A/N: I cut out a bunch of stuff to hit that 3500 word limit. And now I put it back in. :) Merry Christmas, everyone, and thanks for reading!

The elevator doors opened to reveal an attempt to make the Twelfth Precinct festive. The walls and poles were strung with flashing Christmas lights, and green and red streamers spiraled across the ceiling. Christmas music was struggling to sound decent through outdated computer speakers and mostly failing. The bullpen was filled with New York's Finest milling around with drinks and food, but the occupant of the elevator was in no hurry to join in.

Kate clutched a red gift bag in her hands and eyed the scene before her like it was a fruitcake she felt obligated to accept. She stood there so long the doors began to slide shut, and she felt a glimmer of fruitcake-dodging hope. Maybe she could just quietly slip away...

An arm suddenly shot into view, reopening the doors and halting her escape. "Oh, no you don't," Lanie warned. "Get your butt out of that elevator and join the fun. Or whatever this is."

Kate didn't move. "I don't know, Lanie. I'm not really in the mood for an office party. No one will notice if there's one fewer person around the punch bowl."

"Yes, they will," Lanie argued. "Gates definitely will. I think I saw her taking attendance. Besides, if I have to do this stupid Secret Santa thing, so do you. Get those boots walking." The shorter woman stepped in to grip her friend's elbow and practically frog-marched her forward before the doors could close again.

"It's not even a Secret Santa," grumbled Kate. "It's a 'Winter Holiday Mystery Gift Exchange'. Like we don't get enough mystery in our lives already."

"Why did Gates pick this year to subject us to her Winter Holiday wrath?"

"Something about employee feedback forms describing her 'oppressive lack of humor'."

"And now she's the only one laughing. Well, never mind how we got here," Lanie dismissed their fate with a wave of her hand. "We're here now, so let me introduce you to that punch bowl."

Kate raised an eyebrow and took note of Lanie's louder voice and looser joints. "It looks like the two of you have already met. I take it someone added a secret ingredient?"

Lanie gave a conspiratorial nod. "Blackberry schnapps. It took me a few glasses to be sure, but a good scientist is always thorough." She narrowed her eyes at Kate's attempt to not smirk. "Hey, don't you judge my research methods. I've been reduced to buying orthopedic insoles for Perlmutter to get him to shut up about his damn arches, and to top it off, Javi has been dropping hints all week that he drew my name, and I'm willing to bet he bought me something completely inappropriate for an office party. I need a little liquid cheer."

They stopped in front of an artificial tree with at least a dozen identical red gift bags piled underneath. Kate stared again at the one in her hands, hesitation written all over her face.

"What's the big deal?" asked Lanie. "Whose name did you get?" She snatched the bag and read the tag before Kate could stop her. "Castle? You're nervous about giving Castle a present?" A flash of insight was followed by the spread of a knowing grin across her face. "Ahhh, so I'm not the only one who's getting an inappropriate gift tonight." She shook the bag and a small item shifted around inside. "What is it?"

Kate didn't bother denying Lanie's guess. "Forget it. This was a stupid idea. I'll make up an excuse why I don't have his present."

"Oh, come on. Unlike me, Castle will be thrilled. But what trouble could you possibly get in with a gift that small?" She shook it again. "Wait, don't tell me: it's a ring. You're going to propose!"

"Lanie, no! Don't be ridiculous." Kate snatched back the gift and shot her gaze back and forth in alarm, but no one was close enough to hear the comment. "It's just a...recording."

Lanie's smile morphed into a smirk. "Is it now? I've gotta say, I'm impressed. And Castle will be too." She snatched the present again— liquid cheer apparently made her cheery and quick— and added it to the pile under the tree. "Whatever it is, let it go and live a little. C'mon, you need punch."

Esposito and Ryan were standing at the food table half-heartedly adding cheese cubes and finger sandwiches to their paper plates when Castle found them.

"Merry Christmas, boys. Have you tried the mini pickles wrapped in corned beef? They're... fascinating."

