The characters belong to JE. I receive nothing from this, but it sure is fun.

Chapter 1

SPOV

"Lester! I need a ride!" I yelled. I couldn't wait to get away from the scene of my latest vehicle explosion. My latest POS, a 2002 Ford Escort with a fading red paint job, had just been destroy when Tony Biancho decided that he didn't want me to return his little sister, Sandy to the system. She had planned to show up for court, but her boss decided to call her in to work, telling her that if she didn't show up that she wouldn't have a job. Sandy had been arrested for drunk and disorderly, and it was a first time offense which made it a low bond. Regardless, Tony decided that the best way to keep his little sister out of jail was to pour gasoline all over my car and light a match while I was in Macy's. Luckily do to my bad parking karma, my car was park in the farthest corner of the parking lot and the cars that had been parked nearby had already left. The worst part was that I had called Sandy earlier and she had already agreed to meet me at the police station after she got off of work. It would have taken Vinnie less than an hour to bond her out again. Apparently she had mentioned to Tony that I was going to take her back to jail. Unfortunately, she failed to tell Tony that she was meeting me willing and he decided that it was his job to protect his little sister from the Bombshell Bounty Hunter. This is not how I wanted to spend my Friday!

My name is Stephanie Plum. I have unruly dark curly hair, blue eyes, and can currently fit into my jeans without using creative methods to zip them. Sometimes zipping my jeans is nothing short of a miracle since I have an addiction to cake, especially pineapple upside down cake. I'm currently a bounty hunter for my cousin Vinnie's Bonds office. I had to black mail him to get the job, since I'm not his first choice as a bounty hunter. Lucky for me, he was desperate for someone to collect low levels failure-to-appears. My bills stay mostly paid, and I can usually afford to pay for my TastyKakes and Pino's, which keeps me happy. Unfortunately, sometimes I have to roll around in garbage or my car gets blown up. Is it sad that my car blowing up seems almost normal?

"Sure, Beautiful. Wouldn't you rather catch a ride with the Boss or Morelli?" Lester Santos asked. Lester would best be described as tall, dark, and handsome. Lester is Latino, stands about six feet tall, has beautiful green eyes, and solid muscles. He's just one of the good looking men that work at Rangeman that can make most of the women in Trenton walk into walls. Lucky for me, I'm immune to Lester since he's one of my best friends. I, however, am not immune to his boss.

The "Boss" that Lester referred to is Ricardo Carlos Manoso, street name Ranger. Ranger is the CEO of Rangeman LLC. He is the Henry Higgins to my Eliza Doolittle. Ranger is former Special Forces and has the body to prove it. He has been my bounty hunting mentor since I began working for Vinnie. He is Cuban American and stars in most of my fantasies, not that I would ever admit it. Ranger is about six feet tall, with mocha latte skin. He's like the statue of David if you dipped him in caramel. When I first met him he wore his hair long, but currently he's wearing it short. He once said that he would ruin me for all other men and he did. I'm in love with him. He's told me countless times that he doesn't do relationships, so I keep my feeling to myself.

Morelli is actually Joe Morelli, my currently ex-boyfriend and I plan on keeping it that way. We had our usual fight about my job which included a lot of yelling and hands waving around. Joe is a plain-clothes vice cop with the Trenton Police Department. Joe and I have history and most of it is not good. When I was six, Joe took me into his father's garage to teach me how to play 'choo-choo'. Apparently, I didn't learn my lesson to stay away from the Morelli boys because when I was sixteen, he talked my out of my virginity behind the counter of the Tasty Pastry. I part of me loves Joe, but I don't feel the same way about him as I do Ranger.

The only thing these two men have in common is the need to protect me. Other than that, these two men could not be more opposite. Morelli has a temper and it shows. It's usually involves loud yelling and a lot of Italian hand gestures. Ranger also has a temper, but it never shows. I once heard Ranger tell a skip 'now you've made me mad' in the same tone of voice as asking a Librarian for a book. He rarely shows his emotions behind that blank face he uses. Morelli thinks that I should marry him, and have his babies. Ranger has no interest in marrying me and having babies. The most annoying thing is that neither one of them has every really asked how I feel about marriage and children. This brings me to another problem. I have no interest in marrying Morelli and having his children. However, I would marry Ranger and have his children in a heartbeat.

"No! I don't want those jerks anywhere near me. Take me home now!" I said stalking over to Lester's Rangeman SUV. Lester is one of my favorite Merry Men, which is my nickname for Ranger's employees. I decided to ask Lester to give me a ride back to my apartment since Ranger and Morelli had just pissed me off. I knew that asking Lester for a ride would annoy Ranger and Joe. I know that I'm playing dirty, but trust me, they deserve it.

