The pain in my heart fills my mind with thoughts of the enemy.

"So.. how's Batman?" asked M'gann after a few moments awkward silence.

Nightwing had returned to the Cave three days later. He seemed depressed, no surprise there. But okay. And they all knew that the reason he'd returned already was because of them.

"Alive. He was out of commission for a few days, but back in shape now."

"The wound?"

"Still there, but there's no way I'll convince him rest any longer." Nightwing answered, looking down at the cup of tea Cassie had placed in front of him.

"I'm sorry." he finally said, not looking up. They all sat in the kitchen. When Nightwing had zeta'd in, he'd called for a team meeting. They needed to talk this whole thing over. It was, after all, the first time the team lost a member. Not in direct battle, thank god, but still a member. Nightwing wouldn't had known what to do if a member of the team had been the one to pull Jason out of the collapsed building.

"What for honey?" asked Karen gently.

"For breaking down like that in front of you. I'm pretty sure that was what you needed at the moment and.. ouw!" he stopped, glaring at Batgirl who'd hit him over the head.

"That was a completely natural response! I was crying my eyes out! Don't you dare apologizing for being human." she scolded, folding her arms in front of her chest, glaring at him. The others nodded.

"Really Nightwing, you should know us better. I mean, this is pretty hard. And I guess it's hardest on you, since you knew Robin longer than us.." Connor began, trailing of when Nightwing gave him a small shake of his head.

"It's not hardest on me." he answered sadly. Batgirl leaned forward, worry replacing her brief anger.

"How is Batman, truly?" she hadn't been to the batcave since she'd helped Dick and Alfred bringing Batman back. She felt like she'd break some grief-rule if she went back.

"I'm not sure. Both agent A and I was pretty worried, but when he finally woke up he seemed almost.. normal. He asked what happened, we explained.. and that's pretty much all. He signed some papers, had the funeral next day and then went back to work." Nightwing took a deep breath.

"No mourning?" asked M'gann anxiously. She, being martian, knew how important grieving was. And how disastrous it could be not to.

"None. It's like he's pretending it didn't happen. He has.." Nightwing stopped, something in his throat stopping him. He drank the tea, waited a few minutes before continuing.

"Robins uniform.. the destroyed one, from the explosion. He's put it on display in a glass container, in the cave, in the middle.. where you can't avoid seeing it, being reminded by it..."

The team stared at Nightwing or shared disbelieving looks.

"THAT doesn't sound healthy." Jamie commented dryly. Nightwing looked sad and Jamie regretted his hasty sarcasm. The look Cassie and Garfield was giving him didn't help either.

"No. But I think that it is a part of his process, despite it being pretty creepy." Nightwing looked at Batgirl. "You know what grief does to him." her sad eyes was answer enough. She looked down. Connor looked at M'gann before leaning back, arms crossed, confusing written all over his face. "We don't know. What does it do?"

Nightwing didn't answer right away. He stared at the now empty tea mug in front of him.

"It changes him.."

I can never allow this to happen again.

He looked at the grave in front of him. 29 years.

It's been almost 30 years since he lost his parents to crime, to the scum of the world.

The pain had finally begun to fade. It would never disappear. But it hadn't hurt so bad in the last few years.

Because of Robin. Or the Robins. They had helped him just as much as he helped them.

Helped them..

What of now? Now he wasn't sure anymore. Had it been worth it? Was it still worth it? A young life gone, because of him? Because of what he'd chosen to become many years ago.

He looked at the two names on the gravestone. Thomas and Martha Wayne.

His beloved parents. The reasoning for his quest. They had deserved vengeance.

Next to the big gravestone stood a smaller one. Jason Todd.

Had he deserved to get pulled into Batman's crusade?

No.

Was it Bruce Wayne's fault?

Maybe.

Was is Batman's fault?

Yes.

Was it Jason own fault.

No. Because I knew him. I should've known him. I should've known he'd follow me.

But he made a mistake, and Jason lost his life. The pain it had taker almost 30 years to bury had been brought back to life. Stronger than before. This time accompanied by regret, shame and guilt.

And like last time, there's no going back.

He turned his back to the gravestones, walking back to the manor.

Don't pity me.

"What's the official explanation for Robins death?" asked Cassie after a few moments of silence.

They had all wondered about it. They had all been pretty sure that they wouldn't be invited to the funeral, since they weren't allowed to know Batman and Nightwing's secret identities.

"It has been taken care of. You don't need to worry with the details." Batgirl had formed a story and leaked it to the media. There had been a few headlines, but the story had quickly died down again. Luckily.

