Merlin stood back and watched the proceedings wide eyes. Arthur knelt beside a weeping Gwen who held tightly to an unmoving Elyan.

He'd been warned. He could have prevented this. Frustration began to rise as Merlin thought of all the times he had been warned and had failed, yet again. He could do nothing right.

But this wasn't his fault. No, this was Morgana's. With that thought in mind he swept out of the room, the others paying him no mind, and ran back to climb the stairs he'd seen on the way in. His fury powering his strides as he rose further and further to the top of the Dark Tower.

"Morgana!" He called out in anger as he reached a landing. He glanced around carefully, staring into the shadows, waiting for her to jump out and attack. There was no reply but silence. He moved forward and spotted the outline of a thick door in an alcove. Stepping carefully forward he touched the door. It creaked slightly as it opened. Pushing it wider he stepped through.

The room was dim, light filtering in through cobwebs and dust to sparsely illuminate the tower room. He walked in further as he noticed the things hanging from the ceilings. The dripping of liquid onto the stones began to grate on his ears in the silence. He hesitantly raised a hand to touch the swinging object.

He lifted his finger to his eyes and noted the tar. It took a moment for all pieces to fit together but when they did he spun quickly and stretched out for the closing door. His fingers tips grazed over the door handle, as it slammed shut. The click of the lock signified the finality of his imprisonment. He was stuck. Stuck in a room full of mandrakes.

"Merlin." Merlin froze at the sound of the voice. He hadn't heard it in years, but the inflection of his name, and accent would never be forgotten.

"You're not real." Merlin said quietly, his eyes locked on the door.

"Come on, Merlin, mate. Is that any way to greet an old friend? You been up to your old tricks, aye? Forgotten the poor farm boy who used to run around with ya?"

Merlin's hands shook as the words struck a place deep inside him. He swallowed heavily. "I could never forget you." He stated firmly, not turning around. He heard footsteps approach.

"Then show me you care, huh? For old times sake?" There was a definite plea in those last words, and Merlin couldn't take it any more. He turned slowly and let out an involuntary sob as he locked eyes with Will. Will smiled broadly as Merlin met his gaze.

"No smile for your old pal?" Will asked. His grin turning sly, just as it always had when he teased Merlin. Merlin felt his lips tug up in a smile as his eyes filled with tears.

"Where's your stupid king then? I died for him. Remember that? I died because he was more important to you than I was." Will's face changed abruptly. His eyes glared fiercely, his jaw clenched as he spat out the words.

"No. Will… That was never… I didn't want…" Merlin trailed off as tears began to slide down his face.

"You did nothing to save me." Will hissed as he got right in Merlin's face, "You let me die. You are nothing!" Will yelled the final words. Merlin flinched away from his friend, closing his eyes as he turned away from the harsh words. He slowly opened his eyes after a beat of silence. The room was empty once again.

Merlin stumbled back and leant heavily against the door. He hastily wiped at his eyes and turned to try the handle once more.

"Merlin." A seductive voice whispered in his ear. Merlin tensed, his hands clenching the handle tightly. "Or should I say, Emrys." The voice whispered with a small chuckle.

"Nimueh." Merlin replied through clenched teeth.

"Oh, so you do remember me? How lovely. I could never forget you though, Merlin." Nimueh continued to whisper in his ear. The hairs on Merlin's neck stood on end as a cold breeze brushed through his hair, as though a ghostly hand was brushing through his dark locks. "My, my. How you've grown."

Merlin stepped away from the door and turned to spot Nimueh, leaning against the wall beside it with a haughty smirk upon her face. "Stay away from me." Merlin said as he retreated for every step she took towards him, stalking her prey.

"You wanted me though, Merlin. I saw the way you looked at me." Nimueh taunted, adding a sway to her hips as she stepped forward again. Merlin felt the mandrakes brushing his shoulders as he stepped back, not taking his eyes from the sorceress in front of him.

"I never wanted you." Merlin said firmly raising his chin.

"Oh no. You wanted me. You wanted me dead." She hissed, watching in delight as he felt his feet hit the wall behind him. "I think it's fair I return the favour." She said raising her palm toward him.

"No!" Merlin shouted ducking down, his arms over his head. He stayed crouched for a moment waiting for the inevitable attack. He peeked his eyes over his raised arms and saw the empty room. He fell back against the wall and roughly wiped his face again. He took a few deep breaths before clenching his hands in his hair.

