Author's Note (of Joy!)- Okay, so I am new to this, I love Jackson and April and I don't own Grey's Anatomy. At present, that is basically all you need to know. Enjoy

Ahh...One more thing Title Credit goes to Los Campesinos. The song has nothing to do with the story, the title does. Boom.

Oh, and yes, this only cannon up until the last episode. Except for what I witnessed in the preview which made me inexplicably angry.

Okay, yes and FINALLY: I haven't written anything creatively in like, years so I am a little rusty. I'm working on it and I'm really excited but this first chapter is a little rusty because I am still finding my footing. Please be patient.

"Mom, I told you the soonest I could come is March and even then I have boards to worry about," an exasperated April Kepner groaned into her phone as she entered the steel elevator. She'd been having this same conversation over and over again for months. Secretly she hoped that she would lose her cell signal but that had been a lost cause. Clearly she was being punished with good phone service.

"But Alice is having her baby," Karen Kepner begged. "And I would just love to get the whole family together before the summer." Why her mother was trying to get her to visit freezing, Podunk Ohio in the week after Christmas she had no idea. She knew her parents loved and missed her but ever since she left Moline they were constantly worried about her, to the point it was almost offensive.

April couldn't help but roll her eyes. It wasn't that she didn't want to see her family, she really did. But all her mother's pleas and protests did was made her feel guilty for not being able to take time off.

And to be honest, if there was ever a day she wanted to be in Ohio instead of Washington, it was today. In Ohio no one knew about Jackson and Stephanie. In Ohio she wouldn't have had to plaster on a brave face because the hardcore surgeons around her were staring at how weak and limited she was. "I'm sorry, I just can't. The holidays are insane around here."

"Well do you at least have anyone keeping you company up there?" Her mom asked intently, causing April to whimper imperceptibly. "You don't sound like you're feeling well."

"I'm fine," April lied, choosing not to answer her mom's previous question. "I'm just tired." And she was tired. Ever since Bailey's wedding, she'd been hard pressed for sleep. She supposed it was the risk you ran when you set up your ex-sex friend with an intern. She didn't even know why she was surprised. Jackson was too attractive for words and had never been the patron saint of celibacy. It was almost insulting that she hadn't seen this coming a mile away.

She assumed it had partially been hope. April had been known to cling to lost causes in the past and though it was uncomfortable to admit, this probably wasn't any different. While he had meant to the world to her, it didn't seem like he was terribly concerned about her. That was probably karma or something, in retrospect she did recognize that there were times she could have been more sensitive towards Jackson's feelings.

And after all the promises he had made to her, she had still believed that maybe they stood a chance. When she spoke them in her head, their issues seemed so small and simple. He had been ready for more and she hadn't been so he broke up with her. It didn't seem like some impenetrable, gaping chasm that stood between her and her best friend, it seemed like a little lover's quarrel that could easily be repaired by the right, honest words.

And she'd been willing to say them, she had even gone to find at that awful quasi-reception so she could tell him just how much he meant to her. Thankfully she'd been stopped by the image of Jackson mounting an intern. While it was brutal, it had saved her from doing the most humiliating thing possible in the name of reconciliation. She was an irremediable idiot, she was sure of it.

She had actually been about to tell him she loved him. She groaned to herself, seeing what a terrible idea that had been. She didn't love him; she was lonely and missed the attention. She couldn't possibly love him, not when he was so contrary to all the things she ultimately wanted. She fought to force the thoughts from her mind, all they did was hurt.

"How's the erm...project?" Her mom asked delicately. April couldn't help but cringe in irrepressible embarrassment. If anyone in Seattle had known that her entire family was in on Operation Revirginize, she positively would have died.

"It's going fine Mom, I can't really talk now. I should go. Bye" She hung up the phone before her mother could say anything else. She really didn't want to talk about her 'project'. Not when it had gone so torrentially wrong.

