Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail, which is probably a good thing. If Hiro Mashima did something like this in the manga, I would fly to Japan purely to slap his face. Please don't fly to Oregon to do the same to me.

I Leave You, My Pride

a Fairy Tail fanfic

by Rhov

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Chapter 1

Caged

The grave was empty. Everyone knew that even as they stood around it and listened to the funeral sermon. After all, the person it was meant for had not even been human, and he had no body left behind to put into the ground.

When Loke died, he simply faded from existence.

The entire black-clothed crowd kept glancing to Lucy. They knew this was hardest on her. Maybe she had not been there during the entire three years when he posed as a human, but Loke had been her loyal Celestial Spirit for a long time … some said they were "more than friends." She used to fiercely deny it while still blushing.

No one dared to tease her now.

Gray watched her a little closer than the others, and he had made sure to stand beside her during the prayers and sermon over the grave marker. He realized she was not crying. Her eyes, obscured by a black veiled hat, were empty. She stared at the tombstone as if it did not even exist. He knew full well that she had cried and raged for days after Loke's death. Now, nothing. Maybe her tears were all used up. Gray was not sure, but one thing was certain.

Something more was wrong with Lucy. She did not look merely grieving. She looked preoccupied, as if something even worse than losing her loyal friend was weighing on her mind.

One Week Earlier

Lucy could hardly believe this was happening. She once had a nightmare like this, yet here it was happening right in front of her.

"Loke!" she shrieked.

He laid on the ground, a gapping hole in his torso, particles of spirit energy already drifting into the air. On any normal fight, he would have simply slipped back into the Spirit World long ago. However, the runes wizard Lucy had been fighting was clever and knew precisely how to stop her. The box of glowing runes the two were trapped in forcefully kept them in that location with no ability to leave that space.

No ability for Lucy to call another Celestial Spirit.

No ability for Loke to leave the Human World before the injury killed him.

The runes wizard trapped her and Loke there, then walked away chuckling sadistically. He did not care if some Spirit died. They were tools, anyway. However, he reasoned that the pretty blond girl was worth keeping as a ransom. She looked refined, probably from a rich family … a family who would pay to get her back. So instead of killing her as he had been ordered, he trapped her there, left her alone, and went off to help his friends finish off the pesky wizards of Fairy Tail.

Lucy pounded on the purple glowing runes, but it was impossible to break out. She focused on Loke instead. She knew things were getting worse when his powerful golden glow began to dim to a sickly green.

"Loke," she shuddered, but he only moaned, grimacing in pain. She hated to see him in such agony, and she knew that if he did not break out soon, he was going to die for real, trapped in Earthland. She pulled out the Lion's Key. "Close the Gate of the Lion. Close!" she screamed, thrusting immense amounts of magic into it.

"Lucy," Loke warned in a raspy breath. "The runes are solid. We can't break them. Please, don't kill yourself."

"You're going to die if I do nothing," she snapped, still gripping the key hard, her hair fluttering as she channeled in more magic.

"That's … going to happen anyway," he moaned. "Please … just hold me now. I don't want to be alone."

Lucy dropped the key as she saw his body waving in and out of existence. "No … it can't be happening."

Loke reached out with a pained smile. "Hold me … Lucy … please."

She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly, as if she could hold his human form into something solid. She sniffled as tears poured down. "Loke, you can't die."

He laughed wryly. "If only … that … were true." He cringed and flinched in pain. "Dammit," he hissed.

Lucy drew upon all of her magic. "Close the Gate of the Lion!" she screamed. All around her, a massive circle of magic formed, and she shrieked at the sheer amount of energy she was using, yet she would not give up.

"Lucy, stop it," Loke yelled in fear. He could feel her affecting the very fabric of space within the runes, yet no gate opened. "Stop! You really will kill yourself."

Despite using every last bit of magic until she collapsed, nothing happened. "No way," she huffed wearily in disbelief. "No … why can't I … why am I not strong enough?"

