Title: Forget Me Not
Author: Drawn to Darkness
Rating: T
Pairing: Jess/Becker (background Abby/Connor, Emily/Matt)
Summary: The beetle incident has far reaching consequences. Can Jess be saved again or is it time to say goodbye?
Disclaimer: Primeval and its characters are not mine. I wish they were, then I'd do whatever I had to to guarantee a series six. (PS. ITV haven't officially cancelled the show so dropping them a message to say you're still interested wouldn't go amiss!)

Author's note: This is not Milestones II, obviously. I've started it, but then this idea appeared out of nowhere and did jumping jacks in front of me until I agreed to write it. Really. Milestones II (or the fluff-fest, as I'm calling it in my head) will appear in the not-too-distant future.

Author's Note 2: Just want to say from the start that if and when I write a character death story, there will be a warning at the beginning for all those wishing to avoid it. As there isn't such a warning at the beginning of this story... Well, I'll let you draw your own conclusions ;)

Author's Note 3: Given Matt's knowledge of the beetles, I'm assuming they're from the future even though Connor called them prehistoric in the actual episode. My brain just got confused somewhere along the way.

Dedicated in the memory of J&BP and DR.

The first time she felt unwell, Jess put it down to stress. It happened after a bad anomaly alert, when one of the ARC soldiers had died and two more were injured. She'd been sitting in her chair at the ADD for three hours straight, tense and terrified, watching and directing as the team dealt with a Spinosaurus baby and its very overprotective mother.

She breathed a sigh of relief when the dinosaurs were finally detained and sent back through to their time with the anomaly locked behind them and stood, intending to stretch her aching muscles and get herself a fresh cup of tea.

Less than thirty seconds after standing, she found herself clinging to the back of the red chair as the room swam dizzily in front of her. She closed her eyes and willed the room to stop spinning, forcing herself to take deep breaths to calm the sudden racing of her heart.

It was over in a matter of minutes and, as she was alone, Jess decided to blame it on the events of the previous three hours and the fact she'd skipped lunch.

The second time it happened, Jess was at home, completing her night time routine. The flat seemed so quiet without Abby and Connor and, even though it'd been three months since they'd moved out into a place of their own, Jess couldn't help but wonder if she'd ever get used to living alone again.

Shaking her head to rid herself of the melancholy thoughts, she started towards the stairs leading up to the bedrooms. She was halfway up them when her stomach began to churn. Making it to the bathroom just in time for the pasta she'd made for dinner to put in its reappearance, Jess waited for the nausea to pass before attempting to get to her feet. She wrinkled her nose at the aftertaste in her mouth, brushed her teeth and used the mouthwash to try and get rid of it.

Taking a glass of water, she went to bed feeling sorry for herself. The following morning, feeling okay, she told herself it was a mild stomach bug and left for work as usual.

The third time it happened, Jess couldn't pretend she was okay. She'd been sitting in Lester's office, halfway through an explanation of the update she hoped to run on the ARC's internal monitoring systems when it suddenly felt like there was an elastic band around her chest, squeezing the air out of her lungs.

"Jess?" Lester stood from his chair, alarm flashing in his eyes momentarily.

Pressing a hand to her chest, Jess told herself to stay calm and inhaled deeply. Exhaling wheezily, she lifted her gaze to her boss, mild panic beginning to dawn in her eyes. "Can't… breathe."

"I'd noticed," Lester muttered drily, grabbing the phone on his desk as he moved around to crouch in front of her. "Send a medic team to my office. Now. Miss Parker is having breathing difficulties."

The order given, Lester hung up. Jess tried to give him a reassuring smile when he hesitated reached out and put a hand on her arm and found herself being both pleased and disappointed that the main team were out on a training exercise instead of in the ARC. While she didn't want anyone to worry or fuss over her, she thought that the presence of the people who'd become her closest friends might help keep her calm.

In less time than she thought possible, two medics burst into the office. Kevin Oliver and Jane Robson took one look at her and their eyes widened. Kevin reached for his comm. link while Jane dropped to her knees beside Jess's chair, expertly unwinding the tube of the oxygen mask on the small tank she'd brought with her and affixing the mask around Jess's head gently.

"You haven't come into contact with anything you're allergic to, have you, Jess?" Jane looked at her in open concern while Jess shook her head. The medic reached out and felt for Jess's pulse, her eyes narrowing in concentration. "Pulse is a little irregular."

"They're bringing up a wheelchair," Kevin reported after finishing his conversation over the comms. Turning to Jess, he gave her an encouraging smile. "Don't worry, Jess, we'll get you sorted out."

