Chapter 6: Many Ways to Get off a of High
A/N: So…It's been like six months since I've updated this. Really I'm off of my "Naruto high," but recently I'm on a "writing high". Every other month or so, I was checking Fanfiction for some stories I really liked, but they weren't being updated so I kind of stayed off FF for a long time. I got on recently, and there were updates! It kind of inspired me to write more of this.
I re-read the story (for like the umpteenth time) and realized it wasn't bad. I recognized some grammar mistakes and some plot things that I would change, but otherwise, it's a good story.
My writing style may have changed a bit now. I seemed to have a bit of silliness before, that I hope I can mimic, it's been a while since I've written this though. I hope you guys enjoy it! Love you all! :)
Chapter 6: Many Ways to Get off a High
That morning I was giddy after my interactions with Gaara the day before. I got ready with a smile on my face, and was genuinely happy...until I opened the door. My house had been egged and TP'd during the night. My mouth dropped open in shock, and I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe anyone could do something like this to me. Then I stepped onto my porch and saw in chalk writing "You better watch yourself," although it was in gibberish like "U BETR WATCH URSELF."
I found myself staring at it for a long time. I looked down at my watch and realized I didn't have time to clean it, no matter how strong the urge was. Walking to the office in a rush, I felt my happiness ebbing away.
A few minutes later I was walking in the Kazekage's office, still thinking about the message I had received. I was lost in thought until I set Gaara's tea down on his desk and he greeted me. "Hello Karuna-san. Are you okay?"
I looked at him with a weak smile, "I'm alright Kazekage-sama, how are you?"
"Good," he nodded, frowning slightly as I walked away from his desk and into my office, wearing a solemn face.
The day passed fairly quickly, but I couldn't shake a nervous feeling as I worked. I knew that I was probably in the safest place in Suna, but I got the sense that the message wasn't a physical threat. Obviously someone was trying to get in my head, and it was working.
I stayed after work to help Gaara again. He didn't object to my helping; neither of us said anything really. When we finished, I felt the Kazekage's eyes on me. "You've seemed…distracted today," he said as we walked out of his office together.
I sighed, for some reason the Kazekage was good at reading me. "Really, I'm fine," I lied. "I just have some stuff going on…at home," I said. That wasn't a lie.
"Don't you live alone?" Gaara asked. He cleared his throat after a moment of thought, "I'm sorry for asking, I guess that's personal," he looked away from me as we walked out of the building.
"It's okay," I said, "yes I do live alone." This was true, but I also avoided the implication of his question.
"I'm going to walk you home," he said.
I started thinking about the mess I left at home, and slightly panicked, "Um, no!" he looked startled so I changed my tone of voice. "I mean no, it's fine. I can walk myself."
"It's not that I don't think you are fully capable of walking yourself home, it's just a courtesy that I wish to extend to you. It's the least I can do for your extra help in the office."
"No, you don't need to Kazekage-sama," I smiled forcedly.
The Kazekage looked confused, "I don't understand. I walked you home yesterday and you were fine with it. What makes today different?"
He was smart as usual. There was nothing I could hide from him, not that I would stop trying. "I just," I had to think about my answer, "realized that I shouldn't let you go out of your way for me. How rude of me is that?" I frowned.
Gaara let out a huff of almost laughter, though it had no humor behind it. "I only live a street away from you Karuna. Really it's no trouble."
I sighed, not knowing what else to say. "Please," I paused, "just don't come to my house," I shook my head putting my face in my palms.
I couldn't see Gaara's face, but I knew by his voice that he was worried, "What is wrong Karuna? What are you trying to hide?" I looked up and noticed a concerned wrinkle to his forehead.
He of course was spot on with his questions. Against my better judgment, I decided to give in. "Fine, I'll show you." Akari told me I was the most stubborn person she knew. I now realized that the title had to go to Gaara.
Gaara was content after that, to walk with me in silence. There was a bit of a breeze tonight. The sand somersaulted around us in a crazy dance, and gray clouds blocked the sky.
