I've been having some writer's block and starting to feel unmotivated with my main story, so I decided to do what a lot of others on this site, who I consider good writers, to do. Write something completely irrelevant and dumb. Enjoy!

Two months ago

"I swear I heard him over there."

"No! There he is!"

"Damn it, we lost him again."

"We'll get that sneaky bastard eventually."

"Hey, don't call him a bastard," Shepard said as he got down on his hands and knees to look under the pipes below the Normandy's engineering deck. "He's just a hamster."

Anybody who wasn't an essential part of the crew was scouring the area where Jack had used to live, looking for Shepard's space hamster, Davis. The Commander had been absolutely heartbroken when he was reinstated to run the Normandy impromptu, and Davis was gone from his cabin. He and the hamster had been through a lot; Davis was basically the only living being Shepard could interact with when he was having a rough day back when he was fighting the collectors. He didn't want to show his distraught emotions to anybody, wanting to keep up a strong image, but it had quickly started to eat away from him. When he saw the space hamster for sale in the Citadel gift shop, he instantly found a new favorite store.

Of course, all of that had been planned…

Ten months ago

Shepard walked into his cabin, gently taking the space hamster he had just decided to name Davis out of the small cage he had come in and into the glass case that had been sitting empty above his desk. "Welcome to your new home," Shepard said warmly as he watched Davis instantly run to hide in a small building in the corner. "I'm sure you'll get used to it," he added as he stepped away to put away his new armor attachment.

Little did the Commander know, Davis had gone straight to the tiny computer placed just out of sight inside the building. A simple paw print identification and he was in. There was only one mission briefing there at the time, but it was a big one. The planet Horizon is going to be attacked by collectors. Kaidan Alenko is there, and needs your protection. His survival is crucial to Shepard's morale, and the Normandy is headed there in exactly 24 hours. See to it that Alenko is not abducted.

Ten months ago, Horizon

Davis jumped out of Shepard's pocket as soon as he hit the ground. There was no time to waste; Kaidan might have already been taken. He raced in the opposite direction as Shepard and his team as they cautiously proceeded to the entrance to the colony. The whole town was walled off, so the larger people were forced to fight their way through the compound. But Davis had another option. He sprinted until he was sure Shepard was out of sight, and then pulled off the tiny pack he had been provided with. He reached in and pulled out four tiny suction cups, promptly strapping them onto his paws. Scaling the wall was easy as sweet pellets, and he was inside the colony walls within a few seconds.

By some stroke of luck, a group of four collectors were going by right then with Kaidan in tow. Davis swapped his suction cups for a glider, and jumped off the wall. A stray gust or two caught him, but he was able to land safely on one of the collector's heads.

Unfortunately, it was the collector that was leading the group. The other three quickly took notice, aiming their rifles at the all too familiar rodent. Davis slid down onto his ride's face, just in time to see a look of malicious surprise enter its eyes. The look only lasted for a second though until its eyes went blank, six rounds having entered the back of its head. Davis jumped just as the collector hit the ground, rolling into a small patch of tall grass. He was completely hidden, and he snaked his way back to the collectors as they fired aimlessly at the ground. Davis wasn't worried, a stray bullet or two wouldn't put down his shields.

Davis went to the back of the group, and slowly started to crawl up one of his assailant's legs. He pulled out a small pile of explosives, and started to attach them. One at the knee, one at the waist, one on the back of the chest. When Davis reached the shoulder, he perched onto it and waited for the opportune time. As soon as one of the collectors was facing exactly the same way as him, he detonated the explosives. Half of his ride's body was completely obliterated, killing it instantly, and Davis jumped at the same time. The force of the explosion propelled him at Mach speed, straight into the back of the head of another collector. The impact caused a sickening crack. The collector flew forward and onto the ground, death closing in, with Davis catching a ride on its dented head.

There was only one collector left, but before Davis could react, parts of its started to glow a dark yellow. "Assuming direct control."

Davis looked about frantically for a way to deal with his last enemy, which had just become much more of a problem. The collector he had just surfed on had dropped a beam weapon, and Davis took out a spring from his pack and positioned himself properly as Harbinger addressed him. "This has gone on long enough, rodent. I will deal with you personally."

Davis let him finish his sentence before jumping onto the thick spring, flinging himself towards the gun. Bullets whizzed by him as he sailed through the air, and he came to a landing on the trigger of the already aimed weapon. He threw his entire weight into the trigger and held it there, the beam of energy completely tearing the possessed collector apart.

"This isn't over!" Harbinger bellowed as he relinquished his control over the useless body. Davis ran over to Kaidan's still paralyzed form, making sure to stay out of his line of vision. Davis quickly checked his pulse: slow, but there. He pulled out the last item in his pack, an antidote for the seeker's effect, and injected it into Kaidan's neck before hiding in his pocket.

