A/N: I heard this song for the first time the other day and I immediately had to write something about it and it just seemed to fit so well with this pairing. DISCLAIMER: I claim ownership of nothing, the characters and places belong to Kristen Britain. The song lyrics are property of Imagine Dragons.
Who knows how long
I've been awake now?
The Shadows on my wall don't sleep
They keep calling me
Beckoning...
Karigan lay awake in her room in the silent Rider Wing of the castle. The shadows of the room seemed to creep closer, beckoning to her. Shadows seemed to follow her everywhere these days; shadows full of sorrow, of pain, of regret, of loss. The shadows never slept, coming out to dance and creep and threaten to swallow her whole if she closed her eyes for even a moment.
As she stared at her ceiling, thinking of shadows made her think of the Weapons, which inevitably led her to think of him. Karigan couldn't even bring herself to think his name. It was too painful. His was the biggest shadow of them all. She had only been back at the castle for a day after finding her way home from the doomed Blackveil mission when the court gossip finally reached her ears. He had been married to another woman, a woman she had considered a friend, while she had been gone. Karigan's already bruised and tender heart couldn't take it. She prayed it had been a bad dream, that when she woke up everything would be back to how it had been. But she never woke up and she realized the only man she had ever loved was lost to her forever, tied to a woman he did not love for the sake of a country that would never understand. The shadows settled heavily on her mind.
The shadows were beginning to close ranks around her. Other thoughts and memories filtered through her mind. It was as if she was slowly shutting down, giving up as her mind slowly tortured her. Yates' face swam in her vision, laughing at something one of the other Riders had said. The next moment his face was covered in a fine sheen of sweat and twisted in pain while Mornahvon's black eyes stared out of her friend's face. Karigan tried to shut off the flow of shadows through her mind, but she was helpless against the relentless current.
Alton and Estral appeared next and Karigan's heart ached for what might have been and how thing's had been left between them. She thought back to Alton's complete distrust of her after she had helped him gain access to the D'yer wall and how much that severing of their friendship had hurt. Finally she replayed every single painful and bittersweet memory of him, the man she loved.
Their first meeting and a game of Intrigue, a ball she had been forced to attend, the battle of Silver Lake, chords of magical energy wrapped around his body as he threw his head back and howled in a silent agonized scream, dreams of his dead body and other dreams of a very alive nature, the moment in the loft of the Rider barn after the barracks burned down, his hand on hers, his warm almond eyes, his gentle smile…everything played through her mind, but her mind always returned to one particular moment on a moonlit roof with him a gift and a declaration hanging between them. It was one of the most wonderful yet painful moments of her life. Karigan could feel tears trailing silently down her face. There was nothing left for them to say. They had said all they could and it didn't matter. She could never have him.
Abandoning all hope of sleep, Karigan got up and quickly dressed before retreating to the corridor where the light from the flickering torches kept the shadows at bay. Karigan set off down the corridors, wandering aimlessly through the castle, trying to escape the shadows that followed her.
She had just reached the main part of the castle when she realized she wasn't the only one seeking the refuge of the quiet halls. When she looked up and saw who had joined her, the shadows leaped and plunged threatening to drag her down and drown her right there. Karigan would've welcomed it, an end for the pain and suffering he had caused her. He moved through an archway and looked directly at where she stood, frozen and surrounded by shadows. He opened his mouth as though to say something, but the shadowy heights and corners of the room seemed to swallow the words before they could be spoken. Instead he turned and went back the way he had come. He had made his choice. There was nothing left to say now. Karigan let the shadows swallow her, unable to fight them anymore.
There's nothing left to say now...
I'm giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now...
There's nothing left to say now...
I'm giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now...
A/N: As always I would love to know what you think. Please leave a review after this message. ~Naomi