A Man Has to Do What a Man Has to Do

A/N: Hello everyone! I've never written an A-Team fic before, but a friend of mine who is a big fan of the show gave me a list of episodes to watch and I decided that Face reminded me a bit of Felix Unger. I apologize in advance for any major mistakes in the canon and ask that readers remember that I'm new to it. Feedback is welcome but no flames please! -Maumauka

"Face."

"Yes, Murdock."

"You're doing it again."

"Yes, Murdock. I am."

"We discussed this before. Had a nice long chat."

"Yes we did."

"And you swore you didn't have OCD."

"I don't!"

And you agreed that you wouldn't do it anymore. It's bad for you, bad for me, and bad for any innocent bystanders involved. You nearly got that last girl fired."

"I know."

"Well then: Was ist das, mein leibling?"

Face sighed and stood up. "I can't help it, Murdock."

"OCD, or Obsessive-Complusive Disorder: an anxiety-based disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry, and alleviated by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing the associated anxiety. Symptoms of the disorder include excessive washing or cleaning; repeated checking; extreme hoarding; preoccupation with sexual, violent or religious thoughts; relationship-related obsessions; aversion to particular numbers; and nervous rituals, such as opening and closing a door a certain number of times before entering or leaving a room. These symptoms can be alienating and time-consuming, and often cause severe emotional and financial distress."

"I do not have OCD."

"Since we are very nicely fixed for money, I can only assume you are in some kind of severe emotional distress. What is it? Tell Uncle Murdock."

Face shook his head. "Uncle Murdock? In light of our relationship, do you have any idea how disturbing that sounds?"

"Evasion. A common manifestation of psychological resistance." Murdock closed the door to the small room and locked it, planting his tall, lanky frame between the conman and escape. He crossed his arms and raised one eyebrow. Face knew that expression. It meant that Murdock would keep them both in there all night unless he got the information he wanted. Face sighed and gave in. "I watched Oprah today."

"And?"

"And they had this team of people who visit hotels. Not crummy dives...nice ones. Like the one we're in now."

"And what do they do in these nice hotels, Faceman?"

"They spray this chemical on the walls, the doors, the beds...everywhere! The chemical reacts to human bodily fluids such as urine, vomit, or blood. Then they go through the whole place with black light and the stains glow in the dark."

"Ah."

"And I just got to thinking about all the places we've been. Most of them weren't even as nice as this .The ones on TV...they even did the Plaza in New York. And...stains! Stains everywhere." Face finished in a mumble, looking down at the floor.

Murdock left the doorway and removed the toilet brush from Face's hand. The bathroom sparkled. A can of Comet and some Windex were neatly arranged on the edge of the sink. Wrapping the blond in a gentle hug, he said "It's all right, Facey. You do what you gotta do. Just be sure and give that stuff back to Housekeeping, okay?"

"Okay."

"And Face?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you wear the apron next time? I think it would be kind of sexy."

An exasperated huff and a wet sponge narrowly missing his head drove Murdock cackling from the bathroom.