"It's not real. None of it's real. They're not real." He repeated to himself over and over, his hands covering his face.

"It's alright, son. I'm here." Merlin looked up and saw his father kneeling before him.

"Father." Balinor smiled genially at his son.

"It's okay, Merlin. They're dead." He stated calmly before his expression distorted to that of fury, cold fury, directed toward the now shaking warlock on the ground. "We all are."

"I didn't want you to die! I didn't! Please, believe me!" Merlin pleaded unable to stop the tears falling from his face. Balinor sneered at Merlin before getting up and walking away from his son.

"No! Please! Don't leave me! Not again!" Merlin cried falling forward on his knees reaching out for his retreating father. Balinor stopped and turned to glare death at Merlin.

"Better being alone than with you." He stated, spitting at the ground before walking behind the pillar and not appearing on the other side. Merlin sat back, hugged his knees tightly to his chest and began rocking backwards and forwards as he keened quietly in the darkness. Their words struck him so deeply he could barely function. Their harsh critiques, comments, and truths hit him harder than he expected. A small part of his mind vaguely noted how powerful the mandrakes must be, before being over taken by the raw emotions welling up inside.

"Merlin, are you alright?" Merlin shook his head vigorously not raising his eyes, not comprehending the voice that spoke the words, only the words themselves.

"What's wrong?" The voice asked gently.

"I hurt people. I hurt so many people. So many people died because of me. And I can't do anything right." Merlin mumbled miserably as he placed his head in his hands at the realisation.

"Who?" The voice asked. Merlin turned to the left and more tears fell from his eyes as he looked sadly at the woman beside him.

"You." He croaked out. He brought his hand up to cover his mouth, to try stop the sobs wracking his body. Morgana stared at him, the Morgana of old. She wore the same green gown that she worn that fateful day, the day he had poisoned her.

"Who else, Merlin?" She asked firmly, her eyes hardening. Merlin couldn't take his eyes off her even through his blurry vision. She was still beautiful, all pale skin and dark hair.

"My father. My best friend. A sorceress. My first love." Merlin choked off when his hand fell from his mouth, there were so many more people to the list. So many he couldn't name. People dead because of Kilgharrah's wrath, people dead because he hadn't acted sooner against threats, so many deaths. He hadn't seen Freya here yet, he thought, his eyes quickly scanning the room for her form. He sagged further against the wall when she didn't appear. Maybe she hated him too much to show.

"What were their names, Merlin?" Morgana questioned.

"Balinor. Will. Nimueh. Freya." Merlin stated mechanically, each name twisting the dagger sitting firmly in his heart. "Morgana." He said quietly. There was silence after his words. Merlin didn't need to look to know she was there. The blue glow from her form gave her away.

"I never wanted this, this pitiful excuse for a life. Wherever I go someone gets hurt." He said morosely.

"So many times I wish it was me. No one would suffer if I weren't around. All I do is cause pain. Why does destiny do this? It shouldn't be this hard. Who else am I going to loose? How many people will die before I fulfil some stupid prophecy written before I was born? Why me? Why did they choose me? I'm nothing!" Merlin declared, slamming his fists hard on the stone floor. He relished the pain, a small indication that he was still alive.

"Why can't I do anything right? Why couldn't I help you?" Merlin said tilting his head floppily toward the woman sitting beside him. "Why does doing the right thing have to be so hard?" He stared at her. Desperately wanting an answer.

"I don't know, Merlin. Maybe because what you're doing isn't the right thing." Merlin blinked at her harsh tone. Gone were the blue glow, green gown, and flowing raven hair. Now there sat the witch Morgana. Black hair piled haphazardly on her head, tight black dress covering her form as she sat cross-legged upon the stone floor beside him.

"Are any of us doing the right thing?" He asked wiping his red eyes and sniffling. He pulled off his neckerchief and wiped the tears from his face when his hands only smudged the water.

"How are any of us to know?" Morgana retorted with a dead smirk on her lips. Merlin sighed and fiddled with the neckerchief in his hands.

"Who did you see?" He felt Morgana stiffen beside him.

"Like I would tell you my weaknesses." She hissed.

