Golden Wings

Chapter 7

Gabriel seemed to defy gravity when he walked; every couple of steps he'd break out a subtle dance move in tune to the music coming from his iPod. He was content putting on a happy face for the neighborhood as he took his four legged companion on a walk, and then continuing the facade in his own home.

The only way to keep ahead of his problems was to keep running from them, but the Jack Russell wasn't fooled; he paid his owner extra attention and worried over him as Gabriel pretended not to notice.

Once they were safely back inside he snapped to lock the doors and bounded into the kitchen, and that's when a familiar song blasted in his ears. Without thinking, he sang

I never meant to be so bad to you
One thing I said that I would never do
One look from you and I would fall from grace
And that would wipe this smile right from my face

He stopped and sighed hard, and for the first time the words hit him. It wasn't as if he picked that song on purpose, but it seemed now in retrospect as some kind of cruel fated joke. Was it his father's doing? He didn't think so; after all, his father was MIA. Still, he cut back in and sang again with less spirit as he poured himself a drink.

It was the heat of the moment
Telling me what your heart meant
Heat of the moment shone in your eyes

And when your looks are gone and you're alone
How many nights you sit beside the phone
What were the things you wanted for yourself
Teenage ambition you remember well

It had been months since he last saw the boys. He flopped down in his chair and took a long drink, pulling out his earbuds and tossing the iPod to the floor, "Oh Sammy...why couldn't you just listen to me..."

The dog perked up at the mention of his name, hopping up in his friend's lap and the archangel shook his head lovingly, "Not you, ya putz." Still, he scratched Samdog behind the ears and all his uncertainties faded away for the moment.

Since the Trickster business he had been feeling a lot of haunting doubt. He knew what was in store for the future, but as every month passed by, he didn't want it. More and more he wanted to go back to that day and stay and fight. Fight for the Winchesters. Keep his rightful place as an angel of the lord. The day he left Sam in his crib to the fates of corrupted angels...that was the day he left his grace behind him. What right did he have to call himself an angel now? To help anyone? He was a coward, the poorest excuse for an archangel to ever stain Heaven or Earth.

Most nights he buried his doubts as far down as he could and distracted himself. Whether it was with the veterinarian or Kali, any distraction helped. Something in Kali, especially, made him think that he could get out of this cycle and leave all the fighting and the past behind him. He wanted so badly to love her, because that was his escape. And so he did. He was good to her and she had him under her thumb, but he didn't mind.

If it wasn't for Castiel, Gabriel might not have gotten involved again at all...or at least not so soon. Hearing about his brother rebelling against Heaven and siding with the Winchesters put Gabe in a foul mood.

Maybe it was because Castiel was succeeding where he didn't. Or maybe it was because he knew that having the angel on their side would help the Winchesters draw out the bloodshed even longer. Gabriel didn't approve of his brother's actions, but that sure as hell didn't mean he wanted them all killing one another. Any time he allowed himself to tap into the events going on around him he got more and more angry.

Then one day he couldn't stand it anymore. Time to pay the boys another visit.

The trick he made up for them this time was even more elaborate than before; it was a beautiful work of art. Gabriel knew that they were all following scripts and he was sick to death of watching the boys fight it so hard. There were only two ways, you give in or you run. And since they were human, their chances for running were more slim...since they were Winchesters, their chances for running were ZERO. Gabriel had never met a Winchester that backed down from a fight, even when it was good for them.

Setting up the "hunt" was easy, plant some candy wrappers and an easy story. But watching the boys...something hit him. Sam. Sam said Dean shouldn't kill him...he wanted to talk? "Ohh Sam...you're pulling my heartstrings," he laughed and took a bite of his next candybar as he went to take care of the next kill. But maybe...maybe in a way this meant Sam forgave him?

Still, business was business. There was no time to get sentimental if he wanted this all to end.

He trapped the boys in a world where they would be forced to do what they needed to, play their roles. Otherwise they would suffer. Call it Pavlovian conditioning. Follow the script, don't get hurt. Fair enough, right? He just...wouldn't tell them the rules right out. If he did it wouldn't be any fun at all! (or fall into the normal behavior of a Trickster).

Fun...he deserved to have some fun! He rounded the corner, wearing his newest lab coat disguise. He didn't expect the goofy smile Dean gave him as he walked down the hall, averting his eyes. Gabe forced his own giggly amusement down, though, and gave the kid a hard time.

Dean balked and tried to be serious, thinking up his "one reason" for disobeying the orders of the ever so perfect Doctor Sexy. Then it happened, he picked up on the clue...and so soon too... At least Dean showed his hand as a fanboy for this one.

He took Dean by the arm, relishing in the way he could show his true strength, and went along with his self-touting monologue. Honestly he was proud of himself, humiliating them both was the most fun a Trickster could have without killing people! And he did it with style.

Unfortunately for Sam, this was all his fault for not getting the message the first time...so he was extra hard on the younger Winchester. Making Sam the butt of all his jokes did, in some way, tickle Gabe. Things were actually going predictably until he felt a presence scratching at the sides of his illusions.

Castiel tried to infiltrate his operation and a well of resentment boiled in Gabriel's gut. He transported his brother away and restrained him. Mr. Trickster doesn't like pretty boy angels...that was an understatement. The program, the world he built, ran on schedule in his absence.

He didn't get to see Sam and Dean catch on, or get to see some of the best parts of Sam's humiliation. But it was worth it just knowing what was going on.

He couldn't deal with Castiel directly unless he wanted to risk being found out. He might still be able to get out of this undiscovered. And so he sent in "actors" to knock some sense into his younger brother. However, in his rage he may have overdone it a touch.

"What do you think you're doing?" his stand-in hissed, eyes burning with anger "What gave you the right to barge in on this game, angel?"

