It's here! It's here! Woooo! I'm so happy. Rated T for swearing. Not the f-word or b-word, but nearly everything below that.

Credit to CupCakesYummeh, because she is my beta! (-squeal- I have a beta!) She influenced this story from the very first chapter because she's so great at dialogue, my evil nemesis, and humor, which is what I try to do. Sometimes. But fail in comparison. Together we shall build LaxLu from the ground up! I love all your stuff.

If there's an issue, don't blame CupCakes, blame me. I'm the one who switched everything to past-tense. I realized I couldn't write the second chapter in present tense.

Disclaimer: I own not a single Tail of the Fairy. You can tell, because if I did, Laxus would rarely have a shirt on, and LaxLu would be canon. More canon than Gruvia is right now.

"Argh, so hot..." Thump. Lucy Heartfilia, feeling rather sorry for herself, hissed in pain, and then relaxed. At least her floor was a little cooler than her hated inferno of a bed. The nineteen year-old shot a glare at the offending object, but it was really more of a frown. It's so hot, she pouted, too hot to get angry. She spread out on her floor, wishing that she could wear something cooler than a bikini without being indecent. Late on her rent, her evil, manipulating, diabolical landlady had turned off her access to air-conditioning. It was October, so she'd laughed it off, but boy, did she regret it. Stupid freak heat wave.

Groaning, Lucy rolled over onto her stomach and pushed herself up, nearly slipping when her slick palm met the smoothness of her hardwood floor. Finally, she managed to stand, stumble into the bathroom, and fill the bathtub with cold water. The young woman sat on the edge and toppled herself into the bath, past caring about the water that overflowed onto the floor. Lucy sighed in relief for the cold. Ah, I wish I could stay forever. Stupid rent. Stupid Natsu. Briefly, she remembered her last mission, a horrible affair where Natsu, Gray and Erza had completely demolished the town they were trying to save. Instead of much needed jewels, Lucy had gotten a headache from the screaming and the distinct desire to murder her friends in their sleep.

Since she couldn't do that – she was pretty sure Erza would kick her butt before she even got close – Lucy was stuck with going to Fairy Tail in the hopes of grabbing a mission, preferably solo, that paid high enough to take care of both last month's and next month's rent. In the heat. Instead of relaxing in her wonderful ice bath. The spirit mage moaned and sunk deeper in protest. Stupid Natsu. Stupid Erza. Stupid Gr –

Lucy sat up quickly, drowning her bathroom and using more energy than she had in the past twenty-four hours. Gray! Why, oh why, would she ever think of killing that sweet, wonderful, kind ice mage that could be her personal air-conditioner? Especially if she used her special pout, the one that made boys fall over themselves and got her discounts on whatever she wanted to buy!

Feeling slightly less pitiful, Lucy stepped out of her bath without bothering to dry off. More cold for her. She slipped into her lightest sandals, grabbed her keys, opened the door, closed it, and sunk to the floor. So...hot... Lucy debated staying in her slightly cooler house, or going from the frying pan into the literal fire, for the reward of a single sympathetic ice-mage and a smoothie from Mirajane, who gave them away on the house when it was hot. With dancing smoothies on her brain, Lucy crawled to the door, pulled it open, and threw herself into the wall of pure heat before she could change her mind.

Hot didn't even begin to cover it. Lucy was soaked in ice water, and so was her bikini, but she still felt as if she were dressed for a winter storm. She valiantly attempted to use as little effort as possible to get to the guild, resulting in an odd shuffling motion that made her look like a zombie, but she didn't care. Too late to turn back, just keep going forward, it's too late. Think of the smoothies! Lucy repeated this mantra over and over again, slowly because it felt like her brain was going to melt and that wasn't healthy at all. She couldn't even raise her arm to wipe the sweat out of her eyes. Why did she rent a house so far from the guild? There was a desert all around her, and did someone turn the gravity up?

Lucy moaned again, as pathetically as she could manage, because no one was there to hear her and she felt like someone needed to know her suffering. She looked up from her slouch, and there was blessed relief, because she was in the center of the guild! Should she kiss the ground? No, Lucy decided, too much energy needed. She heard her name and Lucy wondered who in the world could call with that much enthusiasm and all the heat on top of them.

