Characters: Tony/Loki (Lady Loki), Thor, Clint, Pepper, Fury, Odin

Warnings: implied sex, mpreg(ish), lots of Lady Loki, un-betaed

Summary: "Congratulations, Stark. You impregnated the insane Norse god of mischief, who is currently about to give birth to your half breed child down in the medical wing."

Okay, that does sound like it's Tony's fault, but he's pretty sure he'd remember sleeping with Loki of all people.

The only Loki thing I happen to own is a phone case, so no, the Marvel characters do not belong to me.

Rating will go up.

Chapter 1

"JARVIS?" No response. "Come on, JARVIS, buddy, talk to me."

"He will not answer you."

Tony turns around, the SHIELD files he had been studying suddenly all collapsing. She's sitting on the couch like she owns it, the one he and Pepper had been sitting on only a few hours ago. She's pure seduction. Pure seduction is sitting on his couch. Emerald eyes flash amusement at his surprise.

"What did you do to JARVIS?" That's the important thing here. Focus Tony, focus. "How'd you even get in here?"

The arch of one delicate eyebrow and the slight upturn of lips has Tony chanting 'Pepper, you're in a committed relationship with Pepper. Pepppppper.'

"Oh, but I'm not here, Mr. Stark. It is simply a dream."

Tony smirks at her. "Nah, I don't think so. See, if this was a dream you would be naked. You also wouldn't be calling me Mr. Stark," he adds almost as an afterthought.

She stands gracefully and suddenly the dress isn't there anymore. 'Definitely a dream,' Tony thinks as she walks toward him, complete naked save for those heels, and damn that would be fun. 'Just go with it. It's a dream. Logic says so.'

"Tell me what you want, Tony," she whispers in his ear, standing so very, very close to him.

The billionaire takes a deep breath, which he realizes a second later had not been a good idea when the scent of holly and leather reaches him. It is strangely intoxicating. "What the hell," he mutters, and reaches for her. "It's just a dream."

And really, a tongue that skilled just could not be real.

Tony makes a mental note that no matter how boring a board meeting becomes, reimagining that particular dream is not an appropriate way to pass the time.

He only realizes what snapped him back to reality when Clint marches up to him. "You are a giant man whore."

"And this is a private meeting, Legolas. Just inviting yourself in is considered rather rude."

"You're one to talk, man whore."

"Already used that one."

"It's very appropriate given the circumstances."

"What circumstances?" Pepper is angry. Tony loves it when Pepper is angry. Well, when she's not angry with him.

"Sorry to barge in like this, Miss Potts." Oh hey, Cap's here too. "But we need Tony to come with us. There's a rather important situation that needs to be taken care of."

"What? Did Fury forget how to use a phone?"

"Would you have come in if he'd called?"

"Good point, but just because he sent you two clowns does not mean I'm going to drop this very important meeting."

Steve is giving him his serious face. "I will throw you over my shoulder."

Tony takes a moment to consider it. He doesn't doubt for a second that Steve really would. "Pep?"

She takes a deep breath. "Fine. I'll wrap up here. Go save the world."

"Thanks, Pep. You're the best." He places a kiss on her cheek before following Clint and Steve.

"You better believe it," she mutters, and it makes him smile.

"Giant man-whore," Clint whispers to him once more as the door closes behind him.

/

Thor intercepts the servant just as he has for over eight months now. She has long given up protesting. Every day he brings Loki his food, every day Loki's sharp tongue chases him away, but every day Thor still comes back.

Today things are different. He realizes it as soon as he opens the door. Loki's magic has hung heavy in the room ever since their return to Asgard. The Trickster's pregnancies had a tendency to make his control over his magic slip and lash out. With the life growing inside him his body compensated by producing even more magic than Loki was used to holding in his body. Loki dealt with it by constantly shifting his form to burn off the excess magic, but what remained was almost suffocating.

Loki's magic hits him like a wave, forcing him to take a step back. The tray drops, forgotten, from his hands. "Brother?"

Loki stops his pacing to glare at the Thunderer. Without any warning Loki's features began to soften, his face becoming less sharp, shoulders narrowing, gaining curves, and losing a few inches of height. Only his swollen belly remains the same as Loki shifts to his female form.

Thor steps forward, guiding Loki to a chair as she places a slender hand on her stomach. "Is it the child? Please Loki, let me help."

"Odin." Loki's grip on Thor's wrist is almost painful. "Where is he?"

"I am here, Loki."

Thor looks up just as his father steps over the abandoned meal. "Father?"

