Author's Corner: Due to the overwhelming amount of revising fixing this wreck would take, I've decided to discontinue future revisions.

HOWEVER

On my AO3 account, I'm re-uploading this in it's shiny new glory, so go check it out! My pen name is the-angry-redheaded-potato :P

"You want to what?" Shikamaru blurted, dropping the scroll he was holding, most uncharacteristically. The Hokage sighed.

"Must I repeat myself Shikamaru? I wish to uncover the missing-nin, Hidan." She folded her hands and rested her chin on them. Her amber colored eyes were sharp as she trained them on Shikamaru.

"You're telling me that the missing-nin that I blew up and buried six years ago... is being dug up... and brought to the village?" He said, kneading the inner corners of his eyes. "He's an S-rank criminal, Hokage-sama!" Tsunade closed her eyes trying to keep her temper under control.

"Yes, six years, Shikamaru. If he is indeed still alive then he could be a valuable asset to the Leaf if he is willing to cooperate. The war is over, and we are still low on shinobi and several missing-nin have taken that as an invitation to attack our bases around us. If he proves untrustworthy, he will be torn apart and buried again, but we have to try. I've already sent a team of ANBU to the dig site and I don't want any funny business..." She glared at him and Shikamaru knew this discussion was over.

"What a drag..." He muttered, despite the fact he was seething on the inside. He turned around and stormed out, slamming the door behind him, making the pens on Tsunade's desk rattle lightly. Tsunade sighed and closed her eyes, rubbing her temples wearily.

"Tsukimi, I'm going to oversee the dig sight, I don't trust Shikamaru," she said before standing and walking out of her office.

'I wonder if we'll be able to piece him together again. Immortality or not, having your body blown apart will take a long time to recuperate from...' She thought as she tapped her chin, deep in thought.

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Tsukimi said tonelessly before vanishing in a plume of smoke. Tsunade made her way briskly to the village gates, hoping to not distracted on the way. She intentionally took the route that avoided the bar.

"Tsunade-shishou!"

Tsunade paused when she heard a very familiar voice call out to her. She turned around, waiting for the woman to catch up with her.

She was wearing a short red battle kimono with a golden flame pattern with a black obi to tie it shut, black shorts and tall black ninja boots. Twin swords crossed over her back. Her hands donned black fingerless gloves and bubblegum pink hair fell to the middle of her back, streaked with black and in one thick braid. Emerald eyes glittered in the afternoon sunlight. It seemed like she had just gotten back from a mission, as her hitai-ate was still tied around her neck.

"Tsunade-shishou!" She slowed to a stop in front of her, bowing respectfully before continuing her speech. "Is it true? Are you really going to dig up that old Akatsuki member?" Sakura asked, Tsunade nodded. "May I come with you?" Another nod. Sakura quickened her pace to match her sensei's.

"If I may ask, Shishou... why now?" She asked, wetting her lips. Tsunade exited the village, giving a brief nod at Izumo and Kotetsu who bowed as she passed them. "Couldn't he be dangerous?"

"I have two ANBU there, he won't get far, if at all," she said.

They took to the trees and traveled for several minutes in silence. Tsunade kept her eyes trained ahead, listening to the sounds of the wind blowing past and the rhythmic thumping of their feet on the wooden branches of the trees. She glanced at Sakura briefly out of the corner of her eye before flicking her gaze back in front of her.

She didn't say anything about the lack of that kind light in her eye. She didn't bring up the obvious (to her at least) emotional turmoil bubbling just below the surface. She didn't mention her easily lit temper, the growing number of times she's switched egos with her Inner, or the almost frightening number of missions she was taking on along with her job at the hospital.

None of that was brought up, but the tension was felt subtly in the air. She turned her attention back in front of her just as the dig site was looming in front of them.

Two of Tsunade's most trusted ANBU and a small team of medics had already arrived and had cleared much of the debris away. A small pile of body parts were spread out on a tarp.

"Tsunade-sama!" Called someone from the bottom of the hole. Tsunade walked up to the edge and peered down. Tatsuki, the captain was staring up at her scratching his head. He had shoulder-length black hair that stuck out oddly at one angle in a stubborn cow-lick, teal eyes and a splash of freckles over his nose.

"Yes, Tatsuki?" She replied. Tatsuki snapped at someone as they tossed a finger up at an ANBU. He sighed, putting one hand on his hip.

"Is it entirely necessary to have every part?" He asked. Tsunade looked at the pile of body parts they had already gathered then back down at Tatsuki, raising an eyebrow. Tatsuki hurried to explain.