".. okay." Cassie wasn't convinced. "Is it because of your identities?" she asked, looking at Nightwing and Batgirl. The two protegés of Batman shared a look.

"It is. I'm sorry." Batgirl answered.

"That's okay." Cassie shrugged, sinking down in her chair, looking quite depressed.

"Nightwing." Connor suddenly said, breaking the silence once again.

"Yeah?" his old teammate looked at him, waiting for the clone to continue.

"When.. when you and Batgirl left with Batman the other night, the Leaguers spoke together. Wonder Woman said 'It has gone too far' and that the league needed to talk with Batman. It sounded very serious but they wouldn't tell us anything further. They followed us back to the mountain, before heading back to the Watchtower."

Nightwing's frowned, not liking the sound of this new information.

"It's not secret amongst both the League and the Team, that Batman and the other funding members of the League have.. disagreed strongly on the matters of protégés. Batman does not see age as a hindrance in crime fighting. The League does. When I became Robin, at the age of 9, it almost excluded Batman from the League and almost cost him his crime fighting amnesty in Gotham. People thought he was disturbed, until they realized that he meant serious business. But it still took time before the League recognized us as a team and not just some twisted father-son relationship. Luckily nothing REALLY bad happened to me in those early years. If something had, I'm pretty sure the League would've tried to bring him to a court, facing charges of child neglect. "

Silence met him, as each member looked at him like he'd grown a second head.

"Child neglect? What about me? I'm the youngest on the team!" Garfield sounded almost scared.

M'gaan gently padded his hand and Nightwing gave him a smile.
"Don't worry BB. Even though you are the youngest, nobody from the 'real world' would know how to press charges against you. You are disguised at a animal most of the times and you look older because of, ah, all your hair? Not to mention, no one in Gotham seemed to have a problem with me being Robin after I turned ten so you are in the clear."

Garfield visible relaxed. M'gann continued looking worried.

"How old was Robin?"

"17." answered Batgirl quickly before Nightwing had any chance to.

"That means he was almost an adult. Not that makes it any less worse, but surely the League won't blame Batman for his actions? Batman had enough trouble as it was keeping you on track when you were fourteen and I never heard them talk about pulling you out of the game."

"They did." sounded a voice. The Team turned their head as Zatanna walked in, her face serious.

"They being who, and what did they do?" asked Jamie, a little startled by the fact that the magician had teleported into the cave without the zeta tubes. It would take some time getting used to magic of all things.

"The League. They discussed taking Robin of the team shortly before the League was put under mind control by Vandal Savage."

"But luckily they didn't. What's up Zee?" Nightwing stood up, a small smile on his face. Batgirl eyed him with worry in her eyes, as did the rest of the team. They'd never heard about this before.

"The League sent me. They summons all of you to the Watchtower."

Nightwing nodded, he'd had the feeling it was going to happen sooner or later. Sooner was now.

"Come on Team." they all stood up, following Nightwing to the Zeta Tubes

They all entered as Nightwing typed in the secret code for the Watchtower.

Anger won't solve my problems.

The meeting was in progress and yet no one said anything. Most leaguers either stole side glances at eachother or focused on the table or was staring into space – literally.

The zeta tubes roared to life and announced the Team's presence, Nightwing and Zatanna in front of them.

"Welcome." Wonder Woman stood up. "Please, take a seat. We are glad you answered our call so quickly."

She indicated to the empty seats at the table which was defiantly an new instalment.

"Where's Batman?" Nightwing asked, not seeing his former mentor amongst the other leaguers.

"He didn't answer our call and we couldn't locate him. We will have to start and hope he turns up." answered Flash quickly, earning a look from Wonder Woman. The atmosphere was.. uncomfortable.

"Why have we been summond?" Nightwing asked again, although the flat tone of his voice told every one present that he knew exactly why they were here.

"We need to talk about what happened yesterday." Wonder Woman looked at Superman who didn't seem like he would pick up the word. "A member your team lost his life, in the care of Batman. We had our doubts 9 years ago, and now proves that we were right. Batman is not fit to have a protégé." She said it. The words no one else dared to say. But they all agreed, Nightwing could see it on their faces.

"What makes you say that? The fact that Robin died, because he disobeyed, or because you are scared of what'll happen now?" Nightwing answered coldly. He adored each member of the league, but they could be so narrow minded sometimes.

Superman cleared his throat. "We know this is hard for you Nightwing. Robin was also your partner, but that doesn't clear the fact that Batman left him to die."

