Of Times That Passed so Quickly
Birthday fic for my Caskett Sis :) [written in less than 24 hours]
For always spazzing with me through the days, and keeping me hyper during hiatuses You're awesome and I love you :D Happy Birthday! (Yay! I'm on time^_^)
This was rather challenging to write, because of the changing tone and mood as the times go by. The limited time frame didn't help either, but I'm fairly satisfied with the outcome. It's quite different from what I usually write, so I'd really like to hear what you think about it.
Summary: The years go by, and the etchings on the stone remain untouched by age, wind, and rain. The tall grass never makes it high enough to conceal the words, January 9th, 1999. The flowers left on the base dry up, but they are always replaced by a fresh bouquet. Sometimes, there are tears and words that go along with it, and sometimes there is just silence. Each time, however, the hope that had been demolished when the stone was first made, begins to return.
Disclaimer: No way José.
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The morning sun peeked over the curved edges of the clouds. Two silhouettes appeared just above the shadows of the other grave stones surrounding the one that they had come to visit. For a long time, there was just the sounds of quiet sobs accompanied by the faint rustling of the wind, as it gently made its way past the two grieving souls.
"Hello, Johanna." Jim spoke first, his arm hugging his daughter close to him. "We meant to make a visit sooner, but things have been difficult lately, with you gone and all. As you can see, we've both just been trying to make it through the day."
"Hey, mom." Kate whispered, her voice hoarse from all the crying. Her face was still tucked into her father's side as she took a deep, shuddering breath, and stood up straighter. When she spoke again, her voice came through strong.
"I know it's only been a few weeks, but we're already lost without you. We've been trying to distribute the chores, but Dad can barely cook without burning the house down." Jim had to chuckle at that. He could almost hear his wife's teasing retort that men should never be allowed in the kitchen without supervision in the first place. "So, for our safety, we've been ordering a lot of take-out. I know that if you were here, you'd be lecturing us on the disadvantages of eating take-out, but we just didn't feel like going out."
"Well, at least Katie's trying to cook now, instead of spending her time being holed up in her room." Jim continued, as Kate gave him a shaky smile.
"We miss you, mom." She said quietly, summing up both their feelings perfectly in one sentence.
There is a short moment of silence before the tears that Kate had been holding back, start to brim over. She took a tentative step forward to place the bouquet of flowers on the piece of stone, before walking away and trying not to cry. At her retreating figure, Jim turns back to the words "Johanna Beckett".
"You know, you were right. Katie is a survivor. She's gonna get through this." He said, even though his only reply was from the breeze. He glanced up at the blue sky, at the new day that was just beginning, and he wished that his wife could be around to witness it.
"Remember that time when that boy in kindergarten tried to hold her hand and she ended up punching him and breaking his nose? You told me then, that our Katie was a strong girl, and that I don't have to worry about her. Well, now I'm telling you the same thing. You don't have to worry about her. She's going to fight and get back up, no matter what." He smiled fondly at the memory of a young Kate pouting at the office, her hands all bloody, and the way she chattered excitedly on the way home about how she defended herself.
It was a while before he finally managed to say what he had come to say.
"Happy 48th Birthday, Johanna. I love you."
He walked back towards the car where Kate was leaning against the door, head tilted so that her face was in the shadow. She looked up with tear filled green eyes that reminded him of Johanna, and he gave her a reassuring hug. He knew that someday, they'd be able to look back on this day and not feel the acute pang of despair, but that day hadn't come yet. So, he took his daughter out on a drive until both their tears were replaced with new memories.
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The soft crunching of the grass beneath her feet seemed louder than it should have been. Coming here by herself felt very different from when she came with her father by her side. Kate fingered the ring hanging on her necklace idly, her eyes never leaving the words "Vincit Omnia Veritas".
"Hey, mom." She began, softly. Her throat closed up automatically as she fought the sob that was threatening to overcome her, and her vision became a blur. She swiped at the stray tears that betrayed her usual calm exterior, and continued. "It's been a while since I've had the chance to talk to you like this. Everything's fine at home though, you don't have to worry about us. I've finally taken over cooking breakfast, and mastered the skill at making your scrambled eggs. I remember how you used to make us breakfast every weekend, and I wanted to recreate the tradition."
"It's my 20th birthday, as you probably know. I still remember how you used to get so excited about celebrating my birthdays, and how you couldn't wait for me to turn 20. So, I decided to come and spend some time with you today." She glanced up at the setting sun and she shivered as she pulled her overcoat tightly around herself as she felt the temperature drop slightly.
"Oh, I was going through your stuff a few days ago, and I found some books lying on your bedside table. The covers were really worn out so I can assume you've read them many times. So, I started reading the books, and got myself hooked. I've already finished Deadly Storm and started Storm Season. It sounds strange but they've really been helping me. This Richard Castle really has a way with words. I understand why you love his books so much." A smile slowly blossomed on her face as she clutched the worn hardcover book to her chest and continued.