Cringing at the thought of being taken from Lester's office in a wheelchair, Jess shook her head. Breathing was beginning to get easier so she lifted a hand to remove the mask from over her mouth. "I can walk," she said quietly, her voice a little too weak for her liking. "It's easing."

The medics didn't look convinced, nor did Lester.

"I'll walk with you to the medical bay but really, I'm fine. They don't need to bring a chair or anything." Jess gave them her best attempt at a bright smile and was rewarded when Kevin, reluctantly, cancelled the request for assistance after a grudging nod of agreement from Lester.

"We'll give you a few more minutes and then we'll go." Jane stayed on the floor at Jess's feet, studying the brunette Field Co-ordinator. "Have there been any other symptoms? Have you noticed anything else that may help us pinpoint what's going on?"

"I felt dizzy a few days ago," Jess admitted after a stern look from Lester. "I probably just stood up from the chair too quickly. And I was sick the day before yesterday. I was fine in the morning so thought it was just a stomach bug or something I ate disagreeing with me."

"You could be right," Jane agreed, exchanging a quick glance with Kevin. "But I think we'd all feel better if we ran a few tests, just to be on the safe side."

Lester nodded his agreement before Jess could protest. "The last thing we need is an epidemic on our hands. The paperwork involved in securing cover for sick leave is atrocious."

Jess bit back a smile, seeing the concern behind his gruff tone. "Okay, but I don't want anyone knowing."

By anyone, it was clear she meant the main team – two former flatmates who were also close friends, a woman from the past who'd become like an older sister, a man from the future who'd become like an older brother and the Head of Security, who, ever since the incident involving the beetle incursion, had a tendency to treat the Field Co-ordinator like she was made of glass.

The medics agreed instantly, bound as they were by patient confidentiality. Lester took a little while longer, his reluctance to go along with her request obvious.

After five minutes of breathing slowly though the oxygen mask Jane replaced over her mouth, Jess felt confident that she could stand without falling over. She was helped by the medics, who flanked her as they made their way slowly but steadily from Lester's office towards the medical bay.

Jess didn't think the ordinarily short journey had ever taken so long before and felt out of breath and exhausted by the time they got there. She accepted Jane's help gratefully and climbed onto one of the beds, lying back at the medic's gentle urging. As Kevin left to summon the doctor on duty, Jess felt her eyes slide shut and promised herself she'd just rest for a moment or two.

The Field Co-ordinator was sound asleep when Doctor Richards arrived five minutes later to confer with the two medics, and stayed that way as the first of many tests were carried out by the concerned medical team.

Being summoned to the medical bay was unusual but, as she'd been expecting it every day for the last week, Jess was unsurprised. She left the ADD in the capable hands of one of the technicians she'd begun training to cover for her and made her way to Doctor Richards's office.

He was going to tell her she was fine, Jess told herself, a bounce in her step as she thought of finally being able to put her own mind at ease. She'd woken up that morning feeling full of energy – almost buzzing with it, in fact. Her body felt like she'd downed a couple of shots of pure caffeine and she'd been riding the high all morning, using it to catch up on all of the little things she'd fallen behind on due to her numerous visits to the medical bay.

The bright smile on her face faded a little when she got to the doctor's office only to find Lester was already there but she told herself that didn't mean anything. As her boss and as one of the few people who knew she'd been unwell, it made sense for him to be called when she was given the all-clear.

His appearance, however, when coupled with the expression on Doctor Richards face made it difficult to cling onto the optimism she'd woken up with. The man looked like he'd aged overnight; his expression one that Jess was uncomfortably familiar with. It was the same expression she'd seen on the faces of her mother's doctors, the one that said they had bad news but were trying to think of a positive spin to put on it.

"Take a seat, Miss Parker." Doctor Richards' tone was kind but left her in no doubt that it was an order rather than a suggestion.

Jess did as she was told, glancing at Lester as she sat in the spare chair. Her boss wouldn't or couldn't look at her, and that made something tighten in her chest.

"Now, Miss Parker, as you know, we've been monitoring your condition over the last week and have ran several tests and scans." Doctor Richards spoke, his calm voice washing over her. "I've reviewed the results and it seems..."

She listened intently but later would only be able to recall every one in three words that the doctor had spoken. Luckily for Jess, Lester was able to digest the news quickly and ask questions the Field Co-ordinator knew she should be asking herself.

Questions that got answers neither were pleased with.

