"Gerald."

"Er...no."

"Demetrius."

"Definitely not."

"Shaniqua."

"What kind of dyslexic asshole came up with that one?"

"Bathilda."

"As much as I'm sure she'd appreciate the sentiment, James, we're having a boy."

"James Potter junior! James Potter III, or something like that! Lils, you're a bloody genius. Thanks for bringing that up, I'd nearly forgotten."

"I, erm, wasn't aware I'd reminded you of anything in the first place. And your ego is seriously overinflated if you think we're naming the baby after you, Mister Potter. I don't care if it's a family tradition or not. I want our son to have an interesting name."

"James is plenty interesting! Besides, it's a proven fact that blokes with boring names can't get laid. Just ask Wormtail...Peter, I tell you, his parents clearly weren't feeling too original..."

"You provedthat fact? Like, actually tested it out? Merlin, what a smarmy git. I can't believe I married you."

"Nor can you believe that I'm so good at sex."

"Nor can I believe that Padfoot is as good as he is at incredible one-night stands with someone else's girlfriend..."

"What? WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU? That bastardis going to get murdered tonigh—"

"I'm bloody kidding, you prat. Take a fucking joke, will you? Though I do think Padfoot set the record for the most girls slept with out of our entire year."

"He isn't discriminatory, old Padfoot. He slept through half the school, Moony slept through the other half, and Wormy was still tiptoeing round that sixth year Slytherin chick when we left. As for me...well, I picked out the prettiest ones. You'd better feel pretty damn special."

"I suppose that's flattering, James, but not at the moment. You know I look like shit; I've been gestating your demon spawn for thirty-two sodding weeks. I feel like a whale."

"Whoa there, pisser. You're still gorgeous to me, so shut your mouth."

"Is that actually true, Potter, or are you just that desperate to fulfill your sexual desires without cheating on me and risking your life?"

"Lily, that's it! I know what we can name the baby, because none of your old friends are going to believe this when we tell them—"

"For the last time, we are not naming my son 'Actual Proof I Had Sex with Lily Potter'."

"I don't know what you have against awesome unisex names, but fine. We'll have it your way. What do you want to name the baby?"

"I was thinking something nice and normal, like Robert or Thomas...or...what do you think of Harry?"

"Harry Potter? Yeah, it's got a nice ring to it. Ooh, I've got a good one!"

"What is it?"

"Bimaldo."

"Go to hell, James."