Ryan eyed the pickle plate suspiciously. "Tell me something, Castle. We're all friends here. Good friends, even. I enjoy spending time with all of these people. Except maybe Perlmutter. So why is this so...not fun?"

Esposito gave a humorless grunt. "Nothing sucks the life out of a party like mandatory attendance."

"I'm never calling Gates grinchy again," said Castle. "I'm upgrading her to evil genius mastermind. This 'party,' and I'm using the term loosely, practically guarantees that no one will ever criticize her sense of fun in writing again."

Espo looked pleased with himself. "Well I, for one, am making the most of the Secret Santa—"

"Winter Holiday Mystery Gift Exchange," intoned Ryan and Castle in unison.

"Whatever. I got—"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Castle interrupted. "Ame-lay arty-pay or not, the sacred rules of Secret Santa must be upheld. No revealing your giftee until after the presents are opened."

"Fine, have it your way." Espo shrugged, but he was obviously dying to share his brilliant purchase. "I'm gonna go hang out with someone who's not the fun police."

As they watched Espo walk away, Castle asked Ryan, "He got Lanie lingerie, didn't he?"

"Yep."

"Dead man walking."

"Yep."

Castle shook his head. "Bold move. Stupid, but bold. How about you, who did you get?"

"What happened to the sacred rules?"

"Nah, I just said that to bug him."

Ryan chuckled. "Actually, I got his name. Jenny gave me a great idea for a present from something he told her."

Castle nodded in approval. "Good use of the spousal spy. What is it?"

"And break the sacred Secret Santa trust? Baby Jesus would weep."

"You're the Catholic school alum. I'll take your word for it." Castle took a sip of bright red punch. "As for me, I am using this opportunity to mend my fences with Gates. My creepy, collectible fences."

Ryan shuddered. "You actually found replacements for the dolls you smashed? How much did that set you back?"

"It wasn't cheap," Castle admitted, "but it's a small price to pay for a little goodwill. She's going to find out about me and Beckett eventually, and when she does I'll need all the help I can get."

He stabbed a toothpick through an hors d'oeuvre and offered it to Ryan. "Now seriously, you should try a meat-covered pickle. There's cream cheese involved somehow, too. It'll revolutionize your Christmas."

Kate was nursing her first glass of punch as long as she could. Someone had to make sure Lanie got home. Also, she hoped the stupid gift exchange would happen soon and she could keep it to a one-drink party. She and Castle didn't officially have plans for later, but she was pretty sure they would as soon as he opened his gift. Nervous or not, she couldn't repress her grin when she pictured the look on his face after he pressed play...

"Did I say something funny?" Perlmutter asked.

She jolted back to reality. "What? No, sorry, my mind wandered. What were you saying?"

"I was telling a joke."

"Oh. Then...yes?"

"Forget it. I don't know why I bother coming to these things."

"Why did you come? I mean," she backpedaled, "not that we're not happy to see you," he humphed but didn't comment, "but Gates isn't your boss. You could've gotten out of it."

"What, you don't think I have the Christmas spirit?"

She paused. "Perlmutter, aren't you Jewish?"

"So?"

Kate opened her mouth to respond, then realized she had no response and shut it again.

The ME went on. "Truth be told, I needed an excuse to turn down my mother's invitation to Stars on Ice. I'm allergic to sequins." He lifted his plastic cup. "L'Chaim."

Kate took a deep swallow from her own cup. Then another. Maybe she would need a second glass after all.

Where the hell was Lanie? She had abandoned Kate with Perlmutter to "have a word" with a cute uniform she'd spotted across the room, and now Kate couldn't see either of them. She tried to catch Castle's eye to beg for a bailout, but he and Ryan had their heads together, watching Espo walk away. Good grief, boys and their man-gossip.

The tinkling peal of a bell saved her instead. "Can I have your attention please?" Gates announced. Her bell was silver. Of course. "Gather 'round the tree. It's time to begin the gift exchange!"