Her organs were failing, her body fluctuating between being in a state of anaphylactic shock and being overrun by the adrenaline it was producing in an attempt at coping. The symptoms she'd been experiencing had felt familiar but, as she'd had no insect bites and hadn't so much as seen a creepy crawly anywhere near her since the incident at the ARC, Jess had wrongly dismissed the fleeting thought.

It seemed, Doctor Richards explained, that her encounter with the beetles was to blame for her condition and that her encounter with them had left a lasting legacy.

"You can treat her condition, though," Lester said rather than asked, an eyebrow arched when the doctor looked at him.

"We can treat the symptoms of the anaphylaxis but it isn't a long-term solution," Doctor Richards answered slowly. "We can monitor Miss Parker closely and ensure there is always epinephrine on hand to counteract it but I can't guarantee how long we will be able to do so. The blood tests we've done in the last week have shown that her condition is progressing, almost like a virus. We can't fight it indefinitely and then there's always the possibility that treatment may lead to an overdose of adrenaline, which, as I'm sure you understand, could have fatal consequences."

"So I'm dying." Jess lifted her gaze from where she'd been staring in stunned silence at her clasped hands. "Is that what you're saying?"

"Unless we're able to find a way to reverse it, yes, I'm afraid it's a likely possibility. The human body is simply unable to cope with the strain of going from one extreme to the other. I believe that, while we can treat your condition in the short term, without a permanent solution..." Doctor Richards looked at her gravely. "I am sorry, Miss Parker, truly I am."

"What kind of solution are you talking about?" Lester's eyes narrowed as he glared at the doctor, almost as if the man sitting opposite them was to blame. "What can be done?"

"Without a living specimen of the beetle, not a lot. I'm sorry, Mr Lester. As I said, Miss Parker's body is reacting as though it has been exposed to a virus. When she was bitten by the insect, it injected its venom into her. While not toxic to those who have a natural resistance, because of Miss Parker's existing allergy, its venom is behaving like a slow acting poison. I believe that if we had a living specimen, we may be able to isolate whatever it is in the venom causing Miss Parker's body to react in this way and thus reverse engineer an antidote but without a living specimen to extract it from..."

"I'm going to die," Jess murmured, finishing the doctor's grim line of thought. "How long do you think I have? And how... How will it happen?"

"There's no way I can confidently answer..."

"Will it be gradual or sudden?" Jess pressed insistently. "Am I likely, in your professional opinion, to fade away slowly or drop down dead without notice?"

"I would theorise - and it's only a theory, I'm afraid, given the lack of information we have to work with, that it would be the former, Miss Parker. It is possible, of course, that an overdose of adrenaline could cause your heart to fail but I think it's more likely that your body will slowly succumb to the anaphylaxis. You will experience moments of heightened awareness due to surges of adrenaline but, as your body's resistance grows weaker, I suspect you'll find yourself feeling increasingly tired, dizzy, short of breath..."

"So it's going to be like a drawn out allergic reaction." She didn't phrase it like a question, an eerie acceptance descending over her. "How long would you say I have before I start to deteriorate? Just an estimate, doctor; I appreciate the difficulties you have in making accurate predictions in this situation."

Doctor Richards sighed deeply. He took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Given the differences in the samples we've taken over the course of the last seven days, I can only say your condition has already begun to deteriorate. You may feel better today but I can almost guarantee it won't last."

"How long until my body gives in completely?" Jess held his gaze with a steely stare. "If you've noticed a difference already, you should be able to work out...?" She saw the answer on his face even as he opened his mouth and felt a dull ache in her chest. "That bad?"

"If the allergens continue attacking your system at their current rate, I'd say you have no longer than a month. I'm so sorry, Miss Parker. There are some treatments we could try but..."

"But they would only be prolonging the inevitable," Jess finished softly. She got to her feet after a moment, surprised that her legs were steady enough to hold her weight. "If that's all, I think I'll go back to work."

Lester stood, too, his brow furrowed. "Wait a minute, Jess. Surely it's worth discussing what options you have...?"

"There are no options unless a living beetle magically appears in the ARC and I was kind of hoping I'd never have to see one of them again." Jess's smile was sad but her shoulders were squared determinedly. "I'm not interested in drawing this out any longer than necessary, Lester. It's not fair, not to me or anyone else."

She slipped out of the room quietly, aware of the heavy silence she left in her wake. Instead of heading for the hub and the ADD, Jess made her way to the locker rooms. She checked it was empty before securing the door and sliding down it, tears slipping down her cheeks.

I seem to have developed a thing for putting Jess through the emotional wringer... I'd apologise but, well, it's kind of fun. ;)