia."

"Tell me again." She demanded, hard and stern.

Ichigo puffed air out of his nose irritably. "Because, just in case, if I ever need his power again. Because he's a part of my soul and he belongs there, whether either of us like it or not. Because he's not a threat to anyone but me, because I can control him."

"Contradicting yourself, aren't you?" Renji abruptly chimed in, all for destroying the Hollow's existence.

"Dumbfuck," the Hollow chirped. "King means that I can't beat him for th'crown, which makes all ya fuckers safe from me. Lucky you~!"

Renji bristled but Ichigo shoved him back a pace with a hand to the shoulder before whirling to point a finger at his Hollow.

"Stop provoking him."

The Hollow mockingly held up his hands in surrender. "As his majesty commands."

Ichigo snorted before turning to face his two shinigami friends again. "Reasons good enough for you yet? May I remind you that this choice is my choice? An optional one at that too. No one else is pressuring me to do this either, besides Inoue and Ishida."

The Hollow made a wet, gagging noise behind him at the two names, expressing his intense dislike for the two.

"Oh shut up."

"I didn' say nothin'."

"Double negatives, and you made a noise."

"Ooh King's showin' intelligence. Quick Red, get a camera."

"Fuck you, Hollow."

"Really? Don' think yer captain would like that very much."

"You sonuva-"

"Back off Renji!"

The Hollow happily cackled as Ichigo broke from their argument to keep Renji from physically attacking him while Rukia cover her eyes with both hands to rub the weariness away.

"Stop it all of you. Renji, let's just go."

"But Rukia-"

"Let's go." Without waiting to see if her words would be enforced, Rukia jumped back out of Ichigo's window, her direction taking her back to the Urahara's shop.

Scowling unhappily at Ichigo's stubborn expression and his Hollow's cheeky wave, Renji followed his longtime friend and left too. Ichigo eagerly shut and locked the window after him.

"Finally."

"Shut up." Ichigo groaned, flopping facedown onto his bed.

The Hollow snickered and pushed off the wall, strutting over to the bed and sitting on Ichigo's back. He ignored the resulting grunt from his new seat.

"Get off."

"Nope."

"Asshole."

"Prick."

"Hollow..."

"King~?"

"Get. Off."

"Don' wanna."

"Ugh I should just let them kill you."

"Aawww King that hurts!"