Sam & Jules

Hospitals have never bothered Jules before and she's been in and out of them multiple times in her life. She knows the smell gets to Sam, the colour gets to Spike, knows the whole idea of them makes Boss sad.

Thinks she has a thing that she hates about them now too: the waiting. They're all just sitting here and nothing makes any sense and then it took longer than it should have for them to drive here, all the traffic still backlogged, all the highways looking like parking lots. She knows that Sam called in, spoke to Sid and she tried to get ahold of Dean but the cell towers were still fucked up and the call wouldn't connect. She keeps trying but the kid won't answer and even though she knows that he was heading to HQ, she's still thinking about dead children in the streets and broken buildings.

She doesn't think she's ever been so relieved to see Winnie in her life, Winnie whose eyes are red and who pats Dean on the shoulder when he asks about his dad and then Dean sits down and Jules watches him try to be strong. Thinks it's got to be one of those other things that she hates about hospitals, everyone trying to pretend that they're not panicking, like they aren't scared. She switches her gaze to Winnie, thinks that all of them probably look the same and she thinks about how your brain can play tricks on you when you can only hear things, not see them at all. Winnie's fidgeting and Jules knows what adrenaline is like, knows they're all sitting here trying to detox and she almost wishes she could do what Winnie's doing, walking around on a search for a vending machine.

She switches her gaze to Sam. It's why she notices his brow furrow when Spike gets up and disappears too, why she sees his eyebrows shoot up when Spike comes back fifteen minutes later. With Winnie. It's why she follows his gaze, sees the flush on Winnie's cheeks and how Spike's pulse is jumping in his throat (she's going to be honest here, is pretty sure her eyebrows are way up too).

Sam stares at the ground, smirks a little to himself and Jules wants to roll her eyes at him but also, she feels this pang of relief, like for a second, all that gravity that's sitting right on top of them is gone, just for a moment. It lets her breathe. Lets her think about something other than Boss in surgery.

Her leg's giving off this low, dull throb, something just in the background so she can't actually ignore it but every time she shifts, it hurts. She needs to go to the bathroom, needs some water too and she steels herself to get to her feet, gets herself ready to ignore the stabbing sting that comes with moving. Sam's right there beside her though, hand under her elbow and she lets him help her up, clings to him for just a second until the pain recedes and she can see properly.

"Bathroom?"

She nods at him, tries to walk like a normal person and gives up half way there, drags her leg along because it hurts less to do that than it does to lift it off the ground (only by a fraction though, so really, what's it even matter).

"You need me to come in with you?"

And she knows he really means it but she also can't stand the look on his face, thinks it's got no place being there, not at all, so she cuffs him lightly in the vest and rolls her eyes. "I know you're not trying to get into my pants in a public bathroom. Didn't think that was your style, Braddock."

He's already protesting by the time he realizes she's kidding and then he just shakes his head at her exasperatedly but he looks like the Sam she married this morning and she just really wants to-

"I'll wait for you out here then." He smiles at her, steady and warm, like he knows what she's thinking and she smiles too, thinks it might be what he needs from her, too.

She leans her elbows on the sink after she's washed her hands, stares in the mirror. It's not like she doesn't know how fast things change but sometimes, it would be great to just have things stop, just for a moment. She also wonders what exactly it means that the day she and Sam get married, they lose Donna and Jim and they could still lose Boss.

That's what she asks when she drags her leg back outside the bathroom, Sam leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, a bottle of water held loosely in his hand.

"You think we're just bad luck?"

"What?" He looks confused, extends his hand to give her the bottle and she downs nearly all of it in one gulp, wonders if it was stupid because pretty much, that's just guaranteed to have her back here in less than ten minutes.

She shrugs though, leans against his arm and lifts the weight off her leg, back against the wall, sighs a little in relief. A young couple walks past, freezes when they see the uniforms, just for a second. "Like maybe we're cursed?"

"We are not cursed."