"Lucy," Loke said, fading away more. "You could have opened and force-closed all twelve zodiac gates with that much magic. The runes can't be broken from the inside. This guy knew what he was doing. Still, I protected you. I took that shot and saved your life. I did my duty. For that … I'm thankful." He ended weakly but with a satisfied face. "As long as you're alive, as long as … as you can remember me … if I can bring you a smile from time to time, then my existence had meaning."

Lucy sobbed into his chest and stubbornly shook her head. "Don't say things like that. We'll get out of here. Natsu or Erza or Gray will come. They'll come for sure! Just hold on."

"I'm trying to, believe me," he whispered weakly. "Just … can't anymore. Lucy…"

He lifted her chin. She could barely feel his fingers now, more like a breeze that moved her face than an actual touch. Loke leaned forward and gave her a kiss. She felt the energy of his body radiating onto her, on her lips, in her mouth, all through her body, yet she felt no distinct touch of lips against her skin. When he leaned back to smile at her, Lucy saw the landscape behind his fading body, yet the emotions in his eyes still held strong.

"I love you, Lucy. Always have. Just wasn't in the stars, I guess." He chuckled weakly at that. "Don't die, and … don't forget me." He kept staring at her face as the particles drifted and his body slowly vanished.

"No," Lucy whispered in horror and disbelief. She reached out to him, but her hand went through his shoulder. "Loke … please no!"

"Live on, Lucy," he whispered, and suddenly even his face vanished.

Lucy felt the magic still around her. She sobbed uncontrollably, yet that spirit lingered just enough for her to feel caresses on her face, her lips, and dabbing her teary eyes. Eventually, not even that remained.

"Loke?" she whispered hesitantly.

She glanced around, hoping to see or hear or even feel something. She sensed nothing. She looked at the key she had dropped, and the metal faded from gold to black. Her breath caught as she stared at the marred key. It was the final proof that Loke truly was gone.

"Noooooo!"

Lucy collapsed to the grass, curled into a ball, and wailed in grief as she hugged the Lion's Key to her chest.

It took half an hour before someone finally came. By then, the worst of her sobs were out of her system. Only hollow pain remained. That was when she heard running feet, followed by Gray's voice. He came into view, racing up a hill to where she was trapped, and skidded to a stop in front of the glowing runes.

"Lucy! Lucy, are you okay?"

She hardly acknowledged him, only a nod to assure him she was not injured too badly.

"I'll bring Levy. Stay here." Then Gray jumped up and ran back down the hill.

"Stay here?" she repeated in a wry mutter. "That's all I can do, apparently … stay precisely here."

It took even longer for Levy to come, rewrite the runes, and free Lucy from her prison. Levy saw the agony in Lucy's pale face and feared for her friend, checking the blonde all over, thinking for sure she must be hiding injuries. There were only bruises and minor cuts.

Then a hand reached out to her. Lucy looked at the calloused fingers, followed up the muscular arm, over a naked chest, and up into eyes as gray-blue as a winter storm.

"Need some help up?" Gray offered, smiling down at her.

Grief turned to anger, and Lucy slapped at his hand. Gray recoiled, shocked at the fury in her eyes, and even Levy leaned back a little.

Bitterly, Lucy whispered, "You guys are already too late to help." Then she jumped up to her feet and ran off in tears.

Their group eventually left back to Magnolia on a train. Juvia and Levy had joined their usual team for this mission. Erza knocked Natsu unconscious when his moaning and vomiting upset the passengers. Happy raided the dining car. Juvia was chasing Gray around. Levy had dozed off after nearly draining her magic fighting that pesky runes dark wizard.

Lucy did something she normally never did. She hit the bar and ordered the strongest drink she knew.

She had hoped to numb herself, maybe even pass out without Erza's gauntlet-enforced punch. She just wanted to vanish. On her sixth drink, just as she was feeling the blissful numb tingles of inebriation, Gray came in and sat beside her, panting hard as if he had been running, with a layer of sweat shimmering on his nearly-naked body.

"Damn, that woman is persistent," he gasped through labored breaths.

Lucy stared into the colorful contents of her glass and gently swirled the liquid. "You should appreciate Juvia more."

