Author's Note: And so Take no Umbridge II, ends. There will be a III, but it's time to end this particular one with the final closure of the potential of Umbridge returning to Hogwarts for the next term of Harry's fifth year. The next one will be subtitled "Professor Potter." Don't ask me when it will be ready, because I don't know.

For this chapter, I'd like to thank joey zoot, Matt Arnold, and the usual suspects from CaerAzkaban.

Chapter 17: Defense Achieved

It had been some time since Albus Dumbledore had seen his good friend Dadelus's son Isaakios. He had to admit that Isaakios was a lot more sensible that his father, it would be hard not to be, actually, but Dumbledore didn't chose his friends based on their common sense. Dadelus was an excellent ten-pin bowler. "I'm sorry, Isaakios, but I filled the position back on the seventh of December, so I'm afraid that the minister can't appoint you to fill an open position this term, as Defense and all the other professorships are full."

"I told you Minister, my father may have a few screws loose, but he remembers things, and he said the post had been filled, before Umbridge's term was up," Isaakios said, in a deep voice that was entirely at odds with the boyish treble he'd once had when he'd been recruited for one of his charms professor's many attempts at a school choir. "I'm sorry, Headmaster, but I had assumed that the contract you'd made had fallen through. I shall head back to Yorkshire, and I assume that you and my father will be at the bowling alley Monday next, as usual?"

"Certainly, and you are welcome to join us," Albus replied.

"I might just do so," Isaakios said. "Good day, Minister, Headmaster." The young man turned and left the Headmaster's office, rather calmly. He was calm, collected, and understanding, everything that Minister Fudge was not.

"But I was appointing him," Fudge said.

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore sometimes had to wonder if Minister Fudge had a reading comprehension problem. He'd sent the notice that the job was filled, before Dolores Umbridge had suffered her unfortunate mind break, but it didn't seen that the notice, or even the in person words were understood.

"You didn't have someone by the day before the school year began, so I get to appoint someone," Fudge repeated, as if he was trying to reassure himself.

"The position of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor for the Winter Term has been filled already, so you do not need to replace Dolores Umbridge," Dumbledore repeated. "Your educational decree only allows you to appoint someone for the term should Hogwarts not have someone to fill the post at by the day before the beginning of a term. Unfortunately I was unable to find a Professor for the Autumn Term, and you appointed Miss Umbridge. As it was a term appointment, I kept looking throughout the Autumn Term in hopes of filling the post with a qualified professor.

"I have found someone who exceeds all the requirements, indeed he exceeds by a much more considerable margin Miss Umbridge's qualifications," Dumbledore remarked, pausing to consume a lemon sherbet. "He signed a five year contract for the job in December, will be arriving on the Express to take up the post along with the students returning from the Yule Break."

"But I appointed Mr. Diggle!"

"And I informed Mr. Diggle that the post had already been filled before you were allowed to make an appointment for the vacancy," Dumbledore said. "You know, I was speaking to my friend Sturgis Portinmire, quite a well connected member of the Wizengamot, you know. It seems that he and most of his fellow members had expected that you would appoint an Auror to fill the post, which no one would have had an objection to, in fact they thought that was the plan when they voted for it. Having now heard about Miss Umbridge's qualifications, and Mr. Diggle's – well they are feeling a bit betrayed.

"Really, Cornelius, Miss Umbridge didn't have a single outstanding in any class, and actually got a Dreadful in Defense Against the Dark Arts for her NEWTs. Mr. Diggle at least got an Acceptable in that class, though Professor Merryweather's evaluation of his practical skills was less than underwhelming.

"My new Professor for the Defense Against the Dark Arts has managed Outstandings in Defense, Charms, History, and Transfiguration. He has defeated a dark lord multiple times, faced off against a dragon, a thousand year old basilisk, and even held off over a hundred dementors. I'm not sure even Mad Eye Moody has better qualifications.