"LUCY!" Oh, it's Natsu. Lucy sighed, feeling sticky sweat roll down the back of her neck.

"Hey..." Lucy almost forgot how to speak in her shock. Natsu was still wearing his jacket, even if it was open, and barely looked hot. So unfair...The only clue that he even noticed was the slight dampness that collected at his temples, making a few strands of hair stick to his face. He brushed them away in his impatience.

"Lucy, I'm going on a mission with Happy, I'll be back in a few days, okay?" Natsu said all of this in a rush, like it was just another day and every second he used to enunciate his words was precious time wasted. It took ten seconds for the words to reach his partner's head, even the words themselves moving sluggishly through the air.

"Oh. Okay." He was gone by the time she got the words out. Lucy shuffled to the bar, sat down, and let out another groan. Mirajane smiled and went to pat her head in sympathy.

"No, no, Mira, don't touch me. If I see another heat source, I'll die," Lucy muttered, slumped over. The barmaid slid her a smoothie, icy cold. It wasn't dancing like in Lucy's head, but she took a long pull from the straw anyway and sighed blissfully. She felt like her strength was up enough to go searching for more cold, and said, "This reminds me, have you seen Gray?" He was her only hope of getting through the day alive.

"Sorry, Lucy. Gray went on a mission with Juvia and won't be back for a week. Almost everyone's gone. I thought you'd be gone, too, actually."

"Eh, why's that!?" Conversation was difficult once she knew her friend wouldn't be coming to her rescue. The energy required to even open her mouth and make words drained her.

"Well, the exams are coming up in a month or so..." The stellar spirit mage moaned loudly, and pressed her forehead to her smoothie glass. She couldn't even think about training. It was too hot. She moaned louder, remembering last time. It's my death sentence, Lucy realized dramatically, No Gray to keep me cool, no jobs to pay my rent...my death has finally come for me.

"You should be careful, girl. You keep moaning like that and people might get the wrong idea." Lucy jumped at the sound and glared at Laxus sitting beside her, looking far too happy for a wrong idea and a hot day. He was knocking back a smoothie, too.

"Are you insane?" Lucy asked bluntly. "It's okay if you are. I mean, I won't judge you for it, or anything." Laxus glared at her and put the smoothie down.

"What the hell?" His eyebrows were furrowed. She couldn't tell if he was concerned for her well-being – she wouldn't have minded the sympathy, certainly – or ticked off. She kind of liked the idea of him being annoyed. He implied things about her. She was annoyed, too.

"Well, you must be insane. You're still wearing your coat." Lucy took another gulp of her smoothie. God, that's refreshing.

Skeptical and slightly confused, Laxus responded, "Are you serious? The newbie is questioning my sanity because of my coat?"

"It's hot," Lucy defended herself, "and I'm not a newbie, there are people way newer than I am."

"Yeah, right, you're still the weakest one in the guild. Stop complaining; it's not that hot. It's no wonder you got kidnapped at the games, if you can't even handle a little heat." Laxus mocked her, and then turned on the barstool with his back to her, ending the conversation.

Or so he thought.

Lucy snapped. It was hellishly hot, she had no rent, there was no way to cool down, and this idiot had to come ruin her day some more. He hit a raw nerve with her kidnapping; she'd been doing a pretty good job of forgetting the awful moment when she let everyone down. Despite the oppressive heat, Lucy got up and pulled Laxus's shoulder to make his chair spin back to her.

Angry beyond belief, she got right in his face and yelled, "I am not weak! It's hot, I'm tired, and bastards like you who have no right to talk to me that way keep pissing me off!" She punctuated her last statement with a hard shove that caught the man off guard and sent him off the stool onto the floor with a hard thud.

He was back up and behind her in a flash, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her closer to him. Did she mention she was still in her bikini? She squirmed in protest to the heat now pressing against her back. He grabbed her chin and forced it upwards and back to make her meet his eyes. His voice dropped dangerously.

"Don't push me, little girl. You're far too weak to have such a smart mouth on you," his eyes dropped to her mouth, then switched back to her eyes. He smirked. "and I might be...tempted...to do something about your lack of strength." He sounded like he was caressing the words as he said them, and Lucy struggled still more to get out of his hold as he laughed, amused at her attempt. His boots were still in close proximity to her sandal-covered feet, and she didn't put it past him to step on her.