"Because YOU called him away on League business! If the League hadn't called him away, then he would've captured the Joker before any of this happened!" Nightwing snapped, standing up.

He glared at them. The bat version.

"I may be young, I'm used to being young. You had this conversation when I teamed up the Batman all those years ago. What you never quite understood was that I chose to become Robin, not Batman. Something happened to me, like something had happened to Batman, and because of that I chose to become Robin. Even if Batman hadn't taken me in, I would've continued, most likely ending up dead. And the same thing goes for Jason!"

The Team and the League stared at Nightwing with their eyes wide. Batgirl stood up.

"Nightwing, your identities.." she began, but was cut off.

"Screw the secrets! They use them to make Batman sound like there is something wrong with him! Jason, Robin, died but not because of Batman. Don't you dare say it's his fault!"

"Nightwing, please calm down.." pleaded Wonder Woman, and Nightwing sank down in his chair, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"I agree with Nightwing." said Batgirl, sitting down beside her comrade.

"Batman may have issues and he may not be handling them very well sometimes. But this, it was Robins own fault." her voice failed her. It hurt to say it, with the wounds still open.

"It is unfair of you to blame Batman."

"We don't blame him." said Balck Canary gently, her eyes soft.

"It's important that you understand this. The situation this time is different. Nightwing, when you started out as Robin, you did by yourself. You would've continued even if you hadn't teamed up with Batman, like you said so yourself. However, this time is different. Batman asked Robin to work with him, to become the new Robin. He dragged him into this world, and failed to protect him. That's what we are concerned about."

Nightwing remained silent, while the Team exchanged worried looks. They knew what the League said was true, and the obvious worry in their eyes made it difficult to argue against.

"We need to determine if Batman is qualified to remain a member of the league. And for that, we need your help." Superman said, finally breaking the ice.

The city called him back.

The city was quiet. With the Joker safely locked up in Arkham once again Gotham seemed to breath a little easier, a little safer.

And yet. Faint screams, sounds of gunshots, cars chasing, alarms going off.. Gotham was the city where crime never slept. How did he fool himself into thinking that the city didn't require as much attention as it used to? When did he begin to think that it had gotten safer? That it had gotten better?

Because it hadn't. It was still a rotten place, filled with corrupt people, criminals, weak men too scared and tired to fight back the evil. And he had let it happen. He had failed Gotham, for the sake of the world.

The world had other heroes, it did not require his presence. Gotham, however, did. He was born out of Gotham's pain, only he understood what the city truly needed.

It didn't need the Justice League. It needed only him, he had proven that before. He alone could turn the city around.

Gotham needed him. Gotham needed Batman.

Gotham was a city without light. He had allowed the scum of Gotham to consume it, kill it. And now all that remained was the dark knight.

He turned, and walked away. He needed to make a phone call.

I regret many things.

But you'll never be one of them.

"Batman to Watchtower."

The League and Team fell quiet when the large computer screen at the end of the table flared to life.

"Watchertower here." said Superman, standing up. The videofeed turned up, showing the dark knight.

"Batman, where are you? We've summoned you to a meeting here but with no response. You are required to be here, we need to discuss this."

"There is nothing to discuss."

Nightwing and Batgirl exchanged looks. Something was different. He sounded wrong.

"It is not up for debate Batman. You are a member of the Justice League and acting leader, and when we call for a meeting to discuss something serious, you can't just.."

"I resign." stated Batman simply.

Superman stared at him, eyes wide, his own words forgotten. A shocked silence echoed through the room. Flash had even jumped to his feet.

"What? Sorry bats, there must be something with the connection. It sounded like you said 'I resign'?" he half laughed. Only it was no joke.

"I did. I resign as of now as acting leader of the Justice League and as a member. The subject is not up for debate."

Flash looked shocked, so shocked that he for once were at a loss for words.

Wonder Woman stood up.
"Batman, if this is a reaction to what has transpired, I beg of you to consider this decision."

"There's nothing to consider Wonder Woman. It is the only thing I can do."

"If it is about the topics for this meeting, please Batman come to the Watchtomer and we'll sort it out. You are a highly valued member of this League. You can't quit!"

Batman narrowed his eyes. "Don't tell me what to do." he hissed, and the temperature seemed to drop several degrees.

"The last time I did what you asked of me, resulted in a death. The Justice League may protect the world. But it does not need me to complete that task. I am needed in Gotham and that is where I'll be. The League has caused me to lose focus on my city, and it suffers for it."

He leaned back, the shadows of what they assumed was the batcave, hiding him.

"I am cutting of the zeta platforms in Gotham from the network. None of you, except Nightwing and Batgirl, are allowed to enter Gotham. You are not welcome."

