Guy left after that, stormed out without another word. I shouldn't have pushed him, it wasn't fault this was happening, and it made his life more awkward than it made mine. Especially since every passing day my condition became more difficult to conceal if I was found. There wasn't anything that could be done for it though, in fact I was beyond lucky that he'd allowed me somewhere to stay and hadn't handed me over the Sherriff when he has his chance. I did make you wonder though, was the borrowed time worth living if it was so tense? Perhaps it would have been better if he'd handed me over, then again of the all the ways to go, the rope is not the most desirable of all.

Worry took me over as the hours past, where was he? The sun had nearly set and he was still out, I thought for a moment that maybe the Sherriff had taken him for an errand as he did infrequently, I never slept those nights. No, I stood awake, at the window waiting. It was a risk, but just for a moment I was able to pretend that we were lovers, that he would confide in me as to the days hardships and we would share a bed. Of course the illusion shattered when I ducked within the stone walls at the sight of a torch upon a horse that couldn't be his, I was just a project of his like a flower box on a window sill.

Dawn crept upon me before he returned, casting light on the road but his horse never passed. I could only assume he was working in the city, this should have provided some comfort maybe but it didn't.

The illusion was long gone when he finally entered behind me, sending me jumping around unsure what I would do to an intruder. I was half ready to strike when I saw his face, and that face did nothing to relive my fears. Guy's hair was messy, full of the tell-tale unruly patches which told me he'd be pulling it all night long, his eyes were red but not puffy and the pupils seemed the size of pin points.

Immediately I shuffled within myself, pulling back from my defensive stance and trying to turn, to allowe him whatever he needed. His face hadn't seemed angry per say but I wasn't willing push it, last time it was a mistake and this time it would have been suicide.

I couldn't gaze out the window, the sun was too high and I would have been seen. Though the odds of someone noticing a girl at the window were slim at night , simply because there was very few riders on the road, was a real danger in the day time. Of course they wouldn't be able to know It was me, but it would spread around court and people would wonder and ask, I wasn't willing to do that to him on top of everything else.

Moving to refold things in his wardrobe as was a near habit now, I tried to avoid the silence. I tried to avoid the fact I knew he wasn't moving, despite the fact it brought unbreakable terrors into my heart. Whatever this was, it wasn't good and to that end I was better off not knowing. I instead contemplated, as I folded shirts, what would happen when I finally had the child. He could never acknowledge it, and we would still be in danger but there would be no way of living like this, in the room I was held prisoner in now. It plagued my mind but I knew what many mothers would do, but I did not know if I would have the strength to save my child the pain of the world, and that would do nothing for my problems. I knew I would not be welcome here forever, maybe running away was the answer, if I rode in the night to some far off village and offered myself to a lord for his services. It was no promise of a better life, of course since many a lord would reject my proposal if they even consented to see me, but it was an option and that was all I had these days, options and choices all as bad as the last.

Movement behind me snapped me out of my future and back into the present, giving me whiplash along the way. I'd frozen, because when you're as terrified to breathe as I'd become, that's your only defence.

"Stop"

One word. An order I didn't need, a sentiment I didn't want. His very voice setting my façade to crumble once more. For all my graces, for all the goodness my mother had taught me all those years ago I snapped, letting my tongue take the defence it knew better than to. Dropping the shirt I turned to him, fire on my tongue as I stared into those burning ice eyes.

"No, you stop." My voice broke even as I uttered the words. I was throwing it all away, every piece of kindness he'd ever done me just because he had scared me. My head was locked in this battle with my heart, yet I wasn't sure which it was that wanted this.

His face tightened, as if I'd slapped him before stepping towards me. Guy grabbed my wrists, holding them firmly enough to sting and I knew better than to struggle. Our eyes met and didn't let go.

"There's not time for this." He insisted "They'll be here soon"

My heart, in fairness, had no further to fall but somehow it found a way. He'd left in anger last night, but I had never dreamt, never thought that- this. I couldn't run they'd catch me, I couldn't hide they'd find me, there was nothing left.

"You know what they will do to me." I whispered, tears breaking like waves on my cheeks now. "to the child"

Though unstably, on account of the bound wrists, I knelt before him.

"Please, my lord, do me this mercy!" raggedly once more I inhaled "You could offer me a quick death, one that I will not see at the hands of the Sherriff's men. I'm begging you, I will suffer for days if you do not save me once more."

My soliloquy continued until he crumbled, literally in a sense as he knelt before me. I had pleaded for death the night before, but I had not wanted it, not as truly as I did now. Pain was agony then but now? Now it was relief, understanding that I would not be tortured at another's hands for crimes innumerable.

Guy dropped my wrists, drawing the dagger he kept as his side, the grind of steel against leather had me shaking. The tiny prick he'd given me last night has hurt, and this was not going to be a tiny prick.

"I will not forget you" he promised, placing the steel against my flesh to line up. I didn't give him the chance to pull it back, I reached out, joining his hands on the grip and pulled it back towards me. It did not puncture my heart.

Air burnt my throat I inhaled so sharply, and while I had promised myself I would not scream I did on the exhale. My voice would be heard for many metres not that it mattered much. Guy yanked the blade and I drew blood from the lips as I kept from calling out again. Blood trickled from the wound, which was all too low to be quick, I knew that as much as he did, but I would be dead long before they could save me and that's what mattered in the end.

I let my eyes rise from the blood, fixing again on his. They were cold, angry as me, honest I realised. Honest for the first time since we'd met, I'd been a mistake he couldn't shrug off and now I'd gotten blood on his rug and shirts. I was to him, and always had been, nothing more than a stain to be washed away.

I had thought of words to give him, words to tell him how none I could utter described how sorry I was, but they were gone now. If I was a stained rug to him, he was my death and nothing more.

"I do not forgive you Guy of Gisborne." I gurgled out, ignoring the pain it caused.

Guy stood at that, taking the knife with him, and with it taking away the hope I may have had of a quicker death. When he reached the doorway he turned back to my slumped figure, face as empty as I'd ever seen it.

"I don't need your forgiveness."

Author notes:

I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry for taking this long and I'm sorry for what I've done to my babies. I hope those of you who make it this far have enjoyed the ride, and there will be a little epilogue at some point to tie it all up. I'd like to thank you all for the continued support and ass kicking.