"That's enough, Laxus." Master was suddenly there in front of them. Lucy looked at Mirajane, who seemed upset. She must've been the one to get Master, Lucy realized. She didn't know if she was happy about that or not, since for him to be there, Mira had probably left when Lucy got mad, not when Laxus retaliated.

Not that she was in the wrong. Lucy felt her actions were completely justified. Laxus didn't move, still smirking at Lucy.

"Laxus, put her down. Now." He reluctantly complied, sending her to the floor. Lucy rubbed her back and waist, trying to get rid of all the sweat that accumulated from being trapped with what felt like a furnace against her. Still on the floor, she glared up at the lightning mage, who suddenly seemed much taller. He crossed his arms and looked down at her, a smirk on his face.

The Master of Fairy Tail, both the third and the sixth, was smarter than anyone gave him credit for. The last thing he wanted was for his children to fight and attack each other, especially if – and here he glared at Laxus, not that he noticed – one of them is his blood-related grandson. So when the perfect idea dropped into his lap, he was going to take it. One did just then, so he went for the steal.

Makarov's smile split his entire face and made all those present look at him as if he'd gone over the deep end. Their concern worsened when they heard what he said.

Taking a deep breath, the Master of Fairy Tail decreed, "Well, Laxus, since you so kindly volunteered, I hereby assign you to be Lucy's personal trainer for the upcoming S-Class exams." Both blond mages protested faster than Cana could drink a barrel of alcohol.

"Old man, I can't work with her, she's too weak. I don't want to; I was going to go on a job-"

"Master, I won't train under him, he's an ass and it's too hot, I'm behind on my rent money-"

"QUIET!" Makarov thundered. They fell silent, glaring at each other with all the malice they can muster, with identical crossed arms and stiff shoulders. Despite the effort, they looked about as mature as five year-olds and Makarov couldn't help but sigh at the pair of them.

"Lucy, Natsu and Gray are going to go on so many missions this coming month that they'll have more money than they know what to do with. I'm sure they won't mind if I deduct jewels from the numerous rewards to pay for your rent this upcoming month." The girl relaxed slightly at this, before remembering that she'd rather go on missions in this heat wave, than be stuck with the sociopath next to her for a month. She re-crossed her arms and intensified her glare.

"Laxus, you don't have money problems and you did volunteer to teach her." The man didn't relax at all, resenting this weakling. If she wasn't so incredibly weak, it never would have happened in the first place.

Seeing both Laxus and Lucy still staring murderously, Makarov smacked Lucy's butt with one hand and the back of Laxus's head with the other until they switched their gazes to him.

"This is your punishment. Both of you need to control your tempers, or you're going to get yourselves, or another, killed. Both of you need to be more tolerant of each other. You are Fairy Tail, and that makes you family. Lucy, you will participate in the S-Class exams, and if you aren't up to snuff, I'm holding you both responsible," Master said seriously.

Lucy tried to think her way out of the mess, but her ace had been rent money, and it was gone. She would have run to Erza, but knowing her, the red-haired woman would have been delighted by the very idea. There was no way out.

Laxus had nothing but his own anger. Being S-Class already, finances weren't a problem for him, and his old man knew it. His Raijinshuu were caught up in the stampede for missions, so they weren't waiting for him. He glanced at the request board in desperation. No luck. It was empty, so he couldn't escape.

The two disgruntled mages tried to stall for time, but Makarov glared at them until they agreed to the training.

"Fine." They said the word at the same time, in exactly the same tone, with identical expressions on their faces. Mirajane tried not to laugh, as Makarov walked away with a smile on his face and the angry blonds retook their seats, this time several seats away from each other.

Laxus chose to bemoan his fate by downing a scotch.

I was right, Lucy wailed at the same time, miserably sipping on a smoothie that seemed to have lost all its flavor. I never should have gotten out of the bathtub. This...this is the day my death comes for me.

Mirajane turned around from behind the bar to the sound of strange, identical 'thunk's.

It was the sound of two despondent foreheads hitting a wooden bar table.

So. Four pages. Not bad, ne? Dramatic Lucy is funny to write. This is post Grand Magic Games, later that same year.

Read and Review as always. Did I forget something? Did something sound weird? Tell me!