A/N: last chapter. Warning, there be angst ahead.

Fili and Kili had a great wealth of incidents, as brothers often do. But Fili could count the number of times he felt heart wrenching remorse on one hand. He didn't like feeling guilty. Loving someone, even just the sort of love that comes with a good friendship, meant that that someone could crawl inside your heart and latch on and you could feel every spike of pain that they felt if you cared enough. He couldn't decide which was worse – romance or familial love. In this case, the brotherly affection was causing more pain than anything he felt from his various romantic pursuits.

It was such a stupid thing. It really was. It shouldn't have happened. It wouldn't have even been as bad as it was if the issue had not been compounded by that damn pony. It shouldn't have been an apology- worthy offence.

They were near the end of the pack, he and Kili, and only days from Hobbiton. Mr. Baggins was settling into their company. Initially, the excitement had thrummed through them all. Even Thorin was excited. Eager. Happy. But then something happened to the excitement yesterday. It was slapped with the reality of traveling.

So, naturally, that's when Kili's mischievous nature started to test the waters. Very very carefully. It was the unspoken rule that they were to behave on this trip. It was terribly important to Fili. Before they even left the Shire, Thorin had a long and serious discussion with the dwarf prince. Here was his chance to prove to Thorin that he was actually mature enough to take on the mantle of Thorin's Heir, the eventual King Under the Mountain. He'd been nurturing the maturity for years now but Thorin still treated him as if he were a fumbling child. It was incredibly frustrating and cast a pall over the past few days.

Which was to say, he was in a mood.

"All I'm saying," Kili said in a quiet voice that didn't travel much further then the two of them, "is that if we convince Nori that there are ghosts in the woods, it would only be a matter of making dummies of ourselves in the bedrolls and then sneak out and, well, then it's just a replaying of the classic noise prank. The only thing I can't figure out is how to get the dummies in the bedrolls without him knowing..."

Fili didn't say anything.

Kili looked over at him. "What, nothing?" "Look, Kili, just drop it," Fili said.

Kili's eyebrow hitched up. "Just...drop it? Are you feeling alright?" He reached a hand across the distance between their ponies to feel Fili's forehead but Fili slapped his hand away. They rode in silence for a few moments, Kili watching his brother very very carefully. Fili doggedly ignored him. He was so successful at ignoring Kili that he missed the branch that Kili was jabbing at him rather suddenly until it was nearly poking him in the eye.

"Kili! What is wrong with you?" Fili asked, snatching the branch away.

"Me? What's wrong with you?"

"Why would there be anything wrong with me?"

Kili gave him a look. "You're acting strange."

"I'm acting like an adult. I've been an adult for a while now, Kili. You too, for that matter. I don't understand why you insist on acting like a child," Fili snapped.

"I'm not...acting like a child," Kili said with a frown. "I'm just having a little fun. Grown-up's goof off too, you know."

Fili shook his head. "You're so immature, you know that? I'm surprised Thorin even let you tag along! Do you even know the meaning of the word 'responsibility'?"

Kili looked down at his pony, not saying anything.

Fili continued in a voice dripping with derision. "How long have we been out of Mum's house? And still a sniveling little boy. Look, Thorin expects us—"

"Thorin? You want me to act mature because of Thorin?" Kili asked sharply. "I'm fairly certain he's used to us by now, Fili. I mean, he's been dealing with your shenanigans for ages!"

Fili fixed him with a look that was not at all amused. He was quickly driving this argument into a place that was not the normal bickering of brothers. Kili kept trying to pull the conversation back out again but Fili would have none of it. "Look, this isn't just a quick jaunt down to Harlond to find whatever whirly bobs Mum needs for her work. This is a serious quest."

Kili put on a defensive smile, not quite used to the seriousness of the argument. "I know that—"

"Do you? Kili, think about what's about to happen! We're reclaiming Erebor! We're about to step into a proper fortress as proper princes with a whole city as our own. Everything is going to change. You think Thorin won't pile on the responsibility? You'll have to adjust to a whole new level of maturity or no one is going to take you seriously. We're not bumpkin dwarves from the backwater Blue Mountains anymore. We're going back to Erebor."

