Muuuurrry Chriiiiiistmaaaaaasssss!1!1!111!

And i'm gonna stop spamming now.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb or any songs mentioned or used in this fanfic. All characters and songs belong to their respected owners.

~Doofenshmirtz's Ex-Wife's House on a Hill Somewhere!~

The living room was ready for Christmas with stockings hanging on the fireplace, a lighted wreath above it, other little decorations, and a fat Christmas tree in a corner with a beautiful silver star. To top it off, Brenda Lee's Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree was playing from the stereo.

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz walked into the room carrying a small cardboard box. She set it down on the floor and pulled over a chair from the dining room. Humming, she grabbed a hook from a plastic baggie on the couch and sifted through the things in the box until she pulled out a Santa head in the shape of a crescent moon and threaded the hook through the loop of string attached to it. She then climbed the chair to hang the ornament on one of the higher branches of the tree. She smiled fondly, reminiscing in the memories that came with it. She had found the box deep in her closet, and it was filled with childhood treasures, including a few extra Christmas ornaments to hang on the tree.

Vanessa loved Christmas. She loved every bit of the festive season. The mood, the decorations, the music, the snow (if there was any), the mistletoe-

In the middle of searching the box for more, her phone rang, with jingling bells as a ringtone. Sticking the hook she had in her hand in her mouth, she flipped her cell open with her now free hand with a, "Hell'a?"

"Why, 'hell'a' to you, too," a deeper, teenager's voice answered with a laugh.

Vanessa set the box down on the couch to pull the hook out of her mouth. "Ha ha. I had a hook in my mouth. How's my little drummer boy?"

"Great, but do you know how cliché that sounds?"

"Totally." Vanessa grinned. "But I feel in such a happy mood right now. I just love Christmas Eve."

Monty Monogram grinned at the excitement and eagerness in her tone. He was currently lounging on his bed, legs crossed and one arm behind his head. His bedroom looked festive with elves on his bedsheet, garland above the windows and decorating his drum set, and a mini Christmas tree in the corner; Monty was wearing a red and green striped sweater. "And even better, it's our first Christmas together as an official couple."

She suddenly felt a hint of nervousness. "Monty? Uh, do you feel, I dunno, a little worried at all?"

"What about?"

"This is our first Christmas together. I want it to be perfect. What if something happens and we end up spending it mad at each other? Or, what if your dad, or my dad, figure out we've been dating behind their backs? Or, or-"

Monty could hear her getting worked up and quickly interrupted, "Vanessa. Relax. You don't need to worry. I'm positive everything will turn out fantastic. Neither of us will be that careless. We've been doing this for half a year, we can do it now. I believe in us."

That brought a smile back to her face. She sat down on the couch, a warm and fuzzy feeling chasing away the nervousness. "I believe in us, too. You're so sweet."

"Anything for my girlfriend." Monty will never get tired of that word coming out of his mouth. "So, is my girlfriend free to meet me for hot coco and cookies at Mooncents?"

"It's a date. I'll meet my boyfriend in twenty minutes." Vanessa hung up, then rushed to hang the last of the ornaments. Nothing could wipe the smile that had returned to her face thanks to Monty. He made her feel like that a lot, despite the times when all they'd do was argue. He'd say something like that and she'd melt, any and all angry thoughts vanishing instantly. That was one of the things she loved most about him. Something her ex-boyfriend never had, and never will.

Now come on! That's something that shouldn't be on your mind, she scolded herself as she grabbed her coat and purse. He's ancient history. You're over him. Don't let him ruin your good mood. Think good thoughts.

A Saturday from two months ago where they spent the afternoon watching Disney movies came to her mind, and her mood lifted even more.

Vanessa stepped out into the cold air and immediately pulled her coat tighter around herself. Wow, it's gotten colder, she thought as she speed-walked to the nearest bus stop a couple of blocks down. Now I wish for a car more than ever. I'm seventeen, I should have one like everybody else. That was her argument with both of her divorced parents. Her mom's reason was money, which was bullshit since she had a fine job that could pay for more than double of the car she wanted: a 2013 Camaro Convertible 2SS. Her dad, however, didn't want her driving her own car because it was a sign of 'his baby girl all grown up'. And he wasn't ready for that, he would say.