As we approached my house, I felt that 'just punched' feeling I had gotten that morning when I walked outside. Egg covered the porch and the walkway; it even dripped from some of my hanging plants. Toilet paper was strewn across the porch railing, plants, and trees. That morning I remember the brief detail of tearing some down as I walked through the entryway. Toilet paper had been tapped across it to make my leaving the house that much more humiliating.
The Kazekage stood next to me in silence as he took in the appearance of my house. I looked at him, and he seemed to have aged years in a span of seconds. He left me, walked to my porch, and read the chalk writing. He gained his poker face as he read the words. Scary.
"Come with me Karuna," he said, his voice even and dangerous. I wanted to argue, but he stopped me. "I don't care what you have to say, I'm not leaving you here. I want to hear what Temari and Kankuro think about this," he started walking quickly toward his house, and seeing no other option, I followed.
"Kazekage-sama, this really isn't…" I started, but he stopped me.
"Please Karuna," he turned his powerful blue eyes on me. "Please just listen for now. We can all discuss our best options together." He silenced me with his caring gaze. I knew that's what it was, that he cared about me, but I was an adult shinobi, and I knew I could take care of myself. Only now I was realizing that sometimes strength is letting someone else help you, even when you know you can do something on your own.
So I swallowed my pride, and walked with the Kazekage to his house, or really I should call it a mansion. He opened the door for me and motioned for me to go in. I took a hesitant step into the door and he followed, closing the door behind him. Gaara was close behind me now; I caught my breath in nervousness as he gently touched my back. "Welcome to our home," we were so close I could feel the rumble of his voice. I shivered. He moved to my side and stared at me, a gentle smile curving up his lips.
The moment was ruined by Temari's voice, "Is that you Gaara?" she yelled from upstairs. Soon, Temari and Kankuro were walking down the staircase, which started near the front of the house. Gaara's face quickly turned serious again, and I saddened at the fact that our moment had slipped away from me.
"Karuna?" Kankuro said. The Kazekage's siblings were obviously surprised at the fact that I was in their house. "Has something happened?"
"Yes," Gaara said, lightly touching my back again. His sibling's eyes followed the movement curiously. "Let's go into the living room to discuss this," Gaara walked forward, his hand still on my back gently guiding me with him. My nerves were going full throttle, even though his brother and sister were with us and obviously nothing was going to happen. Gaara glanced at me from the corner of his eyes like he could read my emotions, which was possible considering his power.
The inside of the mansion was as grand as the outside. The floors were a dark marble with intricate lighter designs, the walls were white and surrounded by wood crown molding, and the furniture was made of wood. The living room had plush couches, a beautiful rug covered the floor, tapestries covered the windows, a rock fireplace was in the corner, and a black piano sat against a wall. Gaara led me to a couch and sat next to me, Kankuro and Temari sat on another couch. I noticed that Gaara's siblings looked tired, and I felt bad.
"I'm sorry for intruding…" I started, but Gaara cut me off.
"Don't be ridiculous Karuna," he said. Looking at his siblings, he continued, "I invited Karuna, because when I walked her home, I discovered something she had been hiding from me all day. I'm assuming she woke up this morning to discover that her house had been covered in egg and toilet paper. On her porch, someone wrote 'you better watch yourself.' So her home was vandalized and she was threatened," his eyes were on me now, "why didn't you tell me?"
Kankuro and Temari looked shocked, all the tiredness erased from their faces. They were all looking at me expectantly, so I answered. "First of all, I didn't want to bother you with it because I know how busy you are," I said. Gaara shook his head at me and I continued, "I also didn't think it was that big of a deal. I know it was KGNOF who did it, so I didn't really take it seriously. They are just trying to get into my head and make me nervous. I don't want to give them that satisfaction. If I had walked out of my house with enough time to clean it up, you never would have seen it anyways. Really Gaara-sama, I'm fine to go back home."
The Kazekage looked to his siblings, "I brought her here because I don't want her left alone. These people want to hurt her, and they know where she lives. They may mean no physical harm to her, but a threat is a threat and it needs to be taken seriously. I think it would be best for her to stay with us for now."
Kankuro and Temari nodded in agreement, "We should go check out the damage to Karuna's house," Kankuro said. Kankuro and Temari stood; Gaara was about to stand, but they stopped him.
