Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue or the characters, they are the property of RoosterTeeth, etc. I also do not own any of the songs included in this story.

Notes: I had to, and I'm sorry I'm treating you to this poor attempt. But, when I found myself singing to some non-vocal songs as if I was Caboose, I had to write this fic.

This has a language warning, but hey, it is Red vs. Blue, so...yeah. This is set after Wash joins the Blue team (ooh, spoiler alert!) and Church has left...

I hope you don't mind this crappy first attempt at RvB fics by me.

"Whose idea was this again?" Grif asked as he placed a hand to his forehead and sighed in exasperation.

"You're looking at him," Tucker replied as he and the rest of the Red and Blue teams watched Donut singing a rousing number of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, never mind his manly singing voice not being the least bit suitable for it.

It had been decided that every week, the two teams would call a temporary truce in their war (if it could really be called that) on one night, and one member from each team (taking turns) would choose the activity. The previous week, it had been Tucker's choice...and let's just say Caboose was pretty disturbed for a few days following.

It was Donut's turn, and the lightish-red armoured soldier had decided to go with karaoke. Of course, they didn't have most of the necessary materials, so they made do with what they did have.

Donut was singing into his hairbrush, in a similar fashion to teenage girls who want to pretend they have a microphone. As for the music, as luck would have it, Donut had brought his old tapes to the base when he was first recruited, and they played them over the Warthog's radio.

Because they did not have a screen with words, creative license with the songs was permitted.

Lopez hung his head. "Kill me now, save me from this torture," he commented, not that anybody would be able to understand him.

"You're right, he is a good singer," Caboose responded as he clapped his hands to the song, even if his timing was horribly off.

Donut finished his song and bowed to scattered applause. "Okay, now who wants to have my brush near their mouths next?"

Simmons groaned at the innuendo, while Tucker muttered "bow-chika-bow-wow".

"Anyone? Come on, I have some great music!" He looked around and saw hardly anyone was interested. "Oh, come on! I did what you all wanted, it's my turn for fun!" He turned to Caboose. "How about you?"

"Okay, Admiral Cupcake!" He rose from his seat. "What songs do you have?"

"Plenty from the eighties especially. Just pick anything, even if you don't know the words."

"Oh shit. You know what's gonna happen, don't you?" Tucker asked.

Wash nodded solemnly. "Just as we can hear every morning."

"What? What's Caboose gonna do?" Grif questioned.

"Just listen."

Caboose accepted Donut's hairbrush and stood in front of everyone. He knew the songs Donut had, but not the actual lyrics. So he just made up his own. "Church and I...we are best friends...and Tucker is stupid..." he started singing to You're the One That I Want.

"Oh. I see what you mean," Grif mumbled.

"And there is a yellow Red guy, his name has two fs!"

"I told you, I'm orange and it's ONE F!"

"Just ignore him..." Tucker advised.

Caboose finished the song horribly off-key and screaming Church's name as loud as he could. Thankfully, he wasn't using an actual microphone. "Yay, I finished!"

"Yeah...um, great song, Caboose..." Simmons commented, if only because he knew if Caboose didn't get told his song about his friendship with Church didn't get praise, the Blue would be in a foul mood...and that was something nobody wanted.

"Hey, Washingtub! You should sing next!" Caboose stepped over to Wash and shoved the hairbrush into the former-Freelancer's face.

"I think I'll pass," Wash replied. "I'm not that fond of karaoke."

"I can sing something again then."

"Wash, do something!" Tucker urged.

"Oh, alright. I'll do it," Wash complied. He did not want to sit through another of Caboose's songs about Church and how they were best friends and how Tucker was stupid. He took the brush and stood in front of the group. He turned to Donut. "Um, hey, you wouldn't happen to have..." He whispered the song title to the lightish-red soldier.

"Oh sure, I have that one! I never knew you liked something like that!" Donut selected the song and pressed play.

Wash finished his performance of What's New, Pussycat?. Only, while the song was intended to be sung to an endearing woman, he was singing with an actual cat in mind. He didn't know of many other songs about cats that helped show their appeal.

"Alright, that's been two Blues. My turn now." Sarge took the brush and took centre-stage. "I'll show you all how it's really done!"

"I'm certain your performance will be the best of the evening, Sir!" Simmons exclaimed.

"Oh sure, if you mean the biggest idiot sings the best song," Lopez commented.

"No, I don't think he will sing to that song," Donut replied.

"Seriously, why do you even bother to respond if you can't understand a single word I say?"

"Quiet, Lopez! Time for my big number!" Sarge ordered. He heard his cue and launched right into his own song. Naturally, it was about shooting Blues and the numerous ways Grif could be killed.

"Yeah, I don't think we'll allow Sarge anymore songs," Grif whispered.

Caboose seemed disappointed. "I thought he was going to sing a pirate song!"

"For the last time, Caboose, he's not a fucking pirate!" Tucker told him off.

"And if those two Blues don't shut up...I'll take my gun and shoot 'em dead...hey!" Sarge sung.

"I never thought Jingle Bells could get so twisted..." Donut murmured.

"Meh, I've heard worse," Grif responded.

The night was wrapping up. Simmons had finished his rendition of We Are The Champions, full of praise for Sarge and the Red team in general. It was finally Grif's turn.

"Now, don't you go and embarrass us, or else I'll really have to shoot you. This is still competition between the Reds and Blues," Sarge warned.

Grif sighed. He didn't even want to do karaoke in the first place!

"I know! Sing about how much you suck!"

Tucker's bow-chika-bow-wow could be heard throughout the whole area.

Another sigh. Like I'm going to fucking sing something like that... He put the brush to his mouth and started to sing the correct words to a very touching song, one that brought tears to everyone's eyes.

Well, at least it would've if Grif had sung in tune. But, high notes were his weak spots in songs, so he sounded a little more like he was screeching through half of it. If any tears fell, it was because the listeners were in too much pain.

By the time he finished, everyone was holding their ears; even Lopez, though heaven knows he didn't need to. "That was the worst singing ever."

Wash finally moved his hands from his ears. "That was the worst singing ever. Of all time."

"Fuck you," Grif replied as he threw the hairbrush over his shoulder. "There. That was everyone."

"If this really was a competition, I'd say...nobody won. I know karaoke is for people who like singing but are absolutely shit at it. But, that was just too much."

"Never mind. Whose turn is it next week?" Donut asked. At least everyone had gotten up to sing. Well, except Lopez but he was the exception as nobody could understand him and he was only able to stick to one note.

"Mine! And I say we all draw pictures!" Caboose exclaimed.