Probably, the moment that he had accepted the scholarship, his fate had been sealed. About two years ago, he lived in a small town that was hidden within the cover of harsh winters and cold summers. He had turned eighteen, and by chance, he had received a scholarship. He had been elastic, his teacher, proud, peers, envious, but if he had realized what would've become of him for going, he would've gladly given it up. Now, here he was, hopelessly fallen for a man who did not understand the meaning of love. Now, he was a paid whore to him.
Gray had seen him the moment he stepped on campus. Anyone would have noticed. With flamboyant pink hair and clothes that did not do much to cover, he stood out to the world. His name was Natsu Dragoneel. He was bright, burning like the sun, with endless amount of energy that seemed to just infect everyone. Due to this, he was insanely popular. He, on the other hand, had the opposite reaction from others. Sneers and insults thrown at his face, rumors spread behind his back, and the lack of respect for him was apparent. But he had ignored it. Because he knew that he was better than them, and he proved them all wrong as he continued to receive the highest grade within the class. And that… had caught his attention.
At first, Gray had been wary, untrusting of the cruel people that he had already met on the campus. But… There had been something about the look in his eyes that somehow lowered his guard, that made him think that the other was harmless, that the world wasn't as cruel as it was. It wasn't long before he had been captured by the other man. Perhaps it had become apparent to him, the fact that the feelings Gray had harbored were more than just friendship, because soon after, Gray was "dating" the Natsu Dragoneel. At first, he had been happy, content with life. He was dating the person he loved, his studies continued to advance, and he thought, maybe he had loved him too. He came to realize that that wasn't the case.
People did not agree. People did not want to accept it; Natsu Dragoneel, the most wanted man, dating some boy from an unknown school from "Nowheresville". Suddenly, the remarks increased. Insults varied, and most of them started including the fact that he used Natsu to get into the college, that he was some whore. He was angry; he had believed that he would defend his name, but by chance, he saw that he did nothing but laugh and agree. Gray did not understand. Then, before summer break, he spoke with him. He still remembers the conversation, where it was at, what time it was, and the exact words they had said to each other. It was in the nearby park, noontime, at exactly twelve P.M. And it started with him.
"Gray," He said, with the usual charming smile on his face. "I missed you."
He remembered how he wanted to scream liar at the other, punch him in the face and stomp off like some adolescent teen throwing a tantrum.
"Natsu," He didn't allow himself to budge. He was going to finally find out what Natsu really wanted. And he noticed that.
"What's wrong, Gray?" He asked, coming closer. Gray stood still, watching the other.
"Why are we dating?" He had stared at him for a moment. Then, he threw him an incredulous look and laughed. Gray was not amused.
"Well, you want me and I want you. Isn't that how dating works?" He had said in his usual bright way with that same charming smile.
"Is that all you want? My body? Is that a relationship to you?" Gray said, his voice trembling slightly as his voice grew louder. He had frowned then, his eyes slowly slipping into a glare.
"Yeah," He said, his voice low with slight annoyance, or perhaps maybe it was anger.
"What else is there to dating?"
It had burned, his comment. Gray still remembers the sting of the comment like a swift slap to the face. The silence that followed after that comment was tense. Gray wanted to shout a lot of things then, but he had realized, that he had not understood. Natsu did not know what love was. Love was not in the man's vocabulary or perhaps, it didn't have the same meaning as it did to Gray. So instead, Gray merely closes the distance, and initiated their first kiss. He decided that he was going to have to wait. Wait until the other understood the meaning of it, of the word love. Until then, he would not consider this dating, therefore, it must become something else. Something else to keep him within reach.
"Tonight," He remembers saying after their kiss, perhaps a little breathless. "Let's fuck then."
It was a terrible decision. The decision that had gotten him into this situation, that made his Saturday nights and Sunday mornings preoccupied and unavailable, and that caused the continuous pain within his chest. That night they had sex. That night, Gray took money from Natsu's wallet. That night, Gray left the room after having sex with him and went back to his own. That morning, he told Natsu that they weren't in a relationship. That morning, he told Natsu that they were now business partners. Him, being the customer, and he, being the provider. That day, Gray Fullbuster sold himself out like a whore to Natsu Dragoneel.
Gray Fullbuster moved out of the dorms that summer.
A year had passed since that day, and their situation still has yet to change. But… Gray had hope, hope that maybe, maybe Natsu would come to understand the meaning of love. Or perhaps, that was just what he was telling himself in order to not let go, to not feel shame as he does not say a word about his situation to his beloved teacher, to not feel so… dirty. He told himself that he was merely playing the waiting game. A waiting game that he knew would either never end, or would end with nothing but pain and regrets. So instead, he holds onto hope and he lies.
It's just the waiting game.
Felt like writing, but not really updating. A try at some sad stuff. Not sure if I did any good.
Review with any constructive criticism, if you would like.
Thanks to those who read.