Two months ago

"Shepard, this is getting pretty loco, even for you," Vega commented as he sat on one of the nearby crates. They had been searching for about an hour, ever since Tali had run up from below the deck squealing and insisting she had seen a massive spider. Shepard was down there quickly, and was massively excited to find Davis sitting in the middle of the room and scratching his ear. Ken had stormed down a moment after, determined to slay the supposed threat, and causing Davis to run under some pipes in fear. Collectors the hamster could handle, he could kill them to deal with them. But he couldn't kill the crew, not like he wanted to anyway. Any friend of Shepard's was a friend of his, since they were definitely friends…

Nine months ago

Shepard walked into his cabin depressed. He was working for Cerberus, a corporation he thought he hated. Garrus was there, but he had changed, and submerged himself in calibrations to the point where he almost never wanted to talk. Liara had turned down his offer to rejoin the Normandy. There was still no word from Tali, and their moment on Freedom's Progress had left him wanting.

He sighed as he glanced over at Davis. Shepard had been correct a month ago, Davis had become accustomed to his new home. He was running on his wheel, getting in his daily exercise, when Shepard walked in. But Davis darted back to his little house when he saw the Commander. Davis had deep trust issues, his mother had tried to eat him when he was young, so he didn't know if he could really trust Shepard yet. Sure, he seemed like a good guy, but still.

Shepard sighed. Even his hamster was avoiding him. He went to grab a bottle of beer before sitting at his desk with the idea to do paperwork. The plan never really came to fruition though, he was much too distracted by other things. He popped the cap off of the beer and took a long drink before leaning back and resting his feet up on the desk.

Davis slowly crawled out of the building, studying Shepard's movements. Years of body language reading training had done well, and he was able to see the Shepard was gloomy. Hell, Davis could tell when an Elcor was gloomy. Davis let out a squeak, and Shepard turned to the source. He allowed a small smile after seeing his hamster warm up to him a little bit. "How's it going, buddy?"

Davis let out another squeak. Pretty good. Shepard chuckled. "It's almost like you understand me," he observed, his smile slowly growing. Shepard took another swig of beer, and looked up at Davis again. "Want something stronger to drink?"

Davis squeaked again, and went over to his tube of water to nudge the faucet. He could never resist a good brew. Shepard laughed before standing to take out the tube. He emptied the water into the sink in the bathroom before replacing it when it was filled a quarter ways with alcohol. Davis casually took a drink as Shepard sat back down in his chair, now facing Davis as he rested his feet again.

"You know, it's pretty hard coming back from the dead," Shepard told his hamster. He scratched idly at his bottle as Davis continued to suck at his faucet. It took forever to get a decent amount out of those damn tubes. "I mean, it only felt like a single night to me, but I was gone for two years," he continued. Davis finally was satisfied, and stepped away from his beer to go to the edge of the case closest to Shepard. "All of my friends are either mad at me or too hurt to be mad. And I'm forced to ally with an organization where I'm not sure if I want to make any new friends. Not like I want to forget about my old ones anyway."

Davis propped himself up on his hind legs, to a sitting position, and leaned against the glass as Shepard continued. "I mean, the only people I really trust right now on this ship are the ones that have fought with me. And Chakwas. Except I'm not so sure about Miranda." Shepard sighed. "I keep telling myself it's going to turn out alright, but nobody else seems to agree."

Davis squeaked in reassuring agreement. Shepard looked up happily; he had been expecting Davis to have left back to his little house in the corner. It was nice for Shepard to know he wasn't taking to himself, even if he was only talking to hamster.

Two months ago

"Shepard, honey, it's been three hours," Tali said as she placed his hand on his back. He was still on the ground, searching for Davis. "Let's call it. At least for now."

Tali was the only one still there with the Commander; everybody else had gotten tired of chasing a tiny hamster around a dark, cold area of the Normandy. But Shepard was determined. He shook his head. "Before you, Tali, he was basically all I had. I can't just leave him down here."

Tali let out a disappointed sigh. "I'll be up in our cabin, if you change your mind. My knees are killing me." Shepard only nodded in acknowledgement, causing Tali to sigh again as she walked away with weak legs.

Eight months ago

The human reaper had just been destroyed, leaving Shepard, Tali, and Garrus covered in debris on a teetering platform. Nobody was moving, and the base was staring to collapse, not even considering the mindless collectors that were approaching their position. Unless somebody woke up soon, Shepard and his team weren't going to make it out alive.

A dazed Davis crawled out of Shepard's pocket. He had come along just in case, since it was the last mission. Besides, Shepard and his team had grown on him. Seeing how happy Tali made Shepard made Davis like her quite a bit, and Garrus was always entertaining when he came up to the cabin for some wine. But neither of them were even close to how he viewed Shepard. The Commander had shared basically his whole life story with the hamster, and Davis couldn't help but feel connected to Shepard after that.