"We can take care of it Gaara," Temari said. "If there's any other evidence on who this was, we need to check it out as soon as we can. You guys can stay here, we won't be long," then they were gone in a flash.
"I really wish they would wait 'til morning to investigate," I sighed.
Gaara looked at me, and suddenly I realized that we were now alone. "They want to see the evidence as soon as possible. We don't know if the people who did this are going to add to what they did or change anything. There could also be more writing on other parts of your house, so they need to do a quick scan. I would have done it, but…" he looked into my eyes, and I felt my cheeks grow pink, "I was worried for your safety."
I sighed deeply, "Kazekage-sama," I said respectfully, "I'm a shinobi just as you are. I think you misunderstand who I am, because you only see me in the office. I…" I tried to explain, but Gaara cut me off.
"It's you who misunderstand me," he frowned. "I know exactly who you are, and I know you are strong. But I consider you my friend, and I desire to protect you from people who could hurt you. Many strong people have underestimated their enemies before and have been hurt by them. Even me…" he trailed off, his voice breaking, and I finally understood why he was protecting me. I hesitantly reached my hand toward his, but stopped just before taking it. Gaara noticed, and he moved his hand the rest of the way, holding my hand in his own.
"I'm sorry Gaara," I said feeling heartbroken at the pain he was feeling. I gently moved my thumb across the back of his hand.
"The feeling of dying," he said, "was an unbearable pain. It is the worst pain a human could feel, it is indescribable." Gaara looked into my eyes, and I felt a deep connection forming with him. Beyond the obsessiveness I had allowed Akari to influence me into, beyond the surface feelings I had for him.
"I haven't really told anyone about this," he said, "but I feel very comfortable with you Karuna. You have become one of my closest friends," his voice got husky, and my heartbeat quickened. I pulled him into a hug. He stiffened at first, but slowly relaxed against me. When we pulled back from the hug, we were still touching. His face was close to mine, and that was all I needed.
At that point, I realized how easy it would be for me to love Gaara. I was already halfway there, but I was holding onto something, maybe pride. And in one leap of confidence, I decided to put away my pride, and finally do something that I truly felt in my heart. I leaned forward to kiss him.
You may think I'm stupid for doing this, but what you have to understand is that it was the heat of the moment that got to me. I was so caught up in my own emotions that I didn't think of what Gaara would be feeling in that moment. He had just shared his darkest moment with me: the moment in which he died, and he did need love, but he needed the love of friendship, not that of passion.
As I leaned forward to kiss him, and my eyes started to close, I noticed his eyes had widened and his body had stiffened. His hand went slack and let go of mine. When our faces were inches apart, he withdrew from me and stood up, visibly shaken.
I felt like I had been slapped; I felt heartbroken. I felt as though Gaara had picked up the pieces of my life, and once he had realized what he had done, then scattered them and stomped them into more pieces.
In this moment with Gaara, I realized I had been holding onto bitterness all these years. It started when my first three-squad team rejected me, and afterwards, the hate that they had spread almost overwhelmed me. They told other villagers what I was, and people scorned and hated me for no reason. The only kind people were my new team, sensei, and my friend from the Academy, Akari who stuck with me through everything.
Many people had forgotten their hate for me, but some still held onto it. In the worst cases, there were people who spit at me or taunted me as I walked by, but I'd learned to ignore it. I had become so used to hatred, that when Gaara and his siblings accepted me, it became all I could think about.
Most of all, I obsessed over the mysterious Kazekage with a past more terrible than mine; the man with eyes that seemed to search into the depths of my soul. Who gave me a chance to do something important and understood that people can't control what they are born as, but can choose to live with the purpose of helping people instead of hurting them. For me, the man with long, deep glances, and a voice that reverberated in my soul, the man who cared about me and encouraged me.
But I had been mistaken with my purposes. While Gaara had an innocent purpose of befriending me, and showing me who he was, I had been too focused on love. I felt ashamed at myself; I wanted to take back my actions, but there was a deeper point of learning that I needed to reach through the circumstances.
