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Previously

"I'm…" Mark began. He was stunned. He expected her to be angry. He even knew that she had the right to be mad at him but he had never expected Meredith to say that she had ruined her.

"Don't you dare say you're sorry," Meredith interrupted. "You don't get to be sorry."

"Well I am. I know you don't want to hear it but I need to say it again. I'm sorry Meredith. And I'm going to keep saying it until you forgive me. But you don't get to be the martyr anymore. I lost a child too. And I lost my wife long before I left. I shouldn't have left, but you shut me out. I tried Meredith but you wouldn't talk to me. You wouldn't talk to Addi or Derek. Even Carter couldn't get through to you. I made mistakes but so did you."

Meredith deflated after hearing Mark's words. She knew he was right. She had given up on them after the accident and had thrown herself into work. She was allowed to be angry, but maybe she had been too harsh on Mark.

New York City, December 2006

The first week after Meredith was released from the hospital, she had barely said anything to Mark. He would try his hardest to talk to her not necessarily about their child, but anything. He would be happy if he could get anything out of Meredith beyond single word answers.

All Meredith did was sleep, shower and only eat the bare minimum to function. Mark could see that she had lost the spark she had – the one that he loved even before they both found out that they would be parents.

She had spent that first week in a semi-catatonic state. She lay in their bed and barely moved. Addison and Derek had come by every day to check on the couple and try and get Meredith out of the bedroom.

Their doorbell went off and Mark knew it was most likely Addison and Derek dropping by to check on them like every other night this past week.

"Hey Mark, how is she?" Addison asked.

"The same, she still hasn't left the bed."

"Why don't you and Derek go out for a drink and I will stay with her? You need a break too Mark."

"I shouldn't leave her."

"Don't worry Mark. Addi is more than capable of staying with Mer for an hour or two. You look like you could use some time off." Derek said.

"Maybe we can talk," she conceded. "Not tonight and definitely not here."

"I'd like that Mer. You want to come over tomorrow night? I can make a quick dinner." Mark suggested hopefully. This conversation was probably what the two of them needed to finally get past this hot and cold stage of their relationship and truly begin mending.

Meredith had barely slept that night. After she agreed to finally have a proper talk with Mark since arriving in Seattle she couldn't help but think about what could happen. Mark had said that he wanted her forgiveness and wanted her back but she knew she couldn't take him back. Not without forgiving him first. Mark's rant had made her realise that she hadn't made things easy for him but it was easier to blame him for everything rather than admit her faults. She was always a stubborn person. It wasn't the smartest thing for her to hold on to her anger. She had made peace with losing their child a few years ago but she would never forget what could have been.

Mark had spent that night tossing and turning, sleep eluding him as well. He was pleased that Meredith had agreed to have dinner with him, something he should have tried to do when she first arrived but he couldn't understand the situation. The only woman he had loved had entered his life again and disturbed the little bubble he had created for himself in Seattle. With Derek and Addison close by Mark had created a life he was content with but if he was honest with himself he knew he wasn't happy – not as happy as he had been before everything happened.

His day at the hospital had been a bit of a blur. He had taken the afternoon off in order to prepare for his dinner. He had no idea what to make. He had promised Meredith that he would cook so ordering takeout was out of the question. During their relationship he had been the one responsible for the kitchen but he still remembered Meredith's only attempt fondly. He wasn't sure if he should just prepare a simple dinner or go all out and make some of her favourites.

He heard a knock on his door and opened it to find Meredith on the other side. Even though she was dressed in a simple cream sweater and jeans Mark couldn't help but stare. She always did have an effortless beauty about her.

"Hey, Meredith" he said softly as he invited her in.

"Hey," she responded. "Nice place." Meredith took in the view of Elliott Bay through his windows. His décor was minimal and masculine but it didn't scream 'bachelor pad'.

"Take a seat," Mark said as he guided her over to the table. "Food should be ready."

"Do you need any help?" Meredith asked even though she knew what his response would be.

Mark froze for a second. He knew he was overthinking this but this was his first chance to really fix things between them. He could have easily replied with something witty about her cooking abilities that were a running joke during their marriage, or he could play the perfect host. "It's ok. I just need to plate up."

He reappeared a minute later setting a plates of steak and with grilled asparagus in front of them.

"It looks great." Meredith said as she took her first bite.

Mark couldn't help the smile that took over his face when he saw Meredith enjoy her first bite. He had made something simple but he remembered that it was one of her favourite dishes.

They had spent the first five minutes eating in silence before Mark couldn't take it anymore. He didn't want to push Meredith too hard but he knew he needed to start talking. The whole reason for tonight was to talk properly – to really vent their issues.