"Now, should I loose another Professor, I shall of course let you know of the need for a new Professor," Dumbledore said calmly, as Fudge settled down into a hard glare. "Lemon sherbert?" Fudge shook his head. "Oh, I should note that Sturgis is planning on introducing a measure to modify the educational decree. It seems he has lost trust in your judgement. I would advise that you may wish to spend more time shoring up your support in the Wizengamot and the Ministry rather than interfering in Hogwarts, which thanks to you now has my undivided attention."

"Very well," Fudge said, turning to leave, before looking back again. "You never told me who was your new Professor."

"He asked that his name not be announced until he returns to Hogwarts, as a condition of his employment," Dumbledore said. "It seems that he wishes to enjoy a few more days without the press of the press that will inviably occur once he takes up the post. If you have time to be here when the students return Monday, you can find out with them. Of course, that would mean that you'd miss the evening session of the Wizengamot that Sturgis called."

Fudge seemed to be still quite put out as he left Dumbledore's Office. Dumbledore admitted to himself that he had just a bit of a most inappropriate satisfaction at the Minister's condition, as one of the lenses on his spectacles allowed him to follow the Minister's path out of the castle. It had been a close one, but seemed that the tide against him that the Minister had been building had turned. He'd probably not get back any of his posts outside of Hogwarts, but that was likely for the best.

Dumbledore smiled as Minister Fudge had to pause his stomping out of Hogwarts, due to the conga line of armor. He really should do something about that line which had been going around Hogwarts since Filius came back from that conference in Rio, but he'd enjoyed the spectacle way too much.

Harry Potter leaned back in his seat on the Hogwarts Express. He was hoping for a nice calm trip back to Hogwarts where he'd start his first term teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. It had been a fairly nice Christmas at Grimauld Place. He was glad that Arthur Weasley had fully recovered from his snake bite, and was returning to work, but the injury had thrown just a little shadow over the celebrations. That being said, it was still the best Christmas that Harry had ever had.

This was the last time that Harry Potter would ride the Hogwarts Express without being known as one of its Defense Against the Dark Arts Professors. He was as usual seated with his best friends Ron and Hermione, and for once Ginny had joined them rather than investigate the rumor market, as she referred to it in private. She had, however, talked to Lavender on the platform.

"So, Ginny, what are the rumors now about me?" Harry asked as they passed through the English countryside.

"Well, apparently I'm still hiding your babies, somehow I've had twin girls, and that's why I'm moving down to the Chamber Complex with you," Ginny began. "Most of Hufflepuff seems to think you've already set up the death of the next Defense Professor. The current best odds at 4:1 are that they're going to fall out a window. Personally I think the odds are too tipped to the ordinary. I think trampled by centaurs is a much more likely option, but they're giving 25:1 for that."

"I might have influenced the odds on that one a bit," Harry admitted. "I was talking to Fred and George about what happened to some of the Defense Professors, and remarked that the death of Deirdre Fenestra was perhaps the most fitting. She fell out the window of the staff room on the last day of class. Apparently the window casing was rotten, and she was in the habit of curling up on the window seat to read a good book. It was kind of sad that she'd got through the whole year and died just before she was going to retire to Prague."

"Well, we know none of the bets will be paid on, they never are," Ginny said. "I mean last year they thought Moody would fall victim to a chandler. Umbridge was supposed to be trampled by engorged kittens. Oh, and the rumor about the Defense Essays is well spread. The Ravenclaws are already complaining. Your essay is under four feet of parchment, isn't it, Hermione."

"I don't believe rumors," Hermione said. "I think the Hufflepuffs started that one, after Professor Sprout announced hers."

"Better be ready for it, Hermione," Harry replied, thinking of the pair of shears that resided in his trunk. "I am, and I'm sure the Professor was quite serious about it."

"Really?" Hermione said, looking at him questioningly. Suddenly her eyes went wide. "You would know, wouldn't you. I'm going to have to cut half my essay."

