Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule 3

Author's Note: I'll have it stated here and now that in reality, I enjoy the Derp Song and the Troll Song. They were just what I thought of when I thought of annoying songs.

Disclaimer: You know damn well

Begin!

From inside the capsule, Porky sticks his tongue out at you.

Porky laughed to himself as he tried to get comfortable in his Absolutely Safe Capsule. He laughed because he knew he had obtained an ultimate safety not even anything in Heaven could provide to him. A capsule that was designed to withstand anything, from PSI, to physical attacks, from ungodly smells and sounds, and even that ridiculous troll song. He gritted his teeth as he remembered it.

Apparently to the new people, tastes in music changed from 199X. When he was 12 (or 13, or 14, or however old the fat ass was in Earthbound), he had always loved listening to songs made by bands like Metallica. But in the time of Nowhere Island, people had gotten a terrible change in what music they liked. Now, it all about things like DMCS, a band that worked for him that didn't even have a singer, someone called JB, who had the voice of a child even when he was 17, a song where they do nothing but say the word "derp" over and over and over again, but worst of all, they had some kind of pathetic excuse of a song called the Troll Song, in which some idiot made a bunch of random vocals. In all honesty, when it came to the Troll Song, he'd rather listen to Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley.

But none of that mattered now. He was protected from all that crap. His immortality and the capsule were a complete genius idea. For all of his life, he had been picked on, bullied, shunned, and abused. He hated everyone that ever harmed him. Ness, the one that ruined his plans in the first place, Aloysius, his father who had beaten on him in an intoxicated rage, Giygas, the one who had ordered Porky to do what he wanted. "The fool thought he could bend me to his will, but he was the one who was murdered." he said to himself. Suddenly, something came to his attention when his stomach growled. He was starving. So he tried to find the exit, which he couldn't find, and eventually came upon a note.

"Master Porky,

If you read this, you now discover you'll never exit. Please turn on screen for more info."

The thought pounded Porky's head like a rock. He never thought of being trapped in his capsule for all eternity. Following the letter's instructions, he turned on the screen.

On the screen came a familiar meme of a white, wrinkled up face. Below it said: PROBLEM? He then heard a familiar song playing.

"Ooooh, ya-ya-yaaaaa, oh-o-oooh, ooh, ohooo."

"Oh no." said Porky as he realized what the song was.

"Ye-ye-ye-ye-ye, ye-ye-ye, ye-ye-ye, auh-auh-auh-auh-auh."

"No. No! NO NO NO NO NO!"

"Ye-ye-ye-ye-ye, ye-ye-ye, ye-ye-ye, auh-auh-auh-auh-aaauuuh!"

"NOO!" shouted Porky as he began to pound on the hulls of the capsule. "LET ME OUT OF THIS GOD DAMN THING!"

For the rest of his eternal life, Porky lies in the capsule, listening to the Troll Song until come Judgment Day.

Q: My least favorite band/artist of all time so far is Justin Bieber. Tell me your least favorite band/artist.