Our story opens with a trench. A heavily guarded trench where nobody, not even rabid reviewers, can touch our beloved Author Goddess. We zoom in to see her ferociously typing at her computer, hoping to update her fanfic which she had sadly, let drip into a comatose state.

Then, Darth Maul is thrown out of the trench, into the line of fire.

Maul: o.o;;;;;;; Chinow is sorry!

Me:throws a stool at him:

Maul: OW! Okay, okay:bows: She also does not own Star Wars, but she does own a bomb shelter in a secluded location where you can't be angry at her.

That is all.

A/N is fucking up my formatting so bear with me while I try to fix this….

I.

Jackie was staring at the door. Viccy popped up and poked it with a stick.

"So…."

"So…."

"Soooo….."

"Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo….."

"Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…."

Viccy cleared her throat and channeled James Earl Jones for a second, "SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :cough hack cough: oooo…."

Just as Jackie was about to admit her defeat, the door and walls caved in from Viccy's amazing alto power. "Good job… you broke the evil lair."

"I did not!" Viccy countered, still trying to cough up the hairball.

"Whatever…" I sighed and looked to my left. "Hey! Look! It's Lady Rogue and the pilots!"

Viccy looked up, then looked to our right, "Isn't that Vegessa, Wes, and…"

"HOBBIE!" a shout came as a blurry blur thing flew passed the two brazen explorers and latched itself onto aforementioned pilot.

Hobbie barely had time to blink before he was picked up by Lady Rogue and dragged off somewhere, never to be seen again.

The rest of the group shook their heads, sighing. "Poor poor Hobbie." Except for Wes, who was grinning.

"Bow chicka wa wa, chika wa wa chika bow." He hummed, doing a little dance as he mocked his wing mate's porno-y fate.

A clearing of the throat focused all their attention forward where an angry evil man stood, his face scrunched up. "WHO DARES BREAK MY EVIL LAIR!"

"Told ya you broke it." I muttered to Viccy who stuck her tongue out at my in response.

Meanwhile, back at the house…

II

Aurie was still blinking. When asked by Selly fifteen minutes ago why, Aurie simply responded, "I like celery."

Selly had simply shrugged at this before walking over to Obi-Wan, who was currently being glomped by Darth Vader. She tapped his shoulder, "You two love birds done yet?"

She was met by a glare of the evilest of proportions. Obi-Wan had had enough. "Anakin! If you don't get off, I'll never give you back the rubber ducky!"

Just then, Darth-y found the cabinet on the other side of the room highly entertaining. He sniffled. "Paulo is all I have left of my childhood… :shniffle shniffle:"

Selly sighed. "Well, now that that sub-plot is over, what are we going to do next?"

Obi-wan shrugged as the storyline shifted over to Aurie and Vader who were hanging out by the cabinet.

"What's in here?" Aurie asked, poking the door.

Vader shrugged. "Let's find out." He raised his hand and ripped off the door to the cabinet. Reaching in, he pulled out a bottle and stared blankly at the label. "What is Te-quill-a?" he asked, putting emphasis on every syllable.

Aurie smirked, remembering the task Jackie had given her earlier. "Oh… it's good, like Uber-Water."

III

Jackie sniffed the air. "TEQUILA!"

Viccy glared. "No! Down girl!"

"Aww… Whyyyy?"

Flashback

Chernobyl.

Flashback

The London Fire.

Flashback

Rome being attacked and burnt to the ground.

Flashback

Three Mile Island

Flashback

The Death Star.

Flashback

Eruption of Mt. Vesuvius.

End Flashback

"Just… no…" Viccy said firmly.

Jackie pouted.. "Aww…"

"Hey! Hey! Evil Villain over here!" our evil villain who was over there stated.

"Squawk. Evil Villain. Squawk." His pigeon chattered.

Jackie raised her eyebrow. "Why the hell is that pigeon talking like a parrot?" she whispered to Viccy.

"HE'S NOT A PIGEON!" Evil Villain shouted. "He's an owl."

"Dude… That's the shitiest lookin' owl I've ever seen." Jackie countered, making a face at the parrot/pigeon/owl.

"That's because he eats bad bird seed."

"Owls don't eat bird seed, they eat pigeons."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too times infinity!"

"Do not times positive infinity!"

"Oooooooooooooh…" The spectators ohhed and ahhed at this play.

The two glared at each other. In the distance, the parrot/pigeon/owl thing ruffled its feathers. It wasn't even paying attention when an owl swooped down from above and ate it.

Evil Villain stomped his feet. "I'm telling you! He's an owl! Just look at him!" He pointed at the owl, cleaning his beak off of the former owl/pigeon/parrot.

Jackie blinked. "What the Hell!"

Evil Villain blinked. "Nooooooooooooo! HE ATE MY OWL! BASTARD PIGEON!"

Evil Villain then proceeded to blow up the owl/pigeon with his Destruct-O-Ray. Because that's what evil villains do. The owl of course, flew away. Because that's what owls do. Got that kids? Evil Villain is to Destruct-O-Ray as Owls are to Flying. Now you too, can pass the analogy section of any test.

A few minutes passed. The rest of the crew was inching away, leaving only Evil Villain, who was now sobbing like a baby over the loss of his owl/pigeon/parrot, and Jackie, who was sitting on the ground playing tic-tac-toe.

Within a few minutes, Evil Villain was playing, too. The two sat down and had a chat. They learned much about one another. Evil Villain's real name was, of course, Evil Villain. But his friends called him Azzy the Wiser. Jackie just decided to call him Azzy.

"Ku ku ku ku ku ku ku ku ku… I'm winning now!" Azzy the Wiser said, marking an X in the upper right corner.

Jackie wrote down a strategically placed "O" and won the game. "BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Azzy pouted. "May you never again feel the blessing of the Holy Milk of Victory."

IV

:yawn: Okay, I think that's enough.

R&R pweez! -