A/N Another slice of St. Berry life in the New Beginnings universe.

Rachel gnawed nervously on her bottom lip then took another big gulp of her glass of water. Of all nights to be late, why did Jesse have to choose this one? If he didn't come home soon the announcement would be put off, and the longer she put it off, the harder it would be to tell him. Maybe she shouldn't tell him? Maybe she should just let the evidence speak for itself as it certainly would in another couple of months? Quickly she dismissed that idea. It wouldn't be fair or right. Besides, Jesse loved her, he'd be happy about the news, wouldn't he? She was almost certain that Jesse would take it in stride.

She began pacing nervously around the room, while every so often shooting an uneasy glance at the irrefutable proof she had carefully bagged and laid out neatly in a systematic line on their coffee table. Maybe she should place a glass of scotch next to it? She was half way to the liquor cabinet when she heard Jesse's key in the lock and she froze on the spot, unsure of what to do.

"Rachel baby, I'm sorry I'm late. Our director wanted to have a few words with us after the show. The word is official; we are moving the show to Broadway in a couple of months!" Jesse was pumped up with adrenaline and he strode over to Rachel, swung her up into his arms and began to twirl her around.

"Jesse, no! Please stop!" A sudden bout of nausea hit Rachel as the world spun around her. "Jesse, I mean it. Stop, right now!"

Her husband stopped abruptly and immediately set her down; his gaze fixed upon her perplexedly. Something must be wrong, Rachel always loved being twirled. He had just enough time to notice that her face looked a peculiar greenish shade before she threw up all over him.

Rachel stood in shock for a second. She could not believe what had just occurred. "Omg! Jesse I'm so sorry."

"No worries. I'm sorry too. I didn't realize you weren't feeling well." Jesse quickly removed his shirt, which had taken the brunt of the incident, and wrapped it up before taking it over to the kitchen sink and dumping it there. "It used to happen a lot in Vocal Adrenaline, especially when Dakota Stanley drilled us past the point of exhaustion." He had grabbed some paper towel and a damp dishcloth and was busy cleaning up the rest of the debris from his chest as he spoke.

Rachel felt another wave of nausea hit and dashed into the bathroom, making it just in time. Finally as her stomach settled she made her way back to the living room with a cloth and towel to clean up anything that had missed landing on Jesse and had hit the hardwood floor. But she was too late, Jesse was already attending to it, or rather he had been attending to it. Currently he was standing transfixed on the spot, his gaze locked on the row of small plastic bags lined up on the coffee table. Rachel had been nothing if not thorough; she had taken every possible type of home pregnancy test available, and every single one of them had turned out positive.

"You're pregnant." Jesse stated, his voice flat and strangely void of all emotion. Then he ran his fingers through his hair and stared at her almost accusingly. "How did this happen?"

"How did this happen? How.. did.. this.. happen? " Rachel repeated each word slowly, her voice edged with disbelief. "I'm certain you have had adequate sex education, Jesse, so I presume what you really mean is: did I forget to take my birth control pill? Or maybe you mean: did I decide to stop taking birth control without my telling you. If you for a moment think that I would ever pull a stunt like that." Rachel walked over to the wing chair and wearily sat down. "In case you didn't know, the only 100% successful method of birth control is abstinence and somehow I doubt you'd be very enthusiastic about that method. This came as a complete shock to me too, you know. I always thought we'd have children but that it would be five to ten years from now; but it appears having children was not something in either your short or long-term plans. Clearly it's something we should have discussed before we got married but stupidly failed to do."

"I." Jesse stopped for a moment. He couldn't think straight right now. All he could feel was an overwhelming sense of panic. "I need some time, Rachel. I need some air, I'm going for a walk." He knew it was cowardly but he simply couldn't have this conversation right now. He'd already said too much and it would only get worse if he stayed. He snatched a hoodie from the coat rack and pulled it over his bare torso while making a rapid exit.