April hadn't intended to tell her family about Jackson, she really didn't. But one night the stress of defeat hit critical mass and all of the feelings she had carefully repressed had come bubbling over and she couldn't take it back no matter how badly she wanted it to. Standing up at the dinner table and declaring that God abandoned her because she slept with her coworker would never be what April Kepner considered to be her finest moment. To her ultimate relief, her family had been very supportive and assured her that there was forgiveness in all things, but it still was an experience she could have done without. Since then it had mostly gone unmentioned except for the occasional reminder that God loved her regardless of her missteps.

That had been part of the problem with her relationship, if you could even call it that, with Jackson. Here her family was praying that she'd be able to find her way to more stable ground and truly come unto Christ and she was constantly giving into temptation. Her family had always strongly believed in the power of redemption and forgiveness, but April had begun to wonder what the point of it all was. She hadn't been able to change, not really.

She had come back to Seattle Grace with all of these goals and plans to make her life more beautiful and full of strength than she had ever dreamed. In her time back home, she had felt that God had big plans for her and that she would be able to really make a difference this time around. But now standing at the tail-end of Bailey's wedding that wasn't, all she had done in the last few months was muddy waters that had previously been clear.

After finding out about Jackson and Stephanie, she had sobbed. It was pathetic, she was well aware of it. Luckily no one had been around for that except for Karev.

She did however feel a little petty for telling Alex about what she saw. Well, she had more shouted it at him, but still. Everyone knew about it and it was all her fault.

And ever since she'd been alternating between two extremes; on one end she knew that she'd been the one to push Jackson away and that he'd done nothing wrong, on the other she was ready to punch someone in the face. She couldn't even begin to explain how confused that made her.

She was angry at herself for letting Jackson go, but she was even angrier at Jackson for going willingly. It was completely maddening. She knew her hatred was baseless but it didn't change the way she felt. Whether she deserved it or not, he had broken her heart. And she simply wasn't big enough for that to not mean anything.

As she heard the ding indicating she was on the right floor, she forced herself to be brave. She'd be defiant or rude if she had to, but she wouldn't be weak today. Not when she'd spent the entire weekend watching old Jimmy Stewart movies and sporadically crying. It was time to act like an adult no matter how foreign it felt. Saying a silent prayer, she forced herself to face the day.

Stepping out of the elevator, April willed herself to be invisible. She was sure that the day would go more smoothly if she kept her head down and did her job. However, to April's ultimate dismay, she was spotted immediately. For as soon as she was within eyesight of the nurse's station, Meredith and Cristina were staring at her as if they were waiting for her to fall apart.

April put on her strongest front, hoping that it would be enough, "Morning." She approached the station as if she had nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe if she just acted like she didn't know no one would say anything.

"So what's the plan?" Meredith asked abruptly, shattering the red-headed doctor's meager wishes.

"What plan?" April asked disinterestedly as she suddenly started surveying her nails. She knew she was fooling no one but she really was out of options. Today she had to pretend she was fine or she would never be able to respect herself.

"To get back at Avery," Cristina prodded. April fought to not roll her eyes, she wasn't oblivious. She and Cristina were only friends by the very barest of definitions. The fact that Yang thought that she had any input in her life was almost insulting.

"Why would I need to get back at Jackson?" April asked in feigned ignorance. The truth was she was ready to stab him with a scalpel but she didn't particularly want to admit that. Especially not to people who already were well aware of the fact she was a little crazy.

"Come on," Meredith declared adamantly. "You've had to have heard the rumors about Jackson and the intern."

"Everyone is talking about them," Cristina added causing April to grimace. It was one thing for her to know, but the fact that Jackson hadn't even been cognizant enough to keep the whole situation private hurt her a little more than she would've predicted. She knew that everyone would know about it eventually, it was Seattle-Grace Mercy-West after all. But the fact that if she hadn't seen them with her own two eyes she would have been ambushed with the knowledge at work bothered her. He could do whatever he liked but it didn't stop her from having to help pay the price.

"Yeah, I've heard them," April shrugged nonchalantly as she gladly grabbed a chart out of a passing intern's hand and gave it a look. She welcomed any distraction from the fallout of her matchmaking scheme gone wrong. Her only cause of satisfaction was the fact that no one knew that she had been about to tell him she loved him. If they did, she'd never be able to live it down.