Vanessa personally thought her mom's excuse was more logical.

Monty had already saved a table for two in a corner next to the window when Vanessa entered the café, cheeks flushed from the cold air. They greeted each other with a kiss and she sat down, pulling off her coat, gloves, and scarf. The teenaged couple spent the morning hours making conversation while sipping cinnamon hot chocolate. Monty talked about subject like how his training was going at the OWCA (though, since it was a secret organization, he had to give quite a few people code names), and how excited he was for a new movie he was interested in; Vanessa discussed mostly music, showing Monty some new Christmas music from Manheim Steamroller on her phone, and a house she passed by that somebody decorated to look exactly like a gingerbread house. At one point, a waitress walked over to take any orders, and Monty, feeling especially generous, asked for two of every cookie they had, all on him ( "What? It's a special occasion."). It was almost noon by the time they left the café laughing, an arm hooked around the other's and looking like they were having a fantastic time.

•~§~•

"...Perry the Platypus? Perry the Platypus?!"

The brown-furred platypus scrambled to his feet, only to tumble backwards on his butt. He looked like a child who got caught with his hand in a cookie jar as he gave Perry a very sheepish grin. Perry was still in shock over the fact that his nemesis was a platypus once again, the last thing he expected, but he quickly snapped his gaping jaw shut, pulling a frown and a very stern gaze that said, 'Ok, what did you do now?'.

Doofenshmirtz cowered under his stare. "Uh, you're probably wondering what I'm doing here, much less why I'm lying unconscious in this sleigh that looks a lot like Santa's, but more advanced. Man, who built this?" Doofenshmirtz looked around the sleigh in amazement. "Honestly, I don't know how I got here, in the sleigh, I mean. Last thing I remember is being blasted by this ray that came from the -Inator, that I pressed the button on. Now that I think about it, that probably was a dumb thing to do- Heeeey..."

He suddenly noticed the hand shielding his eyes from the light. He brought it down to get a closer look. "...Why is my hand brown and furry?"

Perry braced himself for any reaction from his nemesis.

Surprisingly, he didn't scream.

At first he was confused, looking around himself, not recognising his features. Until he saw his tail. And took a closer look at his webbed feet. And felt the beak on his face. His eyes widen. "I'm- I'm a platypus, am I?"

Perry nodded.

To say that Doofenshmirtz was shocked was an understatement. He was completely confounded. "But... but how? And why am I brown instead of teal? Or is it turquoise? You know I can never figure out which it is, it looks like a little of both-"

Perry chattered quickly to get his attention.

"Oh, right. Sorry. Rambling on again. But I am seriously confused." Doof picked himself up and took another good look at himself, as did Perry. He looked different from the last time he turned himself into a platypus. His fur was a chestnut-brown with extra fur at the top of his head. His body shape didn't change much from his human figure, but it didn't look as thin, more filled in like a regular platypus, and thankfully losing the stomach he'd had trouble losing before. He still had his dark blue eyes, and they looked somewhat nice with his appearance. All in all, Doofenshmirtz was rather attractive-looking, for a platypus.

Perry suddenly mentally shook his head. What am I doing?

This was when Doof's eyes widened as a thought came to him. "But how am I going to change back? It's Christmas Eve and I was going to attend a LOVE MUFFIN Christmas party this evening. How am I suppose to go looking like this? No offence, Perry the Platypus." He climbed out of the sleigh and followed Perry to the machine that altered his species. He turned to Perry. "So, where's the reverse switch?"

Perry shrugged.

"What?! What do you mean you don't know? Didn't you think to install a reverse switch when you built this?"

Perry pointed at himself and shook his head, then pointed at Doofenshmirtz.

"I built this? But I don't remember building this, much less designing the blueprints of this. I know this is an -Inator by the way it was built, but it doesn't look like one of mine. How could I have built something I don't remember?" Perry handed him two sets of blueprints. He studied them. "You mean to tell me you created a duplicate of my Platyp-inator except for a different design and color scheme? And I didn't install a reverse switch according to my blueprints. Ah, I remember, the explosion somehow reversed the effects on me. But how can we be sure it will work again? I rather not be blown up for no reason, thank you."

