I'm sorry this took so long. I wanted to finish the fourth chapter before I posted this one, but I'm having zero time to write. School and choir are consuming my life right now.

The bit about Howard forcing Tony to drink is based off of a page of a comic I saw on tumblr. Obviously I've taken some creative liberties.

This kind of took a crack-ish turn…It was one in the morning. Give me some slack, k? I 100% don't ship Stony. Not even a little bit. So please take the mention of it as a joke, which is how it was intended. Same with anything implying Science Boyfriends. These guys are strictly bros.

Disclaimer: Do I look like I own anything of actual value? Nope. Nothing but the plot.

Warning: A lot of swearing and sex jokes in this chapter.

Chapter 3: Of Captain Virginity and Shitty Childhoods

Sunday's were always long. The few customers the coffee shop actually had usually didn't come for their morning cups of coffee on those days. Whether they were working, at church, or simply sleeping in, Kristine didn't know. It was just a consistent part of her life, which (if she was honest with herself) was monotonous in general.

So when the sound of the door opening brought her attention away from her laptop screen, she was surprised.

"Rae." She whispered behind her in an attempt to catch her friend's attention. "Psst! Rae."

Rae poked her head out of the doorway of the break room, sighing loudly. "Whaaat?" She asked, looking around the room. Her eyes widened and a grin overtook her face at the sight of their favorite billionaire and his shy friend.

Rae chuckled, nodding with her head. "What's up with him?"

The celebrity was practically shaking with, what appeared to be, rage. His friend was guiding him to the table in the furthest corner of the room, and shaking his head. If Rae listened carefully enough, she could hear grumblings that sounded suspiciously like cuss words.

"…I don't know." Kristine muttered. Her face was screwed up into something between worry and just plain disturbed. "Think I should go over there and see if they want anything?"

Rae snorted. "You just want to hit on his buddy."

Kristine rolled her eyes without turning around.

"Hey, whatever tickles your fancy! I'm not here to judge. Besides, if you like socially awkward, forty year old men, he's just your type." Rae shrugged, trying to elicit some sort of response.

Kristine finally turned around, obviously unamused. "In all seriousness Rae, I'm actually kind of worried about Stark. He looks really upset."

"He's a big boy with enough money to solve most of the world's problems. I think he'll be ok."

"I hope so."

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. If Tony didn't cool off soon, he was going to lose it. And if he lost it, the repercussions would be much greater than those of Tony's current ranting.

"Fucking pretentious bastard! Mr. Fucking Know It All! God damn relic! Son of a cock-loving whore!" Tony seethed, muttering obscenities through clenched teeth.

"Tony." Bruce said warningly. He was massaging his temples in an attempt to rid himself of the headache that was starting to form. This constant stream of cuss words had been going on for a half an hour now. Bruce had hoped that a change of scenery would be enough to calm the genius down. Apparently not.

Tony continued to cuss through his teeth, completely oblivious to everything around him.

"Tony." Bruce tried again.

The billionaire didn't seem to hear him.

Bruce began to clench his own teeth. "Tony!"

Tony jumped in surprise. He stared at Bruce, somewhat annoyed. "What?"

"I realize you're upset. But for the sake of New York's population and infrastructure, shut up."

He folded his arms across his chest defensively, eyes narrowing in frustration. "It's not my fault! It's that God damn prick! Fucking stick is so far up his ass, I don't think it's fair to call him a virgin anymore! God fucking-"

Bruce growled low in his throat, the Hulk's influence on his voice clearly noticeable. Green flecks were beginning to appear in the physicist's eyes, and he could feel his muscles tensing.

That shut Tony up, if only for a moment. He watched silently as Bruce began breathing deeply. His grip on the table relaxed, which Tony took a sign that he'd calmed down now.

"Why is it such a big deal to him anyway? It's my tower." The genius sighed, taking out his phone/tablet and fiddling with blueprints for suit upgrades.

Bruce hunched over the table, leaning on his forearms. "Some people don't like dishes left in the sink, Tony. You know Steve's a neat freak. It's his military training."

Tony threw his hands into the air. "But it's my tower! I'm in charge!" He growled.

"We're all still getting used to living with each other. You and Steve are just having pissing matches over who's in charge."

Tony sighed, seeming to deflate. "I can't deal with everyone living together. Genius requires personal space."