"Well, I don't hate her, she's a strong wizard and a good person, but her personality…"

"Even bad personalities can be forgiven," Lucy mumbled, her voice starting to slur. "Even if they're annoying, and they flirt with you all the time, and they confess their love only to go on dates with other women…" Hiccup! "…even that can be forgiven."

Gray looked over in confusion. Lucy was smashed, and he wondered what was the cause. Then he saw that the hand not holding her tumbler glass was tightly clutching her keyring. He was about to ask about the new black key when he recognized the shape and zodiac symbol: the Key to the Gate of the Lion. Why was it black? Did that mean Loke was no long contracted to her? Gray had to admit, he knew absolutely nothing about celestial magic.

"Did you and Loke have a fight?"

Lucy's knuckles gripping that darkened key turned pale white, contrasting severely against the ebony metal. "He's gone," she croaked out.

"Gone?" Gray asked in confusion. He did not think Celestial Spirits could leave.

She suddenly tipped the glass back to her mouth, gulped the last of the vile contents, and then slammed the tumbler hard enough to crack the glass. Her head whipped over to the Ice-Make wizard, and Gray saw tears staining her pinkened lids.

"Yes, gone! Dead! He took a shot for me, and then that fucking runes wizard trapped him in the Human World to die. That bastard didn't care that he … he was just a Celestial Spirit. He couldn't have even fought anymore, not injured that badly. He could have … have gone back." Lucy hiccuped and sniffed at the same time. "Loke died, Gray. In my arms. And there wasn't a damn thing I … that I … could…"

She suddenly passed out.

Lucy awoke in her bedroom. Immediately, she saw Gray and Natsu standing at the foot of her bed, with Happy sitting in the window looking sad. Lucy sensed magic, and then she realized Wendy was beside her, casting some healing magic that was easing the agony of the hangover Lucy knew she should be feeling. Erza guarded the door to her bedroom, but what was most shocking was seeing Makarov sitting in a chair beside the bed.

"Master?" Lucy whispered groggily. She felt ashamed now at her weakness and drunken misbehavior.

The tiny white-haired man began softly, "First, let me say that drowning yourself in alcohol is not the way a Fairy Tail wizard handles sadness. Drinking for fun, for celebration, for competitions with Cana, that's fine. Drinking to hide from the pain of loss is for cowards. Don't ever do that to your body again, Lucy."

She closed her eyes and only silently lipped, "Yes, sir."

"Very good. Now … is it true about Loke?" he asked with a hint of sadness he was obviously trying to hide.

Hearing his name brought a new level of grief to Lucy. Instantly, tears sprang to her eyes. "I'm sorry, Master," she sputtered between jolting sobs. "I tried everything. I really tried!"

"You're a loyal friend and a good owner to your Spirits, Lucy-chan," Makarov assured, stroking her head like a father caring for a child. "I'm sure you did everything physically possible to save him. It's of no comfort to say 'these things happen,' but death is a possibility to everyone who takes a mission. We know this and accept it. It's no different for Loke. He might have been contracted as your Celestial Spirit, but he was a Fairy Tail wizard for many years, hardened through countless battles. He knew the risks." The small master frowned. "Still, this is a hard loss on all of us, you especially. I'll inform the rest of the guild. We'll have a funeral next week. It's the least we can do to honor Loke's memory."

Makarov exited the room, Erza followed, and Wendy also left. Natsu slouched in the window, staying put but staring out at the nearby river. His eyes were narrow, his brow tight, and Lucy realized he probably would have been crying if he thought it would be of any use. Once everyone else was gone, Gray sat beside her and took Lucy's hand.

"It's not your fault," the Ice-Make wizard told her softly. "Levy said no one could have broken out of those runes from the inside, not even Master."

"I still got caught," she whispered hollowly. "I was too weak, too slow. Loke had to take that shot for me."

"That was his choice and his duty. He couldn't let you die."

She glared up acridly. "But I let him die."

"You didn't let him," Gray argued softly. "You said so yourself; you did everything possible."

Lucy flipped over to hide her face in her pillow, and she covered her ears to block out those painful words of encouragement. "It's my fault. It's my fault!" she shrieked.

Gray grabbed her shoulder hard. "Lucy, stop it!"

Natsu interrupted them. "Gray," he said in a soft yet firm voice.