A window showing transaction numbers turned up on the screen. "I will continue on founding the League. But I will no longer supply you with tech or any other measures."

It began to dawn for the leaguers, that he meant every word he said. None of them knew what to say.

Nightwing stood up, walking up in front of the screen. His face betrayed none of his emotions.

You make Bruce very proud Dick. Batgirl watched with unease and respect.

"What of the zeta platform in Blüdhaven? Have you also deactivated that one?" asked Nightwing, not liking the idea of not being able to reach his town within a few seconds.

"No. That one is still operational." Nightwing felt a pang of relief. All hope was not lost.

"There's no way we'll get you to change your mind, is there?"

"No."

Nightwing stood with his back to the League. It was only him and Batman now. He looked into the bright white eyes of the cowl. He knew the eyes behind the mask was angry. His former mentor blamed the League for what had happened with Robin. And yet, this was more than that.

"Why?" Nightwing simply asked. He needed to know, he needed to understand Batman reasoning.

Batman didn't answer right away. He observed the former Robin, knowing very well what'd brought on this question.

"Gotham is getting worse. The city needs my undivided attention. I can not give it that as long as I remain a member of the League. Batman exists for the sake Gotham. If Gotham needs me all the time, then I'll be there all the time."

"What about.. work?" Nightwing strained the last word, earning a disapproving glare from Batman.

Never discuss 'real life' issues in front of others!

"The money will be there. That's all you need to know."

"That's it!" Superman sounded angry. "I am coming down. Batman, you need to listen to reason, your god damn.." Superman shut his mouth with shock when Batman withdrew a rock, a green glowing rock, from his cape and laying it in front of him.
"I will use this. I mean it when I say none of you are welcome." Batman stood up, body covered by his cape and the shadows. "Batgirl, I'll rendezvous with you at point 5.8 at 0100 hours." Batgirl lifted an turned his black stare at the other funding members. "Learn to handle yourself. If you'd learned that sooner I may not have yet another grave in front of my home."The screen went black.

The shocked silence was all that remained.

I am what Gotham needs me to be.

Batgirl had zeta'd to Blüdhaven together with Nightwing, and had then made her way to Gotham on her spare batcycle (she briefly wondered how Batman knew she'd parked at Nightwings. But then again, he was Batman).

She reached point 5.8.

Crime alley.

Batman was already there, waiting for her. She jumped of the batcycle and walked up to her mentor.

"Congratulations. I think you managed to break the entire league with a few words." she said, pausing beside him. He didn't move.

"What they think of me is no concern."

"Yeah yeah, I know, Gotham is all that matters." she signed. "But it was rather unfair to Dick and me."
"You two are the only ones I trust enough to let into this city." he stated in his monotone voice.

"You trust no one."

He shot her a look. She bowed her head.

"Sorry." she apologized. She overlooked the city from their standpoint.

"How'll I get to Mount Justice without the Zeta Tube? And what of Artemis?"

"Artemis has moved to Palo Alto last week. And since she's retired she shouldn't be needing one."

"And what of me?"

"The Zeta Tubes are still functional, however only for us three." Batgirl nodded.
"I figured. Why didn't you tell me that before I went on an hour roadtrip from Blüdhaven?"

"I needed you to bring the cycle back." Batman turned his back to her and began to walk away.

"It is time to upgrade our operation."

Batgirl smiled, as she walked besides her mentor.

"Tell me, Bruce, do you ever regret letting Dick become Robin and later Nightwing?"

Batman didn't answer right away. He stopped, overlooking the Gotham skyline.
"No. Of the many things I've done that I regret, Dick will never be one of them." he shot out his grabbing hook and disappeared into the night.

Batgirl smiled. They were going to be okay. She lifted her hand and touched the com-link in her ear.

"Did you get that?"

"Every word."

I am always prepared to do what Gotham needs me to do.

Even if it means going against those I could consider friends.

Nightwing lowered his hand, silently wiping the tears from his face. The skyline of Blüdhaven was glowing red as the full moon began to rise. He stood up, overlooking his charge. His city.

"Every word Babs. Every word."

He smiled a sad smile. They were going to be fine. In time, they would be fine.

The one-shot turned into a two-shot. Oh well, guess that's what happens sometimes.
It is not easy to be Batman.
This chapter is loosely based on Justice League Doom. The idea of Batman quitting the league, I just love it. I love the drama, the disbelief, the anger.
I have an idea for a longer story that I'll begin to work on soon. I do however not know when it'll be ready to get posted.