I'm not even sure what this is XD.
Seriously, it just happened, and I'm not responsible.
I suppose this fic can take place literally between the end of the Batman & Robin, Red Robin, and Batman original runs and the beginning of the New 52 runs. Despite the reboot, the series' all fit together pretty well if you ignore #0 issues and some additional tidbits. As I do not go into anything involved with the New 52 though, (expect perhaps Jason and Tim's relationship having started to improve) you can probably just say it comes after those runs ended in general.
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Prompt based on:
(309):
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
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"I hate to say it Tim, but… you look like hell." Dick deadpanned, looking Tim over with utmost worry.
The teen sighed, and held his face in a hand as collapsed backwards into the large plush chair in front of the control panel.
"I had a long night. Very long…" He muttered, shaking his head.
Dick chuckled, and sat cross legged on the floor before him.
"Oh do tell Timmy. I might have heard from our favorite informative den mother that you had a rather amusing undercover gig last night. One that I may very well have to have Babs show me the feed of." He smirked, wagging his brows.
Tim grimaced and let out a pleading whine.
"Oh Dick, please don't… it was horrible enough without you watching it on the big screen." He groaned, hanging his head.
"Oh come on little brother! We've all done it! It's practically a rite of passage in our family of Robins!" He sniggered, propping a hand up against his cheek, grinning like a fool.
"No, you don't understand. As if prancing around in that horridly tasteless outfit, if you could call it that, wasn't bad enough, the events that followed walking into that establishment-"
"Trashy bar/club/strip joint?" Dick offered up, earning a near perfect bat glare from the teen.
"As I was saying…" Tim hissed, "It wasn't particularly what I was wearing that made the night such a horror." He muttered.
"I'm all ears. Trust me, vent away!" Dick smirked.
"The night started out just fine I suppose, given the circumstances. I can deal with lewd looks, even the occasional grabby perv just fine. I was able to get video feed and audio bugs set up in the perfect locations. Bruce was able to get enough evidence on three traffickers from last night alone to pass on to the Commissioner, and we have bits and pieces on several other suspicious men for multiple illegal activities. So that portion of the night was a success."
"And I bet you rocked those three inch heels the entire time. Right?"
"DICK!"
"…Sorry."
"No you are not!" Tim growled, tossing his hands in the air.
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure you were better at it than me?" He winced, watching Tim scowl.
"No Dick, it does not make me feel better."
"Oh well, I tried. Carry on!"
Tim growled under his breath and rubbed at a temple.
"Anyway… I was just about to wrap things up, when I spotted Jason."
"Jason? Seriously?!" Dick beamed, glad to hear that SOMEONE had seen him in recent months. "He's back in Gotham?"
He had begun to get worried about their renegade Robin, as the last time anyone had caught wind of him he had been booking it via helicopter, and he had evidently been laying low ever since.
"Yes Dick, Jason."
"Well! What is he up to? Did he call you on the spot, or did it take him a while? He was never really able to do the cross-dressing gigs himself. Too broad in the shoulders. Tried once, total failure. So wasn't fair."
"What was he up to?" Tim laughed quirking an eyebrow. "He was five seconds away from a bar brawl breaking out over the pool table. Knives everywhere Dick, everywhere. If there is one place you do not want to be, it is in a club in the Narrows during a bar fight. I think there were weapons present that I have only seen in some of Bruce's files. It worries me that they are clearly on our streets." He sighed, crossing his legs. "Jason was absolutely annihilated. Blood alcohol content had to have been through the roof. Stumbling, slurring, vulgar language, the whole shebang. He was quite the sight."
"Wow. Wonder what set him off?"
"It was his birthday this weekend."
Dick froze, and a look of horror washed over his face.
"I- oh shit…" he murmured, gazing up at Tim with a crestfallen face. "How could I forget? I mean… it never even crossed my mind."
"Well, in your defense, you have had your hands full with Damian, and Bruce's return." Tim gave him a sympathetic look.
"You remembered." The man slumped his shoulders with a heavy sigh.
"It's not as though you would have been able to find him, unless he wanted to be found, and even if you did, it's highly unlikely that your encounter would have ended well."
Dick nodded in defeat and sighed.
