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A/N: Last night's tag was a one shot, but a lot of people including me are thirsty for some McAbby, and as I was driving home tonight, the narrative began to grow. It's written in as much the same style as I would imagine Steven Binder's to be. It's dedicated to Lia who is decidedly not a romance fan, but I don't care. Thanks for listening to me today. Sheila

Devil's Due Part II of III

"This is not a good time…I'm working! You know, the thing you do where you think about something besides yourself…Okay, that was really sort of a one time thing and my name is not Chucky!…I'm not that good a listener. Ask DiNozzo. I ignore him all the time…Seriously, my hair is particularly heinous today and my elbows are un…pointy. I'm not the guy for this…Come on, you have friends. Everyone has friends…Oh man! Don't cry…Please, don't cry…Seriously, I am the worst person to talk to about relationships…Okay! Okay! I'll be there, but just for an hour. Promise me it's just for an hour…You promised, and I'm going to hold you to it." McGee clicked off and sagged against the orange wall around the corner from the bullpen.

….

"Uh, Boss," McGee said. "Can I buy you a coffee?"

Gibbs glanced up. "Knock yourself out. You know what I like."

Gibbs went back to his reading, and McGee stood there, blinking. "Umm, maybe you'd like to walk with me."

Gibbs sniffed. "Nope, I'm good."

McGee's efforts had now attracted the attention of the rest of the team. Tony smiled. "Hey Boss, McGee is hitting on you."

McGee's head snapped up. "What?!"

Gibbs blinked. "Huh?"

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Gibbs, I think McGee wants to have a private conversation with you."

He shrugged. "Then why are we talking about coffee?"

McGee looked at the ceiling. "Please God, I ask for so little."

Gibbs grinned and got up. "McGee and I are going for coffee."

When they hit the elevator, he turned to McGee, "What's up?"

"She's back."

Gibbs winced. "What?! Victor's back in town. I was assured she was back in captivity."

McGee shook his head frantically. "Victor's moving out. Said he needs more time to think. Diane needs a friend. I'm her new BFF!"

"Tell her to go away, McGee."

"It doesn't work," McGee hissed. "Emily is staying with Fornell, and so Diane is footloose and fancy free. I came home two nights ago and found her parked outside my apartment. I had to sleep in a motel. The same thing last night. I washed my underwear in the sink, Boss. Do you hear me?! I'm a refugee! She texted me 37 times today. I finally said yes to meeting her for drinks tonight because there's nothing left to do but give in. You have to help me."

Gibbs shook his head. "It's complicated, Tim. She's kind of confused about me right now. Thinks I'm available."

"That's it! I'm drowning and you're not going to throw me a line. What about having my six, Boss? There are rules about the six!"

"Calm down, McGee. I mean, what could she want from you?"

McGee threw up his hands. "It's impossible to guess. One minute I'm her girlfriend, and the next minute she needs someone to hold her and tell her she's beautiful. In between times, I serve as a verbal punching bag. She doesn't like my hair. What's wrong with my hair?! I wash it and keep it cut. What more should I be doing with it?!"

"It looks fine to me."

"Thanks. Everything is good now. The guy who cuts his hair with a gardening shears thinks my hair looks nice."

"Hey!"

"Forgive me. I'm not myself. I'm desperate. Fornell will find out, and then years from now, people will be talking about my disappearance in the same way they talk about Jimmy Hoffa."

"I'll talk to Fornell."

"I don't want to be her boy toy. Please Boss. I just want my life back."

"It's going to be okay, McGee. Just need a day or two to think this through. In the meantime, just stay to public venues and you should be fine."

…

"He's enjoying this," Fornell said, wagging a finger.

"He is not enjoying this, Tobias. Kid looks about ready to swallow his tongue." Gibbs sat at his worktable contemplating another shot of bourbon.

"He's not innocent. Behind that geeky exterior beats the heart of a real jerk. I can tell. He's going to take advantage of her."

"As if that were possible. You're starting to confuse me, Tobias. For a guy who thinks his ex-wife is the anti-Christ, you sure put a lot of energy into who she spends time with."

"She's my daughter's mother, for heaven's sakes!"

"Sit down and have a drink before you have a heart attack."

"What's wrong with her?!"