"No? After today, that's what you're going to say?"

"I married you today. So no."

She sighs but also, she's smiling, just a little. With her, he's always been good at words. "I didn't mean us like the two of us. I meant us like the Team. SRU." Sometimes, he just doesn't follow her. Which is fine. She's never minded leading.

He lets out a heavy exhale, rubs his hands over his face. "I don't know, Jules. I don't even know if I believe in that kind of thing. But what are the odds of Boss being there, at the right time for everyone else but the wrong time for him?"

"I don't know." And she doesn't. Has no idea. Hasn't been able to get past this entire thing happening in the first place. Not in Toronto, not like this.

"What are we bringing this child into?" he asks staring into space and that is actually a question she can answer.

She smiles at him. "We made the world better today, Sam. People like Boss and Donna and you made the world better. Doesn't that count for something?" It does for her. Counts a whole lot. Thinks it's going to count for their child too.

He turns his head, looks at her for a second like he's trying to see if she's making this shit up and then he smiles, sad and small but it's there. "Some wedding, huh?"

She rolls her eyes at him playfully. "The wedding was the easy part."

And he smiles at her properly, like she's just given him something back that he hadn't even realized he'd been missing. "Ed came by here a few seconds ago. Clark's doing good. I asked if we could stop by for a few minutes."

"Can we go now?" she asks. It's just – she wants something solid to look at right now, evidence that not every single thing in this day is going to be-

She doesn't even know who went to tell Hank. Glances at Sam as he slides his arm around her waist to help her. Thinks she doesn't even want to imagine it, not now. Not today.

(Maybe not ever.)

Sophie stands up when they get to the door, smiles at them, this smile that's so tired but also tinged with relief and Jules has always understood women but she thinks right now, she also understands mothers.

"Sit down," Sophie says hoarsely, sounds like her throat's all raw. "Your leg. Eddy told me-" she clears her throat. "Sorry I missed today. Our babysitter cancelled right at the last minute. I was going to take Izzy over to my mom's for tonight but I-" She just stops abruptly and Jules ignores her leg, steps forward and hugs her. Wonders what it must have been like not knowing that her son-she heard Ed. They all heard Ed. "Okay. Sit," Sophie says, all business again.

Sam helps her into the chair and yeah, she's going to need to get this leg looked at again, maybe tomorrow, because now that she's getting the chance to think about it, it's really starting to seize up.

"He okay? Ed said he was doing okay," Sam says softly, accepts Sophie's hug, pats her on the back. "Thought he'd be awake."

"He's been in and out," she says, reaches her hand down to smooth Clark's hair and Jules watches her, suddenly noticing all these things about her that she never really thought about before. Sophie fixes the blankets, adjusts the edge of the pillow. "He's going to be okay though." She glances at Sam. "Have they said anything about Greg yet?"

Jules answers so that Sam doesn't have to. "He's still in surgery. We're just. Still waiting."

"I spoke to Marina for a few minutes. She's…worried."

Jules thinks about how Marina looked, coming around the corner and staring at all of them, hair all perfect but her face haggard, how she'd run into the hospital in her heels, frantic and scared and Jules wonders just what in the hell Spike said in that voicemail. Wonders if it wouldn't have been a better idea to have Winnie do it, that calm dispatching voice.

"He's going to be fine," Sam says and Jules is surprised because it's the first thing they learn, don't say things like that, don't make promises, don't use absolutes. (Also, though. She thinks she needed to hear someone say it because something inside her stomach unknots, just a little.)

"I didn't get to say congratulations, yet," Sophie says, her smile genuine even though when she's angled a certain way, Jules can see tear stains all down her cheeks. "On today. And on the baby. Ed told me. You must be so excited."