Odin gently but firmly pushes Thor aside. "Have you made your choice, Loki?"

"Of course I have," she snaps at him. "I will keep this one, Allfather."

Odin suddenly seems older at those words. Thor knows the look in his eye. It's the look he had when Loki fell from the Bifrost. "You are sure? There are other ways."

"All of which involve you taking my child again."

"As long as it is mortal I will not interfere." Odin takes Loki's hands in his own. "I would not choose this for you."

"No, you would give me no other choice but this one."

"Father, Loki, what-"

"Shut up, Thor. Just do it already, Allfather. I do not exactly have all day."

Loki hisses as runes suddenly carve themselves into her wrist. The magic that had made it so hard to breathe is suddenly gone. Odin is sealing Loki's magic. Loki is letting him. Magic has always been a part of his brother, as much as his skin is a part of him, and Loki is just letting Odin take it.

"Loki Odinson." Loki glares at him through dark lashes but for once remains quiet. "I cast you out. You will live a mortal life and die a mortal death, with no hope of redemption."

"Father! NO!" Thor shouts, trying to reach for his brother, but Odin's power is already surrounding Loki, the same dark power that had once sent him to Midgard. "LOKI!"

But Loki is gone.

/

"Clint, come down and say hi to the new recruit."

"Nah, don't wanna. Can see him from here. Doesn't look that impressive."

Peter opens his mouth to retort, and it would have been snappy, but is cut off when the ceiling suddenly opens and something falls onto the floor of SHIELD HQ. "Does that happen often?"

The Black Widow and Coulson beside him draw their guns. He's pretty sure Hawkeye, somewhere near the ceiling, is aiming his bow at whatever it is.

Whatever it is turns out to be a very pregnant woman. Her dark hair cuts off the view of her face as she leans on a desk with one hand, the other placed protectively over her stomach.

"You are trespassing in a government facility," Coulson calls out in a calm voice. "State your name and purpose."

She chuckles darkly, lifting her head. Peter is immediately struck by angry emerald eyes. "Oh, this is just perfect." If she had used any more sarcasm Peter is sure they'd be drowning in it.

"Loki!" The exclamation comes from above him. Everyone in the room is suddenly, somehow, even more on edge.

"Someone had better be calling Fury," Coulson calls to the paper pushers behind him without taking his eyes off the Norse god.

There's a quick game of rock-paper-scissors, a swear, and then the call of "On it!"

"Call a medical team as well," he adds when Loki grits her teeth in pain.

"How considerate."

"It's a lot more consideration than you should be getting." Fury storms into the room, Captain America, shield and all, on his heels. "Missed us already?"

"Just couldn't stay away," Loki snaps back.

"Uh, not to interrupt," Peter says, doing just that, "but I thought Loki was a guy."

"He's a shape shifter. He used that form once right before the Germany incident," Clint tells him. Peter would say something else but Fury is glaring at him and it's rather unnerving.

"Daddy dearest decide to let us punish you after all?" Fury asks as his attention slips back to Loki.

"He is not my father! And I doubt he wished to send me here. I believe the plan was to send me to the child's father."

"And who would that be?"

"Oh." There's a cruel, slightly insane smile on her lips. "Haven't you figured that out yet?"

It is silent for a long moment before Clint nearly shouts, "No, no, absolutely not! That giant man whore!"

"Clint?" That comes from Natasha, and it is clear she wants more information.

"Right before the whole Germany incident he had me tell him about everyone being considered for the Avengers Initiative. He disappeared after I told him about Stark, and when he came back he was wearing that form."

Realization dawns on their faces, Loki smirks even wider letting them know they've guessed right, and Fury growls, "Stark." He turns to the Captain. "I want him here now. You and Clint go get him. I'm not dealing with his shit today."

The medical team arrives and Loki, glaring at everyone, allows herself to be placed on the bed and wheeled out. Natasha and Fury follow. Peter can hear Fury and Loki trading insults all the way down the hall.

Coulson sighs and turns to Peter. "Welcome to the Avengers, Mr. Parker."

/

Fury is there to greet him when they arrive.

"Fury! It's-"

"Shut it, Stark." The Director is calm. Too calm. Tony knows immediately that something has happened and he is going to be blamed for it. Which really just isn't fair. He's been good lately, really.

"Congratulations, Stark. You impregnated the insane Norse god of mischief, who is currently about to give birth to your half breed child down in the medical wing."

Okay, that does sound like it's Tony's fault, but he's pretty sure he'd remember sleeping with Loki of all people.