Gibbs sighed. "She wants what she can't have and she's mad. A scorched earth policy is just her way of saying that life sucks."

"Okay if McGee is a unwilling participant, then what's the fascination for her? Seriously. We're talking about McGee here. Guy is about as exciting as an obituary."

"Come on, Tobias. McGee is sweet and he's a gentleman. He has no frame of reference for fighting with a woman. She likes that. She's like a lion toying with her prey."

"He could get a restraining order."

"Yeah, and what does he put on the protection order? 'She wants to have coffee with me.' I got a plan. All I need from you is to cut McGee some slack."

"He better pry himself loose from our ex-wife in the next week or I'm going to start digging a hole in the backyard."

Gibbs shook his head. "This is what comes from spending too much time in organized crime."

…

Playing a violin requires immense concentration and control; very much like what one needs when playing Abby Scuito.

"Gibbs, where's my Caf-Pow? I did good!" She trotted around him as expecting that it would be found lurking behind him.

Gibbs squeezed his eyes shut. "I forgot. Won't happen again, Abs."

"You never forget!" Her pigtails danced around her face.

"Got a lot on my mind."

"You always have a lot on your mind and you still never forget. Are you sick? I know you never have been before, but there's always a first time. Sit down. I'll call Ducky."

He resisted her efforts to wrangle him into a chair. "Not sick. Just worried."

"About what?"

Gibb shrugged. "I think someone we both care about might be getting in over his head."

She blinked. "Spill!"

"Ah, he asked me not to."

"No! No. No. You've come too far not to tell me more."

"He told me in confidence."

"I can keep a secret! I keep all kinds of secrets."

Gibbs sighed deeply. "It's McGee. He'd kill me if he knew I was telling you."

"Timmy? What's wrong with Timmy? I saw him just this morning. He looked fine."

Gibbs waited a beat. "He's ready to settle down."

She cocked her head. "What? I don't understand."

"You know, Abs. He's ready for a relationship."

"He always says that. He's not ready."

Gibbs frowned. "No, I think he's serious. Feels lonely."

"I took him bowling just last week."

"You're right. It's nothing. I just think he's vulnerable, and you know Diane's sort of on the market again."

Abby's eyes widened. "She wants Timmy?"

"Texted him 37 times yesterday."

"He never said anything."

Gibbs nodded. "This is what I'm afraid of. He's not talking to us. That means he could succumb to her charms."

"Charms? She manhandled him in his apartment. He was completely embarrassed."

"She is attractive."

"She's old."

"Abs, she's a very attractive woman and she goes after what she wants."

She bit her lip. "This is bad."

"Well, I gotta' go. I'll bring you a Caf-Pow later."

"Forget the Caf-Pow! We have to do something!"

"I wish there was a way to distract him or…something." He glanced at her reaction, but he only caught sight of her back as she ran out of the lab.

…..

"Timmy!"

McGee looked up from his computer. "Hi Abs."

"You look tired."

He shrugged. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

He looked around the bullpen having gained everyone's attention. "Yeah. I mean I…sort of have…well, never mind. I'm fine."

Tony arched an eyebrow. "He looks peaked, and while that's natural for him, he does seem a little paler than usual."

"No, I don't." McGee checked his pallor in the light.

"You look fine," Ziva said.

"Well, I think you need a nice dinner. My treat. Let's you and I go out tonight."

He smiled. "That's nice, Abs. Normally, I'd say yes, but I got a thing tonight."

She narrowed her eyes. "What kind of thing?"

He shrugged. "Just a thing with a person."

"Do I know this person?"

McGee winced. "It's kind of private."

Tony shook his head. "You know we don't do private. Talk McGee or I will make your life a living hell."

"Believe me, someone's already working that angle."

Ziva jumped up. "Diane!"

McGee dropped his face in his hands. "She needs a friend."

"And she picks you?"

"I don't know, Tony. She won't leave me alone. And I mean, she really won't leave me alone. She is kind of nice though after a while. Her hair is nice and her mouth kind of turns up like a cupid bow. Maybe if I have a few drinks-"

"No!" The force of three simultaneous voices startled him.

"She just wants to talk. She says I'm a good listener."

Abby put her hands on his shoulders. "You can't go!"