Kili gave him a wry smile, one last jab at a friendly argument. "Well, yeah. But think about how much fun we can have, eh? Think about how much fun we could have and not get into trouble. I bet I can be the most creative—"

"You don't get it, do you!?" Fili growled, causing a few turning heads from further up the line. "Grow up, Kili!"

Kili dropped the smile. "I have grow—"

"But you haven't, have you?"

His brother lips drew into a tight thin line. "Course I have," he said in a low voice. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop having fun. That has nothing to do with age."

Fili rolled his eyes. "You're so stupid..." he muttered. There was a deep sort of honesty that knifed through his words which had nothing to do with Kili's actual intelligence but rather Fili's perception of it. And that made it so much worse. "You shouldn't even be here. What can a child possibly do on a journey like this?" Fili's tone deadened the air between them and Kili fell into a silent brood.

Well, fine. He needed a good brood to sober him. Kili had a habit of flinging himself into situations without the proper mind set. This flouncing immature dwarf was going to get himself killed and maybe everyone else, too.

Only, Kili wasn't brooding properly. He was kicking his pony into a swift trot so that he was riding next to Bifur with three ponies between him and his brother. Fili narrowed his eyes. It wasn't long before laughter drifted past him. It was like a needle in his eye.

Upon retrospection, Fili realized how needlessly moody he'd been that day but it was also the sort of mood that couldn't be reasoned with when it happened. He was grumpy and that's all there was to it. Not a grievous offence. Nothing terrible. Kili and Fili would have laughed it off by the time they settled down that night.

It was also his first mistake.

If only the damn pack pony hadn't spooked at nothing.

Thorin had chosen a road that took them near a very swift river. It was pleasant, easy going. So when Mungo the Pony bolted, no one was prepared. The stupid thing took off running back the way they'd come, head high, eyes wild. The pack on his back teetered dangerously.

"Someone grab him!" Thorin roared.

Several dwarves made a valiant attempt to catch hold of the trailing rope but their attempts only spooked the pony more. Mungo sidestepped into a muskrat hole and promptly somersaulted into the river. Everyone was gob smacked for half a minute as they watched the pony thrash around in the water. The current was quickly pulling it further and further away.

"I'll get him," Kili shouted, spinning his own pony, Daisy, around and darting down the bank. As he passed Fili, he growled: "it's the responsible thing to do."

It was and no one stopped him.

Kili kicked his pony into a swift canter down the bank until he made it out ahead of the stupid pony in the river which was snorting and whinnying and nearly drowning itself. He quickly shed his coat and weapons and snatched the rope that hung off his saddle. Without pausing, he swung off his pony and jumped into the river. Mungo was already flying past him and he had to power through the water to catch up.

Fili and the others were following along the bank as if they could help just by cheering him on or shouting instructions that he was clearly ignoring. Thorin and Gandalf were the only two who hung back, watching from the road.

In the water, Kili made it up to Mungo's head. Fili could hear him murmuring calming things to the pony but they were having little effect. The current wasn't all that fast but the river must have been deep there because the pony kept dipping under the water completely. Kili tied the rope around the pony's neck and looked up at the river bank.

"Catch this!" he called out to no one in particular. He gave a mighty heave and tossed the rope towards the bank. Fili caught it as if Kili had thrown it to him. Immediately, the rope snapped taut and Kili and the pony stopped their journey down the river.

"Hold on, tight," Fili called to his brother. "We'll pull you in." Dwalin came up behind Fili and helped to pull the pony in but the poor beasts head suddenly disappeared under the water.

"Wait wait wait!" Kili yelled suddenly. "There's something wrong with Mungo..."

"Don't worry about it. We'll deal with it after we pull you in," Fili insisted.

Kili shot him a dirty look. "Give me some slack," he snapped. They let out some rope and Mungo popped back up, snorting water. Kili fussed around with the distressed pony.

"Kili, come on!" Fili shouted.

"His legs are wrapped in his lead line. I think it's caught on a log or something too. I'm going to have to cut him free." Kili was working back towards the bank. "Give me a knife."

"Here, take mine," Nori offered. He waded out a bit to meet Kili.

As Kili sloshed back out again, Fili couldn't help but notice he looked a lot less enthusiastic. In fact, he was shivering.