"I'm certain that the Professor will be very grateful," Ginny said with a mischievous grin on her face. "Oh, and apparently Malfoy thinks he knows who the new Defense Professor is, but won't tell anyone. He just says that his father knows from Minister Fudge."

"I believe he thinks that the Ministry appointed 'Young Mister Diggle,'" Harry replied, as he caught the refection of Malfoy in the passageway window. "Malfoy is wrong, oh so wrong."

"I am not wrong!" Malfoy said stopping to stand in the open door. "And Professor Diggle is not going to make the rest of this year pleasant for you."

"I'll give you that, Malfoy, because their isn't going to be any Professor Diggle," Harry replied, as Crabbe and Goyle appeared in the windows flanking the doorway. "The Headmaster told me about Isaakios Diggle, who would have been the least qualified Professor in Hogwarts in the last millennia, if the post hadn't been already filled. Only one NEWT, barely five acceptable OWLs, and a Dreadful in Defense. I know that Dumbledore is friends with Isaakios Diggle's father Dedalus, but that's not enough to make up for poor qualifications, much less the fact that neither father nor son had a lick of sense, at least according Professor McGonagall."

"How dare you ..." Malfoy began

"He dares because he's got better qualifications already than three of the Defense Professors we've had," Hermione said. "Four Outstanding NEWTs, including Defense beats all but Professors Lupin and Moody."

"What do you know, Mudblood," Malfoy shot back.

Harry stood up but did not approach Malfoy. With a hint of cold steel in his voice, he said, "Mister Malfoy, I believe that I told you that as long as I was employed by Hogwarts I would never let anyone get by with such insults in my presence. That will be twenty-five points from Slytherin."

"Like you can take points outside of your class. I know the rules they gave you."

"You knew the rules," Harry said. "Things have changed at Hogwarts, and not in the direction that your father bribed the Minister to make it. I'd keep that wand of yours in its holster, before you end up in detention in the Chamber of Secrets cleaning Slytherin's head with a tooth pick."

"Don't you mean tooth brush, Harry?" Hermione asked.

"I said what I meant," Harry replied, crossing his arms and staring at the blond Slytherin. "Back to you compartment, Malfoy, and if you leave it before Hogsmeade it better be because you're risking pissing in you robes. Hermione, inform the Head Girl that Mister Malfoy has been relieved of his patrol duties for today."

"You can't do that," Malfoy said.

Harry took two steps forwards and leaned into Malfoy. "Oh, you'll find that I can do that and so much more," he hissed into Malfoy's left ear. "This isn't a some schoolboy play fight anymore, and I'm not the star struck little boy you met in your first year anymore. Ask your father about the vow I promised our Second Year. I've faced dragons, dementors, and basilisks and I'm still around to save the day, and always will be."

Then he stepped back, and after a few more moments, Malfoy and his friends retreated. Sitting back down, Harry turned to Hermione and said, "Let Miss Grylls know about Malfoy, will you? If someone needs to fill his patrol slot, let her know that I'm willing to step up."

The expression on Hermione Granger as she left the compartment was one of deep concentration, as if she was putting things together. He was almost certain that she was going to figure out his new job before they reached Hogsmeade Station. He shook his head slightly, before looking over at his best friend. "Exploding Snap, Ron?" he asked.

"I thought you'd never ask," Ron replied. "Ginny, you want to be dealt in?"

"Of course!" Ginny said.

Harry's eyebrows were quite singed by the time the train pulled into the station.

Hermione Granger was practically kicking herself when she sat down at the Gryffindor table. Seeing Harry move to sit a the head table wasn't entirely unexpected, but she'd managed to miss all the signs, or convinced herself that they would never give a fifth year the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. The idea was simply ludicrous! Yet once Harry had confronted Malfoy on the Express, she was sure that Harry had somehow taken the job.