"Much of his body was crushed under the weight of the rocks, so there's quite a lot of-" Tatsuki stopped himself as someone yelped and there was a thump as someone hit the ground. He turned back and saw a medic on the ground, having slipped on what looked like a rib. "-Pieces..." He finished. Tsunade chewed the inside of her lip.

"Just bring up what you can, we'll work out something if everything isn't gathered." She said before backing up from the edge as someone clambered up with an arm.

"Sakura, take note of what we have. Keep tabs on this group and accompany them back to the Leaf." She said. She walked back in the direction she came from, at a slower pace this time.

Sakura nodded before walking over to the bloody pile of parts that were spread out on a tarp. She frowned in concentration, as she took count of what was there.

'Hmm, 2, 4, 6, 8, 9 fingers, both arms, most of the digestive system, a leg, two feet, some miscellaneous parts, but still no head...' she thought.

'That's gross, Pinkhead. How many other people do you know that take stock of blown up body parts? Not many. Maybe that Tatsuki guy, but not really anyone else.' Her Inner's voice rang in her head. Sakura rolled her eyes subtly.

'Yeah, yeah, now shut up so I can think.'

'You are thinking.'

'Smartass.'

Sakura often had arguments like this with her Inner, but for the most part she stayed quiet.

She shook her head and prodded one of the arms, only to freeze when she realized it was warm. It was detached from it's body, yet blood still pulsed through it. Sakura picked it up and gently moved the joints. The arm bent smoothly, no stiffness.

Sakura grimaced, setting down the joint. The medic part in her yearned to learn everything she could about him. Did poisons effect him? How can the blood still flow if there was no pulse to keep it going? Could Hidan ever actually die? Infections? Muscular atrophy?

Sakura puzzled on this silently, with the occasional "helpful" hint from her Inner. She was discussing things with the medic that was there when a whoop of joy came from the pit.

"Sakura-san, we found the head." Tatsuki hopped neatly out of the hole, a head covered in brown-gray hair tucked under one arm. Sakura's stomach churned slightly. She had seen the most gruesome injuries, someone dying as she tried healing them, mutated bodies, battlefields covered in corpses, but a head that could still breath and speak and function perfectly made her cringe. Just the immorality of it, possibly accompanied by scary movies that she had been forced to watch with Naruto.

"Oh geez. Uhm, hand it- him, here. I'll try to coax him into consciousness. Maybe we can learn if 6 years in a hole changed his views a little." she said with a nod of her head. Tatsuki handed it to her and returned to the hole as Sakura gingerly walked over to a large oak and sat under it. She looked at his face and inspected it. Dried blood caked his lower jaw and there were dozens of small bruises and cuts on his face.

She noticed a nasty purple bruise on his temple that reached his ear.

'Probably got bashed with a rock...along with every other part of his body...' she thought, a little sarcastically. She focused her chakra into her hands and traced her fingers across his face, returning it to its his normal visage. Meanwhile, Inner less than pleased.

'Might I remind you that he murdered Asuma, he was part of the organization that tried to kill Naruto, he's a sacrificial piece of shit with a false god and also a douchewaffle. Do not tell me you are going to forgive him or I will take out and trash your house.'

'Now why shouldn't I be nice, hmm? If he has changed sides, he deserves a second chance. Believe me, I am far from trusting him with anything, but if he proves that he can be trusted, then I'm willing to forgive him...mostly. But not all the way. And you did just say that he WAS a part of an evil organization, not IS,' Sakura smirked mentally as she saw her Inner sputter indignantly.

'Hey, that doesn't count. It's just stupid grammar, who needs 'em anyway?'

'Apparently, you do. It's 'it' not 'them'. The word grammar does not have a plural'

'Whatever!'

Sakura tuned out her Inner's continuous whining, and focused back on Hidan's head. Okay, that was something she never really thought she would say in her lifetime. Or think. She sighed to herself as she used her fingers to pick her way through his hair, which was obscuring most of his face. It was really disturbing to think that an S-rank criminal was at her mercy. It gave her some very evil thoughts, but she shook them off. She hated this man, but not enough that she would...never mind. His hair was tangled with dirt, blood, and- Ew. Just ew.

Suddenly, his eyes shot open and stared at Sakura. Her eyes jerked open from their bored gaze, to wide and surprised. His gaze hardened into a glare, his eyes cold and bitter. His eyes flicked over to the Tsunade and the two ANBU who were oblivious to him being awake, and frowned.