Kate gave Perlmutter an overly bright smile and said, "Duty calls!" She angled towards Castle on the way to the tree, and together they found a spot in the outside ring of participants. He leaned sideways into her shoulder to give her a nudge as they sat side-by-side on the edge of a desk.

"Happy Winter Holiday party," he smiled.

"Yeah, same to you," she replied in a flat tone.

"Why does that sound vaguely threatening?" he asked.

"I just want to get this over with and get out of here."

"Why, do you have other plans this evening, Detective?" Castle asked innocently.

"Maybe."

"Anything fun?"

"More like educational."

"Oh, really? What is the subject of instruction?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

He angled his head a fraction closer. "And who is the subject of instruction?"

"You'll find that out too."

"I hope you know that I am a great believer in the value of lifelong learning."

"I'm counting on it."

Gates rang her bell again now that the final stragglers had gathered. "Thank you all for coming," she began. "As you know, you each drew a tag from the hat, and each of you used that same tag and the identical gift bags I provided to wrap your gift. If you think you've got the chops, try and figure out who your Santa— I mean, mystery gifter is." She flashed an apologetic smile at Perlmutter, who just rolled his eyes.

She picked up a red bag from the top of the heap and searched for the tag. "The first one is for...Mr. Castle."

Castle stepped forward to claim his gift and gave it a little shake on his way back to Beckett. Gates continued: "Detective Ryan, Esposito, Dr. Parish, Detective Beckett, me, Dr. Perlmutter..."

She continued until the tree was free of red bags. "Alright, people, open your bags, and let the guessing begin. Good luck, and happy holidays."

People had just begun to pick ambivalently at the tape and staples holding their bags closed when half the phones in the precinct came to life. People didn't even try to mask the relief on their faces as everyone sprang up, dropped their bags and hurried to their desks.

"Is it my imagination, or does the staff seem really enthusiastic about their jobs right now?" Castle asked. He got no answer, because Beckett was already halfway across the bullpen. He sighed, then followed her.

Ryan was the first to get to a phone. "Anonymous tip called in of multiple bodies dropped in front of a building in Manhattan," he relayed. "Address is...come again?" He frowned at the unseen person on the other end of the line. "Address is...here."

"What do you mean the address is here?" Beckett asked.

"I mean it's our address, this building."

Beckett said, "Espo, would you please go down to the desk and see if they have a pile of bodies?"

"I'm on it," he called over his shoulder on his way to the elevator.

Five minutes later, Esposito was back.

"What's going on down there?" Gates asked.

"The reports were true," he said. "I did find multiple bodies." He held up a large evidence bag.

It was filled with gingerbread men.

Lanie poked at a cookie through the plastic with the hand that wasn't holding punch. "I'm guessing cause of death was 12 minutes at 350 degrees." She giggled.

In Javi's other hand he held a Christmas card that featured Santa's reindeer gathered around a punch bowl. "This was attached."

Castle took the card and flipped it open to read. "We're sure your party needs livening up. You're welcome. Merry Christmas from the 54th."

"That's unbelievable," said Ryan.

"I know," agreed Castle. "How could reindeer possibly hold punch glasses in their little cloven hooves?"

"Not the card," said Espo. "I can't believe my old precinct would punk us like this. You know what this means, don't you?"

"We need to move the meat pickles over to make room for the cookies?" guessed Castle.

"Revenge," said Ryan. "And it needs to be good."

"Come on, bro," said Espo, "let's gather the troops for a war council." They headed for the conference room.

"Wait," called Gates, "aren't you going to open your mystery gifts?"

"Yeah, of course we are," said Ryan, backing away. "In just a minute."

Gates sighed. "I see the prevailing Christmas sentiment around here is retribution. Well, I tried. I hope you all remember that the next time someone asks."

"We will definitely remember, sir." Beckett said.

In the ensuing chaos of payback planning, the red bags were temporarily forgotten. Eventually, one by one, the recipients went back to find their gifts and open them, and Gates was right. The contents were a mystery to nearly everyone.

TBC