"Well, what're you going to do about it?" Meredith asked excitedly.

"Why do I have to do anything about it?" April kept her eyes on the chart still, despite the fact that she couldn't tell what it actually said. Her eyes skimmed it over and over again but instead of looking like words it just looked like strange markings. She instantly grew furious with herself. She was supposed to be practicing medicine today and she couldn't even put her emotional life to rest long enough to read a chart. She was a sad excuse for a surgeon.

"Because he's an ass," Cristina informed obviously. April was actually starting to be a little touched that the cardio fellow was taking her side. She'd always gotten the impression that Yang liked Jackson better. However if she showed any of this sentimentality Cristina would probably just berate her to compensate so April kept it to herself.

"Whatever, I set them up," April reasoned."It's fine. He was going to start dating someone sometime; I guess it might as well be now."

At least, that was how she was trying to see it. This wasn't just Jackson getting drunk and deciding to screw the next girl he saw. He'd spent time with Stephanie, well granted, it was only a couple of hours, but still he gone into it with his eyes wide open. He'd made a choice to move on. He wasn't getting back at her or even missing her, he was doing just fine in the aftermath of their breakup. April didn't know why she'd been concerned to begin with. Of course whatever feelings Jackson had had for her had been fleeting; she'd been an idiot to think otherwise.

"You are such a liar," Meredith challenged openly before looking to her best friend. "You're not fine. There is no way that April Kepner is fine with being just another notch on Jackson Avery's bed post." It was like April wasn't even there at that point. Hell, even April wished she wasn't there.

"She's right, you're not fine," Cristina agreed. "There's literally no way you don't have feelings about this."

"Once you find your person, well, your man person," Meredith amended to comply with own dependence on Cristina. "There's no way not to have feelings about them having sex with someone else."

"Who said Jackson was my man person?" April deflected uneasily; she forced her eyes to stay on the chart, hoping that it would convey some kind of disinterest-disinterest that was completely faked to be honest because internally she was friggin' dying. "He moved on. If he was my person..." She fought to control her breathing. The truth was, no matter what she told Meredith and Cristina, this hurt a lot. She didn't know how she was supposed to go on from this point and just be fine. She'd trusted Jackson, and in turn he proved that she really hadn't meant all that much to him. The truth stung. She collected her thoughts and finally looked up, putting on a brave smile.

"If he was my person he wouldn't have slept with Stephanie. My person wouldn't do that."

"He's a man," Cristina defended, "Men sleep with people. Actually, everyone sleeps with people other than you."

April gave Cristina a small smile, knowing that Cristina wasn't without a stake in this. While she'd tried to ignore them, April had heard the rumors that had flooded the hospital about Yang and Hunt, that Cristina's abortion hadn't been the pair's only problem. She was glad that they were working things out, people deserved to be with people who loved them. It was as simple as that.

But Jackson hadn't betrayed her, like Owen had Cristina. Jackson had just decided that whatever they shared didn't mean anything as shown by his level of loyalty. The fact that she'd given him her virginity hadn't meant enough to him to stop him from screwing the intern within weeks of their breakup. The simple knowledge that he was doing so much better than she was in the face of the decimation of everything they could be definitely ate at her. She always knew she overestimated the good in people, she just never dreamed that she'd do the same with him.

She didn't blame him, not really. Not when she'd been such a mess the entire time they had been 'dating' or whatever they'd been doing. But she still had expected more out of him and she'd been wrong.

"If Jackson understood me, he would understand what sex means to me. It's a big deal to me. And the fact that he can just throw sex around after knowing how I feel about it means he doesn't care. I make a lot of stupid decisions but I'm not going to just stick around while he doesn't care," April explained with a forced sense of calm. Internally, she was boiling over. Part of her wanted to kick Stephanie Edward's ass and the rest of her wanted to make sure she never spoke to Jackson again as long as she lived. She knew it probably wasn't rational, that in the eyes of anyone outside of the situation they hadn't done anything wrong. But April knew Jackson well enough to know that that he was fully aware of what he was doing. He knew the door he was shutting with her and he'd done it anyway. "He isn't my person."