Sakura waited for Hidan to shout out "what the fuck am I doing here?! Who the fuck are those fucktards, and the blonde haired chick. Get the fuck away from my body!" or something of the sort. Sakura had heard from Shikamaru that Hidan had a terrible swearing habit. His violet colored eyes turned back to her before he closed them, keeping his lips locked tight.

Not a single word escaped his mouth. Sakura frowned to herself, gnawing thoughtfully on her lower lip. She ran through a list of possible reasons why he hadn't spoken. Damaged vocal cords? Fear? Being plain old stubborn?

"Sakura!"Tatsuki's voice startled the said woman out of her thoughts. Sakura's head snapped to look at the ANBU captain. He was pointing at each body part and counting under his breath. He sighed and turned Sakura.

"A missing finger, only 1 kidney, a missing rib and several bone ligaments are gone. Most likely scavenged by animals or something of the like." He said. Sakura nodded before pushing herself to her feet and tucking Hidan's head under her arm, no longer bothering to be careful.

"Let's go, this guy isn't getting any less chopped up while we stand here." Tatsuki said, smiling and putting a hand in his pocket while he effortlessly hefted the large bag of body parts and jogged to catch up with Sakura. She was the only one who knew the reason behind his above-average strength besides Tsunade. Tatsuki had been found in some village ruins, starving and half-dead. He was brought back to the Leaf and was quick friends with Sakura who had been the one to take care of him. Sakura had been around 18, the same time when Naruto dragged a pouting Sasuke back to the Leaf.

They walked slowly through the forest, not bothering to hurry, as the other ANBU had already went ahead. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, in fact, it was kind of nice. But of course, Tatsuki, being the bone-head he was, had to bring up a conversation.

"How's Naruto?" He asked eventually. Sakura huffed lightly in laughter.

"He still can't sit down. He sneaked into my house two days ago in the middle of the night to ask if he could borrow soap. Soap! In the middle on the night! I kicked his ass all the way to the Hokage monument!" She said proudly, clenching her fist in front of her face, a grin tugging at her lips. Tatsuki burst out in laughter.

"I know never to mess with you when you're cranky," he chuckled, his laughter only going up a notch when she rolled her eyes. Sakura knew that Tatsuki was just making mindless conversation to keep her mind off unpleasant topics but it helped anyways. Sakura snickered as a branch the she pushed aside, whipped back and slapped him in the face.

"OW! Oh, thanks a lot, Sakura-chan!" He whined. He sounded a lot like Naruto. Sakura sighed. letting her giggles out with that breath. Tatasuki shook his head and gave her a wide grin.

"I heard that Gaara-sama's dating...oh, what's-her-face...Matsuri wasn't it?" he said. Sakura's eyes widened.

"Really? Wasn't she Gaara's student? The one that got kidnapped before Naruto left to go training with Jiraiya?" she asked. Tatsuki nodded and grinned.

"Naruto said he caught them kissing when he visited there two weeks ago. He said that he could of swore that Gaara was blushing. Do you think he was telling the truth? Because Gaara doesn't blush. Ever. Nor does he cry, burp, fart, laugh, sneeze, or do anything that involves natural human instinct." Sakura burst out laughing. Sorry, but using the words 'Gaara', 'burp', and 'fart' all in the same sentence, was just too much.

Hundreds of miles away, in Suna, Gaara sneezed. He sniffed, shook his head lightly and went back to his paperwork.

Omake: Now That's Just Gross

Nanani Sachiko was 29 years old. She graduated the Academy at age 9, and became chunin at age 10. She was a ruthless killer with a soft spot for kittens and enjoyed grossing people out by dislocating her shoulders and popping them back in place again. She wasn't scared of practically anything, and it took a lot to gross her out.

But...

The pulsing heart of Hidan in front of her was doing a pretty good job of making her stomach churn. Thump, thump, thump. She was pretty sure her face was green.

"Oi, Nanani, found anything yet?" Tatsuki yelled from above. Nanani squealed lightly.

"Er...uh, catch!" She squeaked, grabbing the heart and chunking it straight up.

"What the-?! Jesus christ, Nanani, you could have warned me! That's just fucking gross!" He shouted, disgust obvious in his voice. He tossed it with the other body they had found...he would find some way to get her back.

Author's Corner: Alright, that's it! I know, I know, you can't get enough of my brilliant writing, but you will have to wait for the next- GAH, THE POWER SURGES ARE SCARING ME! Its storming outside, and I might lose internet soon... TT^TT Help me, there couldn't be anything worse...KILL ME NOW!

Nah, but it's annoying to have to reset my clock every time the power flickers. -_-"

-Kaya Kazaki