Bruce cocked an eyebrow. "You want to complain about personal space? Try going from not voluntarily coming into contact with anyone unless they're sick and dying to suddenly living with five people. Especially you." He pointed accusingly. "You are one of the most physical people I know. You're always touching me, whether it's poking me to try and get me to hulk-out, or keeping your hand on my shoulder for an entire conversation. The others are easier to avoid."

"You like it." Tony grinned suggestively while waggling his eyebrows.

Bruce just shook his head.

"And anyway," Tony began. "That's an entirely different thing. You need to reacclimate to society. Jumping whenever someone touches you isn't normal. Needing time away from Captain Virginity is completely normal."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Reacclimating has nothing to do with that. That's instinct. Learned instincts are logical, and act as defense mechanisms. Picking fights with Steve is, in your case, a show of dominance."

"I thought you were supposed to be on my side!" Tony frowned.

Bruce had known Tony long enough to realize that he was actually hurt, even if he was overdramatizing it so he wouldn't take the billionaire seriously. He sighed in resignation. "I'm not on either of your sides. I think you're both acting like children."

"He gets mad at you for leaving dishes out too, you know." Tony pointed out, leaning back on his chair so that it was balanced on its back legs.

Bruce shrugged. "So?"

"Doesn't that make you frustrated?"

"I've learned not to let little things like that bother me."

"Well we can't all be saints like you, Banner."

Bruce laughed in self-depreciation. "Because killing people whenever I'm upset totally makes me a saint, you're so right."

Groaning, Tony rubbed his eyes. The legs of his chair clattered loudly as they landed back on the ground. "Let's NOT talk about our feelings, ok?"

The physicist looked away, preferring to stare at peeling wallpaper. "Sounds good to me."

There was an awkward silence as both men became lost in their own thoughts.

The sound of approaching footsteps caused Tony's head to snap up. It was one of the girls that worked at the shop. The one that had talked a little sense into Bruce the first time they'd come here.

She stopped a bit abruptly in front of their table and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Um…I was just wondering if either of you would like anything to drink…"

"Whisky."

The woman gave him a look before shrugging. "Rae? Is there whisky in the back?" She yelled over her shoulder.

Tony grinned, feeling Bruce's stare.

"What?"

"You know what. You're going to end up plastered, and I'm not going to take care of you."

Tony was going to reply, when a feminine voice, presumably Rae, yelled, "Hell no! If they want that then they're going to have to share! I'm not giving all of it up!"

The woman that had originally addressed them sighed. "If you want the bottle, you'll have to share with Rae. I can get you a glass, though."

Still feeling Bruce's stare, Tony rolled his eyes. "A glass will be fine."

She nodded. "Keep in mind that this is a coffee shop, Mr. Stark. Not a bar. I maintain the right to refuse to sell you anymore, drunk or not." She then turned her attention to Bruce.

After a moment of awkward silence, the physicist realized she was waiting for him to order something.

"Uh, green tea please."

"Sure. I'll be right back."

The billionaire continued to watch her as she went to the counter. He noted that while her breasts weren't much to look at, he enjoyed watching her leave. Still, he preferred Pepper and found himself missing her.

"I wonder when she'll be back from that trip to Italy…"

"Didn't your parents ever tell you staring is rude?" Bruce said sternly, though his lips were ticked up in a small smile.

"My parents didn't tell me much of anything, big guy."

Bruce shot him a wry smirk. "Brian never said anything constructive, so I can kind of relate."

"Brian?" Tony asked, eyebrow raised.

"My…father." His mouth twisted into a disgusted grimace at the confession.

"Ah…"

"Yep." He said, popping the 'p'. The physicist began wringing his hands.

Tony eyed the nervous tick. If just mentioning his father made him this anxious…Tony didn't want to think about what that implied. A wave of anger and a need to protect his friend rolled through him.

"What did he do to you?"

Bruce's head snapped up, eyebrow quirked. "It's in the past, Tony. Besides," He swallowed thickly. "Weren't you the one that said we shouldn't talk about our feelings?"

"Just because I don't want to, doesn't mean we shouldn't. Hell, I'm supposed to do most of the stuff I don't want to do."

"You've read my file. I'm sure you got the gist of it, and I really don't want to talk about it."

Tony sighed, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms over his chest. It was then that the barista came back and set their drinks in front of each man respectively. Feeling the tension, she simply gave a small smile before walking away.

