A/N: I hope you all enjoy, and remember to leave a review and a favorite if you liked it! I am kinda stepping out of my usual genre so be gentle please.
Responsibility for the Completely Insane
"Now are you sure you're up for this?" Lilith asked Tina as she and Roland were about to step out the door.
"Sure thing! I watch over Sir Reginald for Madame Bartlesbee all the time, I am sooooo ready."
"Remember Tina, Luke is a siren, so you have to watch over him constaintly."
Tina smiled and waved to the couple as she pushed them out the door, "You two have fun at that business crap you gots to do. I'll watch over da baby!"
Roland put his arm around Lilith and told her, "We better get going. I've heard the president of Eden-15 does not like to be kept waiting." Lilith nodded and followed Roland out the door, leaving Tina and Luke behind. Tina looked over to the baby and gave him a toothy grin. "You wanna play? We can totally have an of the hoook tea party!" Luke shook his head and began to walk into the other room. Tina quickly ran over to follow him and asked, "Then what do you want to do? You want to blow up stuff? That's fun!" Luke again shook his head and continued to walk to the kitchen. Just as he walked through the door, Tina heard the phone ring. She quickly ran over and picked it up.
"Hellooo?"
"Hey, Lilith this is Maya, I… Wait, you aren't Lilith."
Tina laughed, "Naw gurl it's me, Tina! Whats going on my byatch?"
Maya sighed over the phone and said, "Tina, did you break into Roland and Lilith's house?"
"Naww, I'm tots watching their baby!"
"..."
Tina was a bit confused by Maya's sudden silence, "What's going on? Is this thing plugged in?" she asked herself as she looked around for where the cord was plugged in. Maya finally spoke up again.
"They let you watch Luke?"
Tina rolled her eyes, she was annoyed that know one thought she was capable. "Look just because I blew up that one baby doesn't mean…" Suddenly there was a loud explosion from the kitchen. "Tina, what was that?" Maya's voice asked though the phone as Tina dropped it and ran over to the kitchen. There was a smoldering hole in the wall and Luke was nowhere to be seen. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh craaaaaaaaaaap, she thought as she looked frantically for the siren child.
When she finished her search, she hadn't found Luke anywhere, Lilith was gonna have a cow. Tina ran through the hole and saw a trail of broken fences and flaming cars, maybe if she followed these, she would find Luke. Tina started to follow the path of destruction, thinking about how much trouble she was in.
"Lilith is gonna cap my ass! She's gonna incinerate my brains and cook them into a delicious pudding! The worst part would be I wouldn't get ANY of the pudding!" Tina continued to call for Luke, wishing she had just stayed home like Felecia had suggested, that bitch knew what she was talking about. Tina was even more scared when she found the trail of fire stopped suddenly; she had lost her only lead.
Tina couldn't possibly hope to track Luke; she was an explosives expert, not a man hunter (though she secretly wished she was). Tina pulled out her echo looked through her contacts to see if anyone on the list could help her. She stopped on one name and smiled, it would be perfect.
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"Hello?" an emotionless metallic voice answered over the echo.
Tina smiled and said nervously, "He-hay Zer0! It's your main gurl Tina!"
"Uhh Tiny Tina, this may not be the best time, I'm kinda at work…"
Ever since Pandora went into the civilization age, Zer0 had become one of the top agents at the P.I.A. (The Pandora Intelligence Agency), so if he was busy that meant he was probably on a mission. "Zer0 pleeeease I need your help!"
Tina heard somebody over Zer0's echo yell, "THERE HE IS!"
Gunshots suddenly started to resonate through Zer0's echo, after which she heard the noise of men screaming and bones breaking. After a couple seconds, Zer0 responded on the echo.
"Look Tiny Tina, I really have to go now, I'll see you later."
Tina yelled into the echo, "WAAAIIIIIT! I need you to track down Roland and Lilith's baby, cause I totally lost him!"