Jules knows she's got a silly smile on her face but she can't help it, even in the face of everything they lost today, everything they could still lose. Sam's looking at her, this tender expression, even though in front of other people, they don't usually- "We are," she says, glances down, feels like she needs to apologize even though she didn't do anything wrong. "I just-"

"You guys will be great," Sophie says, nods at them both like because now she's said it, there's no other way for it to go. "Izzy can't wait. I tried telling her all day that it was going to take a while longer but. Think she's getting a little sick of being the youngest one at everything."

Jules laughs, sees Sam looking genuinely happy, this smile on his face and she feels lucky. For all the things she has, right here, right in this moment. "Thanks, Soph."

"You need anything, you let me know. I obviously haven't perfected it," she glances at Clark, a shadow growing in her eyes, "but babies are different."

"Think you're a pretty great mom, actually," Sam says, looks completely embarrassed immediately after, the tips of his ears turning red. "Uh. So. How long's he going to have to stay?"

"Few days. He. Um. He got off pretty lucky for having a building fall down on him."

"That's good," Jules says. She really means it, doesn't know what she'd be doing or feeling if it was a Team One kid they were going to have to bury. Feels nausea rising in her throat just thinking about it.

"We should go," Sam says, eyes on her. "Leave it a little quieter in here. We'll be back though."

Sophie nods. "I'll come by in a little bit, switch with Ed. Thanks."

As they walk back towards where everyone else is waiting, Jules leans a little closer to Sam, lets him lean on her too and just a few feet away, she stops, looks up at him. "I'd marry you again, you know."

He laughs, this unexpected sound, like she's gone and surprised him but like he's also surprised that he's laughing at all. "Good to know." He clears his throat, just looks at her, serious and sincere and as they take another step, he says, "Hey Jules? Me too."

They run into Leah and Izzy right in the doorway, Ed and Sophie's daughter holding tight to the strap of Leah's vest and Leah telling her this elaborate story about a mouse and a cat (kind of sounds like Tom and Jerry, actually, but Jules isn't about to steal Leah's thunder). Leah takes a seat, settles Izzy on her lap, Izzy yawning widely but saying, "And then what?" and Leah clearing her throat before she launches into more.

Jules lets Sam help her back into a chair and she wonders if Winnie knows that she's pacing and that Spike can't take his eyes off her. Marina's sitting next to Dean, both of them with these identical expressions on their faces, worry but also a little amusement because they're looking at Winnie too. Marina rolls her eyes at her and Jules snickers.

"We just went to see Clark," Sam says and Winnie stops, looks at him.

"Think I can-"

"You should," Sam says, points her down the hallway and then he takes a seat beside Spike and slaps him hard on the back.

Spike coughs and makes a face. "Can I help you with something?"

Jules snorts, watches the two of them in amusement.

"Just saying hi," Sam says, grins at him.

Spike lets out a long suffering sigh. "Think you could do it without being so violent? Cause I can do the same. Only. I'm not the one who got blown up earlier."

"Okay, really, what, are we going to bring that up forever?"

Privately, Jules thinks that when today is over, whenever the next time they're on shift is, they're all going to sit Sam down at the briefing room table, have him dismantle dummy bombs for an entire month straight.

"You're the worst stand-in-bomb-tech I've ever seen," Spike informs him jokingly but Jules sees how his hands shake, just for a second, sees how his eyes look all haunted and dark, is back in that moment where she thought that it was over, her screaming and Spike pleading and-

"Yeah. Think I'll leave those to you," Sam says, winces.

"Or you could just listen to me next time," Spike retorts but Jules knows what fear sounds like.

"Huh. There's an idea."

Jules sighs heavily, like Sam is just so annoying but also, she's thinking that he's hers and she's his and it's official and she didn't ever think that she'd put on a white dress and offer someone vows in front of all the people they love. It feels like it was a lifetime ago.

Sam meets her eyes, smiles at her.