She should have known that he was just like every other guy; all he cared about was sex. She'd given him the benefit of the doubt and he'd proven to her that he didn't deserve it.

April watched as both the other doctors mulled it over in their minds. After a moment, both nodded in what seemed like agreement for which April was thankful. She didn't have the time or inclination to prove to people that she was going to be okay. She already had a hard time believing it, there was no way that she'd be able to convince anyone else.

"Whatever you say," Meredith conceded. "But I think that you're being stubborn."

April merely shrugged. "It's not stubbornness, I am just calling it what it is."

"I personally prefer angry, bad-ass Kepner," Cristina mentioned conversationally. "She's actually kind of fun."

"Well then you're in luck," April said, finally slamming down the unread chart. "Because I really don't think she's going anywhere anytime soon."

"Who the hell made the lights so fucking bright?" Jackson thought to himself as he entered the hospital. His head was killing him, but he figured he should have counted the bender he'd been on this weekend to do that to him.

Ever since that stupid wedding he'd been drinking. He felt like such an ass. He prided himself on being a good guy, and yet he had broken his rule about interns.

It was the power disparity that troubled him really. Though he wasn't the type to punish people, especially in a work setting, it bothered him that he could make Edward's life a living hell if he wanted to. He wouldn't of course, but he was still her superior and he should have known better.

And then there was April.

He wasn't even sure how he wanted to approach that chaos. On the one hand, whatever unclear entity they had been was now finished, but he still didn't feel right about how things had gone down. His mother had taught him to be a gentleman and he was pretty sure parading Stephanie in front of his best friend, partly because he wanted to get a reaction out of her, was far from chivalrous.

He'd thought the idea of bringing dates was completely ridiculous from the moment she had brought it up. For one thing it was completely unnecessary because they both had (albeit weak) will power. Secondly, if he were going to be honest with himself, he hadn't hated the idea of being with April at that wedding.

Jackson, for all his faults, knew April Kepner better than anyone. He knew that weddings turned her into a little bit of a mess, but he kind of loved that about her. He'd been looking forward to seeing the real April behind the carefully crafted armor she'd worn ever since she'd come back from Moline.

He cared so deeply for her, but honestly, she hadn't been the same when she came back. He'd grown to have feelings for her despite of it, but he had always been waiting for her to just let him in for real. He had felt like they were always on the brink of something really good but April wouldn't let them get there. He'd actually resented her a little for it.

Had he wanted to take a date, he would have. He didn't want to be cocky or anything but he was an attractive guy, it wouldn't have been that difficult. He had literally not wanted a date. But it was April asking and her shoulders were going to be naked and he always did like her shoulders. If it had been anyone else he would have told them no but April always got what she wanted from him, even before San Francisco.

But then she'd given him the intern that he knew liked how he looked. And he felt a little insulted. He'd thought that he'd gotten through to her that he wasn't a dessert or a car-crash, but apparently that didn't stop her from thinking that he was something that could just be gifted at her convenience. He felt like a gift-card to best buy or something.

He'd picked Shane because he knew that Ross would keep his hands to himself. He wasn't ashamed of that; it wasn't his fault that even after he'd broken things off he still felt a little territorial over April. She'd given him her virginity, whether she liked it or not he did have some small claim on her. He didn't care if that made him a chauvinist.

And then Stephanie had gotten cleaned up and looked hot and Jackson felt vindicated. He was so grateful that he liked Edwards. Though he found her interesting and good to talk to, he especially liked how pissed he could tell April was getting. She had set him up with someone he actually liked and she couldn't stand it. He felt like she had got what was coming to her for playing with fire.

He'd felt almost high after the experience. There was something about finally fighting back against all the shit life had dealt him lately felt amazing. He knew that it was probably irresponsible and maladaptive, but he hadn't cared because it was the first time in recent memory that he was doing something simply because he wanted to without regard to anyone else.