The ice user glared over at the Dragon Slayer, but Natsu tipped his head to the window, silently telling him that they should leave. Gray sighed as he eyed Lucy weeping into her pillows. Natsu was probably right; Lucy needed time alone to mourn. She had to work through her grief, and that included a sense of guilt. Gray knew that feeling all too well from when Ur died to protect him and Lyon. He knew guilt could eat a person from the inside, and often the only thing you wanted was to be alone.

Gray slowly rose and gazed at the blonde lying face-down in bed. "We're here for you, Lucy," he assured quietly. "When you're ready, we'll be here for you the whole time. Anything you need at all, just ask." He heard sobs in the pillow, so he turned away and followed Natsu toward the door.

"Gray," she said softly, and the raven-haired boy paused in the doorway to look back at her. Lucy's face was still buried in pillows, but he heard her muffled words clearly. "Why did you take so long to find me? If you had come sooner, Loke would still be alive."

Gray felt stabbed by her accusation.

"Lucy!" Natsu shouted in shock and anger.

Gray swung his hand out to stop the Dragon Slayer. "No, it's okay," he said softly. It took Gray only a few seconds to move past the verbal slap. "If you need to blame someone, then blame me for not coming to your rescue fast enough. Just don't blame yourself, Lucy. You're not at fault. Remember that." Then he turned and pulled Natsu along with him.

Although Natsu followed, his brow was still tense in emotional confusion. Once they were out of earshot, he asked angrily, "You're leaving it like that?"

Gray's eyes were hard but filled with pity. "If she needs a punching bag, I'll let her take all of her anger out on me. If she needs someone to blame, I'll let her think I killed Loke with my bare hands, and if she needs a shoulder to cry on, I won't complain even if she uses my hair as a tissue to blow her nose. If that's what she needs, I can do that much. You should be ready for it, too."

"I guess so," Natsu realized, remembering other moments when Lucy clung to him in sadness, fear, and relief. "But there's no way she's using my scarf as a tissue!"

The rest of that day was a blur to Lucy. She stayed inside for many hours, just crying. When her eyes felt empty, she left the house to wander off, looking around the city with a blank face. Seeing the bathhouse reminded her of when she and Loke shared some flavored milk there. She walked by a restaurant he treated her to once after a hard mission. She came across one of the girls he used to date, now married with kids in tow. Too many reminders!

She went to the woods just outside of Magnolia, hoping to seek some solitude. She followed a trail through a ravine carved out by a stream, and finally to a small waterfall. The ravine walls were covered in moss and shimmered from the constant spray of icy water. Lucy felt the mist drift onto her face, cold against the stinging hot tears that flowed down.

"I'm sorry, Loke," she whispered into the misty spray. "If I could take your place, I would rather die and let you live. It's not right for a Celestial Spirit to give his life for a Human. I'll live seventy or eighty more years, if I'm lucky. Whereas this world has now lost Leo the Lion." She shuddered with repressed sobs and shook her head. "A single human life isn't worth that huge of a sacrifice. How am I supposed to live, knowing that you died for me? Loke!" She burst into fresh tears and wailed, "I want you back, Loke. Please, come back!"

Her scream echoed in the ravine and came back to her, sounding as powerless as her shouts had been inside those runes. Her head dropped, and she watched her tears joining the moist spray from the waterfall.

"If I could only take your place…"

Then she felt time itself stop. She had a feeling he would come. Lucy straightened her shoulders to meet the Spirit King fearlessly, determined to accept his judgment and receive any punishment.

"Lucy Heartfilia!"

She had not expected such anger to boom out so suddenly. The massive Celestial Spirit's thunderous voice overwhelmed her and brought Lucy to her knees. He appeared a moment later, towering higher than the ravine walls, his mustache taking up the entire breadth of the gorge.

"How could you, a powerful wizard, owner of ten Gold Keys, allow one of your Celestial Spirits to die?" the king roared in fury.

"Because I'm not powerful," she whispered. "I'm weak. I allowed us to get caught and imprisoned by the enemy. Loke couldn't escape…"

"His death is your fault!"