She desperately wants to ask Spike about Winnie, about what in the hell is going on because they all know and they've all kept their mouths shut because Leah said they had to (and that she'd given him enough of a hard time without the rest of them getting into it too). But basically, Jules just wants to flat out ask him, nostalgia for his first month on the team, how he stood awkwardly in her kitchen while she made gingerbread and then made him put those steady-hands to use with the icing, the whole while asking him completely inappropriate questions that he answered because he hadn't known any better.

She looks at Dean and Marina, thinks about how far people can come when they're decent good people and she just hopes that she can be the kind of mother who raises someone like that.

Jules sits bolt upright when the doctor comes in, feels everything in her reset. Instinctively looks for Sam.

He's looking at her too.

She listens with half an ear. Feels so fucking relieved that she's almost frozen for a second. And she never thought she'd be relieved hearing about bullets nicking lungs, about shattered bone and perforated spleens.

Dean and Marina are already standing and she has this silly, random thought like Boss should totally marry Marina and then she rolls her eyes at herself because it's purely the kind of thought someone who got married less than twenty-four hours ago would have. She also kind of likes how Dean looks expectantly at Winnie like he's the annoying little brother, family crossing blood and time.

Spike cracks a smile, his eyes fixed on Winnie's face and Jules feels warmed by it, just a little (how he might be her annoying little brother, the one she never counted on having, the one she got anyway). She also wants to know how exactly she missed it, thinks maybe it had to do with getting pregnant and getting married and being worried about messing up the team. She suddenly wants Spike to have all the things she has with Sam, all of the good and all of the bad and all of the parts that don't make any sense. Wants her family to keep getting bigger and bigger, the way it's been with Izzy and Leah and Marina.

'Toth would never understand this', she thinks fiercely. Would never understand that no, they're not just cops and this isn't just a job. It is family and she doesn't care who says it's not the right way to do things, it's the way Team One does things and maybe they're onto something with that because they've held the best record ever since they chose this team and these people.

She and Sam duck their heads in, just for a moment and Boss smiles at them, a morphine kind of smile but his eyes are clear when he opens them and none of them say anything at all but she kind of thinks that a whole lot gets said, same as when he hugged her right after she and Sam became Mr and Mrs with a baby on the way. Sam tightens his arm around her waist and she turns, hugs him hard.

They sit back down and Sam raises his eyebrows at her, presses a kiss to her hair and she can hear him snicker. "Talk about a stare off," he breathes against her skin.

She glances up, Spike and Winnie sitting across from each other and elbows him lightly. "Stop it." But really, it's kind of nice to feel amusement, something other than fear and worry and sadness.

She feels relief too, even though her leg is hurting worse than it has all day and she leans against Sam gratefully, thinks that being married to someone who knows that, who knows how to help her without her needing to ask him, is pretty great.

Also, when Spike says that thing about family, how all of them are already with family, she very nearly has to wipe away a tear – which seriously, are these those hormones the doctor said were going to make an appearance? Because those can leave any time now, they're not her, not at all. They only do what Dean says because he's right and they can't do anything else here, knows that without sleep, they're all useless anyway, first rule in the SRU handbook.

Later, when she's leaning against her locker and just wanting Sam (and Leah's got to be able to tell, the way she hasn't even offered, Winnie standing in front of both of them, this look on her face like she can read both of them so easily and Jules thinks that family is one of those things that should never ever end) and then he's just there in front of her, she almost cries. Which is so incredibly embarrassing that she's never going to tell anyone about it ever.

But she kind of thinks Sam knows because he looks at her and there's exhaustion all over his face and then he slides his arms around her, holds her tight and she hears Leah murmur something soft, feels the other woman's hand on her shoulder and then the door closes and it's just her and Sam and they're married and they're still here, both of them still alive and they are going to get years more and she knew, the first time he kissed her, that she was never going to want anyone else ever again.

(She might have tried to fight it but she couldn't outrun it, not forever and the only thing that changed is that she stopped wanting to.)

He walks slowly, long legs matching her pace, her leg dragging painfully every other second and he lifts her right up, hands at her hips, sits her in the car and then slides her leg in gently. "We're going to get that looked at again tomorrow."