"It's going to be fine, Abs. She'll talk. I'll listen and hopefully, she'll let me go home."

"Tell her you can't."

"I already said yes, and if you know Diane Sterling, she doesn't take no for an answer."

…..

Abby smoothed the black jersey wrap dress around her waist and checked her face in the mirror. Her hair was in one ponytail. McGee's favorite. She checked her lipstick, and then Ziva was there pinching her cheeks. "Stop Ziva! I have blush for that."

"You look very beautiful."

"Is she here?"

"Yes and she's looking impatient."

"Tony's handling McGee?"

"He's got him changing a flat about a mile back."

"Okay. I'm ready."

"We'll go together. Girl power."

The two dark beauties walked through the restaurant. Abby gasped when she saw Diane and pointed her out to Ziva. "Diane, how are you?"

Diane looked up. She was wearing a red dress with a disturbing amount of cleavage. "Ziva? Abby?"

Abby slid in across from her and Ziva took the chair beside her. "Funny running into you here."

"I guess so. Did you see Chucky? I mean, Tim. He and I are meeting for drinks."

"Oh yes, well he'll be along shortly, right Ziva?"

"Yes, Tony called and he has a flat. McGee is helping him."

"I didn't know all of you were coming."

"We needed a night out. Stressful job."

"Oh, I know."

Abby leaned forward. "So, you and Tim are friends?"

"It's been a horrendous couple of weeks, and McGee has been a wonderful shoulder for me to cry on."

Abby looked at Ziva. "Tim is a very sensitive person, you know."

"Oh yes. That's why I like talking to him so much."

"He's very special. So special that I can't help but worry about him."

Diane's brows rose. "Really?"

"He and I are very tight. Have been for a long time."

"He mentioned that," Diane said with a gleam in her eye. "Said you're like a sister to him."

Abby narrowed her eyes. "I wouldn't describe our relationship quite like that."

"Tell me more."

"McGee is my best friend and he's the person who understands me more than anyone else in the whole world."

"Well, I think he's looking for something a little more intimate in his life. Said he's ready to start a family."

Abby's mouth dropped.

"I mean, the two of you are best friends. Obviously, he tells you these things, right?"

"Diane, what I feel for Tim is very complicated."

"What's so complicated about being friends?"

Abby took a deep breath. "Have you ever had the kind of love that is so precious, so sweet that you want to protect it from everything?"

Diane smiled. "Love has never been sweet for me. It's always been animal crazy, deep and passionate."

Abby closed her eyes. "My love for him is perfect. I want him where I can find him every day. I live for his smile and the way he can complete my sentences, and how he understands every single one of my moods. I love the way he never tries to change me and how he thinks I'm beautiful."

Diane reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "Then why are you just friends?"

Abby bit her lip. "Because it's fragile. If I jostle it too much…what if it's too much and one of us changes? What if one of us gets hurt? It's better to just protect what we have."

Diane leaned back. "That's not enough."

Abby looked at Ziva in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"You treat love like fine china. I treat love like a drug that I can never get enough of. I dive in while you sit on the edge and dip your toes. Your version of love is cute, but it's small and silly."

"What?!" Abby was on her feet.

"You came to protect him from me, but how can you do that when you feed me some story about him being a sweet little figurine you are afraid will drop on the floor and shatter. Real love has to be stronger than that."

"You listen to me, Mrs. Ex-wife! Timmy is mine!"

Diane cocked her head. "That's a little better. What do you think, Ziva?"

"I…think I need a drink." Ziva was up and out of her chair before Abby could even protest.

"Sit down, Hello Kitty."

Abby sat and glared across the table.

"You want me to leave Chucky alone, right?"

She nodded.

"Then you have one week to stop playing Ken and Barbie, and show him what real love looks like. One week. If I come back and he's still got a "For Rent" sign hanging off of him, I'm going to take him for a ride he'll never forget. Put that in your pipe and smoke it." Diane got up, slung her coat over one shoulder, and slinked off into the night.

Ziva came back a few minutes later with a couple of drinks. "Abby? Where's Diane?"

"Huh?"

"Diane? Where did she go?"

Abby looked up. "I don't know."

"Are you okay?"

She shook her head sharply as if trying to regain focus. "I don't know, Ziva. I really don't know."

….

TBC