"Then I'll wait here, until you see them." He said giving her an expectant eyebrow. Morgana's lips narrowed, she knew he had her trapped. Either way he would find out and she would never want to be seen acting weak in front of the servant.

"My sister. Agravaine." She said quietly. Merlin sighed as he shook his head. She was leaving out quite a few names, he could tell.

"She didn't see me, Emrys. Not when I've been waiting for you." Merlin glanced up with shocked eyes as Agravaine towered over him. Merlin gulped and scrambled up from the floor, startling Morgana from her thoughts.

"Stay back." Merlin warned, his shaky voice doing nothing to belay the confidence he tried to project.

"How many of Arthur's family will you kill till you're satisfied? First Morgana. Then Uther. Then me. Who's next? Guinevere?"

"No, I would never hurt her! She's my friend!" Merlin declared.

"Just like Morgana was?" Agravaine taunted with an infuriatingly smug look on his face.

"No, you don't hurt Guinevere, you just hurt Arthur." Merlin sagged depressingly against the stone behind him and shook his head as tears began to form in his eyes again.

"I didn't want to hurt him. I just tried to… I just wanted to…"

"You just wanted him to suffer how you have suffered. The great vindictive Emrys." Agravaine sneered at the snivelling warlock.

"Agravaine, please." Merlin whimpered as the man before him raised a gloved hand to strike. Merlin collapsed onto the stone in a heap. His shoulders heaving with sobs as he coiled himself into a ball. He glanced up once from his ball and saw the blue glow from Agravaine's form had disappeared.

He felt the air beside him shift and spotted Morgana kneeling before him. Her green eyes were searching his own, she recoiled slightly at whatever she saw.

"End this! Please! Kill me!" Merlin begged in a whisper, he clutched her hand desperately. Morgana froze and stared at their hands. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"Please! I know you want to! God, I know how much you hate me, but not as much as I hate myself! End this! Please." His words nearing incoherency as sobs took over. He rolled onto his back and brought the neckerchief to his face in comfort.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He whispered into the cloth, a mantra as he closed his eyes. Morgana sat frozen her hand still held by his. She watched the tears trace down his face. The man who was always willing to jump headfirst into a situation, the man who always had a smile and a joke to cheer up even the dreariest of souls, the man who never broke, had broken.

It shook Morgana to the core to see someone who she had, begrudgingly, respected for never backing down from a fight. He was always ready to face death, on his own terms of course. He was always prepared with some smart aleck comment that would always rile her up. But as he lay there, repeating his mantra, she realised that it was an act.

This, before her, was the real Merlin. This Merlin had seen too much, gone through so much, destroyed so much. He had killed. And Morgana was shocked to note how alike they really were. Both haunted souls just trying to fit in. Both unwillingly playing the part that destiny had written for them. Both unable to find a way out of the tedium that was called life, without dying. Both trying to do something right.

Morgana's left hand reached out and clasped over Merlin's hand covering her right. She gave it a gentle squeeze and watched as his mantra stopped. His hand under hers squeezed back just as carefully.

"We're more alike than you think." Morgana whispered in the darkened room. Merlin kept his eyes closed and just enjoyed the unexpected tenderness.

"I always knew that. It was you that didn't. I just tried to hide the fact." Merlin said scratchily, removing the cloth from his face, still clenched tightly in his fist. Morgana met his eyes when they opened and saw the truth in the statement. "You have no idea how alike we really are." He said honestly, sending her a heart-breaking smile.

"What do you mean?" She asked leaning closer to the man on the ground. His eyes were bloodshot from his crying but still clear with intellect.

"I'm afraid to tell." He said simply his eyes turning back to the ceiling.

"Why? What's there to be afraid of?"

"Your reaction."

"It can't be that bad." Morgana said dismissively, thinking about all the bad things she'd done in her time that he didn't know about.

"No, it's worse." He said, finally sitting up. He met her eyes and brought his other hand over hers. "If I had more courage, more trust, none of us would be here now. Elyan would still be alive, and you would be with us. We would be happy." Merlin said.

Morgana pulled her hand from under his and placed it on his cheek, wiping away the stray tear that fell. She felt him lean into her palm, an intimacy she had never expected, yet didn't pull away from.

"Tell me." She whispered emphatically.

"Will you tell me who you saw?" Morgana nodded as she swallowed, just wanting to know his secret. "Okay, it's better if I show you." Merlin said pulling his hands from hers. Morgana dropped the hand from his cheek and held it with her other rectify the missing the warmth.

