The Monster I Love by thegirltornupbypride

Chapter 2 : The Truth Shall Set You Free

Intimidating, was the only word that could be used to describe the skyscraper. If she chose to stay in capital she lived in the majority of her life, this would not have been such an astounding sight for her to take in. Rin's heartbeat fluttered around in her chest like a wild bird in a cage. Would turning her back now mean giving up? She wondered if she already decided to give up long ago. Rin welcomed a long deep breath to calm her nerves while taking stiff steps to enter the building. 'What am I doing here?' she took in her surroundings.

Rin fiddled with the drawstring of her hoodie. The rubber of her sneakers made no noise against the extravagant marble floors as she continued down the halls in her own world. Her eyes darted around the walls which were decorated in a meticulous manner. Rin doubted that she would find any dust should she even try. The plants seemed to glow with health and pictures hung with sharp precision. She could make out the name of the woman she had come to speak with. A woman with a great reputation, high price tag, and an amazing track record.

Akemi Nakato

The gold plate hanging on the door was engraved with this name. Rin traced it first with her finger softly. There was still time to turn back. Rin bit her lip as had become a habit for her, and forced herself in the quiet waiting room. Rin sat herself in an upholstered chair while feeling completely out of place. The coffee table in front of her held the latest gossip and health magazines in neat piles. Rin picked one up gingerly as if it would crumble at her touch. There had been no communication with any of her friends since the day she departed for the countryside.

A bitter smile took her lips as she remembered the terms that she left with. Rin felt her eyes water at the thought of her old friends. Where were they now? Were they living happy lives? It did not matter to Rin, or so she convinced herself. A forced laugh left her lips to exile her tears. The secretary had been watching her since she entered the room. Rin placed the magazine down without looking through it and returned herself to her chair and restless fingers. The secretary continued to watch her before finally opening her mouth.

"Miss? You have to sign in." she called out to Rin.

"It completely slipped my mind, thank you." Rin's face flushed. She reached for the clipboard with shaking hands. This was it, finally. Rin quietly wrote her name down and attached the fee for her first session. Her aching feet and back cried for the money to be returned to her worn wallet. Rin watched with a nervous heart as the secretary counted the money ensuring that all three hundred dollars were there. Would this help in the long run? Was this a mistake? She tapped her finger against her knee repeatedly wondering if this was a mistake. Rin could swear she heard the clock ticking with every passing second that she waited.

"Rin Kasai." It was more of a statement than a question. Of course the secretary already knew that Rin was her name, thanks to paperwork. Rin stood awkwardly before following the woman behind the door and down a long hallway leading to a striking door. It was painted mint green with an intricate gold knob.

As the door opened the faint smell of jasmine wafted into her senses. The room was painted a light blue that seemed to refresh her sight. An upholstered chaise rested atop a deep blue rug in the middle of the room. Across from the chaise was another upholstered chair behind a small desk. The decor of this office was pure elegance with a refreshing color palette. The sudden closing of the door behind her caused Rin to turn quickly. Alone in the room she found herself walking to the window and looking behind the sheer white curtains and down to the street. She did not realize how high up she was until this moment.

"Hello, Ms. Kasai." Rin turned at the sound of the woman's smooth voice. She grasped at the ends of her sleeves and gave a slight bow to the woman. Rin did not know if the word pristine could be used to describe the countenance of a person, but at this moment it was the only appropriate word she could use. Akemi Nakato was beautiful. Rin stared for a moment taking in the woman's long silver hair, braided loosely and hanging over her shoulder. Her skin seemed to glow and her gold eyes sparkled. Her features seemed like that of a queen or model as she moved behind her desk with such grace.

"Please, sit." her words brought Rin away from her admiration. Akemi's voice was cold and stoic but as the words fell from her lips they pulled Rin in. They made her obey without question. Rin sat and her lips quivered as she tried to start talking.

"What is it that you have come to therapy to discuss." Akemi's gaze pierced through her. There was no turning back without becoming a fool now. Rin knew that. This was going to be the first time she would say the words that announced her as a victim.

"I…" Rin started, the statement was a challenge.

"We are here to talk about what you want. You don't have to start with the most painful wound. You can start where you want to." Akemi reached for a filigree tea cup and brought it to her lips slowly. Rin knew the price of this visit, but she was not sure if the words could leave her lips today. Rin stared at the woman and felt tears of frustration rushing to her waterline.

"I haven't had anyone to talk to in six years." Rin did not know why these were the words that chose to escape her thoughts. Akemi raised a platinum brow.

"Why would you say that, Rin?" the use of her first name was meant to make Rin comfortable. Akemi looked at the clock briefly.

"I burned all of my bridges six years ago. I ran away." Rin could feel her hands falling to her sides as she reached for the arm of the chaise to lean on.

"What about your parents?" Akemi had been taking key notes on Rin. The way she seemed to shrink away at the mention of her parents was the same way she had at the attempt of discussing her real issue.