"Dad's been drinking a lot lately. I guess we've been dealing with your absence in different ways, but I'm getting worried because he can't stop. Yesterday, he didn't even make it back home before I went to bed. I've been asking him about it, but he always avoids my questions." She sighed, as she sat down onto the grassy patch in front of the stone. "There are times when he seems perfectly fine though. He's still wearing that watch. You remember? The one that you kept saying wasn't worth it, even though you actually thought it looked good on him? In fact, he's actually taking me out to dinner tonight, and I can bet that he's going to be wearing it again."
There was a short pause while she busied herself with memories and laying the bouquet of flowers in her hand elegantly onto the stone, replacing the previous bunch. "I've actually been thinking about joining the police academy. I'll be eligible to enroll next year. Seeing as I was always supposed to go to law school and become a lawyer like you, won't it be funny if I make detective someday?"
"You know, I keep thinking back to what Officer Raglan said about the case that night. I don't know, something seems off about his explanation. You'd want me to make sure, and I need to make sure."
She turned her gaze back to the greenery around her, and she began to pluck a few blades of grass. It was a habit she'd had since young, similar to biting her lip or furrowing her brow when she was worried or thinking.
"Don't worry, mom. I'll find out who did this to you."
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It's a cold day to get visitors. The light drizzle from the sky made going anywhere seem daunting. The flowers are laid on the stone first, before any words are spoken.
"Johanna, it's me." His voice, now so different than what it used to be before, so filled with laughter and joy. It spoke of untold pain and sorrow, the worry and weariness also leaking into his features. "I'm guessing Katie told you about her plan to join the Academy?"
"She's changed ever since they have her a badge and gun. It's her third year and I'm still worried sick about her. All this running around from undercover work in Vice to handling cases in Homicide, makes me wonder if she's doing alright there. She doesn't even have much time to meet me for coffee, and there's always a sickening feeling in my gut when she fails to show up. Days like that worry me the most. I keep worrying that I'll get a call one night saying that something terrible has happened to her."
"Truth conquers all. Isn't that what you used to say? But I think Katie has taken it quite literally in this case, trying to solve your murder in whatever way she can. Scouring the files to look for any error or shaky evidence the moment she has any free time." Jim shook his head sadly, as he imagined Kate sitting in the storage room, pacing, coffee in hand, as she stared and memorized the thick folder in front of her, making mental notes and annotations for her to ponder about. "She's just as strong willed as you were. She doesn't listen to me anymore and she won't stop even if I tell her to. She could be driving herself into a dark hole if she can't control herself."
"I don't want to lose her too, but at this rate, I just might."
He placed his hand onto the curve of the stone, and traced over the words that were forever etched into his mind as the casket was slowly lowered into the ground. Noticing his bare wrist, he remembered what else he wanted to tell her.
"On the bright side, as you used to say, I finally got myself sober. I didn't want to come until I had cleaned myself up for good. As proof, I let Katie have that watch that we all know you secretly liked on me, and now she wears it more often than I used to." His daughter had given him the cold shoulder until he had finally managed to kick his drinking habit. It was then, that their relationship went back on the right track. He recalled the way she had looked at him with pride and happiness when he announced it to her in the small cafe. She hugged him; a rare display of affection from her that had only reduced its occurrence when he started drinking.
The spark that disappeared from her eyes the day they lost Johanna, had finally begun to return, and it was only the beginning.
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The next time she came alone, the morning sun was already making its way to its perch in the sky. Her face was tilted down, the shadows hiding her eyes, her gaze focused on the spinning ring hanging on her necklace. Kate wiped away the few tears that fell from her eyes, having learnt to cry silently in the past few years. The only crack in her exterior, was the glint of sunlight that caught the drop of water on her cheek, before she brushed it away.
"I'm sorry I haven't visited you in a long time." She said, and her hand unconsciously traced over the scar on her chest. "I got shot by a sniper a few months back, during Captain Montgomery's funeral. It means
I'm getting closer. In fact, the boys just called to say that they've gotten somewhere with the car plates and driver's license. I'm so close to catching this guy, mom. It'll be over soon."
"Castle's been helping me a lot. In fact, he's the one that discovered the evidence I missed, when we looked through some of your old case files, and came up with many leads to get us this far. " She trailed off wistfully, remembering how he absolutely refused to leave her alone, and how thankful she secretly was, for his company. "He's the best partner I could ever ask for, except when it comes to paperwork."
Her face fell as the harsh words exchanged from the night before, reemerged in her mind. She recalled the cold and distant looks he had given her for the past few weeks, flaunting Jacinda and shadowing Slaughter, that made her heart rip open. The constant thundering of her heart when he walked out of the precinct every evening, and the feeling of uneasiness when she wasn't sure if he would be back tomorrow.
