The Pool of Liver

Once upon a time there were four fabulous cats named Paul, John, George and Ringo. They weren't actually cats. They were more like beetles—in fact, they were THE BEATLES. Anyway, on a cold summer's eve, Paul was having trouble sleeping. Not wanting to wake his wife, he quietly snuck out of bed and walked around with a flashlight instead of turning on the lights. He wandered aimlessly through the halls, gazing lazily at the beautiful paintings of oranges and lions on the walls. Eventually he came to the kitchen. He then decided a glass of warm milk and unicorn blood (yes, unicorn blood—how else would he stay so beautiful?) was in order. So he grabbed the milk from the fridge and the blood from the freezer, mixed them in a tall glass with pictures of his own face on them, and stuck it in the microwave to heat up. While his drink was cooking, he just so happened to look outside. And what should he see outside but a large, suspicious looking blob on his perfectly manicured lawn. He angrily threw on a pair of striped socks and the classiest shoes he owned and stormed out the kitchen door. However, he almost immediately returned because he forgot his flashlight. After stomping out the door once again, he shined the flashlight on the big, round blob. As he got closer, he realized that it was not just a stupid blob. It was a kiddie pool filled with livers. He was about to release the manliest scream in the world when a hand clamped firmly around his mouth. Though he tried to throw his attacker off, he was quickly thrown to the ground and had his hands hastily but firmly tied. However, he was now able to see his attacker, or rather, one of them. Ringo was standing before him with the stupidest grin in Liverpool painted on his face. The other attacker—it HAD to be John—still had Paul's mouth covered. His feet were being tied by Ringo. But even as the thoughts registered in Paul's mind, the hand was being replaced by cloth and John was laughing hysterically. Paul was no longer afraid; he was angry. Like, REALLY angry. This was so not cool of John and Ringo. And his milk/unicorn blood was probably getting cold. Suddenly, he was being lifted off the ground. John was lifting Paul's upper half while Ringo grabbed his legs. With horror, Paul realized what was going to happen. Still, when his so-called friends threw him into the pool of liver, the feel of it was extremely shocking. The livers were squishy and slippery and they smelled extremely disgusting. He floundered like a fish as John and Ringo walked away, laughing. When they were out of sight, Paul calmly used his x-treme ninja skills to sit up and untie his legs. He was working on his hands when he heard someone walk up to him. Thinking it was his wife Linda, he began to think of excuses for being in a pool of liver. But when he looked up, it was George. The quiet one. He simply looked at Paul, with a slight smirk on his face. That's when Paul remembered—he had beaten George to the prime parking spot at the studio earlier in the day.

"Nobody messes with George Harrison." And with that, George walked away.