As he studied the blueprints, Perry was inwardly panicking slightly. If Doofenshmirtz couldn't reverse the effects before the day was over, what was Perry supposed to do with him? He couldn't send him back to his apartment, Norm may end up crushing him or have his 'destroy platypus' switch turned on and kill Doofenshmirtz. He was tempted to just send him to OWCA HQ and let them deal with him. But he knew Doofenshmirtz would not be fond of that idea and would protest greatly.

Which shouldn't bother him. Why did he care what Doofenshmirtz wanted all of a sudden?

The evil doctor looked distressed. "It wouldn't be hard to install that reverse switch if I could get this one part for it. But the store to get it from is closed 'till after Christmas. What am I going to dooooooo?!" He groaned grabbing his head with both hands. "Norm's 'destroy platypus' switch has been going awry lately so sometimes it will be on, other times not. What if it's on when I go home as a platypus? And I don't want Vanessa and Charleen to see me like this. And I especially don't want LOVEMUFFIN to see me like this, especially Rodney. He'll never let me live up to it. Ugh, what am I going to do?"

He then glanced at Perry, who was having a mental war with himself, and suddenly a lightbulb- in a figure of speech- lit up above his head.

"Oh Peeeeeerry?" He said drawling out the 'e' and making said platypus snap out of his aggravating thoughts. "Do you by any chance have a place I could stay for a liiittle while?"

Perry saw what he was getting at. Oh no he doesn't. Perry shook his head a little too quickly, his frown deepening.

Unfortunately, Doofenshmirtz noticed. "So you do. Do you mind letting me stay with you just until after Christmas?" When Perry looked like he would refuse, Doofenshmirtz pulled out the kicked puppy trick. He pulled his face to look dejected, but by failing miserably, he ended up just looking pathetically sad. "Well," he said with an exaggerated sniff. "I guess I'll just live out on the streets until the stores open again, since I probably won't be welcomed at any inns. Find a trash bin to sleep in, maybe some leftover food inside to starve myself on. It's a horrible way to spend Christmas, but it's better then to be any trouble to you, isn't it, Perry the Platypus?" He gave Perry big sad eyes, which to him were surprisingly hard to resist, and turned to trudge to the door. "I'll just get out of your way. Don't bother with me, I'll be in the dark dangerous alleyways of Danville. All alone. Out in the cold to defend myself against this cruel world."

Perry rolled his eyes. God, he can be dramatic. But his griping had some ring of truth to it. He would be out in the cold. And it was a horrible way to spend Christmas, and he didn't wish for anyone to have to endure it, even his nemesis.

Plus, who could resist those blue eyes of his?

I swear, they will be the death of me, he grumbled to himself. He ran over the scenarios of him staying at the Flynn-Fletchers for Christmas. There were a lot of worst case scenarios to it. The biggest was Doofenshmirtz discovering his host family. But he could probably create a believable lie to cover that truth. The Flynn-Fletchers were a family taking care of him while his owners were away for the holidays. And they've looked after him so much that they've taken to calling him their own. OK, that was cutting it close, but this was Doofenshmirtz. It was doubtful he would be suspicious. Not impossible, but doubtful. Another con was evil doing. He'd have to make sure Doof would swear he would build no more -Inators until he was back in his human body. It would be hard, but Perry was sure that if he really wanted a place to stay, he would comply. Then there was the fact that his family may not take another pet in, especially a platypus. He knew Phineas and Ferb would be happy to have another platypus. It was their sister Candace and their parents he was worried about. Quite a few road bumps, but nothing he couldn't take care of.

And the pros would be? a little smug voice whispered to him. He ignored it.

Doofenshmirtz was dragging his feet very slowly to the door, sneaking glances back at Perry every couple seconds. Finally, when he was sure he had everything straightened out and a plan formed in his mind, Perry called out with a chatter.

Doofenshmirtz whirled around with a big grin on his face. "Really? You're letting me stay?" Perry held up a finger before he could celebrate, however.

"A condition? Yes, yes, anything." Perry walked up to him and pulled off his fedora to reach in and pull out a notepad and pencil. He wrote something, then passed it to Doofenshmirtz.

"OK, number one, no evil doing until I'm human again." Doofenshmirtz looked disappointed, but as Perry expected, he didn't complain. "I guess that's fair, considering you're allowing me into your home anyway."

Perry scrawled something else down and gave the pad back.

