Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter - I really appreciate it as I hope you know, even if I don't get round to answering them all.

This is the last chapter because I don't want to launch into loads of therapy chapters or anything like that, because I'm rubbish at writing that! Now it's family time...

Chapter 2

A few, uneventful days later, the Reagan family gathered together for their regular Sunday dinner. They had all arrived there straight from mass - everyone that is except for Jamie, who had been on duty at that time. They had all said an extra prayer at mass this week for their youngest, whom they all knew was struggling with what had happened earlier in the week, but who was trying to put on a brave face for those on the outside.

Jamie arrived just as they were about to serve the meal, "I timed that right!" he exclaimed as he walked through the door.

"You've been hanging around outside until all the hard work was over," Erin smiled.

"Busted," Jamie joked as he kissed his sister on the cheek. Erin accepted the kiss gratefully, happy to have some connection with her little brother. Her expression darkened however when she got a closer look at the younger man. Behind the smiling, outwardly relaxed facade, she could see the haggard look that had invaded the young looking face. The dark circles under his eyes were a good indication that he wasn't sleeping well, "You ok?" the words were out before she could stop them. Immediately she felt him tense, "I'm fine."

"Good, good," she would leave it...for now, "In that case, you can bring the potatoes."

Jamie relaxed a little as he reached for the potato dish. He was immensely relieved that Erin hadn't asked any more questions. He knew that his family was worried about him, but he was dealing with it - he was fine!

He became aware of the conversation quietening as he walked into the dining room - numerous pairs of eyes moving in his direction. He placed the potatoes on the table, sighing deeply as he took his seat next to his grandfather at the head of the table.

"Jamie, would you say grace tonight?" his father asked.

Jamie looked stunned by the question, "Erm, yeah...ok"

Everyone joined hands as Jamie inexplicably scratched around for the words to say, "Bless us oh lord. Thank you for the food on the table and for the love of the family. May you keeps us safe in your love...amen."

"Amen," everyone at the table chorused and began tucking into the food hungrily.

Jamie put very little food on his plate and what he did put on he didn't really eat, just pushed it around due to the fact that he still felt nauseous every time he looked at food, "You not hungry Uncle Jamie?" Jack asked, concerned that his normally ravenous Uncle wasn't eating anything, "No Jack, not really. I ate something earlier at work..."

Danny and Frank both threw a suspicious look Jamie's way - not convinced that he was telling the truth.

"What did you do this week Uncle Jamie?" his youngest nephew, Sean, asked innocently, "Did you catch any bad guys? Did you have to shoot anyone?"

An awkward silence fell over the room. Danny's two boys were unaware of what had happened to their Uncle, so they were now looking throughly confused as to why everyone had stopped eating. Jamie cleared his throat. He could do this, "Well Sean, unfortunately I did have to shoot someone..."

He glanced over at Danny, his eyes asking his brothers permission to carry on. Even though Linda was squeezing his arm hard, Danny nodded his agreement - maybe this was exactly what his brother needed to break his wall.

"A man was in a lot of trouble and he wanted to hurt himself, so me and my partner were trying to talk to him, make him change his mind. Unfortunately he was very upset and he took out a gun. I kept asking him to put it down, but he wouldn't - he was going to shoot us so I had to act..."

"So you shot him first before he could hurt you and your partner? Jack asked, still comfused as to why this was causing his family so much pain.

Jamie nodded.

"More potatoes Sean?" Linda asked, hoping to change their train of thought.

Sean shook his head, "Did he die?" Sean's wide, innocent eyes almost made Jamie break there and then, "Yes Sean, I'm afraid he did," he managed to answer.

"I'm sorry Uncle Jamie - that must have been so awful for you," Jack added, now partially understanding why everyone went silent. He knew his mum and dad had been worried about his Uncle - now he knew why.

"Thanks Jack - but I'm fine!"

Then just as suddenly as the conversation had stopped earlier, it started up again - leaving Jamie to his thoughts.

Suddenly and without warning, Jamie felt his heartbeat begin to speed up. His head began to pound as memories and sounds from that day assaulted him. He hastily drank some water as he looked round the table, hoping to catch someones attention, because now he felt like he might actually pass out. He needed some air - he needed some space. He couldn't break down here - in front of his family. He tried to get out of his chair as quietly as he could, "Jamie?" he heard his grandfather ask. Scarily for Jamie, he found that he couldn't focus on the older man, "Son, what...?"

"I...need...air..." Jamie gasped as he tried to move.

"Danny!" he heard Henry shout and immediately felt the safe, strong arms of his brother, who began to lead him outside. Instantly Frank was on his feet, concern radiating from him. Erin placed a hand on her fathers arm, "He's going to be fine dad, Danny's with him. We need you calm..."