But then in the car he'd let things get out of hand and he was hard pressed to think of a way to make it all better. He'd felt like such a tool after. He'd liked Stephanie, honestly he did. But things wouldn't have gotten that far if he hadn't had that added thrill of getting back at April for not wanting him.

And now, three days later he was just an asshole with a hangover and hospital full of women who would soon hate him. He suddenly felt like Karev.

He stepped into the elevator, pushing the button for his floor as he groaned to himself. He knew he should have cut himself off on Sunday night but by then he hadn't been sober for days and had easily justified a few more rounds.

Jackson soon heard a nervous tapping and turned around to see Shane Ross clutching a few charts to him. Jackson gave a well-meaning smile but Shane just shook his head.

"So Ross, have you seen Dr. Kepner anywhere?" Jackson asked finally in attempt to break the silence.

"You've got to be kidding me," Ross muttered to himself before plastering on a smile. If Dr. Avery weren't his boss, he'd punch the guy in the mouth. "I haven't seen her, sir."

"Dr. Ross, do we have a problem?" Jackson inquired as he clenched his fist, itching a little for a fight. It wasn't his best trait, but when everything became too much for him to handle lashing out seemed to make him feel better. Beating the shit out of Karev had basically single-handedly gotten him through the aftermath of the shooting. Well, that and his burgeoning relationship with Lexie but he tried not to think about that.

Lexie Grey had been a wonderful distraction, but when it came down to it she'd been using him to run away from the big decisions she hadn't been ready to make and he'd really only been interested in being with someone who tried to understand him. It hadn't mattered that she never really did.

"No sir," Ross bit out, to his credit not backing down. Before the intern could say anything else the doors to the elevator sprung open and Shane practically rushed out, Jackson quickly following.

He wanted nothing more than to be invisible. He knew it wasn't logical of course. He was now an attending that was relatively sought after by residents and interns and even before that he'd never had a shortage of attention. But now was different. He was big ol' human train wreck now; everyone would be stopping to survey the damage.

He'd hoped that no one would find out about his car time with Edwards, but if the way that Ross had looked at him in the elevator was any indication, the whole hospital already knew.

He prayed to God that April hadn't heard the rumors; he didn't trust her to take them well. He knew that it may be deceptive, but a profound part of him wished that April never found out.

For all of his pushing back at the wedding, he really didn't want to lose April as a friend. He'd been reckless with Stephanie, assuming that April wouldn't hold it against him but now in the light of day it was seeming all the more implausible.

Though she was one of the kindest, most caring people he knew, it could not be said that April Kepner didn't have a temper. His only choice was to find out how much she knew and then do the best he could to fix it.

He scoured the surgical floor for any sign of April or Edwards, having mixed feelings when he saw only nurses. He figured it was good that he had more time to figure out what to say to April if she did in fact know. And then there was the simple truth that he didn't particularly want to admit: He didn't want to see Stephanie Edwards.

Their time together had been good; he had no complaints about it physically. Quite honestly he'd forgotten how nice it was to be with someone who wanted to be having sex with him. Though she was the best he ever had, sex with April had always had something held back, like they both knew that she'd regret it in twenty minutes so they couldn't give all of themselves.

That hadn't been the case with Edwards. His time with her, though forbidden, had been fun and all-consuming. He actually kind of liked that she'd been more enthusiastic than April ever had. However, it had also been emotionally empty. He could like Stephanie, he'd admit that. But that was it, he liked Stephanie. She was hot and fun to talk to and they'd gotten along really well and she'd turned him on but that was all. There was nothing cosmic or lasting about it, they had just gotten along and cemented it physically.

Stephanie wasn't the girl he'd spent the weekend drinking away the memories of.

Maybe had he spent more time with her before, he'd be able to trigger stronger feelings for the intern than just moderate endearment but because of what they had done.

It reminded him of his night with Mara Keaton. He'd liked her, he'd been attracted to her but when push came to shove, he hadn't called her after because she hadn't meant anything.