She didn't want to know that feeling anymore, and yet, her mother's case was more important than that, as it had always been for years. It was one of the reasons she couldn't afford to let anyone past her walls. However, the doubt that had only recently been placed in her heart, by the one person who had been able to scale them, was enough to make her see the possibility of a future, making her want more than this.
"Once I find and destroy him, I'll stop."
There was no breeze that morning. The air was still, and there was an uncomfortable silence in the cemetery, much like the calm before the storm. She knew that there was trouble ahead, but as always, she would face it.
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It was many months later, that a new visitor arrived. He nervously made his way over to the gravestone through the unfamiliar territory, glancing at the different names of the graves beside hers. He placed a large bouquet of flowers onto the grave and turned around to make sure he was alone before he spoke.
"I think by now you've guessed who I am, considering you're the one who introduced Kate to my books." Richard Castle said with a short chuckle at the memory of Kate Beckett's stunned expression when she had accidentally revealed that she was a big fan of his. "Knowing her, you probably can guess how much convincing it took, for your daughter to agree to let me speak to you alone, and trust that I wouldn't make a fool of myself?"
"You know, there were some days when I really thought I'd lose her. The day when she was shot and flat-lined, the day when she decided to bring full-on war going against the Dragon, and even the day when Tyson had a gun to her chest." He mentioned soberly, his eyes clouding over with the familiar feeling of fear that he might not be able to tell her he loved her, or even hold her, again. "I still can't believe that out of all the guys in the world, she chose to let me in."
"Mrs Beckett, I'm planning on asking Kate to move in with me, and someday, maybe even buy a ring for her." The words rushed out of him in a whirl, and he felt like the huge burden of the reason for him going there, had been removed from his shoulders. Still, he felt that it was only proper to explain himself. "I love her, and I don't want to spend any more time than necessary, without her. She may not know it yet, but she's it for me."
"I'm not perfect. I wish I could say for sure, that our journey will always be smooth sailing, but we'd both know that it's a lie. However, I can promise that Kate will never have to go through any of it alone again." The amount of conviction and love in his voice letting anyone listening know that he wasn't lying.
The sound of soft footfalls behind him caused him to spin around, bringing him face to face with the woman in question. Instantly, his serious expression brightened into a cheery grin as their eyes meet, and she slid her warm hand into his, her expression mirroring his own.
"Miss me already, Detective?" He asked teasingly as he pulled her towards him, his eyes glinting with mischief. "It hasn't even been an hour yet. This just proves that you can't live without me."
"Don't go jumping to conclusions, Sherlock, I came here to make sure you behaved, and weren't causing any trouble." Kate retorted quickly, yet without any real venom.
"Oh, your lack of trust wounds me, Detective. When have I ever made you doubt my intentions? By the way, if I'm Sherlock, does that make you Watson?" His voice filled with glee and excitement at her reference to one of his favorite detective characters.
"Really, Castle? How about from the day we met?" Kate rolled her eyes and tried, unsuccessfully, to hide her smile. Of course the main thing that he took away from her comment would be the character reference. "You'd rather I be Watson instead of the beautiful Irene Adler?"
"Number one, you're just saying that because Irene Adler was one of few people who outsmarted Holmes." Castle pouted, his arms going around her waist to hold her in place, and gave her a knowing look, as if questioning her for even doubting his knowledge on the series. "Number two, yes, I'd rather you be Watson because he is not only Holmes' partner, but also the friend who never leaves him."
"Wow Castle, that's pretty deep." Kate smirked as she encircled her arms around his neck. "I'm impressed."
"More to me than you thought?" He asked.
"Mm I don't know, guess you'll have to show me later." She leaned in and whispered flirtatiously into his ear. Her eyes flicked to the grave stone for a milli-second, but it's enough for him to know what she's thinking.
"I'll give you two some time." Rick smiled as he brushed her hair behind her ear affectionately, coloring her cheeks slightly. "I'll be waiting at the car when you're ready."
When he moved out of earshot, Kate turned back to the stone slab that brought back distant memories of all the different times that she had come here. So many things had happened since then; some good, some bad. However, at this point, she couldn't be happier.
"I did it, mom. Thanks to Castle, we found the guy behind it all, and I've made sure he'll never hurt anyone again." She clasped the ring still hanging on her neck with a tentative smile, her eyes so different from the last time she stood in that same spot. "It's been six months, and I still can't believe that I'm dating Richard Castle. Of all the girls he could have chosen, he picked me, the person who has hurt him countless times. I know if you were here, you'd love him. "
If the previous exchange between the writer and her didn't already show the joy radiating from inside her at being with him, the bright sparkle in her eyes and unrestrained beam certainly gave it away.
For the first time in a long time, she was able to walk away with the lingering hope that things were going to be alright.
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Thoughts?