Merlin stared down at his hands and took several deep breaths. He raised his eyes to meet hers, they were determined but still incredibly vulnerable. He said nothing but stared at her until his blue eyes were enveloped in a golden glow that diminished as quickly as it arrived. And suddenly the shadows were flickering from the new light source in his palm.

Morgana felt tears prick at her eyes. She blinked quickly trying to get rid of them, but it was no use. They fell down her pale cheeks, her lips trembling as she stared at Merlin's eyes. They were back to the normal shiny blue, yet she spotted small golden flecks surrounding his irises.

Merlin sat and watched the powerful witch who struck fear into the hearts of many cry silently in front of him. She didn't sob or cry out, she just let the tears flow. And that was what hurt Merlin the most. There was no outburst, no violent assault, only tears and the look of utter betrayal shining in those jade eyes. Merlin felt the flame die in his hands, casting them into darkness once more.

He felt his hand rise of its own accord and rest softly on her cheek. He let out a sigh when she didn't flinch away. His thumb moved to clear the tears from her cheeks but more continued to fall in their place.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Morgana asked quietly, sounding like the girl who had rushed into the physician's chamber in the middle of the night looking for reassurance, and had received none.

"Because I knew of your destiny. I was told you would become this. And I thought, I thought the best way to protect you was… was to lie. I thought if you didn't think about it, it would go away. But I was so wrong. I made your destiny. I created this. And I am, so, so sorry." Merlin finished, keeping his own tears at bay as Morgana's continued unrelenting.

"You knew of my destiny?" She asked after a moment, her brow furrowing as the tears began to slow.

"I was told. Shortly after my own." He replied, his thumb continuing to stroke her cheek gently, flowing across the smooth pale skin.

"Your destiny?" Merlin nodded, not expanding on the point. "What is it?"

"I think you know. You just don't want it to be true." He said, finally removing his hand from her face and sitting back against the wall.

"You… you can't. No, it's not… but then… Emrys?" Morgana looked so hurt, so devastated with that one word that Merlin struggled to hold himself back from pulling her into a hug.

"I don't want to kill you." He said, looking at the ground, unable to meet her watery eyes, with the threat of tears pricking his.

"But you will." She said indifferently.

"Only if you continue on this path." Merlin said. His eyes met hers a small light of hope now sparkling in his blue eyes.

"There is no other path for me." Morgana said with a small shake of her head, her hands coming up to wipe away the signs of her distress.

"We can make one. Make our own path in the world. You and me. Together." Merlin said hopefully as ideas began to form in his mind, a smile blossoming upon his lips. Morgana stared at the man in front of her, her mind thinking of how ridiculous those words were, yet a small part of her pictured what he spoke of. Her and Merlin, travelling the realms, practicing magic. It sounded picturesque. It sounded... perfect.

"We could do it." Merlin said finally, his hands grabbing hers and pulling her closer. Both kneeling inches apart, Merlin's smile catching Morgana's eye.

"How are you so certain?" Morgana questioned, trying to pull her hands away. Merlin tugged her closer, causing her to stumble into him. Her breath hitched as she gazed up and saw how close they were.

"I'm not." Merlin said his smile growing impossibly wider before her leant down. His eyes travelled down to her lips and back up to her eyes. He searched them for a moment before closing the distance and kissing her gently. Morgana's eyes stayed open for a moment before fluttering closed and enjoying the kiss.

Merlin pulled away slowly, unwilling to break the kiss. "What do you say?" He breathed against her lips. Morgana opened her eyes and met his hopeful blue ones.

"Only if you can keep up." Morgana replied with a smirk before pushing him back and rising to her feet. Merlin scrambled up and raced around the pillar with a smile on his face. He circled the pillar again. And again. And again.

She was gone. Morgana wasn't in the room. Merlin leant against the pillar as the tears he had held back finally fell without restraint.

She was never there.

AN: I know! I know! Horrible ending! Poor Merlin!

BUT... it's not over yet. I couldn't leave it at that with Merlin. Not my baby. I'll post the second part in a couple of days.

I really think there could have been more done with this episode but I thought Merlin in the mandrake room would be so intense and heart-breaking that when I got the idea I just had to write it.

Review, tell me what you think.