In my mind, I understood that this rejection was not the end of the world, that Gaara and his siblings would still care for me. In my mind, I knew that this was something I needed to go through to wake myself up from a dream world. In my mind, I was strong and able to continue on like nothing had happened.
But my heart felt like it was dying. It finally had a wake up call: "this is the Kazekage of Suna honey, you need to get a grip on yourself and give him the respect he deserves." And I hated it. I felt like my insides were falling apart, like I couldn't breathe, and I was going to throw up at the same time. This realization only took a few seconds, and I was brought back to the consequences of my actions.
My face crumpled as I looked up at Gaara, and I shot up off the couch. I needed to get out of there. I ran out the front door, passing a confused Temari and Kankuro on the way, and used chakra to run to the top of the roof. I moved to the center of the roof, "Earth release: earth dome," I said and felt my chakra gather earth around me in the shape of a dome. Once I was sealed in, my composure was gone and I allowed myself to break through mental barriers I had built to protect myself from pain by ignoring it. I finally allowed myself to cry.
Gaara's POV
When Karuna tried to kiss me, I was completely shocked. I drew away from her in confusion and surprise. In the few weeks that I had been getting to know her, it had never really crossed my mind that she might feel romantically interested in me. When I looked at her and saw how crushed she was, I immediately felt bad. Karuna ran out the door, taking the fullness that had been in my heart with her.
I thought about going after her; I could feel that she used her chakra on the roof. As I walked through the hall to go after her, Temari and Kankuro stopped my train of thought.
"Gaara?" Temari said worriedly when she saw the pained look on my face. "What's wrong with Karuna? She looked really upset."
Kankuro nodded, "We tried to stop her, but she just kept going."
I sucked in a breath and quickly let it out in a huff, "Something kind of happened," I paused, "Um. Between Karuna and myself," I looked away from my siblings feeling embarrassed.
Temari's eyes widened, "I don't like where this is going…" Kankuro just looked confused.
"So," I began, "when you guys left, Karuna and I started talking. I told her about something that I've never shared with anyone before, and she hugged me," it hurt to replay the scene in my head. "We stopped hugging, but we were still close to each other. I told her she was one of my closest friends," I stopped, not wanting to finish. I sighed. "And then she tried to kiss me. I pulled away from her, and she got very upset." I didn't want to look at my siblings, but I did so to see their reactions.
"Oh no!" Temari rubbed her hands on her face as if she were in pain or something. Kankuro just had a blank, sad looking stare.
"What do I do?" I asked them, feeling helpless.
Kankuro chuckled, "You screwed up man."
Temari punched him on the arm, "Shut up! It's not over yet!"
"Hell yeah it is. If he just rejected her, she's not exactly gonna get over it with no problems. Unless he tells her that he's actually into her or something, there's going to be a bit of awkwardness between them," Kankuro shrugged as if it were no big deal.
"Into her?" I said.
"Yeah, as in you like her," Kankuro said.
Now I was the confused one, "I do like her."
Temari groaned in frustration, "No! He means you would have to like like her. As in, you would want to kiss her or become her boyfriend or something."
"I just don't understand all of that," I said frowning. "I can understand the love of a sibling, friend, or parent. I have trouble though with romantic relationships," I grimaced at the implications of our conversation. "I've never felt that way about anyone before."
"I feel so bad for Karuna," Temari started pacing back and forth across the floor, as if she were letting off steam. "She picked the most impossible person to fall in love with," Temari stopped her pacing and looked at me accusingly.
"What? Fall in love with? Are you implying that Karuna is in love with me?" I was shocked at the thought.
"I'm not saying that she is currently in love with you," Temari explained, "but I do believe that she has feelings for you that could easily become romantic feelings, and eventually love. Do you not feel anything for her?"
This was a difficult question to answer. I definitely did feel something in my heart stir when I was around Karuna. It was much different than what I felt for my siblings, it was even different from what I felt for Naruto. I had learned that relationships with different people brought on different emotions. "I do feel different around Karuna than I do with anyone else," I said.
"That's a start I guess," Kankuro mumbled.
Temari shushed him, "Do you feel butterflies when you're around her? Like your heart could take flight, or do you get nervous or anything?"