She felt that way too, but hearing someone else accuse her, instead of constantly assuaging her, hurt deeper than she thought possible. She found herself with her mouth open, trying to breathe, yet too shocked and frozen to inhale.

"Not in many centuries has a wizard allowed a Celestial Spirit to die. It is even more reprehensible than a Spirit killing its owner. The punishment for such abominable misuse is severe. You will be stripped of your keys."

Lucy looked up in horror. "What?"

"All of them!" the Spirit King roared. "Nor shall you ever own a key again … except one."

"One?" she echoed.

Her mind instantly began to calculate. Out of all her keys, if she had to pick only one to keep, who would it be? A Gold Key, definitely. She wondered if Aries would even trust her anymore. Aquarius was the strongest besides Leo, but the mermaid also had a penchant for trying to drown Lucy. Taurus was powerful in a fight. She had worked with him on many missions. Scorpio was super powerful too, and at least his manners were better than the pervy Bull. Cancer and Sagittarius were versatile, plus both held close memories: she inherited Cancer's key from her mother, and Sagittarius was tied with memories of Galuna Island. However, with Gemini she could do Uranometria, and that was powerful enough to beat just about any enemy. Virgo had numerous uses beyond digging, and if this punishment meant she had to retire from being a Fairy Tail wizard, then having a maid around the house could be handy. However, she felt like she should keep Capricorn in honor of her mother's memory and his oath to look after Layla's family.

"Yes, one," the Spirit King intoned. "The heavens are ruled by a sense of balance. Tip that balance, and all falls into chaos. Since ancient times, when the first Spirit made the first pact with a Human, there has always been an understanding: if a Celestial Spirit dies in the Human World, a human must take its place."

Lucy's blood suddenly went cold. He was joking … right? Was that even possible?

"Take out the Key to the Gate of the Lion," the Spirit King ordered.

Slowly, Lucy reached to her keyring and pulled off the blackened key. The Spirit King's eyes began to glow bright red, and Lucy felt a tingle, first in her chest right over her heart, then spreading all through her body. She gasped as she felt like everything in her was changing. She could feel the differences. Her blood was turning into something else. She felt time differently. The air around her tasted harsh, almost like breathing poison. She ached … so badly! She wanted to scream, yet even that was something she could not do as her body and spirit were being remade and reborn.

The weirdest sensation was to her magic. She sensed a different magic … familiar magic. She sensed Loke so strongly, it made her want to reach out and touch him. Then that magic concentrated in her hands, glowed in a brilliant light, and took the form of many rings on her fingers. They were more delicate than the thick rings Loke had worn, but she sensed the same magic in them. She saw the key in her hand turn from black to gold again and gleam with renewed magic and fresh energy. Lucy felt stronger physically, like she could punch a hole into a brick wall. She even laughed as the magical surge waned and the new power felt more solid.

Then she looked down and gasped in shock. Even her clothes had changed. She wore the same black boots, but now her short skirt was black leather. She wore a stylish white blouse, a tie around her neck, and a black suit coat identical to Loke's. She looked down at her hands. She still had the Fairy Tail symbol on her hand, but now she wore feminine versions of Loke's rings.

"You are no longer Lucy Heartfilia," the Spirit King intoned. "You are the new Leo, Spirit of the Lion."

"I'm … a Celestial Spirit?" she asked uncertainly.

His red eyes narrowed. "Do you doubt me?"

Lucy saw a gold gate take shape in front of her. She gulped hard. She had seen this gate once, when Loke was finally allowed to return to the Spirit World. Now she could sense what was behind it. She pushed on the glowing gate, and it swung open for her. On the other side, she saw orbs of stars and giant crystalline formations. As Lucy slowly walked inside, the pain of being in the Human World faded. She sensed the intense power in this world, something that would kill a human not wearing protection. However, to Lucy, it felt like a relaxing hot bath, soaking in pure energy. It was the Human World that had felt so empty and void.

"Lucy-dono?"

She looked fast to the voice and saw Sagittarius nearby with Aries.

"Lucy!" Aries yelled. "Then … then the rumors about Leo…"

Lucy was about to apologize when the Spirit King laid a hand on her shoulder. "Signal all the Zodiacs," he ordered.