But then it had all hit him, all the feelings of betrayal and self-loathing. He hated that he missed April after it was all said and done, it made him feel like a jerk. Honestly, he now understood April better than ever before because it had taken all of his will-power not to tell Edwards how big of an idiot he was after the act.

When he and April had hooked up that first time, it was like his world had shifted. One moment they'd been standing at her door and the next his universe had careened out-of-place. He no longer recognized himself or his life after. It had really been a complete game changer. And if he was honest with himself, he hadn't minded.

The moments before April had ignored him and then told him all about her love of Jesus had been full of possibility. He'd thought up all kinds of ways that they could somehow be with each other again and again. Had he not found his mom with Webber, he was absolutely certain that no one could have paid to get the smirk off his face.

And when he'd thought that April was pregnant and had contemplated a life with her, he'd found faith in himself that would have otherwise gone dormant. Jackson had finally thought that maybe things happened for a reason, that just maybe he'd been wrong about the soul mates thing because a life with April sounded so indescribably good. He had been certain of it, the life that they would life together because something that had felt so good-so right- couldn't possibly be bad.

His relationship with April had proven fruitless, but it had definitely changed his views a bit and his next serious relationship he wanted to be with someone who literally shifted his world. He'd forgotten that in the heat of the moment but it was the truth.

And he knew girls like Edwards, they used sex as an initiator but they wouldn't let it stay that way for long. She'd want more than to be his warm body and he couldn't offer that to her. It made him feel like a complete ass.

Though there wasn't a day that passed that Jackson didn't wish Mark Sloan was still alive, today had proven especially difficult. If his mentor had been here, he would have known what to tell Jackson, God knows that Mark had been in that place before.

After what felt like an eternity, Jackson forced himself to get to work. He only had a few hours before he had a breast augmentation and he wanted to put in some time in the burn clinic. He could really use feeling like had something to offer humanity.

A little over an hour later, Jackson found himself with nothing to do. That was supposed to be a perk of a relatively plush specialty but instead he found it maddening. Finally in an attempt to put himself out of his misery, he decided to try to find his best friend.

The anticipation of whether or not April had heard was killing him. Realistically he knew that he could just man up and tell her himself but as weak as it sounded, he didn't want to.

He couldn't find April anywhere and it was driving him crazy. He'd checked the OR board and the attendings' lounge. He'd even taken to waiting outside of on-call rooms but all that yielded was witnessing a few too many couples walking out red-faced and their hair all over.

Finally deciding that his creativity was shot, he approached Yang who was busy charting. Meredith was nearby but he had more faith the Cristina wouldn't see through his shameless inquires.

Though they had never been close, he'd always liked Cristina. He appreciated the drive he saw in her, however he was eternally grateful that she'd shot him down when he'd tried to make a move on her. They would have been the worst couple in the world, he was sure of it.

"Yang," he called happily, not quite liking when she looked up but said nothing. He tried to not think too much of it as Yang was never what anyone would call friendly.

"Hey, have you seen April?" He asked, feigning indifference as he stood next to her. He knew that Cristina wasn't buying it when her eyebrow arched in disbelief.

"You can't be serious," she said in response, shaking her head incredulously.

"I have a consult that I need her help on," Jackson lied easily but it did nothing to move the cardio fellow. He wasn't going to put his cards on the table quite yet, not when he was trying to figure out where they stood.

"Mer," Cristina called across the station. "Avery wants to know where Kepner is." He didn't like her tone, as if she were somehow joking.

"Seriously?" Meredith asked interestedly before setting her gaze on Jackson. He could feel himself being surveyed and found that he didn't much care for it. He gave her a small, tentative smile that received an ice-cold glare in response. "Seriously, asshole."

"What?" Jackson asked indignantly causing both women to roll their eyes. Finally breaking, he pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping that it would relieve some of the tension in his forehead. "Look, does April know?"

"Yeah, she knows," Cristina replied bluntly.

"And she's pissed," Meredith added. "Well, she won't admit it, but she is. You're an ass. She was a virgin!"