"I was fourteen when my parents were killed in an accident." Rin remembered their faces as if she had seen the pair only hours earlier. Rin was small like her mother, short with curves where they should be. She bit her lip at the thought of her father and her eyes watered freely. A clenched fist and a long shuddering breath held her to this room. Rin recalled his face each day because she saw him in the mirror. She had his facial features, a small straight nose, pouting lips, high cheek bones, and big almond eyes. The mocha of her eyes had been just the same as her father and also true for her rich brown hair.

"What kind of accident was it?" Rin supposed the question would have hurt her more if eight years had not already passed. Akemi watched the girl compose herself.

"It was a long drive back from my grandmother's home. My father fell asleep at the wheel and the car hit a tree." Rin did not blame her father or mother for their death. It was an accident. There was no one to be blamed.

"Who became your guardian after the death of your parents?" Akemi leaned further into her chair with a small sigh.

"My parents left me everything, the house and money. I was never close to my grandmother, so I stayed home." Rin gazed up at the beautiful but mechanical therapist.

"It must have been hard to live on your own at such a young age." The sympathetic words held no warmth. Rin half smiled at the attempt.

"I was just a kid back then, but I had amazing friends and while my life wasn't perfect it was manageable...up until that party." Akemi watched the girls hands grip tightly around the arm of the chaise. Her voice broke at the end and she inhaled sharply.

"There are no judgements made in this room and nothing you say here leaves." It was the first sincere feeling that Rin felt come from this woman. Rin's eyes watered for a minute before she looked at Akemi with determination. She decided that if she did not reveal it right now then she never would. Rin tried to ignore her racing heart and spit the words out.

"I woke up in a room naked with a pillowcase over my head." The sentence hung in the air heavily around her. Ms. Nakato made no comments for what seemed to be hours. Rin stared at her knees, covered in loose fitting denim, and suddenly she became aware of the beginning of a feeling she had not felt in years. Akemi observed the girl with careful eyes and an unnoticed smile. Rin was rediscovering control. It was empowering and terrifying all at once.

"How did that make you feel?" Akemi's eyes returned to notepad before her. Rin's body stiffened at the thought of her feelings and all over again she wanted nothing more than to shrink until she was completely invisible. That night caused a variety of feelings to course through her, but there was one that recurred even now. The word was dancing at the tip of Rin's tongue cautious to leave her trembling lips. 'Why did I come here? I shouldn't be doing this.' her mouth was dry now.

"It made me angry." Rin's fists were clenched tightly. At a time like this, she was thankful for her short nails. She was sure that if they were just a little longer they would break her skin.

"Why is that?" Akemi's steady monotone voice pulled Rin back to the room and out of her own mind.

"He just did whatever he wanted like I wasn't even human." Rin felt as though she would burst at the seams. She did not even know who did this to her. She did not have any name to associate the blame with.

"Is it possible that you are the one at fault?" The question caught the girl off guard. It was something that Rin never dared to ask herself. The past six years were an attempt to forget every detail about the night. She never considered that the terrible act had been a result of her own behavior.

"My fault?" The inquiry left her lips for the first time. Rin's chest felt heavy and her fingers reached for each other. She could feel her throat tighten at the same moment that her eyes began to water. A parade of tears marched to break free of her water line. Rin's eyes darted around the room, looking over to a corner that Akemi took a glance at every couple of minutes. A plain clock rested on the wall. The presence of it reminded Rin that she was here thanks to her own will. She worked far too hard to waste the time she paid for.

"Tell me about your night." Akemi stood and handed the sniffling girl a prepackaged set of tissues. The therapist walked over to the large window in her office. The view was incredible yet intimidating. In one moment Akemi opened it and a warm breeze blew in. Rin watched the curtains blow harshly at first and then wind almost represented the feel of the truth unrelenting and then comforting.

Rin knew the silence she faced at home was a constant presence that she should have already grown accustomed to. The stillness of her house never ceased to remind her of the life it once held. A rigid smile came to her mouth. Rin coerced herself into believing that this too would pass. The expiration of her relationship should not be compared to the loss of her parents. She reached up and wiped a stray tear from her upper lip while opening the door to her bedroom.

Rin glanced at a picture near her vanity. The frame held a photo of the former couple on their one hundred day anniversary. She smiled brightly with his arm around her waist and his lips on her cheek. Rin touched the edges of the frame softly sitting on the vanity chair and stared at it for a while. After a deep exhale she faced the picture down so she could not see what no longer was. The house phone rang loudly in the quiet house.

"Hello?" Rin twirled the wire between her fingers.

"I'll be ready by eight." she started to unbutton her school uniform looking to her closet.

"You guys can come over here to get ready if you want. I have to take a shower, but you know where the spare is." After ending the call Rin walked to her closet and swept her fingertips along the clothes until she came across a garment she wanted. She settled on a long sleeve cream blouse with salmon colored shorts and a cute pair of wedges. The time moved forward quickly as she took care of her hygiene and make up.