Zer0 went silent for a bit and after more sounds of gunfire, slicing, and screaming, he said, "Just call Mordecai, he's just as good at tracking, I gotta go now." With that Zer0 hung up the echo, leaving Tina with only another person to call. She flipped through her contacts and found Mordecai's number and dialed it in. The echo rang for a bit and then someone picked up. "Hello?" Moxxi's voice came over the echo.
"Moxxi wazzup! It's Tina here, I needs to speak with Mordecai."
Moxxi sighed and called, "Mordecai, you've got a lady caller." Tina heard Mordecai call back, "What, who? Just hand me the device. Hello?"
"Hey Mordecai this is Tina, I needs to ask you a favor," she answered, hoping that the hunter would help her.
"Yeah sure, what's up?"
Tina bit her lip, "I, um, kinda lost Luke."
"What do you mean you kinda lost Luke," Mordecai snapped worriedly over the phone.
"I told you, he blew up the wall and ran for it while I was talking to Maya. Zer0's undercover, or at least he was, and he told me you could help."
Mordecai sighed, "I'll be over there in a second."
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"I can't believe you lost him," Mordecai grumbled as he followed the little siren's tracks.
Tina rolled her eyes and snapped, "I can't believe you're still complaining about it." The two continued to walk down the city streets in the cold winter night, looking for the lost baby. Bloodwing Jr flew ahead, giving them an eye in the sky. Mordecai stopped at the Pandora capital building and said, "The trail leads in there."
The two walked inside the large white building and looked around each room for Luke. As they looked, Tina accidently bumped into someone in the hall. Tina yelled aggressively, "Hey watch where you're…" She then looked up and saw it was Axton, who was looking at her sarcastically.
"You wanna finish that sentence," he threatened
Tina gulped and stammered, "N-no sir."
"Hey Axton," Mordecai said tiredly as he caught up to Tina and Bloodwing Jr.
"What are you two doing here? I thought Tina was supposed to be… oh no."
Mordecai sighed, "Oh yes."
Axton glared at Tina and said calmly, "Please tell me you didn't lose a siren child on the streets of Sanctuary City."
"It's not my fault he blew a hole through the wall and escaped! I thought I could just put him in front of the television while I go continue rigging the explosives set under the new coffee shop next…" Axton and Mordecai were now both glaring at her, obviously not in the mood for her psychotic antics. "Look will you just help us," Tina pouted as she crossed her arms.
Axton nodded and answered, "Alright, but this better not be some weird search for chocolate cookies or crumpets."
"Shawtie, you da best, you da you da best," Tina said with a smile, trying to cover up the fact that she was scared Lilith might wipe her off the face of Pandora.
Axton followed Mordecai and Tina back outside into the city. Bloodwing circled ahead, keeping an overhead view of Sanctuary, but there was no sign of the child.
As hours passed Tina started thinking on who would come to her funeral. Lilith and Roland were out of the question. Maybe Angel and Maya might come, along with Mordecai and Moxxi. Salvador would definitely be in mourning; he was like the crazy uncle she never had! She would probably will most of her explosives to Mr. Torgue, much to everyone else's distress. Tina suddenly bumped into someone, not paying attention to where she was going.
"Tina? Aren't you supposed to be watching Lilith's kid?" Angel asked, picking herself up off the ground.
Tina shook herself off and answered, "Umm, well he's kinda, sorta… gone."
"Gone?" Angel gave her a 'are you kidding me' look.
"Well turns out watching a kid doesn't just involve sticking him in front of the tv and planting explosives…"
"Wait, explosives?!"
Tina laughed guiltily, now everyone was glaring at her. "There may or may not be five bombs planted around central square…"
"You weren't kidding about the explosives?" Axton asked, becoming increasingly nervous about the situation.
"Well duh, the corruption of that coffee shop had to end! I mean seriously, what hoe bag charges nine dollars for a latte!"
Mordecai sighed and shook his head, "Well, now we have to go deal with that."
"What about Luke?"