It's the responsible thing to do...

He felt the first stirrings of guilt and he swiftly pushed them to the background so he could concentrate on holding onto the rope.

"Careful, Kili..." Fili said.

"I'm fine, Fili," Kili hissed, shooting his brother a withering look. "I can handle this on my own."

Kili made it back out to the thrashing pony. He took a deep breath and ducked under the water. He wasn't down there more than a minute before he surfaced with a gasp. "I need to cut one more rope," he told the others, his voice not quite as loud as it had been before. The shivering was a little more pronounced. "Don't pull him in until I tell you to," he ordered.

The order went completely over Fili's head. In one ear and right out the other. He wasn't at all accustomed to taking his brother's commands that seriously. It wasn't even a conscious decision on Fili's part. It was reflex.

That was his second mistake.

Kili went around to the other side of Mungo and several things happened. Mungo blocked the view of Kili from the others. When questioned about it later, Fili swore up one side and down the other that he saw the top of Kili's head well above the water. What Fili didn't see was that Kili had gone back underwater to sever the last few ropes that tangled the pony. Once those ropes snapped, the pressure on the main rope loosened a little and Fili automatically started to pull back. As he pulled back, Mungo started to thrash again, encouraged by the pulling.

Kili was still underwater.

Franticly moving pony hooves started to churn the water around his head and shoulders.

Fili didn't even notice his brother wasn't attached to the pony until they'd pulled in a half meter of rope. "Kili!" someone shouted behind him.

Fili's eyes instantly started searching Mungo. And then his eyes swept down the river. A body was bobbing along with the current, face down.

A body.

He didn't remember small details for a while after that.

He was in the water.

He was wrapping his arms around Kili's chest.

He was attempting to swim back to shore.

Floundering.

Struggling.

More swimming.

Kili's face was pale.

Pebbles were under his boots.

Fili surged up onto the bank, dragging Kili with him. He let Kili drop to the ground and his body smacked down with a particular heaviness that did not beget live persons. Panic thrashed in Fili's chest.

Fili held his stiff half-numb fingers over Kili's nose. No breath brushed against his skin.

He slapped Kili's face. The sound was startling. Like a dish breaking in a silent room.

When there was no reaction, Fili grabbed two fistfuls of Kili's sodden shirt and hoisted him up a few inches. "KILI!" His voice was shrill and quivering.

Kili's head hung back limply. Black hair dangled in damp strands. Blood dripped from the hair onto the stony bank of the river.

The fingers on his right hand slipped and Kili half flopped back down onto the ground.
A ragged cry of alarm crawled out of Fili's throat.

Breathing. He had to be sure he was breathing. Wasn't. Wasn't breathing.

He pulled out a knife. Dropped it. Picked it up. He held it to Kili's nose, waiting for the blade to fog. It didn't.

Fili chest was heaving.

"GANDALF!" he shrieked. His eyes searched the banks. The others were running towards him but they looked so slow. Why were they running so slowly?

Fili looked back down at Kili. He blinked.

That wasn't Kili. It couldn't possibly be Kili. The body was sodden and distorted looking. Too white. Too stiff. There were dark circles under the half-opened eyes. The eyes that weren't staring at anything. Just glass marbles in taxidermied sockets.

No. No, those were Kili's eyes.

Fili let go of the body with a shudder of horror.

"Fili!"

Gandalf was suddenly on the other side of Kili. "He's not breathing!" Fili yelled.

Gandalf was waving his hand over Kili's face and muttering things in a language that was deader than his brother.

Kili.

His pale stiff dead brother Kili.

Fili stumbled backwards until he was on his rump. His hands were shaking.

"I killed him..." he muttered. "Oh my god, I killed him...My...my fault...I did this..." He was having a hard time catching his breath.

His heart shredded into a thousand tiny pieces that spilled back into the river and were dragged along the stony bottom.

Balin put a hand on his shoulder but it seemed like Balin's hand was moving up and down very very quickly. Like a rapid pat. In fact, the ground seemed to be doing that as well. Or perhaps he was the one moving.

Several someones were talking at him and Fili watched their mouths move without actually understanding what was coming out.