"So… what happened? You look relatively unscathed. Just overly tired and maybe a bit sore. Evidently he took it easy on you, as I assume you didn't let him get mauled."
"No, I did not." Tim smiled weakly. "Actually, I walked right up to him, grabbed him by the arm, and coaxed him out of the danger zone.
Dick raised his eyebrows.
"And how pray tell did you manage that one?"
"I had cleavage Dick, and thigh highs, thigh highs with garters, and a skirt that let them show. He wasn't even paying attention to my face. I was prepared to slap him. He looked ready to face plant them."
At this, Dick burst into hysterical laughter, slapping his free hand on his laugh.
"Oh, that's priceless!"
"No… I'm pretty sure it wasn't. I had to convince him not to make a scene when he realized just who I was. He was flabbergasted, cussing up a storm, and laughing hysterically all at the same time. By the time we got out of the building, he decided that he was more amused than anything, and proceeded to grope me as we stumbled down the street. It took me asking several times before he would tell me where he was staying so I could get him home in one piece. I essentially had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels, and between his actual body mass and the weight of his attire, it was quite the challenge. The entire walk he was trying to molest me and eat my face, and then he was trying to stop every two feet to tie his boot laces, which were already tied mind you." Tim muttered, shaking head. "He would light a cigarette, forget he had it in his hand, almost burn everyone we passed as he flailed his limbs, and then when fearing he was going to take someone's eye out I would take it away, and he would decide he wanted to smoke again. Longest six blocks EVER with that knowledge alone."
"I have to admit Tim, I think that you've officially had the most off the wall experience in a skirt out of all of us." Dick snickered, laying back flat on the cave floor so he could stare up at the teen.
"Oh, I'm not done yet Dick." He sighed. "No, I had been dragging him for about three blocks when some men approached us, obviously thinking that a guy drunk off his ass and some… working girl, were easy targets."
"They didn't." Dick mock gasped with a grin.
"Oh yes they did. I have a whole new kind of respect for Barbara. It's quite the challenge to fight in heels. Not only is managing your balance extremely difficult, but if you're not careful, the heels like to stick when they collide with the perp. I jammed a heel through someone's clavicle. Jason thought it was a hoot, I however, was mortified. Blood all over my feet, and I had to call in paramedics. But I managed."
"Ouch…" Dick winced.
"Yes, I'm assuming so. I grabbed Jason and ran. He kept snapping my garter and repeating that he now trusts me with his life after that fiasco." Tim chuckled.
"But you got him home eventually huh?"
"Yes. Do you have any idea how hard it is to help someone up seven floors worth of rickety fire escape, especially when they are being all hands and giggles? I also had to disarm his security system, as I was afraid to let him touch it for fear of being blown to pieces. I honestly don't know how he's managed to survive this long."
"Aww, did you tuck him in Timmy?"
"I will hurt you Dick." He hissed. "No, no I did not. I dropped him on his ancient mattress, took off his boots, disarmed him, and tossed a blanket at him. Then proceeded to smack my ass, blow me a kiss, and his exact words as I was exiting the premises were ' it's been an honor Princess.' I've never felt so de-masculinized in my life, and this was not the first time that I have left the cave with breasts." Tim groaned, running a hand through his hair.
Dick was silent for a long moment, and Tim felt that peculiar. He leaned forward and stared down at the man, only to find him grinning up at him.
"What Dick?"
"Princess Timmy?" He giggled, grin growing wider by the second.
Tim's eyes widened and scarlet spread across his face.
"Don't you dare Dick! NO ONE is to hear about ANY of this, or so help me!" He sputtered, waving his hands. "The brat would have a field day!"
Dick only flipped into stand and cackled, racing through the cave.
Tim did not have the energy or will to chase after him, instead he picked up his things, said his goodbyes to Alfred, and made his way home.
And this was the true reason behind Tim's decision to wear his hair shorter once more, as it made it much less easy to call him 'princess' when he looked less effeminate.
If Tam had still been speaking to him, she would have cried at the tragic loss.
~Fin
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I missed Tim's hair that he had in Red Robin. Not that his look in the New 52 is bad, I just really liked the longer look. But of course, they changed everything about Tim just about in the New 52 (ignorable if you pretend his #0 issue does not exist), so I guess his hair style is the least I should be concerned about.