Frank smiled at his daughter. He knew, just as Erin did, that the younger children stayed calm if Frank did, and that's just what they needed to do. He patted his daughters arm gratefully, "I, on the other hand, need to go and fetch desert," she stated, sharing a knowing look with Linda, "Good idea," agreed Frank, "You ready for cheesecake boys? Why the sad face Sean?" He asked his youngest grandson, who looked on the verge of tears.

"It's all my fault," was all the little boy would say.

Frank motioned for him to come to him - then put him on his knee, "What's your fault Sean?"

"I made Uncle Jamie sad.." he hiccuped as tears began to fall. Frank hugged him.

"You didn't make his sad Sean. Uncle Jamie has had a hard week...but he will get through it, and I think that you might have just helped him on his way," he added.

Erin smiled at a tearful Linda as she set off to get the desert, "Give Uncle Jamie a hug from me," Nicki said as her mum walked past her, "And me!" both boys shouted.

Erin shook her head, "You kids know to much."

Jamie sat on the wooden bench in his 'mothers garden', which had always been his place of refuge. His head hung down drawing air into his lungs, more deeply now. Another panic attack! How many was that this week? Too many! His head was still pounding, but thankfully his heart rate had gone back down to a more normal rhythmn. He felt the steadying presence of his brother beside him, but he couldn't bring himself to look at him. However, the soothing arm around his shoulders was working wonders, "So much for being a Reagan," he mumbled to himself, or so he thought.

"Jamie, you're to hard on yourself. Did you really think that you would just carry on as normal after your first fatality?"

"Well, yeah, I suppose I did. Other people do...you do!" He turned to look at Danny, who was shaking his head, " I didn't kid, not after my first - I was a wreck!"

"It's true," another voice joined in the conversation. Erin sat down on the other side of her little brother, "Dad had to turf him out of one of the bars downtown, and when I say turf him out, I mean he had to physically remove him...so Jamie it's ok..."

Jamie stood up suddenly, surprising his brother and sister, "No! It's not ok! Why did he have to pull a gun? Why did his son have to get involved?"

Erin looked at Danny in confusion, "The guys kid ended up on the roof..."

"Trying to talk his dad down..." Jamie continued quietly, as he ran a hand through his hair. Erin bit her bottom lip to try to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

" He was trying to talk his dad down - just like I was - but what did he do? He aimed the gun at his son...his own son! He was so out of it! I had to do it! I aimed for his shoulder, just to disarm him, but he moved...the blood...it was everywhere. I had to face his son. I'd shot his father, then I had to make him leave his father when he needed him the most! What type of person does that make me? What type of cop?"

He was on the verge of tears now, as was his sister and brother. Erin moved first. She drew the distraught young man into a gentle embrace, " You did the best that you could given the situation you were in. You gave him the chance to do the right thing, but he made the wrong choice. You protected his son when he couldn't. You're a good man Jamie and a good cop..."

"I should never have become a cop! What would Danny and Joe think of me now!" He cried, obviously forgetting that Danny was outside with him, until he spoke, "Joe would tell you the same thing that I'm telling you - you are a great cop, one of the best," Danny said as he stood alongside his siblings, "Joe would have been so proud of you - just as we all are..."

Jamie pulled out of Erin's grasp a little, " But what about this? The panic attacks - the not sleeping..."

"Hate to tell you this kid, but you're human! Yes it's part of the job and we all deal with it in our own way. Do you think that I sleep soundly every night? I don't - just ask Linda."

Danny took hold of Jamie and turned him so that they were face to face - his heart almost breaking at the look of grief and helplessness on his little brothers face, " Now you listen to me - You're a great happened was awful but it wasn't your fault! You tried to save him but you couldn't. It's hit you like a ton of bricks - of course it has - but that's not a weakness Jamie. You're a strong man who will deal with this...and we are here to help you whenever you need us - so don't shut us out!"

Over Jamie's shoulder, Danny could see Erin wiping tears from her eyes, but his main focus was his suffering brother, "Come here," Danny breathed as he then gathered Jamie into a bonecrushing hug.

Although Jamie felt like all his breath was being squeezed out of him, he felt like he never wanted to leave the comfort of his brothers arms, which were soon joined by his sisters arms as the Reagan support system slotted into place, "I think I do need help Danny," Jamie whispered against his brothers shoulder.

"You've got it little brother!"

There you have it. Hope it was ok. As always I'm never sure if I manage to keep them in character. Wanted to add a touch of Erin in this one as Danny gets a lot of bro time in my stories!

I know that this won't happen in the show, but a girl can dream! Til we meet again xx