Angel took Tina by the shoulder and told Axton and Mordecai, "You two go find the bombs, and I'll help her find Luke."
The two boys nodded and ran off, leaving Angel and Tina alone to search.
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"Soooo, how are things between you and Zer0?" Tina asked, hoping to get in on the latest gossip.
"Aren't we supposed to be finding the child?" Angel grumbled, a bit annoyed that Tina kept getting off track.
"Yeah I know… So how you gonna find him?"
Angel rolled her eyes and answered, "Sirens can sense each other as they get closer, and I estimate he should be right…"
The two girls turned the corner and saw they had just entered central square, right in front of the coffee shop.
"Uh Oh," Tina said to herself as she watched Mordecai and Axton rushing around, trying to find and deactivate all the bombs.
"He should be in the coffee shop," Angel told Tina, "Go look for him in there while I help look for the bombs."
Tina nodded and ran in the coffee shop just to find the place was a practical ghost town. The only person left was the guy working the register. Man, that guy is way too deticated to his job thought Tina as she ran up to the counter.
"Heya! Have you seen a baby boy that shoots lightning around here?"
The register guy thought for a bit and then said, "I think I saw a kid go in the back."
"Why didn't you stop him?!" Tina asked angrily
"Look kid, it's not in my job description to catch super powerful children. But if you want I can get you a coffee for only nine dollars!"
"Only nine dollars!" Tina screamed in a fit of rage, "gimme two."
The cashier went to the back and after a few minutes came back with two steaming cups of coffee.
"I just want you two know I almost got electrocuted trying to get passed that kid," he complained as he handed her the coffees. Tina took a sip out of one and shuddered with delight, "ohhhhhh that's good…"
After five minutes of mocha goodness, Tina finally finished her drinks and was ready to look for the kid again. When she approached the register again to find Luke sitting on the counter next to the fried corpse of the cashier.
"Awwww," she cooed, "Little Luke's first case of murder! Your mommy and daddy would be so proud."
Luke clapped and started laughing, then jumped into Tina's arms.
"Let's get you home buddy," Tina said, walking out of the coffee shop.
Tina walked over to the central square exit, where she saw Angel, Mordecai, and Axton trying to catch up with her.
"TINA!" Axton yelled, "We found four of the five bombs, where's the last?"
Tina thought for a bit, where did she leave that last bomb? Suddenly, she remembered, "Oh yeah! The last one is in the…"
She was interrupted by the sound of the coffee shop erupting into flames and people screaming. Tina laughed maniacally along with little baby Luke, taking in the sounds of the Anarchy she had caused. "Ohohoho, take that! I'll never have to buy your overpriced drinks again!"
"You could have just not gone there…" Mordecai suggested sarcastically
"Are you kidding! Their coffee tastes great!"
Axton face palmed and groaned, "Well, that's enough for today. I'm going home, good night everybody."
Angel and Mordecai nodded in agreement and followed Axton out of Central Square. Tina stood there for a little longer holding on to Luke, who was fast asleep. "I knew I was responsible enough for this," she said to herself. As she admired her work she suddenly remembered she had to be back at Lilith and Roland's house fifteen minutes ago! I am so not getting paid, she wailed in her head as she sprinted back towards the house.
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Lilith glared at Tina skeptically, who sat on the half burned couch quietly.
"A teenage mutant ninja skag invasion?" Roland asked in disbelief
Tina nodded up and down as quickly as she could. "Oh yeah, it was pretty bad. Like eight hundred dollars worth of property damage and a blown up coffee shop bad."
Lilith sighed in surrender, "Well, I guess weirder things have happened…"
"Exactly, so do I still get paid sistah? I needs the doe!"
Roland grumbled and handed over a wad of cash to Tina, who gladly accepted and jumped up and down.
"Hooray! Know I can buy unstable uranium for Felecia Sexypants' badonkadonk!"
Roland and Lilith both glared at her, shutting the psychotic little girl up.
"Well I think I'll just leave…"
"That might be best."