"Another? Hmm, number two: 'Take orders without question. Stay out of places I forbid, listen to what I say-' Wow, this sounds a bit harsh, does it? It seems extreme. I'm only staying for a day and a half, you know."

When it comes to my family, I have to be a little extreme to keep them safe. Perry crossed his arms waiting for an agreement.

Doofenshmirtz looked like he wanted to argue, and oh he as hell wanted to, but he held his tongue. He knew that if he didn't compromise, Perry would be happy to toss him out into the street, knowing that he'd survive (it would only be uncomfortable and really, really cold.) for a day and a half. And Doofenshmirtz didn't cope well with discomfort, despite his tragic childhood history. He'd deal with it, but not without a lot of complaining and being an arse with Perry during their next battle.

He sighed heavily. "Fine. Anything else?"

Perry though for a moment. He wrote on the pad one more time and gave it back to Doofenshmirtz. "Do I know how to make that 'grgrgr' noise you make? Uh, well, I never actually tried."

At Perry's gesture of 'Well, try it out', Doofenshmirtz cleared his throat nervously and opened his mouth.

What came out of it, a deep, strange slash between a gurgle, purr, and a growl, made Perry's eyes go wide and his face flush incredibly red.

Seeing his face made Doof worried. "What, did I do it wrong?"

Perry coughed and cleared his thick throat, willing with all his might for his face to cool down. He grabbed the pad and scribbled furiously before practically throwing the notepad back at Doofenshmirtz, his cheeks still a tint of pink. Doofenshmirtz was still confused when he read in hard-to-read writing, 'Just don't open your mouth around humans or animals.'

AAAAAND MERRY CHRISTMAS! *throws candy canes and holly and dodges chairs* yeah so much for one chap a week. But I have an excuse. Blame my mom! Nah, don't blame my mom, but it is mostly her fault. Skip this paragraph if you don't care about excuses and personal shit:

See, we've been on a trip to see family in New York for a week and we just got home yesterday. I was on my tablet for half of the week whenever we were staying at my cousin's house at night and my mom got so sick of it she banned me from my tablet until we got home again. Luckly, my favorite cousin had a family computer that unfortunately blocked websites like Fanfiction. So, I instead went on Tumblr with my cousin every night (she discovered my tumblr don't ask I'm still not happy about it but luckily she's a great person and we go on every night laughing at shit and one day if she gets a tumblr we're gonna follow each other the end) and whenever I could I wrote this chapter in a notepad my grandma gave me (look grannie I found a use for it, are ya proud of me?). I've been up late typing this down both nights since at day we'd be getting the house ready for Christmas and wrapping so many presents oh my god (my siblings are gonna be so spoiled by the end of this I swear).

So here it is. I was gonna add Doofenshmirtz meeting the family (hinthintheehee) at the end of this chap, but I wouldn't be able to get this up sooner if I did. So that will be the beginning of chapter 4. Which I will be posting soon. I won't be putting this on hiatus like last year. I really just want to get this done, plus I have a million and a half ideas in my head that are gonna burst out if I don't do something about it. So hopefully none of you will lose interest just because Christmas is over.

OK, another thing. I was proofreading this chapter when I remembered that in the first chap I had Doofenshmirtz know what -Inator he found in that room. But I ended up changing it to him not having a clue. So I'm fixing that part in 1, so if you see a new chapter that's chapter 1, you can ignore it (unless you don't want to then by all means read away!).

To any Montessa fans, how'd I do on them? I found it fun to type them out. They are really a cute couple, despite me being a Ferbnessa fan as well (don't worry, you'll get some Ferbnessa fluff latter, maybe as soon as chapter 4 * winkwink*).

And that last scene *giggles hysterically* that was a last minute spaz thing heehee.

And guys, please, if you're reading this, please try to drop in a friendly review, any kind of review (I'll even take flamers. Come on, you know you wanna). I know you're reading, I see the stats on this. Please PLEASE take the time to leave a review, whether it's a simple 'omg so good' or a more detailed review. You can tell me anything I've missed, whether it's proofreading or something not sounding right. I don't care what review I get. I know I sound desperate, but I pretty much fuel on reviews. So thanks to people who have *throws chocolate kisses* hope everyone's having a Merry Christmas and until next time!

Ciao~