Hey readers :D Here's a brand new Merlin fic for you all :) It's just a one shot

I hope you like it :D

It's pretty cheerful compared to my other stuff xD

I don't own Merlin or this would have happened :P

I dedicate this story to my first reviewer ... whoever you may be ;)

Enjoy :D

For weeks now, Merlin had been growing more and more secretive and serious. At first, Arthur had put it down to the stress of the quest for Mordred's life, the rescuing of Gwen from Morgana and all that that had entailed, the repeated near death experiences and the increased reports of sorcery in the outer kingdom, but Arthur had been through all that too and he could still crack a joke, and he was the king! He had to sort out everyone's mess all the time and wear a crown and sign things and train and lots of other important kingly stuff that Merlin was never burdened with … well … almost never. Okay so Arthur occasionally asked his servant to help with a particularly vexing speech, and give his opinion on some important council matters, and hold/be the target in training, and to come with him on a couple of his quests … He only asked for the latter because he knew that if he didn't, Merlin would follow anyway, and it was better to be seen to be obeyed.

But it was only after Mordred's lucky survival that he had noticed how down his manservant was. He barely grinned that goofy grin of his, in it's place was a thin, sarcastic, humourless thing that didn't touch his eyes, and he just ignored all of Arthur's attempts to draw a response with narry a quip. Well, the king decided then and there that it couldn't go on. Merlin would be happy again, and he would stop the irrational fear at the sight of his servant's sombre face.

He brought up the topic when Merlin brought dinner to his chambers that night. He was standing silently behind the king's chair, looming with a jug of wine, Arthur tried to stab at a piece of ham with his knife, but the eerie silence that echoed behind him was much more annoying that the usual prattle, so he conveyed his worry the only way he knew how... he slammed his knife down on the table with a rather loud clang

'Damnit Merlin!' he said looking at the raven haired boy in his peripheral vision 'sit down and say something!' after the initial jump in shock, Merlin's face had grown smooth once more, he took the seat on his right, leaving one chair between them, placing the wine jug carefully on the table. This subtle distancing was enough so that Arthur knew that something was truly wrong. Merlin never had any problem with telling the king exactly what he thought, and he was no stranger to almost uncomfortable closeness, he usually took the seat directly to his right, as the king's advisor would in court.

'What do you want me to say, my lord?' he asked, eyes on the table, looking so sad that it made Arthur sad just to see them. There was a pause then, as Arthur looked at Merlin and waited for the eye contact that never came. Merlin was sat poker straight, hands in his lap, perfectly still, the lack of movement was disturbing. Merlin was always moving, he was unnecessarily jumpy, fidgety so that it made a man nervous, especially in the woods at tense moments, expecting a group of brigands to jump out of the trees with battle axes and war cries, and a snort from a horse would have Merlin's head snapping this way and that, so fast that it couldn't be good for his neck. This stillness was strange.

'Have you done something wrong?' Arthur asked, leaning back in his chair and watching Merlin's reaction carefully, the manservants eyes darted to meet the king's before flitting away again a second later

'Why would you think that?' Merlin asked, back to stillness, but there was a slight quiver in his voice that made Arthur think he was on to something.

'Because you look as guilty as a puppy in a butcher's shop that is suddenly missing sausages' he declared. 'what's wrong Merlin? You've been depressing to be around for days now, it's getting me down' Merlin smiled one of his sarcastic smiles

'Well we can't have that can we?' he said quietly

'No' Arthur agreed. Then he sighed 'tell me' Merlin just shook his head

'It's nothing. I've just got a lot on my mind that's all'

'Look, if you've done something wrong then you can tell me.'

'If I had done something wrong then you would be the last person to tell, no matter how mild' Arthur, although glad at the slight dig, was genuinely wounded

'And why is that?'

'Because you're the king.' Merlin said as if it were obvious … which it was 'you punish people for their crimes. . . that's what you do.' Arthur was taken aback at the hint of anger in his friend's voice, but he answered with a laugh

'Oh come on Merlin, have I ever hurt you?'.

'Last week you put me in the stocks because I lost one of your socks, sire' he said. Arthur blinked

'They only threw fruit!' he said 'It's not painful.'

'True' Merlin conceeded 'but the potato you threw was' Arthur shut his mouth hurriedly and scowled, he wasn't going to win that particular fight

'But as king I can also give you minimal punishment. Come on Merlin, it can't be that bad!'

'It is' The words were said so softly that Arthur almost didn't hear them. He felt his face soften as he looked at the pure guilt on his manservant's features. In that moment, he knew that no matter what Merlin said he had done wrong, Arthur wouldn't be angry at him because he was obviously just so sorry for whatever it was that punishing him further wouldn't be possible.

'Did you kill someone?' He said trying to lighten the mood. He knew Merlin well enough to know that he never killed without a very good reason, and even with a good reason, he hated doing it. He felt the death of every nameless bandit and evil sorcerer that he had seen die. Merlin didn't even kill spiders for goodness sake, he put them out the window … or in Arthur's bed. But instead of a filthy look from his servant, the boys lip trembled, and his eyes filled with tears and he began to shake slightly 'Merlin?' the king was concerned, he got out of his chair to kneel beside his manservant, placing one hand on his back

'Yes' came the muffled reply. Arthur shook his head, confused

'What?'