"Hey, I thought we got past that. April's a grown adult, she made a choice," Jackson defended for what felt like the millionth time. "And she set me up with the intern."

"You are still an ass," Meredith declared angrily.

"You are an ass," Cristina agreed.

"You don't even like April," Jackson countered in annoyance. He was fine with Meredith giving him grief, but he honestly had expected Yang to be on his side. They'd freaking saved Sheppard together.

"Well right now she likes you even less," Meredith interrupted. "And if you have to know April is down in peds doing a consult. Asshole."

"Seriously Kepner, pull the stick out of your ass and just get over it," Alex said finally while leaving the exam room. April fought the desire to roll her eyes for the billionth time. Today she was getting all sorts of unsolicited advice from people who didn't even like her.

She'd just spent the last two hours with Karev telling her to stop being a baby. She thought it was a bit rich coming from the dude who had acted like a complete child about being set up with an intern but she wasn't going to point that out.

"There's nothing to get over," April reiterated. "Jackson can do whatever he wants."

"See, this is why you're still single," Karev claimed definitively. "You do all the passive aggressive girl shit that guys hate. No wonder you drive them crazy. Really, just get over it."

"Nothing to get over," April snapped. "Seriously Alex, stop talking before I go all Ohio farm girl on your ass."

"Is that a thing?" Alex asked with moderate interest. Kepner didn't often intrigue him, but that last bit actually sounded a little porny.

"I bailed hay every day from the age of six to eighteen. I've wrestled pigs, I promise you, it's a thing."

"Whatever," he shrugged. "Look, I need something from you."

"And I should help you out because you were so insanely helpful today? No thank you." April bit out in annoyance.

"Oh hey," Alex called agitatedly. "Don't be like that. You owe me."

"Ugh, by what logic?"

"You ruin everything," Karev tried antagonistically.

"Haha," April deadpanned. "Try again." She knew that deep down Alex didn't hate her as much as he swore he did, but the pediatric surgeon still managed to piss her off like none other.

"I haven't told anyone that you were the one to walk in on Avery," Alex revealed, causing April to wince at the memory. "I can tell everyone how you cried."

"Have I ever told you I hate you?" April gritted out pointedly as she clenched her fists. She forced herself to take a few calming breaths in the interest of retaining her fleeting sense of calm. "Fine, what is my blackmail, and is this going to be chronic thing?"

Alex shook his head. "I just need you to cover the pit for me tonight. After that we're solid."

"Fine," April agreed, knowing that she got off pretty easy for having shared a difficult moment with Satan. She really could have picked anyone else in that reception and they would have been a better confidant.

"Awesome," Alex grinned before walking away. "And look alive Kepner."

"What?" She turned around to ask before seeing a cause for panic. She quickly looked for anything that she could hide behind before finding such efforts futile.

In the surprise of the moment, April hadn't noticed Jackson walking towards her. She couldn't explain the rush of adrenaline that had coursed through her but as if on autopilot, her body took off as quickly as possible in the opposite direction. She knew that he'd saw her, but she reasoned if she hurried fast enough she could come up with a plausible excuse later.

"April," Jackson called, spinning around quickly enough to grab her wrist and root her in place. He'd been meaning to talk with her about the wedding, though he had no idea what to say. Though he normally was fairly eloquent, all of the rehearsed statements had sounded bad in even his mind. His indiscretion was so big relationally to him and April, but why was completely vague. They'd agreed to be friends and had practically admitted that barring the sex they'd never been anything more. April had even set him up with Stephanie.

He supposed that despite innocence on paper, they whole situation with built on shaky ground. Like everything since that fateful night before boards, the careful détente they'd silently agreed to was always a breath away from crumbling.

But he knew he had to say something. He wanted to say something. Even though they weren't anything anymore, he hadn't meant for her to find out through the hospital grapevine.