"Hey!" Sango's voice was followed by two pairs of footsteps coming up the stairs.

"I'm ready to go!" Rin tried her best to sound excited about their girls night at the party. The plan was to crash the college party while having a good time together. Rin was not positive this was something she was ready for especially considering that her ex would be in attendance.

"My sister and her boyfriend are going to give us a ride since they were actually invited." Kagome laughed while looking out the window for the unmistakable red car.

"Awesome! I did not want to catch a cab." Rin exhaled dramatically. The trio of friends were only waiting for a short period of time before the couple arrived. The girls piled into Inuyasha's vehicle and the atmosphere was clearly tense. The silence made the ride seem much longer than reality.

"Don't get too drunk, Kagome." The warning came from her sister, Kikyou. Kagome almost rolled her eyes but instead smiled with a small nod. After all she did need a ride home.

"Okay, let's meet back up around two." Inuyasha wrapped his arm around Kikyou ushering her to the side away from the girls. Kagome watched on clearly they had something going on. Rin pulled her friend by the arm gently to rush into the party where a good night had been promised to her.

"Let's take shots!" Sanyo cheered as they found the kitchen to be deserted. Rin picked up a shot glass and rinsed it thoroughly before allowing Kagome to pour in a generous amount of vodka for a shot.

"You're not going to drink?" Rin looked from her glass to Kagome.

"I don't think it's a good idea with Kikyou's mood. She basically told me I couldn't." Kagome shrugged.

"Well that just means more for us, Rin. Kagome can be our sober sister!" Sanyo clinked her shot glass with Rin's. The liquid was like fire as it slid down her throat but after her eighth or tenth shot there was no feeling at all as it traveled to her stomach. Rin was laughing until she saw him. There was her ex. He was laughing against the wall with another girl curled into his side. The spot that she once been in. Rin's head was spinning and she could not place whether all this nausea was from the sight of him or all of the alcohol in her.

"Sango?" She called out weakly for her friend who while Rin was distracted made her way into the arms of some college boy they had never met. Kagome sat with the school track star laughing on a couch. Rin tried her best to walk a straight line to her companion.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Her friend did not look at her but just nodded with a distracted yes leaving her lips. Rin pressed a hand to the wall for balance as she navigated her way to the upstairs bathroom. It seemed to be quite empty which was strange for a college party. Rin stumbled into a bathroom. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet staring into the bowl. She awaited the comeuppance of the liquor but it did not come. She found herself slipping in and out of unconsciousness as she sat. Rin shook her head and tried to stand. She suddenly realized that there were two doors in this bathroom.

"Which one did I come in through?" She slurred to herself. She reached for door knob of her first choice but as fate would have it someone else had been opening the door from the other side. The force of the door being pulled and her current lack of orientation caused her to fall into the chest of this person.

"You ruined everything, do you know that?" She slurred at him.

"What are you talking about? You're completely wasted." The young man looked down at the inebriated teenager with a slight smirk.

"We didn't have to break up." She began crying but passed out about ten seconds into her tears.

"I don't remember anything after going inside the bathroom. I feel like I do but it's so, I don't know, faded?" Rin tried but was unable to decipher whether it was a creation of her imagination or the truth.

"You went to a party and drank so much alcohol that you passed out. You don't remember too much after heading up stairs unaccompanied despite being inebriated. It seems like there were some poor decisions made that night. Are you sure that you did not give consent and regret it later?" Akemi tested the girl. Rin sat in silence with her stomach quickly imploding at what felt like an accusation.

"I'm positive that I didn't do that willingly." Rin's voice was shaking.

"So if you had made better decisions that night, would you be sitting here right now?" Akemi watched the girl shift uncomfortably in the chaise. Tears began to fall freely down her cheeks. Maybe this had all been her fault. She served herself on a silver platter after all.

"I have another question for you." Akemi made sure to make direct eye contact with the now very confused young woman.

"What?" Rin looked at the doctor apprehensively.

"Are you aware that you were too drunk to give consent? Are you aware that whatever happened in that room was not your fault?" Akemi walked around her desk and sat next to her patient.

"I put myself in such a terrible position. I made decisions that put me in that position." Rin already thought far too long about her mistakes that night.

"The person that did this to you also made a terrible decision. A decision to violate you. You did not make that decision, he did." Akemi wanted Rin to believe it. She wanted her to know that this was not her fault. The firmness of her voice forced Rin to consider the truth.

"..." She was speechless. There were no words that could leave her mouth as these words created a wave of relief over her.

"Our time is up, but I want you to come again when you're ready. Think about what I said. Get out in the world not everyone is bad and I'm sure you know that is the truth." Akemi stood up and walked back to her desk.

A/N : It's actually been quite a while since I've written, but I feel inspired lately. Reviews are much appreciated.