'I have caused the death of a person' he said. Then he covered his face with his hands and began to sob uncontrollably. Arthur was stunned, and completely out of his depth. He patted Merlin on the back gently as he watched his friend give himself up over to grief. He looked around the room, almost hoping that Gaius would appear and give him instructions on how to make Merlin smile again. However, no kindly old man appeared so Arthur cleared his throat and addressed the whimpering form in front of him

'Who did you kill Merlin? And why?' Merlin just shook his head, either unable or unwilling to give an answer. 'Tell me!' he used a bit of what he liked to think of as his 'king voice', the slightly forceful tone that brooked no argument. Merlin slowly dropped his hands and blue met watery blue

'You' Merlin whispered, a tone so broken and sad that Arthur had to look down at himself to make sure he was still there and not dead as Merlin seemed to think.

'Um...' he began, really not knowing what to say 'I am alive, you know'

'Of course I know!' Merlin snapped 'I'm not crazy!'

'Are... Are you planning to kill me?' This would be the final straw he thought, first Morgana, then Agravaine and now Merlin?! He would never trust anyone again. Of course, Merlin was at least giving him a warning, he had to be being blackmailed in some way, he thought. Merlin, his Merlin would never betray him, never. They had been through too much, there was no way that clueless, clumsy Merlin would do that to him. Not that he could anyway. Merlin was a terrible fighter, he needed help in every single battle. . . from Arthur. And it's not like Arthur was going to help him out on this one.

Arthur knew by rights that he should call the guards, have Merlin arrested, throw him in prison and execute him for treason. But he couldn't. Not until Merlin told him that he wanted him dead.

'No! Of course not! I don't want you to die!' The boy was crying again, Arthur let out a huge sigh of relief 'I've been trying and trying to figure out a way to save you, you dollop-head and I just keep making things worse! You're going to die and there's nothing I can do!' Arthur rubbed Merlin's shoulder soothingly, even more confused than before. If Merlin wasn't planning on killing him then how could he have already accidentally killed him whilst he was still alive and unaware of his death? … it was making his head hurt.

'Well' he said diplomatically 'We're all going to die someday. And with the way that we risk our lives on a daily basis it's more likely to happen to me seeing as you hide behind trees given half the chance' Merlin just sniffed in response. Arthur sighed again. Why couldn't he just have a competent servant that he didn't have to care about?

'Merlin' he said 'stop being an idiot' Arthur was highly uncomfortable with this situation, especially when his manservant suddenly turned in his chair and flung himself at his king. Arthur's eyes widened as he patted his pathetic servant on the back

'I'm sorry' the trembling mass at his shoulder mumbled 'I'm so sorry. . . I just don't want … I can't … I can't lose you' Arthur almost let the chuckle escape his lips, oddly touched at his friend's open display of feeling, almost without his permission, one of his hands slid upwards to stroke Merlin's hair.

'Are you going to tell me how you killed me without me noticing?' He felt Merlin shake his head and mutter something about it not being the first thing he'd missed before adding

'I can't' Arthur wasn't surprised, Merlin never told him anything, and he had noticed a great deal. He just chose to ignore it so that the stupid warlock wouldn't have any reason to gloat. . . and so that Arthur wouldn't have to thank him … or knight him or anything silly like that. Arthur managed to push Merlin away gently by his shoulders and look in his eyes. There was nothing for it, to cheer Merlin up, he would have to be girly, there was a soft smile on his face as he spoke

'Whatever you've done Merlin, we'll take it one day at a time okay? And we'll face it together, like we always do.' Merlin managed a nod and a watery smile, Arthur pouted, knowing he needed to say more 'and after you've helped me overcome my near death experience, I'll go right back to ignoring you and won't thank you or appreciate anything that I may or may not have seen you doing.' he winked at Merlin then, who beamed his goofy grin 'There', said Arthur, 'that's better.' then he leaned forward and touched his lips to Merlins, a second later he was by the door

'Don't forget to change the sheets' he called as we left to go and do something that warranted his hasty and somewhat dramatic exit from his chambers. At that moment he saw Gwaine at the bottom of the stairs and called out to him

'Hey Gwaine! Let's go to the tavern' Gwaine looked up, a playful grin in his eye as he flung his arm around his monarch

'So you kissed him then sire? How did he take it?' then the drunkard ran for his life.

He had ordered the first round by the time Arthur caught up with him. By which time Arthur was only annoyed enough for a punch on the arm.

Gwaine made his way over to the table, Arthur helping him to carry the beer

'He did it boys!' the playful knight announced to the others

A roar of laughter and well wishing answered.

For as long as he lived, Arthur would deny the blush.

Pretty cute huh?

I was in a happy mood :P

What do you think? Please let me know your opinion, all reviews help me get better :D

Thank you so much for reading ^.^

Love you all

Love Tibbins xx