She nods, is just so tired, spent too many minutes on the phone with her father sitting on the bench in the locker room and then just handed the phone to Sam, couldn't find the words anymore. And for a negotiator, that's a pretty shitty feeling. Sam rubbed her knee the whole time he talked to her dad though. And what's it say that it's only now she remembers that they were supposed to be at their reception. "Sam-"

"It's okay. I told them all to go on ahead without us."

"A reception. Without the bride and groom?" She arches her eyebrow, wonders if they can just turn up like this, even if it's the last thing in the world she wants to do.

He shrugs, grins at her. "I think it's actually better this way?"

And she knows what he means, bursts out laughing even though people came a long way to do this with them and she doesn't know when they'll ever have the chance to have all those people in the same room together again.

"Love you, Jules," he says, right before he puts the car into reverse.

She smiles at him, ignores the throbbing of her leg in time to her own heart, thinks he's never looked better than he does now, half his face starting to bruise. Because he's alive and he's hers and they've got time. "Love you too."

She's not an idiot, knows how the wedding night's supposed to go but they spend ten minutes just standing in their front hallway holding each other and every time she breathes out, she remembers that there's another life there with them. Sam cradles her face and kisses her so gently, it's barely a kiss at all and she tells him that she loves him over and over again.

Tells him that when she looked up and he was in the locker room with her and Leah, she nearly cried. He just kisses her again, slides his hands up the front of her shirt and rests them on her stomach.

He carries her up the stairs and she lays her head against his shoulder. "Shit, I think you were supposed to carry me through the front door."

He snorts. "What, now you want tradition?" Lets out a soft laugh. "We can do that part tomorrow."

"Everything out of order," she says smiling because it always has been and she's never really minded.

"Lucky us," he breathes right against her hair.

He sits her on the edge of the sink, looks at her leg carefully and she says, "Leave it. Can you just come here?"

It takes them longer than it usually does to get each other undressed, everything bare with no adrenaline to hide it, and she tries to tell him not to lift her because now that she can see all of him and he's all purple and blue, she's actually wondering if this is something that should wait.

He rolls his eyes at her, "That's a terrible idea," and he tosses his shirt on the countertop before he puts her back on it and she snickers.

"It's cold," he defends.

But how thoughtful he is – even when it annoys the ever living shit out of her – is nice, it always has been.

It feels different, the way he skims his fingers across her shoulder blades, how his muscles feel under her fingers, how she keeps catching glimpses of their rings, bathroom light bouncing right off of them, everything is different. Even the way he kisses her is different, everything heavy and all layered between them. Married. But then he pulls back and looks at her face and it's still them, just different. Better.

Everything is slow, both of them in pain but this has always been all the things they aren't ready to talk about yet and she gets her fingers on his shoulders, avoids all the bruising as best she can and he breathes against her skin and she has this idle thought, like this has always been a thing they were good at.

He kisses her hard on the mouth, swallows any noise she was going to make, gasps right into her mouth and then rests his forehead against her, breathes out hard. "We're married."

She snorts, breathing only just returning to normal. "You're a bright one, aren't you, Braddock?"

"You're Braddock too," he retorts and she finds herself grinning, never thought she'd ever be anything but Callaghan, not ever.

He smiles too and they have a moment under the bathroom lights, his hands on either side of her hips and the foot of her uninjured leg against the back of his knee, where they're breathing the same air and everything stops.

And when they stumble into bed, she pokes him in the side, chooses a part that isn't bruised and says, "Just so you know. There's no place else I'd rather be. And if you make fun of me for saying that, I'm going to hurt you."

He snorts, eyes already closing. "I already know all of that. But nice of you to say it."

"Sam-"

"Me too."

"Like, forev-"

"Same as always."

She smiles into the darkness, pressed against his side, his arm around her and her head on his shoulder.