Something shifted in the Trickster; he held his head a little higher and everything about him demanded respect, but Cas only saw the change in the "actor". The angel found himself struck again and he mustered all his energy to break loose from the confinement. Something was very wrong about this "trickster" and he needed to warn Sam and Dean.

Cas slipped out of the Trickster's fingers and made a bee-line for the boys, but Gabe couldn't let it go on for long. The second Castiel spouted his flimsy theory, the Trickster burst open the door and threw him against the wall. He knew he was going to be spotted, to be found out, so the duct tape was a must.

This was the first time an angel laid eyes on him, recognized him, for years. He kept his composure and grinned "Hi, Castiel~" and then sent him away again. The way the boys worried after the angel infuriated him. Why did they always care about everyone other than themselves?! (and why didn't he stick around so he could be the angel they worried over...)

Gabe had done all he could, as far as he was concerned, to stop them from starting this nonstop train straight for apocalypse-ville, but it was far too late now. Didn't they realize it? Fighting had never been the answer and now they had no choice, now they were just hurting themselves and everyone else fighting the inevitable. It hurt him to consign them to death this way, but he was tired and angry and a part of him just wanted to go home. He'd put his heart out on the line for humankind one too many times and had nothing to show for it but dead brothers and resentment.

Dean asking him what side he was on took him off guard. His insides cringed at the thought, he couldn't admit to being evil but he lost his right to call himself an angel a long time ago. He wasn't on either side, and a pit of self loathing burned in his stomach at the forced memory.

Dean shook his head "...No... you're somebody's bitch." and that was it, Gabe slipped, his hands shot out before his brain could keep up and he shoved the elder Winchester against the wall. The silly Trickster 'guise he had been working so hard to maintain fell off of him in a split second "Don't you ever, ever presume to know what I am." he nearly growled, and now it was time for business.

Sam and Dean would suck it up and play their roles, give in to their responsibilities, just like Gabriel should have that night standing over the crib. The words spilled out of his mouth but his mind was somewhere else for the moment. He had a responsibility to the Winchesters and he chickened out of upholding it. He knew what happened when you turned down your role, he was living it. And if losing them meant setting things right, that was what he would have to do.

Sam was suspicious, afraid even "..and if we don't?"

Gabe felt a twinge of guilt, and of hope. "Then you'll stay here in TVland, Forever." Could it be that easy? Could he keep them here forever? Keep them safe? They'd never agree to it, they had too much fight in them, and Heaven would catch up to them eventually. "Three hundred channels and uh...nothin's on." he shrugged and snapped, sending them into the next phase.

The cop procedural went as planned, they took the bait and then turned on him. Okay okay okay, the second part took him by surprise but he went down easy and "let them go". This was the perfect opportunity to recollect himself and buy some private time with his brother.

Gabriel was on his younger brother in seconds, a sneer on his face as he gripped him tight and rose him from the filthy ground.

"Where were you before? Where were you when it mattered? You know nothing about what's going on. You think you're helping but you're leading these boys into damnation. Castiel you are wrong. Stay out of my way while I do my part to save whatever is left of them!"

So many thoughts went through Castiel's mind, but his mouth was still covered; his elder brother didn't want to hear his pleas or excuses. Were family reunions among angels ever loving things? Gabriel was alive, Gabriel was hiding out as a lowly trickster...and the truth is that all this meant was that he had run. Both the angels knew that in this very moment everything was falling apart around them. Castiel had, by siding with the Winchesters, changed the flow of events and ruined everything Gabriel was trying to do, trying to hide from. He had done what Gabriel was afraid to do, and the elder angel would never fully forgive him for that...or forgive himself.

The realization dawned on the archangel and he gritted his teeth, throwing the younger angel mercilessly to the ground once again. His fist clenched but it was no use finding another outlet for his anger. And while he was distracted, Dean and Sam had found him out they were still in the game and it sounded like they wanted to give up. He had to go back and play game-master. This one was arguably his favorite anyway.

Gabe composed himself, put on his best Trickster face, and went to pick up where he left off. He grinned and walked up "Wow Sam, get a load of the rims on you!" he couldn't help but tease them, especially if this was the last time he'd get to see them.

But he found himself trapped, instead. Dealing with Castiel had distracted them, he was called out as an angel and he felt a chill run through his veins. The jig was up...and now there would never be any turning back for any of them.

He really didn't know when he gave himself away but the boys were happy to point out his obvious flaws. Family...they really were weak point...even if he wanted to hate them. When the boys asked his name all he could say was "They call me Gabriel." because in his mind? that was just a name and one he didn't deserve anymore.

It was time to be totally honest. It felt good to talk about his family again, even if he had to defend them to Dean. Relief welled up in his chest, nothing could be stopped and he was hiding in his witness protection and now he could say it all. This was the most cathartic thing he'd done in years. Time to drive the point home for the boys, too.

Now they knew, about his interest, about the fact that Heaven always knew about the Winchesters. Cas was brought up again, of course, and Dean was all tough with the threats...Gabe spared a look towards Sam who had stood up for him before as if to say 'you still got my back?' but he wasn't an idiot. Why would Sam ever save him? Why would he stand up to Dean for an angel ex-trickster that caused him nothing but suffering? He brought their precious Castiel back.

He was almost sure they planned on leaving him in that holy fire, he did kind of deserve it...but instead they let him go. Not without some jabs first, of course. Dean was fed up.

"This is about you being too afraid to stand up to your family!" he accused, more rightfully so than he knew, and for a moment Gabriel was petrified as he wondered if Dean knew his secrets.

When they left him in that warehouse, all he could do was stand there and think about what happened; he didn't even care that he was soaked. Dean was right; every single thing that happened was because of how afraid he was to stand up to his brothers.