"Do I feel like my heart could fly when I'm around her?" I repeated in confusion.
Kankuro cracked up and had to use the wall to support his weight. "Shut your arse Kankuro!" Temari yelled and shook her fist violently at him.
"Well," I continued, and my siblings stopped bickering, "when I first met her and was around her, I did feel a bit uncomfortable. She has a very strong aura; I couldn't ignore her like I was used to doing with females. Part of the discomfort may have been from my negative experiences with females though," I said thoughtfully.
Temari rolled her eyes, "That stupid fanclub. I wish we could lock them all up or something. Restraining orders only go so far. I feel like those girls have distorted your view on what ladies are like. Karuna is a lady. I'm a lady."
Kankuro busted out laughing and got punched again.
I nodded my understanding, "I know that all females are different, I just don't understand them very much. I never cared before," my face turned dark as I thought about my past.
"Well," Temari said, "in my opinion, you need someone who can love you the way Karuna can. The love of family and friends only goes so far. The feeling of being in love," Temari smiled, "well it's hard to explain. It's something you have to feel."
"What are you not telling us about Shikamaru?" Kankuro said poking her in the side. She laughed, and as they joked back and forth, I thought about Karuna.
"I should go talk to her," I said during a pause in their conversation.
"Um," Temari said, "I don't think that's a good idea. I think she needs some time before she will be ready to talk. Actually I think you guys should go get some rest. I can talk to her and take her to a room for the night."
I frowned, but nodded my understanding. We bid Temari goodnight, and then Kankuro and I walked to the second floor and I continued on to the third floor to my room. I didn't fall asleep for a long time, and my dreams consisted of Karuna screaming; a bleeding hole in her chest as she ran around picking up pieces of a red substance.
Karuna's POV
Once my crying was over, I released my jutsu and let go of the earth dome I had made for myself. About twenty minutes had passed since I ran from the Kazekage and no one had come after me, which I was relieved about. The Kazekage must have talked to his siblings about what happened, and it made me wonder what he told them.
I used my chakra to run down the roof and went toward the front door, feeling weird about knocking on it. When I turned around to leave the house, the door opened behind me and I turned to face it. Temari.
"My brother wanted to come after you," she said boldly. "Kankuro and I stopped him though." Temari looked at me thoughtfully, "There are some things you need to know to understand Gaara," she said. Come on," she opened the door and led me back inside. "His past did shape him, but it doesn't define who he is. Gaara is a kind-hearted person," she walked through the entryway and started leading me upstairs. When she noticed me hesitate at the stairs, she whisper-yelled at me, "Come on Karuna."
Temari put her fingers in front of her lips so I would be quiet as we walked up the stairs. When we got to the second floor, she led me down a long hallway, to a door all the way at the end of the hallway. We passed several doors as we walked, and I glanced at them, wondering if her brothers were behind any of them. Temari walked to the door at the end and opened it for me; I entered and she closed the door behind us.
"Ok," she said. "Now we can talk about this."
"I don't really want to talk about it," I mumbled, walking to the bed and sitting on the edge of it. Feeling the soft mattress made me realize just how tired I was from the long day.
"Fine," Temari said in a clipped tone. "I just want you to know that you have probably mistaken my brother. He doesn't just see you as his aide; he really does care about you. Gaara knows what love is; he feels it for Kankuro and I, for his friends, and for his village. But Gaara has no idea what it means to be in love with someone."
I looked up at her, as I understood what she was saying. "Do you think he could ever love someone in that way?" I said.
Temari studied my face for a while. "Yes I do think he can, but it's going to take some time and patience. Well," she said, "we should both get some sleep. Goodnight Karuna," she said as she walked to the door to leave.
"G'night Temari," I said sleepily. Even with my sadness, it didn't take long for me to fall asleep to dreams of a broken heart.
A/N- I thank all of you who have read and reviewed my story! Sorry for disappearing for so long! I've had a lot going on, and I got out of my "Naruto love" when I went back to school after Christmas break. I hope you guys have been doing well! Let me know how you are and feel free to review! I love you all! :)
Karuna got a bit of a reality check in this chapter, huh? Please review and let me know what you think!