.
Note: A late birthday pressie for Ireth. Thank you, Aglarien, for reading over for me.

000

I cannot sleep.

The night is still, no danger lurks, and I am sated by our recent coupling. Yet I cannot sleep. Something has changed, and though I know what it is, it still puzzles me. I have been trying to understand for some time now, yet understanding eludes me. I think on it some more, trying to discover the exact moment it happened, but no, there is nothing that points to a specific day or hour. Since I have no answers, I turn toward you to find you deep in slumber, and I am glad, for I can watch you freely.

Strands of your hair have come free from its braid . . . my fault, I suppose. I could not resist using that thick plait to pull your head down to mine for a kiss as you moved above me. Your lips are curved, smiling. Your eyes are closed; I am used to it by now, so I do not worry. You look younger, more relaxed. As if you had no cares at all. I like this look on you. Did I put it there? I like to think so. There are times when you are haunted, or angry, and I would do all I can to ease your burdens. I would protect you from the world. You. The finest warrior I have ever known. I wonder if you would laugh if you knew this, but somehow I do not think you would.

I did not always have these feelings. When we met that first time I came to your valley, I knew I wanted you, though it scared me, a little, how much I did. I had never been so physically attracted to anyone before. Thankfully you were of the same mind, for no sooner had I blown out my candles and settled into bed than you were there at the door of my chamber, begging entrance. I could have played coy, but that has never been my way. I could not have resisted you had I wanted, which I did not. We became lovers that night and we have lain together many times since.

Still, I did not expect to want more of you. To need you so much. You have become more than lover, you are friend as well, and generous in either capacity. I cannot fault you, so when I admit I need you (only to myself, of course) I only mean I need your smile, your touch, like I need air. I do not wish to frighten you, so I keep this to myself. Yet I wonder if you sense this, in my touch, in the things I say and in those I do not. Can you see in my eyes what I feel?

I know the legends of ancient lovers, those who knew when they met that they loved each other. That they belonged together. Thingol and Melian, Beren and Luthien, even my father and the Silvan maid he wed against my grandfather's wishes and who eventually bore me, they all knew from the first what was between them. There was no such sudden revelation for me when I saw you that day, standing in the courtyard of the Last Homely House as I dismounted. Nor has there been any in the years that have passed since then. I only know that somewhere along the way my regard for you deepened, and I cannot see my life without you in it. Forever.

You stir and I am tempted to wake you and ask you, Elrohir Elrondion, if you know, but I do not. Instead I settle beside you once again and silently voice the question that I cannot answer, and that I cannot yet bring myself to utter aloud: When did I fall in love with you?

The End