He looked back at the body.

The body.

For the space of a moment, Fili was very alone, surrounded by the ghost of his regret.

Gandalf was blowing very carefully at Kili's face and then he brought his staff around and gave Kili a great thwak on the chest.

It was as if lightning had struck.

Water spewed from Kili's mouth and there was a great gurgling back-arching cough. His hands and arms snapped up of their own accord as he flailed a little mindlessly for a moment.

Fili could only stare for a second.

And then he was shoving Gandalf backwards roughly and pulling Kili up in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, Kili. I'm so so sorry," he gushed. "I didn't mean it. Any of it. I was wrong. And I didn't listen. Oh god, that was all my fault too. I thought you were finished and you weren't and I'm so stupid, Kili. I'm so sorry!"

"Fili, let him breathe," came Thorin's stern voice.

There was a heavy pressure on his shoulder and Fili looked at his brother to see Kili's disoriented eyes blinking rapidly. Wild, unsure hands pushed away from Fili. Immediately, Fili let him slide back down to the ground.

Kili sat up, still coughing. He put a hand to his head and it came away bloody. Thorin pushed his hair aside and discovered the neat horseshoe shaped cut on his head. Kili winced. Fili blanched.

"It's not deep," Thorin declared.

Kili nodded. Slowly. "What idiot started pulling on the rope?" he ground out in a husky voice.

Fili winced this time. "It was my fault," he muttered.

"I told you to wait," Kili snapped.

Fili nodded. "I know."

Kili sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. "Did we get Mungo out?"

Someone said yes.

Kili nodded. He looked utterly exhausted.

"Someone make a fire," Thorin ordered. "Dwalin, help me get him up. The rest of you, start making camp."

Fili sat there as the others moved around him. He felt numb.

He followed behind everyone while things were prepared and Kili was carried back up onto dry ground. He was shivering and it wasn't just because of the cold that snaked around him.

Fili killed his brother today.

Because of a stupid argument.

Had Gandalf not been there, Kili would have been gone for good.

Fili sat huddled in front of the fire, wrapped in a dry blanket. Kili managed to scoot next to him. Neither brother said anything for a good long while. And then finally, Fili cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly as he watched the fire.

Kili looked at him. Fili could feel his brother studying his face so he turned and they locked eyes. The seriousness of the moment was not lost on Kili. The utter sincerity of the apology oozed out of Fili's slumped and shivering form.

"I forgive you," Kili said, just as quietly and with just as much sincerity in his face.

In that moment, Kili seemed decades older then Fili. There was no silliness or anger or resentment in his statement. No bitterness. No lies. The person behind Kili's eyes, in that moment, was wise beyond his years and kind beyond necessity.

Fili nodded. And then Kili nodded back. They went back to watching the fire. "Also," Kili added, "you swim like a girl."

Fili looked sideways at him. His brother had pulled a mock serious face. "You were unconscious, how would you know?" Fili challenged.

"I was dead, remember? I was watching you from the heavens."

"Yeah, well, at least ponies don't actively try to kick me in the head."

"Mungo tried to kick me? Remind me to feed him to any wargs we come across."

"Sure thing."

They lapsed into a much more comfortable silence then before that lasted several minutes.

"Does your head hurt?" Fili asked.

"No, not really," Kili answered.

Fili poked the blood crusted scalp with a finger. "Does it hurt when I do this?"

Kili slapped him away. "Ouch! Yes! Damn-it!"

Fili chuckled and Kili punched him in the arm. The third silence was the most comfortable of all. Fili allowed himself to feel the weight of his own exhaustion. He could sense Kili's as well. Almost in sync, the brothers stretched out next to the fire, side by side, and slipped into the healing warmth of sleep.

And the next night, Fili convinced Nori there were ghosts in the woods.

A/N: I got the inspiration for Fili's reaction from a very emotional episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer called 'The Body'. If you haven't watched it, I suggest you do. It is, by far, the most gut wrenching death scene I have ever seen on TV.

Also, I would like to thank all of you for reading and reviewing. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I will be writing more Ili stories soon though the next foray into this genre will likely be a single story line (multi/chap). I hope to see you all at my next story.

Cheers, Laatija