Ranger had arrived less than five minutes after my car went off grid with his second in command Tank. Ranger tends to put trackers on my car. I don't care for it, but since I know that whining about it wouldn't do any good, I choose to pretend that their not there. Ranger must have been close by since he beat the Fire Department, the Trenton Police, and Joe Morelli. Morelli had driven up just in time to see Ranger hugging me. Ranger's arm around me never goes over well with Morelli. Not that it's any of his business since we are no longer seeing each other.

Lester climbed into the driver's seat. "You know that Ranger and Morelli will show up at your apartment as soon as I drop you off."

"Yeah, I know." I grumbled.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lester asked.

"No." I was so mad that I couldn't even cry. It only took Lester ten minutes to take me home. Lester insisted on escorting me up to my apartment. While he checked my apartment for nutcases and stalkers, I went into my kitchen and opened a new box of TastyKakes.

"Do you promise to call me if you need anything?" Lester asked. I could tell he was worried about me. Lester tends to drop his blank face when it's just the two of us.

"Don't worry about me. I can call my dad and ask him to drop off Big Blue. I'll be fine as long as Ranger and Morelli give me some space."

Once Lester left, I called my dad and asked him to drop off the Buick until I could collect my insurance check to buy a new car. He was about to go to the VFW with Carl Constanza's father and said that he would leave the keys in the ignition in the parking lot of my apartment building. I felt a familiar tingle as I hung up the phone.

"You need to turn around and leave. I don't remember giving you permission to come into my apartment. And if Morelli is with you, take him with you. Neither one of you is welcome here." I said with my back to the intruder.

"Babe."

Babe, which is apparently Ranger's go to word that can mean just about anything. Right now I'm pretty sure it was a request that I listen to him plead his case, but I couldn't know for sure since Ranger is not known for his speaking skills.

I turned around in time to see Morelli walk into my apartment and ask angrily, "Cupcake, why is Manoso here?"

"He's just leaving and so are you!" I snapped.

"I'm not leaving until we talk!" Joe yelled.

"Babe, I can throw him out if you want." Ranger offered.

"Wow, Ranger, a whole sentence. Maybe I should write this down, who knows when you'll say a whole sentence again." I could feel my Italian-Hungarian temper about to boil over. "I am sick and tired of this constant fight between the two of you. Do the two of you have fun constantly pulling me in two different directions? I can't take it anymore. I used to think this whole macho alpha male crap was about me, but you know I realized today that it's not. Joe, you only want me in order to keep me from Ranger. And Ranger, you only want me so you can say that you stole me away from Joe. I am not a toy to be fought over."

"Babe, I'm not leaving until we talk about this." Ranger said calmly.

"And I'm not leaving until he does." Joe yelled walking over to stand chest to chest with Ranger.

"Morelli, I suggest that you take a step back before you do or say something that you will live to regret." Ranger warned. I have to be honest, if Ranger had talked to me in the tone of voice he just used with Joe, I would have wet my pants.

Lucky for me, Ranger and Joe were so caught up with facing off with each other that they didn't notice when I quietly slipped out my apartment door. I was in such a hurry to make a quick get-a-way that I ran directly into Tank in the hallway.

"You okay, Little Girl?" he asked.

"You may want to go in there before they try to kill each other." I sighed, gesturing towards my apartment.

"You know he loves you." Tank said looking towards my apartment door.

"Which one? The one that wants to control me or the one that adds qualifiers every time he says it?" I said fighting back the tears.

Then Tank did something that I never expected. He hugged me. "I'll keep Ranger from killing Morelli." He promised. Tank handed me a piece of paper and a key fob. "This is my address, direction to my house, and the codes to my front gate and security system. I'm on duty for most of the weekend, so I'm going to stay in my apartment on four. You can hide out at my place until you're ready to deal with them. Take as long as you need. I'll have Lester pack you a bag and take it to my house. Morelli won't be able to find you and Ranger will never think to look there."

"You like me?" I asked in shock.

"Ah heck, Little Girl, I love you. But it's more of a little sister kind of love." Tank explained. "Take your trackers out of your purse. You dad pulled up in the Buick, get out of here before they realize your gone."

"Thanks, Tank." I told him as I quickly found the two trackers in my purse and raced down the stairs to meet my dad.

"Hi, Pumpkin. Are you okay? You look upset." He said as he handed me the keys.

"Nothing I can't handle. I just needed to get out of my apartment." I shrugged.

"The phone's been ringing off the hook since your car exploded. You mother started ironing the dish towels." He laughed.

"Not my fault."

"It never is, Pumpkin. I better get going; Carl Sr. is waiting to give me a ride."

"Bye, Daddy." I said giving him a hug, before taking one last look up at my apartment window and climbing into Big Blue. Those two idiots probably haven't even realized I'm gone, I thought as I started the car and drove out of the parking lot.