Imperception

Morgan's glad to clear things up with Garcia, but the conversation leaves him unsettled. It's a feeling he'd rather ignore because the unspoken sentiment behind her assumptions is painful and, depending on how much she figured out after Chicago, just plain offensive.

Instead of ignoring it, Morgan spends far too much time thinking about that night and the ensuing conversation. It's impossible to stop wondering what other sinister things his best friend thinks he's capable of or whether she even realizes that if he'd "had sex" with her while she was that drunk, it would have been rape. He's not sure which thought is more disconcerting. Given the work they do, she should know the latter, but he doesn't particularly like thinking about the implications of the former.

It's less than a week later when he calls her up and asks if he can stop by for a bit.

Derek feels incredibly awkward once he arrives, but he knows there's no turning back at this point. Talking about it is too important to him; it has to be said or else it's going to continue to eat away at him and possibly destroy their friendship.

"Mama, something's been bothering me since we talked earlier in the week."

"Did I do something embarrassing that you didn't tell me about?" Garcia asks as she visibly pales.

"No, no. I guess I'm confused about why you jumped to the conclusions you did."

She scoffs, as if it's that simple, as if nothing is wrong with her assumption; that's painful in its own right. "Morgan, the last time I had more than two glasses of wine, I tried to make out with JJ, okay? You're attractive and sweet and I trust you. I've definitely woken up in bed with worse men after drinking."

"That's still...not what worries me. Or it is, but..." Derek scrubs his face. "Garcia, if we'd 'hooked up' while you were wasted, that wouldn't have been sex. It would have been rape."

Garcia gapes. "Wait, what?"

"You were too drunk to consent!" Derek yells, angry that he even has to say it. "And you thought...you thought I would have..." He feels so sick that he can't finish that sentence.

Garcia still looks dumbfounded.

"It hurts me that you think I would have...broken your trust like that," Derek finishes. After a moment of silence, he asks, "Fuck, would you please just say something?"

Her voice is barely a whisper as she responds, "I don't know what to say though." Garcia pauses and Derek tries not to be annoyed that it takes so long. "I just...wow, I was not even...that never crossed my mind Morgan, not once, I swear it."

Derek nods; he can hear the sincerity in her voice. It still doesn't help, or at least not as much as he'd like, but perhaps it's better than nothing.

"I know it probably doesn't mean much, but I'm so sorry I hurt you like that."

There's something about it that feels, not hollow, but just not quite right. Still it's far better than the conversation they had before. The frustration is hardest to deal with, even though Derek knows he's justified. It's should be understandable, especially considering his past experiences of being abused while drunk, but he's learned that people who haven't been through something like that rarely understand.

"It'll take me some time to...fully believe that, I guess." He sighs; Derek wishes it was easier to accept an apology, but it doesn't work that way, not for him anyway. Trust is hard for him; it started when he was a kid and he knows it'll always be difficult to trust.

Garcia looks hurt, which is irritating but not entirely surprising. As he grabs her hand, Derek wishes he didn't have to comfort her. Everyone always assumes that because he's so "strong" that he doesn't need anyone to lean on; it's false as hell. All he wants is comfort, but he can see that's not happening tonight.

"I promise I just need time. It's gonna be okay Garcia."

"You'll tell me if I ever mess up again, right?" she asks, smiling sadly.

Maybe he will and maybe he won't, but he promises he will, standing up and pulling her into a hug.

And if he spends the rest of the night telling himself it'll be okay, maybe it will be. Derek certainly hopes so.

He doesn't know what he'll do if it doesn't work.

A/N - I love reviews and when I get a bunch of them, it really eases my anxiety regarding writing (see my profile for more explanation), but please don't ask me to continue a fic that I've marked as complete. While I can logically recognize it's generally a compliment to my writing and/or the general story idea, it actually aggravates my writing anxiety and makes me less likely to write overall. I hope I still get reviews from people who wish there was more, but when I mark complete, I really do mean complete. Thank you so much for being understanding.