"I need you to forgive me Mer," Mark began as he looked directly into her eyes. "I know its hard Meredith and I don't expect you to forget what I did but I need you to forgive me. I ran away when I should have stayed but I didn't know what to do."

Meredith looked up at Mark silently and she could tell that he had thought about this a lot. She knew he wasn't asking for her forgiveness lightly and as an easy way out but it still threw her. She was about to say something when Mark cut her off.

"Let me finish Mer. I don't expect you to forgive me today or tomorrow, not even next month but I need you to forgive me. We both lost a child and I know I can't really understand exactly what you went through but it was our child Meredith. That night I didn't only lose my son, but I lost my wife as well."

Meredith was startled by his accusation but she knew it was true. "I was angry Mark. At the driver, at myself but I was never angry at you. I kept thinking what if I didn't take that last surgery that night. I was about to leave but a trauma came in. If I didn't leave late then none of this would have happened. I keep thinking that it's my fault that we lost him."

Mark was shocked at her revelation. He never realised that Meredith had blamed herself for the accident. "It's not your fault Meredith. It never was. It was that driver's fault who ran the red light. Why didn't you tell me Meredith? We promised to tell each other everything." Mark said gently.

Meredith's hand fidgeted with the stem of her wine glass while she pondered that question. Why didn't she ever tell Mark how she felt? Why did she just throw up the walls that Mark had worked so hard to climb?

Mark grabbed her hand and both of them felt the sparks that were still there. Her smaller hand clutched in his larger one still fit perfectly after all these years. "You can tell me Mer. I promise I won't get mad," he reassured her.

"You will once you hear my answer," she replied quietly, unsure of herself. She fought with herself about whether to remove her hand from Mark's or to take comfort from the way his touch still made her feel safe. She looked into his eyes again and realised that he was sincere about remaining calm. "I thought you would blame me for the accident. For taking that last surgery when they didn't really need me. I lost our child Mark. I put up my walls because if I kept you out your anger wouldn't hurt as much."

Mark just kept looking at her unsure how to feel about this. He knew Meredith had really struggled with the loss and so had he but he had to be strong enough for the both of them. However her walls hadn't helped. If only he could have seen the pain she was in back then he would have known that he needed to break those walls down a second time. "It's ok Meredith, I'm not angry. I wish you would have told me back then but I get it. It hurts that you didn't trust me to help you Mer but I get it." Mark said softly. "I love you Mer, always have, always will. You are it for me Meredith even after everything."

Tears were beginning to form in the corners of both their eyes. The long overdue heart to heart finally moving them towards fully understanding the fallout from their loss.

"I guess it's my turn to see if you can forgive me huh?" Meredith asked. "I blamed you for walking out for such a long time Mark but I realised that I drove you away." He gave her hand another squeeze. "I don't get how you can still love me after what I did."

"Don't you get it Meredith? It doesn't matter what you did or do. I love you no matter what. I promised to love you till death do us part. I may have left but I will always love you."

"I should go," Meredith said as she stood up and removed her hand from his touch.

"Don't Meredith." Mark tried to convince her. They were finally making progress and he needed this. He could finally see them moving beyond this passive-aggressive relationship they had and becoming friends again. "I was serious when I told you that I wanted you in my life again. It's going to be painful at first, but we can get through this together."

"I don't know Mark," Meredith hesitated.

"Tell me you didn't feel like tonight was just like things were back when we were together. That you didn't feel that rush when I touched you? Because I did Mer. Stay and talk to me Mer. I lost you once and I'm not going to let it go again. I've wasted six years of my life. Even if we don't get back together I need you to know that I'm sorry."

"I forgive you Mark. I did a long time ago but when I first saw you everything just came rushing back."

Mark felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Meredith had forgiven him and had opened herself up to him again.

"I really should go. I have an early surgery tomorrow." Meredith said as she grabbed her bag.

Mark reached out to grab her arm. "It's late Mer. Stay. You can have the bed and I will sleep on the couch."

"I don't think that's a good idea Mark." Meredith replied. She was starting to feel the same way she did when they first started dating. If she wasn't careful she would only experience further pain. "Thanks for dinner."

He leaned down to kiss her cheek goodbye but at the last minute she turned her head allowing him to catch the corner of her mouth.

A/N: I can't believe that I haven't updated this in over a year. If anyone is still reading this then please feel free to review. I know things seem like they are moving fast in this chapter but I feel like I need to move this story along. I can't promise it won't be forever until I update again but I do plan on finishing this story.