Sagittarius bowed. "Yes, my king. I will instantly, as it were, moshi-moshi." He shot an arrow into the sky, and it flew like a fiery comet.

Within minutes, nine other gold flashes appeared, and the entire twelve Zodiacs were gathered. Lucy looked around at all of them. Many she knew closely, others she had only seen a few times, on her visit to the Spirit World and at the Grand Magic Games.

"The rumors are true," the Spirit King informed them. "Leo is dead." Lucy heard Aries sniffle back a sob. "Lucy is the new Lion. As of now, those of you contracted to Lucy Heartfilia are free of your bonds. Leo will be sent back to the Human World to find good owners for Lucy's previous Spirits."

"Leo?" Lucy whispered. "Don't call me Leo."

The Spirit King made a questioning hum. "Mm? But you are now Leo…"

"Don't call me by his name!" she screamed, and Lucy began to cry again. "How can I accept a title like Leo the Lion when I caused his death?"

"Che!" scoffed Aquarius. "Bastard king, did you tell her his death was her fault?"

The King only lifted his head a bit at the mermaid's cantankerous attitude.

"I'm sorry, all of you," Lucy whispered, bowing her head low. "I'm obviously the worst owner ever."

Aries walked up and patted Lucy's arm. "He died protecting you, didn't he?"

Lucy gasped out a noisy sob as the tears fell so thickly, they dropped straight from her lowered eyes down to the crystalline floor. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I failed him," she wailed.

"Lucy," Aries said gently. "Leo is a spirit of protection. The Lion fights for the protection of the owner. That was his duty. And that … is your duty now. I'm sorry."

"That's right," Libra nodded. "It is a weighty duty, one Leo gave every gram of energy into fulfilling."

Scorpio also smiled at her in forgiveness. "We are honored to fight for our owners."

"Moshi-moshi!" Sagittarius said, saluting. "We live and die to protect our human master, as it were."

"Big shoes to fill, being Leo," Aquarius warned. "If you want to honor his memory, fulfill your duty as Leo the Lion with the same valor he showed. Take his name with pride."

Capricorn gave Lucy a gentle smile. "I can still fulfill your mother's wish by serving you here in the Spirit World."

"We already love Princess," Virgo said, "so we will continue to follow the new Leo as our leader."

Gemini laughed. "Piri-piri! From princess to queen of beasts!"

Cancer bowed and spread his crab legs out in a humble flourish. "Hail the new Zodiac Leader."

Pisces swam in circles around their group. "Hail the new Leader!"

Taurus roared out happily. "Hail the new Leader's boobs!"

Lucy laughed and sniffled that her friends were all accepting her, not blaming her. "All right, then. I promise to do my best. I'll find us all a good master."

"We should celebrate," the Spirit King boomed.

"Ah, no!" Lucy warned quickly. "Time flows differently in this world, remember? If I'm not back soon, I'm going to miss Loke's funeral."

"That's true," he realized. "You're not powerful enough to open your own gate yet, so allow me." A golden door shimmered in front of her. "This is how it will look when you are summoned. Whenever you see the door, stop whatever you are doing and go through instantly."

"It's a rule," Aquarius added. "A damn annoying one. You have no idea how many dates you've interrupted."

"Walk through," the Spirit King told her. "When you enter again, you will not be allowed to leave until your new owner summonses you."

Lucy looked at the gate. "Which means it's my last time to see all my friends in Fairy Tail."

The Spirit King nodded. "Arrange your affairs, say your goodbyes, and return when a new owner is found. You have only a few days before you'll start to feel the pain."

"Good luck!" Gemini cheered.

Lucy took a deep breath, like she was about to leap into the deep ocean. Then she stepped through the Lion's Gate.

End of Chapter 1

A/N: Did you cry? Tell me if you cried. I cried!

Many people have asked me to write a GraLu story where Gray actually gets Lucy. This will be GraLu, lemony, and... I can't help but play with Gray's tender heart. He gets cuter as he has to battle his own emotions. Lucy has quite a battle ahead of her too, now that she's a Celestial Spirit.