Rachel stared at the door for a long time after Jesse had left, feeling sick in both her stomach and her heart. She was certain her heart hadn't ached this much in a very, very long time. Finally she grabbed her favorite blanket and curled up into a little ball on the couch while she tried to make sense of Jesse's reaction. Did he really not want to have children? If not, why not? It wasn't like it was his career that was going to suffer for awhile, so that couldn't be the problem. Neither was it a financial issue, they'd both done well for work and then Jesse's inheritance had been settled on him at the beginning of the year, so they were in a very good position financially.

Although an initial feeling of shock and dismay had hit her when first she'd discovered she was pregnant, it had rapidly turned into overwhelming joy when she realized that they had created a life; a life borne out of their deep love for each other, but now that joy was dimmed. Rachel placed a comforting hand on her still flat stomach; she already loved this baby so much, it would be someone that would be unique and theirs to nurture and love, why wouldn't Jesse… She paused for a moment and tried to recall Jesse's reaction more clearly. Jesse had been angry? Resentful? No, that wasn't quite it. He'd been shocked, dismayed but something else, what was it? Scared! Jesse had been scared, even panicked. It wasn't an emotion she was used to seeing on his face, and so it had taken her awhile to recognize it.

Rachel got up and meandered to the kitchen to make herself a cup of soothing herbal tea, while she let her mind consider this epiphany. The question was: why was Jesse panicked? It could be that he was afraid of the responsibility, but that didn't fit the Jesse she knew. No, it was more likely something involving his own childhood or upbringing. She had wonderful, supportive, loving parents, but Jesse? Jesse had never had that. Whatever was troubling him, they needed to discuss it. Rachel took her tea back to the couch and once more curled up in her blanket, resolving that she would wait for her husband's return, no matter how long it took.

It was several hours later when Jesse finally returned. During the hours he'd been away the only conclusion he'd reached was 1) that he was a lousy husband, 2) he'd make a terrible father and that 3) Rachel must have realized both those things the minute he had walked out the door. He was pretty certain that during his absence he'd been banned from their bedroom, possibly even the apartment, and deservedly so.

Slipping off his shoes, he quietly unlocked the apartment door and stepped inside. Expecting the apartment to be in darkness he was disconcerted to discover the lights were still on and Rachel asleep on the couch. Jesse placed his shoes neatly in their spot and slowly approached the couch to somberly regard his sleeping wife. She was no longer just his wife, she was carrying their child; an idea he still found difficult to comprehend. As if sensing his gaze upon her, Rachel stirred and her eyelids fluttered open.

"Jesse?" she murmured sleepily.

"I'm here, Rach." Jesse dropped down on the floor and resting his head against the side of the couch, he quietly awaited her words of condemnation. It came as a shock when no such words appeared. Instead Rachel reached out and ran her hand through his curls in a soothing manner before moving off the couch to sit beside him on the floor.

"Jesse, I know your parents didn't give you a happy home to grow up in and you are probably scared that you will be just like them; you're afraid you'll be a terrible father. But, if anything it will make you a better parent, because you know all the things they did wrong and you'll be determined not to make the same mistakes. I love you and I know you, Jess. You are nothing like your parents!"

With tears in his eyes, Jesse pulled Rachel into his arms and kissed her with a fierce desperation. Finally he pulled away and whispered "I am scared. I'm scared of being a failure as a father and of losing your love because of it."

Rachel leaned her head against Jesse's shoulder and entwined one hand with his. "I'm scared too, you know. I never had a mother, and although my Dads were wonderful parents, they are men. There are so many things they can't help me with, and Shelby and I will never have a normal mother/daughter relationship either. So we are going to make mistakes, but as long as we love each other we can figure it out together."

The fear wasn't completely gone but it had been subdued and forced back in a tiny corner by her words. Now there was a strange new feeling unfurling in his heart and growing by the minute; it was one of wonder and anticipation. Jesse reached out and tentatively placed his other hand upon Rachel's stomach. They were going to have a baby. "Yes, we'll do it together" he vowed.