April took a minute to regain her composure. Her plan had really been to avoid Jackson today and that had barely lasted an hour. She was fairly certain God was punishing her, she wasn't sure for what yet because he'd already punished her for the sex stuff, but whatever it was, it had to be bad. Finally deciding that she'd kept her back to him long enough, she slowly turned around. "Oh hey Jackson, I didn't see you there."

She was relatively mollified when she saw no hint of doubt in his practically perfect features.

Jackson cleared his throat uncomfortably and shoved his hands into his pockets. Now that he was in the moment he suddenly realized that this was probably a mistake. April's favorite way of dealing with anything remotely difficult was pretending it never happened and so he wouldn't be getting much out of her. And he still wasn't sure how he was supposed to tell her that he wasn't sorry for what he had done but that she'd found out about it. "April, listen, I…"

"I've heard Jackson," April interrupted in a blur. She was sure that she was about to get some perfect, articulate apology or plea for understanding and she couldn't bear it. The honest, cold truth was that she had no reason to be upset because whether she'd known it or not, she'd chosen the way that things would work out.

It was childish, but now that he was going to be happy with someone else she wanted nothing more than for everyone to forget, including him, that they had ever been anything more than they currently were.

"I know, and…" he began lamely but she interrupted him again.

"It's not a big deal, Jackson. You really don't have to explain anything to me." She did her best to look nonthreatening. Whatever residual feelings there were, they were her problem and she was determined to deal with them head on. He'd made a choice but at this point it really wasn't any of her business.

"Oh okay," Jackson nodded. He hadn't thought that she'd make it this easy. The real surprise though was the knot in his stomach that developed when she said she didn't care. He wasn't sure why it bothered him but he didn't like it. "You're not upset?"

"Oh no," April waved away, "We're fine. We're good. You are totally fine to do whatever you want with whomever. We are good. I don't care in the slightest, not at all. We're good." She took it as a good sign that Jackson seemed to believe her despite the fact that she'd been stammering and was by nature a fairly unconvincing liar.

"I just don't want this hurting our friendship," Jackson said concernedly. He ran a tired hand across the scruff of his face and for some reason it filled April with a sense of longing. She shook her head in hopes that it would dissipate the more colorful mental images, but to no avail.

"It won't," April stated, unsure of where the truth stood anymore. For all her big talk on never wanting to see him again, she had missed him terribly today. It killed her that she was trying to find the least invasive way to cut Jackson life. And she knew realistically that she'd never be able to, he was way too big of a part of it. He was Jackson Avery; he was her best (and arguably only) friend in the entire state. In the carefully crafted mental pro/con list, she knew that he had given her way more than he had taken away.

She suspected that all she needed was a little bit of time. That if she just went for enough runs and meditated sufficiently that all the bile that had been corroding her soul would eventually disappear. She was a Christian and that was the basis of forgiveness, after all.

"Okay, great," Jackson smiled in tentative relief. He still wasn't quite sure if she was being honest with him, but he didn't trust April to tell him the truth even if he pried. But in the end he was grateful she was talking to him at all. He half-expected for her to punch him like she had that douche in San Francisco. "Want to get a drink later?" He knew this was probably a stretch and wishful thinking but he figured it was worth a shot. It's not like he could ruin their camaraderie more than they already had.

"Ugh, I actually have to work the pit tonight." That wasn't a lie, but it would have been had April literally not been asked fifteen minutes before. In any case, she might have made up her mind to get over all the bullshit they had put each other through but she still wasn't ready to be around him.

He'd been right that day in the attendings' lounge; they really needed to stay away from each other. She should have just walked away, but instead she'd kissed him and crushed her heart in the process.

"Oh," she could tell from his voice he was disappointed, but she adeptly pushed the guilt away. She really did have to work; she wasn't avoiding him—yet. "Well maybe sometime this weekend."

"Yeah, we'll see," April dismissed, shifting her weight uncomfortably. "Look, I have a surgery to get into so—"

"Oh okay," the pair stood awkwardly for a moment before April finally gave a small wave and turned on her feet and started to walk. Without looking back, she marched until she was sure she was out of his line of sight, then breaking into a run. She had to get out of there.