The billionaire picked up the glass of whisky, swirling the brown liquid in the cup for a few moments before bringing the glass to his lips and knocking it back. Placing the, now mostly empty, glass on the table, he regarded his friend. Bruce was staring at the wall, a look of tight, forced control on his features.

"My parents were never around. When they were, my dad was verbally abusive, always asking me why I couldn't do better. Why I couldn't be better. The first time he gave me alcohol was when I was eight. He used to make me drink when I was upset."

It was said in an embarrassed rush. As soon as the last word was uttered, Tony quickly picked up his glass and downed the little whisky that was left.

"Your turn."

Bruce cleared his throat, now fiddling with the cup in front of him in place of wringing his hands. Tony had just shown that he'd trusted him. It was only fair to do the same, wasn't it? Shit. Yeah, probably.

He refused to look at the other man; refused to think about what he was saying. He didn't need any unwanted memories popping up, buried as they were. "He was exposed to radiation and believed it changed his DNA. Because of that and my intelligence, he thought I was a monster. He punished me for it physically and verbally." His tone was clipped and impersonal, as if he was reading from a scientific journal.

Tony rolled his glass between his hands.

"What do I say to that? Come on Tony, this was your fucking brilliant idea."

Bruce must have known what he was thinking, because he gave his friend a sad smile. "You don't have to say anything, Tony. Not many people know how to respond to that. Though, you might ruin your reputation as an incessant chatter box. Let's put the topic to rest, ok?"

"Bruce, man, it's fine to talk about it. I mean, I might not be the best person to talk to about…emotions and junk, but I'll listen. We both had messed up childhoods, huh?" He stroked his goatee, thinking.

The other man sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. "I don't think any of us had a quote-on-quote normal childhood."

"Steve probably did." Tony muttered in an excellent impression of a jealous, spiteful five year old.

"Aaaand we're back to Rogers." He rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder if all of this fighting is actually just sexual tension, what with all of the rumors on the news and internet."

Tony's mouth quite literally dropped open. It opened and closed several times, the genius sputtering like a fish.

"No!" He finally choked out. "Just…No! Fucking hell, Banner! I mean sure, he has a nice ass, but that doesn't make up for him being one! And if I may remind you of how very fucking STRAIGHT I am?! Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, remember?!"

"No need to get so defensive. It's very detrimental to the case you're making right now."

"Pepper!" He practically yelled. "She's proof I'm straight!"

"Proof that you're not a playboy anymore, maybe." It was a testament to his famous control that Bruce didn't crack a smile during this whole exchange. Not once, though it caused him physical pain. "How do I know you're not bisexual?"

"I am Tony fucking Stark! Out of all of the people on Earth, my sexuality should be the last one to come into question! How do I know you aren't bisexual?"

Bruce shrugged. "I'm not, but so what if I was? Afraid I'd make a pass at you?"

"Girl, you know I've turned straight guys gay wit' dis ass." Tony grinned, doing his best to sound ghetto.

The physicist couldn't contain a small snort of laughter.

Tony shook his head, wondering how they'd started talking about this anyway.

"Jesus, Banner! We changed topics so fast, a normal person would have gotten whiplash."

"Tony, it was established a long time ago that we're both abnormal."

"Really? When did that happen? Why was I not informed of this?"

"It was officially declared by The Council last week. They thought it best if the news was delivered by someone close to you."

He sighed dramatically. "There go my hopes and dreams."

Bruce finally allowed himself to laugh. He'd laughed more in Tony's company than during the duration of his time on the run. And wasn't that just a bit sad? He couldn't bring himself to be upset, though. Tony had done so much for him. Given him a place to stay, practically forced him into a job at Stark Industries, and was continuously trying to help him accept the Other Guy. If Bruce were the sentimental type (which he definitely wasn't…nope. Not even a little…), he'd have also thought about Tony's friendship and how much it meant to him.

It was these thoughts that spurred what happened next.

Tony was still grinning like an idiot, when Bruce looked up at him with a soft smile.

"Thanks, Tony."

It was practically whispered. If the look on the physicist's face hadn't been so sincere, Tony would have thought he'd imagined it.

At risk of looking like a sap, Tony put his hand on his friend's shoulder and smiled. "Anytime, Big Guy."

The bit about Howard forcing Tony to drink is based off of a page of a comic I saw on tumblr. Obviously I've taken some creative liberties.