*A/N I'm a big fan of classic country music and I draw a lot of Paric inspiration from it as evidenced by some of my earlier stories. This one hit me like a ton of bricks. I've been writing more from Eric's POV lately so it's time for one from Pam's perspective. Don't own the song. It's Merle's. Don't own Pam. Don't own Eric. And it's a cruel world.

Today I started loving you again
I'm right back where I've really always been
I got over you just long enough to let my heartache mend
And then today I started loving you again

Pam sat in front of her vanity mirror and cast a downtrodden sigh as she caught a glimpse of the gorgeous framed photo of Eric that lived on top of her beauty station. His flawless face seemed to haunt her wherever she went; the countless other photos of her maker that littered nearly every surface of her room caused most of it, but even if she wanted to forget, it would forever be Eric's face that filled her mind when she closed her eyes.

She had been enchanted with the Viking vampire God from the moment she had first laid eyes on him on that darkened San Francisco street over a hundred years ago and no matter what she told herself, he would be the one she longed for until the day she met her true death. Every morning before she drifted off to day's death, she told herself that things were over between them and could never be rekindled into what they had once had and that she would be better off trying to move on. And at some point each and every night she fell in love with him all over again.

Take for instance this particular evening. Pam had once again worked herself into falsely believing that she was done loving Eric. She was going to face the night as a new woman with bad intentions on her mind; the hottest person that walked into Fangtasia that night would be HERS…whomever it happened to be. Then shortly before they had opened for the evening, Eric had walked past her and nonchalantly flipped her hair over her shoulder and flashed his patented Eric Northman shit eating grin. The combination of the feel of his fingers lightly grazing her shoulder and the adorable look on his face melted the icy core that she tried hard to keep frozen. Had she been human, she would have been putty in his hands, but Pam had long since grown used to hiding her emotions. It wasn't easy though; it took every bit of vampiric strength that she had in her not to dissolve into a puddle of lust and emotions on the floor. She couldn't be weak though; Eric loved her more when she was cold and heartless.

What a fool I was to think I could get by
With only these few million tears I've cried
I guess I should have known the worst was yet to come
And the crying time for me had just begun

The thoughts she had of finding someone else to fulfill her lustful and loving needs that night had been instantly forgotten. Pam would crawl on her belly in a blazing inferno through barbed wire and broken glass to get to Eric if he gave her any indication that he still loved and desired her the way she loved and desired him, but Eric Northman had done no such thing ever since the day the gap-toothed, slack jawed, hillbilly waitress had sauntered through Fangtasia's front doors with Bill Compton and promptly destroyed her life. It was completely unfathomable to Pam how a creature as magnificent as Eric Northman could be interested in someone as insignificant as Sookie Stackhouse. Pamela was not a woman who was easily baffled, and if she ever solved this particular mystery she was certain that she could solve life's more important ones, like why high end cosmetics never went on sale.

Eric's simple touch nearly had her floating, but his actions soon after had quickly popped her balloon and sent her emotions aimlessly zigzagging around the room. The pathetic blonde breather had dared showed her face in the bar and Eric had nearly torn his ass in his rush to get to her side. Pam had immediately felt anger not only at Sookie for ruining her night, but also at Eric for making her feel second best to the white trash waitress. She certainly deserved better; before Sookie came into the picture Eric had placed no one above his progeny, but those days were long over.

The anger quickly subsided to heartache, and Pamela mentally pushed her tears away. She might have been a broken mess, but she certainly wasn't going to let the entire crowd at Fangtasia see her melt down, let alone Eric and Sookie. So she clung to the only string of dignity she had left as her lifeline and kept herself together until she had retired for the day.

And now, brushing her golden locks out before her day's slumber and looking at the face of the only person she had ever and could ever love, she felt a crimson tear slide its way down her porcelain cheek. This seemed to happen a lot and each day it hurt a little more. She gently lifted Eric's picture up and stared at it for a few moments before placing it face down on the vanity. Scooting her stool out, she slowly walked towards her large, lonely bed. She longed for Eric to come share it with her, but if he insisted on chasing pathetic fairy snatch, she wasn't going to wait on him to come to his senses.

Tomorrow night she would start fresh, or at least she was going to try. The lie she told herself was as damaging to Pam as Eric's infidelity, but it was all she had left to hold on to. It would certainly be short lived, but she had to keep a little pride before she started loving him again. As the sun's rays broke through the horizon, Pam's eyes fell shut and her dreams told her that she was once again kidding herself. She saw his face, and she was a goner.