Chapter 15: Epilogue

Shortly after Provenza left, Rusty arrived home from his classes, dropped his book bag on the floor, and slunk into a chair. He had flunked a recent math test and he was feeling particularly discouraged. Sharon had enough to deal with, he reasoned, and he didn't want to say anything to her. But she could tell that something was wrong and she stubbornly refused to leave him alone until he talked to her about it. After some coaxing and prodding, she finally succeeded in getting him to confide in her.

"I'm never going to use poly-frickin'-nomials," Rusty complained to Sharon as he crankily scrunched up yet another piece of scrap paper. "Can you give me one practical example of when I'm ever going to use this stuff?"

Sharon put a mug of hot cocoa in front of Rusty. It was smothered in whipped cream and dusted with cinnamon. "You might, depending on what you major in. If you're still leaning toward social work, probably not. But that's not really the point, Rusty. Algebra is kind of like chess in that it keeps your mind agile. It's not necessarily meant to be utilitarian but it is a mental exercise for your brain. Colleges want you to be well-rounded, too, so it's important that you're knowledgeable in a variety of disciplines."

"In plain English, kid," Andy chimed in cheerfully as he peeked over the top of his paper, "you're not going to use it but you have to learn it to get your degree. So just get through the course and then you can forget it."

Sharon gave Andy a disapproving look over the rim of her glasses. "You're not helping," she told him flatly. She turned back toward Rusty. "They use polynomials in modern cryptography – for things like information security, data integrity, things like ATM password encryption. If you're really interested, I'm sure Lieutenant Tao could show you some more in depth practical uses."

"I just thought of another one," Andy piped up. "I bet Batman uses them to keep his Bat Cave under wraps."

Rusty laughed and toasted Andy with his mug of cocoa. "Thanks for the hot chocolate, Sharon. This is delicious."

"You're welcome," she replied as she hit Andy on the top of his head with another section of the newspaper. He caught her hand as she leaned over Rusty and his work, idly linking his fingers through hers. This was good, he reflected as he felt the subtle answering squeeze of her hand in his. He was glad the kid had asked her for some help with his homework. It made Andy happy to see Sharon engaged and thoughtful. It was hard for her to be home; she needed stimulation to keep her mind occupied. She thrived on it. But aside from that, sitting there at the kitchen table with her and Rusty felt like home, like peace, like family. It felt blissfully ordinary and they certainly hadn't had much of that lately.

Andy's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of glass breaking. Sharon had accidentally knocked over his glass of water as she was talking to Rusty, barely brushing it with her elbow.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

Andy got up. "It's okay. Don't touch anything. I'll grab the broom." He got up and walked over to the kitchen closet. When Andy came back, Sharon was staring mutely at the glass on the floor and Rusty had stopped looking at his algebra. Instead, he was studying Sharon with a concerned expression.

The metal chair had made such a loud noise as she hit it against the mirror. With a fluttery feeling of panic, Sharon wondered how long she would have before he came back in for her. Her head hurt and the room tilted sickeningly. She placed her hands on either side of the sink to steady herself. No time for that. She had to find a small and sharp concealable piece of glass. She reached into the sink to pluck one out, her breath catching in her throat as she listened for his shuffling footsteps.

"Sharon," Andy repeated for the third time. This time he reached for her, lightly resting a hand on each of her arms. Sharon jumped when he touched her and pulled away, flinching.

"Sharon," Andy said again. This time it was a plea.

She blinked and she was suddenly back in her kitchen. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Andy promised.

"I'm all right," Sharon assured Rusty as she put an arm around his shoulders. "Sometimes I remember things from –what happened. But I really am okay. Don't look so worried. What I'm going through, Rusty, is normal – my mind is just working things out," she explained. Sharon didn't know how normal any of this was. She'd never had to recover from something like this. But she would do everything in her power to reassure Rusty – and Andy, too.

As the evening grew later and later, Sharon repeatedly postponed going to bed as she had the night before. She was crabby because Andy wouldn't let her load the dishwasher or put in a load of laundry. She wanted her life to go back to normalcy and routine. She wanted this unpredictable feeling of dread to go away. It loomed throughout the day, ambushing her at odd moments, as it had in the kitchen. Sometimes she felt fine and other times she felt as if, no matter how deeply she breathed, she would never get enough air into her lungs. Between these unpleasant, rogue panic attacks and this irrational fear of going to sleep, Sharon felt like a colossal failure on the coping scale.

After midnight, Sharon finally slipped into bed next to Andy who had already fallen asleep, despite his valiant efforts to stay awake. He was exhausted. She wondered how long she had kept him up last night with the nightmare that she couldn't remember. Even asleep, he opened his arms for her and made a space so that she could cuddle up against him. She planted a soft, affectionate kiss on his cheek.

In the days to come, Sharon vowed as she breathed in Andy's familiar scent and closed her eyes, they would put the pieces that had been so brutally broken apart back together again.

Note: Thanks again for all of the review sand the PMs. I love hearing from you! If you want to keep following this, I have begun the next part. It's called Toward a Secret Sky.