As soon as Davis felt how the base was shaking, he sprinted up to Shepard's face and started squeaking desperately. When that didn't work, he started nibbling on the commander's ear. Davis didn't have any other options, so he sunk his teeth into the sensitive flesh. Shepard was stirring immediately, and Davis would have released a relieved sigh if he physically able as he ran back down to hide in Shepard's pocket.

Two months ago

Davis peeked his head out from underneath the pipes. Everybody was gone except for Shepard, and he let out a happy squeak as he ran straight for his best friend. Shepard turned instantly, and grabbed at Davis as soon as he was in reach, thinking he was still trying to run away. He was careful though, and Davis was perfectly fine with being lifted up in Shepard's hands. "Finally got you," he breathed. "You sneaky bastard," he added with a jovial grin.

Present

"Joker! We need extraction!" Shepard bellowed into his earpiece. Charging the beam to get up to the Citadel had completely gone to hell. Harbinger had landed just before they started to run, and was just ripping everything apart. To make matters worse, Tali had been hit by the explosion of an exploding tank from Harbinger's beam, and was in bad condition.

"Are you crazy?" Joker responded.

"Tali's hurt!" Shepard yelled back. Davis stopped in his tracks. He was almost to the beam, having gone ahead of Shepard since he was able to avoid Harbinger's attention. But he knew Joker was going to come for extraction after that, Shepard wouldn't allow him not to. Davis couldn't let the Normandy be destroyed, couldn't let his crewmates die. He altered his course to head straight for Harbinger.

He blocked out Shepard and Joker's arguing as he got out his trusty suction cups and started to climb Harbinger's leg. He didn't have much time, he needed to disable Harbinger's gun, at least temporarily, to give enough time for the Normandy to do its extraction. Luckily, Davis had just been studying Reaper layouts on his computer. Always be prepared, that was the hamster's motto. Just as Davis was climbing into Harbinger's body through the joint at the top of his leg, he heard the words he dreaded from Joker. "Fine, I'm on my way."

Davis knew the inner workings of a Reaper more or less, but he didn't want to have to be rushing as he made his way through Harbinger. If he hit a dead end or a drop off, there was no chance. But he had no choice. He sprinted as fast as his little legs would allow him as he made his way up through Harbinger's body. Miraculously, he reached the eyes in a mere minute. But that was all the time Joker needed. Davis watched in horror through one of Harbinger's eyes as the Normandy came to land a ways away. Davis frantically ran though the images in his head and compared them to where he was now. A single wire would be able to disable Harbinger's attacks for a few minutes; he just had to find it.

There! But Harbinger was charging up. Davis gnawed as fast as his teeth could, not focusing on anything else. The killing blow was just about to fire when the connection broke. Harbinger's eyes dimmed and Davis lied down on his side, utterly relieved.

He was quickly shaken by Harbinger's frustrated horn blast. Davis looked out the eye again, and was even more relieved to see the Normandy flying away. But then he saw a single figure still running for the beam. It was Shepard. Davis squeaked in denial as Harbinger saw Shepard as well. The disabling effect was over, and Harbinger charged his beam. Davis squeaked again, this time in horror, as Shepard was flung sideways by a massive laser strike. The tiny hamster flew into a rage, gnawing ferociously at any wires he could get his teeth into.

It didn't take long for Harbinger to notice. "Rodent. Why do you still fight?" the reaper taunted as various minor functions started to shut down. "If you insist on this, I will end you," he threatened. But Davis didn't stop. "Very well," he said as he fired up his thrusters to take off into space. He couldn't get at Davis when he was inside, but Harbinger didn't exactly need air like Davis did. Taking off into space would take care of Davis efficiently. Harbinger took off, leaving behind the unrecognizably and barely conscious Shepard.

It took Davis a little while to notice, but he eventually registered that he was moving upward. He looked out Harbinger's eye once more, and saw they were headed up into the atmosphere. He quickly found an opening in the reaper's hull and jumped. He pulled out his glider as he fell, managing to get it into position and safely sail through the air until he landed back on earth's surface. He headed to Shepard immediately, not even caring enough to stay out of his line of sight. Shepard was just stirring, and opened his eyes just as Davis was approaching his face.

"Davis?" he asked incredulously.

Davis tried to sigh. He pulled out a tiny pair of black sunglasses and an equally tiny silver tube with a light on the end. He turned a dial on the back, setting it to five minutes, and put on the glasses before pressing a button. A flash of light blinded Shepard, and he instantly forget what happened in the last few moments. Davis scurried into Shepard's pocket as the Commander rubbed his eyes and looked up to see Harbinger gone and the beam completely open.

Always be prepared.