A/N: I guess the title is self-explanatory? This is a small list of do's and don't's Sirius has made for himself in order to attract... certain... people.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the Marauders are not mine.

Beta: No.

Always make sure other people are not touching him.

But when you do that, be subtle about it.

Complain when he's not available for your amusement.

Diligently pester him when he is.

Establish your need for fondling (without saying a word).

Find your way to the library, every day.

Gracelessly invade his privacy in the shower.

Have a shit fit when he's talking to a bird.

Impound his quills and tell him he can have them in exchange for a kiss.

Judo throws and moves are not going to make him want you.

Keep on pestering him.

Lament continuously to your other friends when he's not talking to you.

Manipulate him into thinking your bed is preferable to his.

Nothing is more assuring to yourself than neutralising your prospective competitors.

Obedience during study hours is the key to his heart (and pants).

Poppy tells you to piss off? Flip her off.

Qualify as the perfect lover by telling him all other people are idiots.

Reality is no place for romantics.

Secluded places 101.

To get him to notice you better, attentively pet his bum.

Ulterior motives, Potter inquires with a smirk? Tell him no.

Vegetarian when asked – carrots are friends.

Watch him sleep; it's not creepy at all.

X's at the end of every single note addressed to him.

Yell painfully at him when he's not taking your affection seriously.

Zestfully snog him on the floor when he does.

A/N: He's doing fine, don't you think?