She watched as Harry paused to whisper something in Professor Snape's ear, before taking the seat to Snape's left that had been Professor Umbridge's the prior term. Whatever Harry had said had not improved the Potions Professor's mood. The scowl on his face was one that was long known as one that promised that someone was not going to have a good day. Judging from the direction of the glare, Hermione suspected that Malfoy might be the victim of the scow for the first time.

It took quite a bit of time for everyone to arrive in the Great Hall. It didn't help that Harry and those in his compartment had somehow managed to get in the first carriage. Ron's stomach was grumbling, and so was his sister's. Weasleys seemed to be always hungry. Ron's hand sought out hers, and Hermione found herself being pulled closer to him. She let him, even though she was sure that he was planning to embarrass her again, with some public display of affection that was against the spirit of the rules that prefects were supposed to follow.

Once everyone was seated, and the doors closed behind the last student, Dumbledore stood. "Welcome back to Hogwarts for the Winter Term. Before we eat, I have a few announcements. As you know, last term's Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Dolores Umbridge, left us early last month, due a psychotic break. I'm afraid that she will not be returning this term. Saint Mungo's does report that she is likely to recover eventually.

"In her place, I have managed to find a most qualified replacement, who has several outstanding NEWTs already, and is a Triwizard Champion. I ask for a round of applause for our new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Harry Potter."

Most of the students applauded. The first years seemed to be particularly happy appoint the appointment, even among the otherwise quiet Slytherins. Actually, not all the Slytherins were quiet. Several upper years, including Malfoy were booing, or at least they seemed to be. The applause was drowning it out.

Once the applause ended, Dumbledore continued. "Professor Potter will be teaching in a new classroom in the Chamber complex. Speaking of the Chamber Complex, we have decided to open up the pool in Slytherin's chamber to student use. Life guards will be on duty when it is open for student's use. Other areas of the Chamber Complex will also be available for student use. We have hired Miss Ginny Weasley as Head Lifeguard. As part of her duties she will be handing scheduling, and will now be residing in the Chamber Complex along with Professor Potter. The Complex Office will have the schedule posted shortly.

"Now, let the feast begin."

Hermione quickly filled her plate, and dug into her meal. Seated between Ron and Ginny, and across from Lavender, she didn't expect to be involved in a conversation early in the feast. At least she hoped not. Ron still needed to remember to swallow before speaking, which was why she'd started to sit beside him instead of across form him in her second year. At least that was what she told herself. Lavender was already gossiping with Parvati, hopefully she'd get it out of her system before the feast ended.

Hope sprung eternal.

They were not far into the feast when the door swung open, revealing their former Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Dolores Umbridge. The woman was dressed in a ragged hospital gown, askew and ripped. Her hair was wild and needing of a good shampoo. In her hand was not a wand, but a crystal potions stirrer, of the type designed to be magically inert. Hermione thought she might be drunk too, but that might have been due to some medication that she'd been given.

"I am the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor!" Umbridge cried out manically.

"Not any more, Dolores," Dumbledore stood, waving his non-wand hand. His wand was pointed directly at Umbridge. Hermione was quite surprised when a suit of armor entered the hall behind the former Defense Professor. "That job is Mister Potter's now."

"No, it is mine!" Umbridge shouted, pointing her potion's stirrer at Harry. "Abner Catnapper!"

Hermione had no idea what that particular spell was supposed to do, or even if it was a valid spell at all. Of course, casting with a magically inert potion's stirrer made the cast no more potent than whispering stop to an onrushing train. The stirrer was soon dropped anyway, when the suit of armor grabbed the former professor, its big armor hands grasping Umbridge's upper arms and lifting her off the floor. The armor then turned and marched out of the Great Hall.

"My apologies. It seems that I must take care Miss Umbridge. Please do not let her entry mar your enjoyment of the feast," Dumbledore said. "Professor McGonagall, I shall let you know when you can dismiss everyone. Poppy?"

Hermione watched Dumbledore and the school nurse leave. It looked like even if Harry was a Professor now, he still couldn't avoid someone trying to kill him at Hogwarts.