.
you're twelve and a pawn
you don't know your place in the world
you get told what to do
and you do it
(because really, what use are you otherwise?)
expendable
replaceable
you're superfluous
(and you don't really care, because what else can you do but obey?)
.
you're thirteen and a castle
protecting your home
saving your friends
(you've moved from rules to responsibilities, and it's not all that bad)
the only way you can go is up
straight up like an arrow fired into the sun
(you never were an archer, were you?)
and so when you swerve
when you waver
everything comes crashing down
(you were never very good at this)
.
you're fourteen and you've changed to a knight
hopscotching around
trying not to lose your head
(because you don't really know what you're doing)
you're guessing
pretending to be a leader when you clearly aren't
(but sometimes make-believe is better than reality)
and now you're brave, braver than before, anyway
and you hold up that damn sky
and you feel ready to b-r-e-a-k
(but you're a knight and you can't because it's your duty)
((no longer a pawn, but a slave nonetheless))
.
and now you're fifteen and a bishop
winding your way to your goal
slowly but surely
you're winning
(until you're not, you're trapped in the labyrinth and there's no escape)
but you're a bloody bishop and you know what to do
(don't you?)
blow up a volcano - it is rather obvious
so you do
and it feels like you're being ripped in half from the inside out
but you're alive
you're safe
(but you choose to leave again, to face danger and death and a world of hopeless maybes)
((because you're a bishop and you will fight until your final breath))
and you do fight
you fight hard and you survive
but others
others
aren't so lucky
.
now you're sixteen and a mighty queen
(because let's face it, you feel like crying when you read the prophecy and that's just so damn girly)
and nothing can stand in your way
except
maybe
annabeth
(but that's beside the point)
so you become invulnerable
(because you can't be a queen and not take risks)
and it turns out you're not the hero
you're just the sword
the knife that does the final deed
(it was never about you - you're not king yet)
but who says queens can't have fun?
because you get back to camp
and you kiss her underwater
(and her lips taste of chocolate cake and blue icing)
((but you know it's not over
not yet))
.
you're still sixteen but now you're king
and you don't even know it
maybe you remember
maybe you fool yourself into pretending
but the truth is you're starting from the beginning all over again
you're a pawn as your fate is decided by a soft toy serial killer
you're a castle as you help your friends to victory on the battlefield
you're a bishop as you see the roman navy and decide that things could be worse
and you're a queen as you drink that poison
(that rips you to shreds, and you think is this really the end?)
so you remember
you remember you're a king
and suddenly nothing can stop you
(as king, you're supposed to stay sheltered, safe)
((but you never played by the rules))
.
and then annabeth is here again
and everything is so goddamn perfect
until she's on a quest and you can't save her
(until you can)
and so you're falling
falling
f
a
l
l
i
n
g
so you take her hand - squeeze it tight -
and then you realise
checkmate
.